How to get over someone.. I'm pretty much broken hearted

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    Oct 31, 2012 2:49 AM GMT
    It is what it is. Have a complicated long distance relationship for over a year and a half. Just got done visiting him this last weekend.. had a beyond amazing time and now that I'm home looking to the future it just will not work. I'm transferring to his college next year. He's going to be a senior and is going to study abroad. We would only get a term together. Hah I feel so fucking pathetic right now and alone. I can't talk to him about it because I'm afraid of what he will say. And I don't want to seem weak. Sorry I'm venting on here because I'm just broken. Really broken over this and I have no one to go to since no one knows I'm bi or whatever I am. icon_cry.gificon_question.gif
  • PR_GMR

    Posts: 3831

    Oct 31, 2012 2:54 AM GMT
    I'm sorry to hear you're brokenhearted. You should talk to him about your feelings, though, before making such pessimistic conclusions. He has surely been thinking about all this too. Don't let it fester. Perhaps you can end it as friends and salvage a friendship from the romantic connection.
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    Oct 31, 2012 3:03 AM GMT
    Welcome to life...and the closet.

    Come out and things will be better.
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    Oct 31, 2012 3:04 AM GMT
    That's another thing though is I think were just friends now.. we talked about how we would be seriously together if I was there but that long distance sucks... this weekend I think he finally said he loved me but I couldn't hear partly because of shock and when I asked what he said nothing and put his head down.. just sucks
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    Oct 31, 2012 3:11 AM GMT
    I'd say I love you, too, if I got the chance to grope your awesome abs and biceps.

    Food for thought... icon_wink.gif
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    Oct 31, 2012 3:15 AM GMT
    gavinw35 saidIt is what it is. Have a complicated long distance relationship for over a year and a half. Just got done visiting him this last weekend.. had a beyond amazing time and now that I'm home looking to the future it just will not work. I'm transferring to his college next year. He's going to be a senior and is going to study abroad. We would only get a term together. Hah I feel so fucking pathetic right now and alone. I can't talk to him about it because I'm afraid of what he will say. And I don't want to seem weak. Sorry I'm venting on here because I'm just broken. Really broken over this and I have no one to go to since no one knows I'm bi or whatever I am. icon_cry.gificon_question.gif


    *Petpats and hugs* :3

    You're not pathetic schveetie. icon_biggrin.gif It's perfectly naturally what you feel! It's called "being honest with yourself," even in the face of adversity. The adversity is his reaction to your feelings, your thoughts-- to sever him out because you feel it cannot work, despite the connections and the chemistry.

    But love is much more than about those things. It's also about fulfilling each others needs. His needs may be partially satisfied with the distance but yours cannot be. Respect that and know there's nothing to feel ashamed about. It is what it is-- you want proximity, closeness, and the ability to be nearby the person you care about and love. It's too much to expect to have a 10/10 relationship when you're so far away. Eventually, someone is going to run out of steam and stop. That's just how we are as human beings. We may be intelligent but we're still animal too. We want our mates close by. Him/her being absent too long creates a rift that's hard to fulfill purely by verbal exchanges of any kind.

    So. It's okay. If you need to let go, let go. Don't hate yourself and don't push yourself over the edge. If your partner loves you, if he understands, he will get it-- especially if you're sincere and honest about yourself and how you feel. No one can deny you of the feelings you feel. icon_smile.gif

    So, get crackin' good lookin'! icon_biggrin.gif
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    Oct 31, 2012 3:27 AM GMT
    Thanks guys, the advice is great and I think what hurts the most is I think I like him more than he likes me. The only reason I would pull away is because I feel he is. Its hard we can talk and be together in person but otherwise its like we are just buddies. I'm fine with that but it does make it hard to tell if we really are just buddies or more. It gets so much more complicated guys. It sucks
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    Oct 31, 2012 3:30 AM GMT
    gavinw35 saidThanks guys, the advice is great and I think what hurts the most is I think I like him more than he likes me. The only reason I would pull away is because I feel he is. Its hard we can talk and be together in person but otherwise its like we are just buddies. I'm fine with that but it does make it hard to tell if we really are just buddies or more. It gets so much more complicated guys. It sucks


    Then sit down and talk things out. icon_smile.gif You'll never know brooding over it or losing your precious beauty sleep (and I do mean beauty! ;D).

    Get yo pretty over there and talk things out with him, tell him how you feel, and feel no guilt/shame in doing so. icon_biggrin.gif

    And if I have to use chains/whips to threaten you to not feel guilty, I will. :3 Although, you just might like that... ;o
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    Oct 31, 2012 3:33 AM GMT
    Haha thanks for making me laugh Paradiselost.
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    Oct 31, 2012 3:35 AM GMT
    chocolate, tequila, exercise, and talk with friends. This generally works for me. Sorry this happened to you, hang in there.
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    Oct 31, 2012 3:36 AM GMT
    gavinw35 saidHaha thanks for making me laugh Paradiselost.


