Stood up - how does it make you feel?

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    Sep 03, 2008 8:56 PM GMT
    I went on a second date with a guy this evening. We were supposed to meet at a bar in town. He seemed keen when we set it up a day ago - he instigated the meet. But he never turned up and has not responded to my two text messages.

    I felt embarrassed and humiliated standing in a bar full of happy people all chatting to each other. Thought I'd go to a bar where there would be more single guys around but in the end went home feeling disappointed and upset.

    My first reaction was to call him and find out why he couldn't even be bothered to send me a text to call it off but then I thought his radio silence speaks volumes.

    Has this happened to you? What is your strategy for when something like this happens?

    And, from the other side, have you ever stood someone up and not given your date a reason or notice? Why? Did you feel guilty about it?
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    Sep 03, 2008 11:00 PM GMT
    He could have an excuse...from his mortician. Don't waste your time trying to get in touch with him...it's his obligation.
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    Sep 03, 2008 11:03 PM GMT
    NOTHING pisses me off more than wasting my time.

    I would defy the police to find his pieces.
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    Sep 03, 2008 11:04 PM GMT
    yep...been there recently. guy cancelled the first time, called, had an emergency and I believe he did, I totally understood. We rescheduled for a friday night. I waited all night, he never called, I tried to contact him, left voicemails, nothing. Finally caught up with him (called him and he finally called me back), apologizing. He went to Reno with some friends on a whim, I asked, so did you even think about me waiting around and he said, honestly, no. I was very hurt, talked to this guy a long time, got to know him well via phone and internet and felt betrayed.
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    Sep 03, 2008 11:20 PM GMT
    eb925guy saidyep...been there recently. guy cancelled the first time, called, had an emergency and I believe he did, I totally understood. We rescheduled for a friday night. I waited all night, he never called, I tried to contact him, left voicemails, nothing. Finally caught up with him (called him and he finally called me back), apologizing. He went to Reno with some friends on a whim, I asked, so did you even think about me waiting around and he said, honestly, no. I was very hurt, talked to this guy a long time, got to know him well via phone and internet and felt betrayed.

    fetlt betrayed? FELT BETRAYED???? YOU WERE BETRAYED. The man deserves death!!!!!! There is no excuse for what he did.

    The only, only, only redeeming aspect of a story like that is that you get to cross him off your list of ever doing anything with him. ...Especially with the dude not even thinking of you....which frankly I dont believe....forgetful just sounds better than admitting how sleazeball he really is.

    Now here is something that I try to do for a first meeting. Have it be somewhere or doing something that I can enjoy alone. Like coffee at a bookstore. I love books. If he does show, I can browse. That way if I get stood up, I am not just left standing around and the time is a total waste.
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    Sep 03, 2008 11:25 PM GMT
    Caslon6000 saidNOTHING pisses me off more than wasting my time.


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    Sep 03, 2008 11:28 PM GMT
    redheadguy saidI went on a second date with a guy this evening. We were supposed to meet at a bar in town. He seemed keen when we set it up a day ago - he instigated the meet. But he never turned up and has not responded to my two text messages.

    I felt embarrassed and humiliated standing in a bar full of happy people all chatting to each other. Thought I'd go to a bar where there would be more single guys around but in the end went home feeling disappointed and upset.

    My first reaction was to call him and find out why he couldn't even be bothered to send me a text to call it off but then I thought his radio silence speaks volumes.

    Has this happened to you? What is your strategy for when something like this happens?

    And, from the other side, have you ever stood someone up and not given your date a reason or notice? Why? Did you feel guilty about it?


    You sit there and think, I want to text him F**K you asshole. You spent hours stalking me until I finally caved and it turns out you didn't want anything serious, you knew I did and you played me. Not to mention I'm better looking and a better person I traded down.

    But then I think if I do that he'll have been hit by a bus or something.

    So you wait a few days until you know and passively aggressively set about using your contacts to ruin his life and reputation.

    And then the next guy comes along, says he's genuine and he makes you feel guilty for assuming he's also an asshole like all the others. you hold back but you give him a chance and the same thing happens over again

    So you eat a tub of ice cream to make you feel better and then run on a treadmill to make you feel better about that.
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    Sep 03, 2008 11:40 PM GMT
    Its happened to all of us, the best part is the excuses you get if you see them in person later, some are really priceless. icon_rolleyes.gif

    Cheer up if he didnt show up maybe hes saying more about HIMself than about you.
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    Sep 03, 2008 11:45 PM GMT
    We've all been there. My slant on the topic is a thank you for not allowing me to invest enough time to really be disappointed later. If a call has been made and there's no response, the silence is loud enough for the message to be understood. I'm grateful things never progressed too far and I'm moving on. Men are like busses. There's always another one coming. You just may not want to ride the one that stops.
  • Puppy80

    Posts: 451

    Sep 03, 2008 11:45 PM GMT
    I dunno if this counts as me being stood up or me standing him up. I was supposed to meet this guy at a bar after we had been chatting online for a bit. But then I got a speeding ticket and didn't have a license to get in. And where the officer was supposed to put my birth date, he had put the day he wrote the ticket! GRRR! So I couldn't get in to meet him. I felt dejected and called the guy to apologize, and he said it was cool and had run into some friends. But now that I think about that, he was kinda a dick for not coming out.
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    Sep 03, 2008 11:51 PM GMT
    Well, if the guy hasn't shown up (or shown signs of existence) after 30 minutes I just text him saying that I had to leave and I hope he's ok. If he ever gets back in contact then I might give him another chance, if not, well then, I just assume the guy wasn't as interested and that's that.

