He's 55 - I'm 20.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 30, 2012 3:36 AM GMT
    I'm 20 and I'm dating a man who is 55. I've never been happier in my life and we've been dating closer to a year. That calculates to a 35 year age difference which is absolutely insane to most people.

    We've been dating close to a year and I'm hoping to move in with him soon. I live in a very destructive household but still have more college to go. He lives in the West and I live in the East so I fear I may have to start college all over, but it'll be worth it to live a much happier life.

    I just watched a documentary about being happy and it brought things to perspective. Money or any type of popularity has never made me happy. I've always been a bit of an outcast or different as I can't relate to anyone my age very well. I have friends but they're very few and very close to me. I've always been extremely introverted as well (which isn't a bad thing). I just enjoy time with myself and people closer to me by doing little things like hiking, walking, riding bicycles, reading, cuddling, and watching movies. That's why I think living a life with him would be totally okay with me.

    I know this isn't a question. I just need to vent. I'm so happy with my partner but I'm so worried about what other people think. I'm worried about people's perceptions and the thought of us being together without others liking us destroys me. A lot of people think it's odd and treat us differently in many ways.

    What do you think? Please don't be very rude about it as my heart already feels a bit exposed. Sugar coat it if you must. I'm not trolling I would just like to think that there is the possibility of some people out there simply not minding it

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    Oct 30, 2012 3:40 AM GMT
    If we click on the QUOTE button, we see whose profile this is. icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 30, 2012 3:41 AM GMT
    unfounded7 saidIf we click on the QUOTE button, we see whose profile this is. icon_wink.gif


    I guess the jig is up then! I guess I better keep this up for a bit just to see some of the responses.
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    Oct 30, 2012 3:42 AM GMT
    unfounded7 saidIf we click on the QUOTE button, we see whose profile this is. icon_wink.gif
    If we're not blocked/ignored, we don't have to click the quote button. icon_cool.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 30, 2012 3:43 AM GMT
    What's the big deal! As long as it works for you, who gives a hoot!
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    Oct 30, 2012 3:47 AM GMT
    While its not the "norm" it doesn't mean that you should feel ashamed about anything. You aren't breaking any laws you are two consenting adults. You are just breaking the barriers of your friends' "norm". If it makes you happy then that is all that should mater in my opinion.
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    Oct 30, 2012 3:48 AM GMT
    If you're truly happy with your partner, you'll probably have to work on being less worried about what other people think. It's a HUGE age difference. People are going to think it's weird. It's just how they are. Focus on how much you enjoy the time you spend with him, and be patient with those who aren't accepting at first.
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    Oct 30, 2012 3:49 AM GMT
    paulflexes said
    unfounded7 saidIf we click on the QUOTE button, we see whose profile this is. icon_wink.gif
    If we're not blocked/ignored, we don't have to click the quote button. icon_cool.gif


    Well, when he hides his profile we have to. icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 30, 2012 3:52 AM GMT
    BTW, Josh, you have my #. If people have been bugging you to the point of oblivion and you're just really pissed about stupid people's opinions, feel free to gimme a call or text.

    And rest assured it's not just RJ. The fact that you're out of the closet is enough to send many people on a rampage. The fact that you love someone of the same gender is enough to send those same peeps into conniption fits. Nevermind the age difference. That's just secondary ammo for the closet guys to use.
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    Oct 30, 2012 3:54 AM GMT
    unfounded7 said
    paulflexes said
    unfounded7 saidIf we click on the QUOTE button, we see whose profile this is. icon_wink.gif
    If we're not blocked/ignored, we don't have to click the quote button. icon_cool.gif


    Well, when he hides his profile we have to. icon_wink.gif
    He reminds me of my nephew. He's got more balls than that. It won't be hidden long. icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 30, 2012 3:54 AM GMT
    I should add more....

    I think it takes the alignment of a million stars for a gay to find a man. If he loves you and you love him that should be enough. People will always judge, so don't let their comments and/or stares bother you.
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    Oct 30, 2012 3:58 AM GMT
    Not gonna try to sugar coat it. Even if the age gap was 10 years, you'd still get some comments and stares. If you guys are truly into each other, then none of that matters. However, if there are any doubts between you two, then each rude encounter will gradually chip away at the relationship.