    Any time deliciousness. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Oct 31, 2012 3:41 AM GMT


    Life is full of let downs, heartaches, and heartbreaks... you can't expect to live in your past, have all your feelings justified, or for others to be where you want them to be in your life, no matter how well intentioned you my honestly be. Life is difficult, and we all have to live with what you have. Some never get the chance, and it shows; others do and are bitter for it; others still manage to be better for it. You decide where you stand, what you're about, and where you're going with your life. Noone else can do these things for you. Sometimes the only way to get over someone, when it seems impossible and neverending is simply to do it.
    Don't calculate a rebound, crawl into a bottle beer/liquor/wine, or cut yourself off from all men forever; but do have some faith in yourself and what you want for your future, with or without a future guy in it. But no matter what, under no circumstance, do you ever stay stuck in your past. Your life is lived in the present, your gift. Open up to it! Good luck! icon_wink.gif
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    Oct 31, 2012 3:48 AM GMT
    I'll get over it.. just sucks
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    Oct 31, 2012 3:57 AM GMT
    gavinw35 saidReally broken over this and I have no one to go to since no one knows I'm bi or whatever I am. icon_cry.gificon_question.gif

    All people have feelings regardless of their sexual preferences. You would be surprised how many people understand and have had similar experiences.
  • Kagse

    Posts: 261

    Oct 31, 2012 4:03 AM GMT
    Oh man that sucks. I can relate, going through a breakup myself and all you want to do is go numb because feeling shitty gets old fast.

    I have been given loads of advice from friends, family, haha even strangers over hearing my conversations in line at the deli.....and what I have found to be the best advice is trusting my gut, and going through the emotions.

    it will get easier and then it will suck because of a song, or a movie, or even a smell. Trying to fight off the emotions only cause you to bottle it up, often then taking it out on others. If something makes you mad and/or sad get mad and/or sad. Express yourself in a positive manner if you can. It gets better, and things start to feel a bit normal again. You will eventually will find that strength to push through and be a stronger, healthier person.

    Also getting over a broken heart is on YOUR terms. Don't let people convince you, you are "taking too long", or "get over it". It will happen.
    Best of luck.
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    Oct 31, 2012 4:15 AM GMT
    Right when I saw the forum topic I assumed this was going to be a youngster and to my suspicions I was right. You're 18 plenty of life left. Time is the greatest healer.
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    Oct 31, 2012 4:24 AM GMT


    "We would only get a term together. Hah I feel so fucking pathetic right now and alone. I can't talk to him about it because I'm afraid of what he will say"

    But he's the one that I would think you CAN talk to, right? Though he may say what you don't want to hear, it's reality



    -Doug
  • imbrad

    Posts: 377

    Oct 31, 2012 4:45 AM GMT
    Sorry you are having such a hard time with this. I wish I had good advice but i'm the WORST at moving on. Love and all that comes with it is SO dificult. Don't forget that it is worth it if you keep a positive outlook and keep your priorities straight. It does get better for sure.

    Now's definitely the time to meet new people and explore new friendships. This does not mean that you have to give up hope on your current relationship but it will surely help take some pressure off y'know?
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    Oct 31, 2012 5:07 AM GMT
    I'm having a little deja vu reading your post. Been there, witness that. Its natural you feel this way. It will help you grow and time will heal your wound. So give yourself plenty of time, 3 months, 6 months, whatever it take. Sad music help btw.

    ps: allow yourself to have a good cry. You will feel better.
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    Oct 31, 2012 5:16 AM GMT
    go out, spend time with friends, meet other guys. just dont listen to Adele. that bitch will make you breakdown into tears /:
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    Oct 31, 2012 5:19 AM GMT
    You never really get over someone you just slowly forget and mitigate the emotional damage. Fall with grace not from grace.
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    Oct 31, 2012 5:24 AM GMT
    Chuckles777 saidYou never really get over someone you just slowly forget and mitigate the emotional damage. Fall with grace not from grace.


    I agree.

    I think a good cry helps.

    Here is a sad song.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z4F_cXGQN9k
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    Oct 31, 2012 5:26 AM GMT
    Feeling better than earlier. Just sat down and wrote a message that can be confused with a small book. Now I just have to figure out if I should send it... I don't want him to think I'm freaking out like I am. I dontbwant to run him off. What do you think?
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    Oct 31, 2012 5:31 AM GMT
    You say that you are afraid to talk to him, because you are afraid of what you will say . Well, as others have said you won't know what he is thinking if you don't talk to him. So talk already . If you are assuming that your relationship is at an end, it probably is. However that might not be true. You can't know for sure until you talk .

    For most people, if they had a solid relationship, ( and I do not know if your relationship is solid) and they were in their thirty's, a year's separation while one studied abroad, would not end the relationship. Why should there be a different result for an 18 year old?

    If your relationship truly is over, then, as others have said, time is what heals the heart. By the time your third relationship or romance has ended , you will know this.
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Oct 31, 2012 5:33 AM GMT
    Lots of great advice on this thread. I'm *really* glad I found this forum. You guys are AWESOME. icon_biggrin.gif

    Have nothing much to add. It is all about communication though. It's so easy to make assumptions based on what one thinks something means. But, what does it really mean? Is this a relationship worth fighting for? Maybe even sacrificing for? How does one figure this out? Can it be thought and felt through together rather than separately?

    As showme said in another thread:

    showme saidI always tell people, it sounds stupid, but the easiest way to be in a long-term relationship is not to break up. Treat divorce as the very last option. Choose to stay together every day.