    I usually ask to meet in places like parks or (like Caslon) bookstores so I have something to do in case the guy runs late, so I just don't sweat it. I do feel angry and somewhat depressed but, honestly, if a guy can't be bothered to tell you he'll be late (or not show up) for the first date, I can't imagine any kind of relationship with him (other than the friend who you have to tell to be there an hour earlier than everyone else so he'll be there just a half hour later than everyone else).
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    Sep 03, 2008 11:54 PM GMT
    "So you eat a tub of ice cream to make you feel better and then run on a treadmill to make you feel better about that."

    so damn true.
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    Sep 04, 2008 12:01 AM GMT
    sdn8 said"So you eat a tub of ice cream to make you feel better and then run on a treadmill to make you feel better about that."
    so damn true.

    Oh how true it is....run run run! as fast as you can in the other direction .
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    Sep 04, 2008 12:04 AM GMT
    Caslon6000 said
    fetlt betrayed? FELT BETRAYED???? YOU WERE BETRAYED. The man deserves death!!!!!! There is no excuse for what he did.

    The only, only, only redeeming aspect of a story like that is that you get to cross him off your list of ever doing anything with him. ...Especially with the dude not even thinking of you....which frankly I dont believe....forgetful just sounds better than admitting how sleazeball he really is.

    Well David, you know me by now and you'll probably not be surprised that after all this I was curt and rude to him online and then afterwards apologized because I felt so bad about how I acted. What can I say, he seemed like a nice guy so I haven't written him off but I have not offered to meet with him again and probably won't. I think time will allow us to drift apart. Go ahead, call me a fool but at least call me a considerate fool.
  • MSUBioNerd

    Posts: 1813

    Sep 04, 2008 12:19 AM GMT
    I've been stood up twice in my life. Both times by the same guy, and both were supposed to be first dates. The first time he had some complicated story about how his sister was hit by a car and he was the emergency contact so he never got home from work, where my phone number was. That seemed odd, but I was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. The second time he claimed to have overslept because he was up late the night before playing video games with a friend. While that might have been true, it just didn't fly with me. At least, not that early on. I'd probably be more forgiving of someone oversleeping once after dating him for 3 months.

    Thankfully, both times we were to meet at a coffee shop, and I never go anywhere without a book. While I was pissed off both times, sitting in a coffee shop reading for a while as I debate whether to give up is much better than standing somewhere with nothing to do.
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    Sep 04, 2008 1:12 AM GMT

    It's never happened, but for the record, ReadHeadGuy, I wouldn't stand you up. I'd fire you up, and I wouldn't let you smolder until we set the entire night ablaze.
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    Sep 04, 2008 1:16 AM GMT
    No one has yet admitted to standing anyone up -- yet to a person, "we've all been there." I would love to hear the reasoned explanation from someone here who set-up the date; agreed to place/time and then didn't show/didn't call. Can you give us just a little insight beyond "family emergency." For your honesty, I'm committing to hold back any judgment and displaced hostility.
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    Sep 04, 2008 1:32 AM GMT
    Aero said
    Caslon6000 saidNOTHING pisses me off more than wasting my time.


    Posts: 6702 icon_razz.gif

    I may be complimented by your ever diligent observation of my acitivities on RJ, Aerosol, if I didnt consider you the greatest waste of space on the face of the planet Earth.

    RJ has been a great boon to me thru my illness. ..I feel very lucky to have had this outlet during my cancer therapy.
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    Sep 04, 2008 1:34 AM GMT
    Caslon6000 saidI may be complimented by your ever diligent observation of my acitivities on RJ, Aerosol, if I didnt consider you the greatest waste of space on the face of the planet Earth.


    Land sakes!
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    Sep 04, 2008 1:38 AM GMT
    jprichva said
    Caslon6000 saidI may be complimented by your ever diligent observation of my acitivities on RJ, Aerosol, if I didnt consider you the greatest waste of space on the face of the planet Earth.


    Land sakes!

    what?
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    Sep 04, 2008 1:39 AM GMT
    Caslon6000 said
    jprichva said
    Caslon6000 saidI may be complimented by your ever diligent observation of my acitivities on RJ, Aerosol, if I didnt consider you the greatest waste of space on the face of the planet Earth.


    Land sakes!

    what?


    Draw no conclusions. It was a purely ejaculatory (so to speak) remark.
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    Sep 04, 2008 1:53 AM GMT
    I've been stood up a few times. I got pissed, got over it, deleted the guy's number, and went about my life. The ones who called back later with excuses--they were usually dumb--got to chat with my voicemail. I can be understanding, but I'd rather be magnanimous toward people who actually matter in my life.
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    Sep 04, 2008 1:56 AM GMT
    listen through silence
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    Sep 04, 2008 1:59 AM GMT
    Never been stood up but then again I've never really gone on a date.

    The way I see it is that stuff happens and regardless of what the reason is for being stood up I'm still gonna go out and enjoy myself even if it means being at a restuarant and eating by myself or watching a movie by myself. I'm gonna chalk it up as his loss and not mine.
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    Sep 04, 2008 2:10 AM GMT
    Aero said
    Caslon6000 saidNOTHING pisses me off more than wasting my time.


    Posts: 6702 icon_razz.gif


    lawl