    I really do hope things work out for you. I think you need to get away from your current situation and start fresh with someone that cares about you. But I also think you should always have some sort of back-up plan when making a big move in your life. Let's say worst case scenario, things don't work out. Are you going to move back home? Do you have family or friends in the West that you can stay with until you get stand on your own feet? Just something to think about as you plan your new life.
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    Oct 30, 2012 4:07 AM GMT
    World24 saidI should add more....

    I think it takes the alignment of a million stars for a gay to find a man. If he loves you and you love him that should be enough. People will always judge, so don't let their comments and/or stares bother you.
    No wiser words have ever been spoken.

    Age difference excluded, it's amazing they've been together this long and still love each other.

    As promiscuous as I make myself out to be, friendship is more dear to me than any sexual relation. The fact that Josh and his bf can be sexual AND friends gives my heart a happy. This is not the norm - it's the way it should be. icon_cool.gif
  • DR2K

    Posts: 346

    Oct 30, 2012 4:15 AM GMT
    He'll be dead when you're his age. If I can say that sentence then he's too old for me.
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    Oct 30, 2012 5:13 AM GMT
    World24 saidI should add more....

    I think it takes the alignment of a million stars for a gay to find a man. If he loves you and you love him that should be enough.


    I strongly agree with this. Gay dating is quite difficult. Finding someone that makes you happy is like finding a needle in a haystack. Don't let the haters make you forget about that.
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    Oct 30, 2012 5:15 AM GMT
    in 20 years the title will be he's 75, I'm 40...
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Oct 30, 2012 5:24 AM GMT
    I knew a couple of guys that had met when one was 40 and the other was 78 ... I was like ewwww ... but what ever ... it's not my cup of tea but to each their own
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    Oct 30, 2012 5:25 AM GMT
    Oh, dear... Well, all that matters is that you're both happy.
  • A_1991

    Posts: 366

    Oct 30, 2012 5:30 AM GMT
    If your happy then I guess that is good, but I wouldn't quit school and start all over again. Think about your future before you make hasty decisions.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 30, 2012 5:30 AM GMT
    DR2K saidHe'll be dead when you're his age. If I can say that sentence then he's too old for me.
    What if your boyfriend is one year older than you and dies in a car crash, viscous disease, or from an extreme sport/hobby? Is a guy one year older than you too old?

    Fact is, none of us are guaranteed years. Basing your idea of "old" on who'd die first is really fucking stupid, dude.
  • EricLA

    Posts: 3461

    Oct 30, 2012 5:31 AM GMT
    As with coming out of the closet, you can't live your life worried about the judgments of others. You are both adults. If you love each other and can navigate around the other issues you mention and are still happy, that's what matters. If people reject you for something superficial, you just have to find those who love and support you for you.
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    Oct 30, 2012 5:39 AM GMT
    Trollileo said
    paulflexes saidWhat if your boyfriend is one year older than you and dies in a car crash, viscous disease, or from an extreme sport/hobby? Is a guy one year older than you too old?

    Fact is, none of us are guaranteed years. Basing your idea of "old" on who'd die first is really fucking stupid, dude.
    Yeah, I'm probably going to die before most of my older family and friends.


    Why, are you a bad driver???
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 30, 2012 5:42 AM GMT
    I think it's cute. And I'm happy for you. We're all gonna die might as well be as happy as possible before that happens.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 30, 2012 5:42 AM GMT
    DR2K saidHe'll be dead when you're his age. If I can say that sentence then he's too old for me.


    Love is love, man. If he loves someone that much, where age doesn't matter then you know it's true. Both sides of their relationship will feel some sort of pressure from society (aside from the gay part). The 55 year old guy is probably getting nasty looks from everyone for being with a 20 year old, and vice versa.

    Josh, you've found true love and I'm extremely happy for you. Forget what other people think. I wish I were as courageous as you to come out, let alone be willing to go through so much persecution to be with the one you love. At the end of the day the people that are looking down on you two aren't making you happy, HE is. He's all that matters and not those idiotic haters.
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    Oct 30, 2012 5:48 AM GMT
    JumpMan_Josh said
    unfounded7 saidIf we click on the QUOTE button, we see whose profile this is. icon_wink.gif


    I guess the jig is up then! I guess I better keep this up for a bit just to see some of the responses.



    I just watched "What happens next" on Netflix about a Fall / spring gay relationship. Though this movie does not show that money is an issue it most certainly is.