BF being a jerk

  • Onemoresummer

    Posts: 106

    Oct 31, 2012 10:31 AM GMT
    He left his headphones at my house and he uses them everyday on his way to work so I showed up at his work about half an hour before he finished.

    I had to buy a present for someone so I did that before meeting him.
    Anyway, as I was driving him home he was like "Why did you drive all this way to go shopping" and I replied with "Um, to drop your headphones off" and he said "No..really" and I said again "Headphones" which he replied with "Oh..ah..thanks".
    Then about half an hour as we were sitting down eating dinner he comes out with "You can't just show up like this, you need to message me before you do - what happens if I had plans".
    I jested "You would have had to cancel" to which he said "NO I WOULDN'T" and that was the end of the conversation.
    I maybe show up to his work once every 3 months so it's not like a weekly thing. I don't understand why he was being such a prick about it. Surely if you were interested in your BF you'd be happy to see them.
    He didn't really talk to me the entire night after that (granted he was tired).

    It's not just this, there really is a string of things.

    For example I commented on a FB status of his and he said "go away, nobody asked you".
    He always tells me that im "the most irritating person" he knows.
    And every little thing I seem to do annoys him ie - swinging my foot when sitting down, the way I drink etc.

    I think it's gotten to the stage where I just annoy me and he doesn't take pleasure in having me around.

    Thoughts?
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    Oct 31, 2012 10:40 AM GMT
    You could ask him what he does like about you. I get the impression however, that he's trying to push you away.

    It's possible that something else is bothering him. But to say such hurtful things doesn't seem appropriate even if he's stressed.

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    Oct 31, 2012 12:26 PM GMT
    Yeah, probably something else is going on and he doesn't know how to cope with that.
    OR You actually are irritating sometimes (no offense, just trying to help) and you might try to tell him to say it to you in a more gentle way and that you are willing to change some of your habits because your relationship is important to you.
    Good luck anyway, I hope it ends happily.
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    Oct 31, 2012 12:59 PM GMT
    Forgive the brusqueness, but you don't want to leave him because you'll feel alone.

    Your boyfriend has his own issues, and he seems to be projecting them on you, or maybe can't find the balls to admit the relationship isn't working. Judging by your previous posts, it's hard for you to find people to relate to and you've spent a lot of time with your boyfriend.

    Do these things bias how you see the relationship?

    And if it isn't working, is there honesty and communication enough that it can be made to work?
  • PR_GMR

    Posts: 3831

    Oct 31, 2012 1:46 PM GMT
    Something is going on. In a relationship, his responses in real life and on FB are hurtful. You live with him? His behavior isn't to be tolerated.
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    Oct 31, 2012 2:08 PM GMT
    I agree. Seems like something else is going on here. What plans would he have that need to be kept from you. He certainly doesn't need to be there passive aggressive with you by airing grievances on fb. He should be able to speak with you directly. I would give him some space and sort out what direction I wanted the relationship to go.
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    Oct 31, 2012 2:15 PM GMT
    I agree with the other posters that there's clearly something going on with him—stress? work? personal issues? who knows... but him. So at some point, you two just need to talk about it, or give him the space he needs to process. But communication is key.
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    Oct 31, 2012 2:20 PM GMT
    Remember that we choose to be in relationships because we want to have that person in our life to enjoy, explore together, support each other, etc. If he is constantly tearing you down, then something is definitely going on with him. Stressed? Depressed? Not wanting to be in the relationship anymore? Doesn't know how to communicate?

    I really believe that communication is essential in relationships. Sit down and talk with him and say basically what you've written here. You two should either be a team and enjoy life together, or reconsider the relationship.
  • Latenight30

    Posts: 1525

    Oct 31, 2012 2:24 PM GMT
    I can understand a little bit about the unannounced visit. Not sure what the bf does.
    But really, have a heart to heart, something is up. It's not good to get brush aside and be told you are irritating. It doesn't sound like he said it in Jest, or you guys have been going together long enough to be picking at each other
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    Oct 31, 2012 2:29 PM GMT
    He feels more entitled to push you around because you two are close. He thinks you won't leave him. He doesn't really love you.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Oct 31, 2012 2:41 PM GMT
    I was in a relationship like that for two and a half years, starting when I was twenty. It finally came to a head when I became more interested in my career than in him, and he dumped me.

    Looking back, I know he never wanted to stay together, but he didn't have the courage to go it alone, until we'd grown so far apart that the actual breakup conversation was amicable, unlike the previous years of fighting.

    That was ten years ago, and now I have an amazing boyfriend, who always wants me around, and we've been together for eight years. I'm so glad I let the bad one go.
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    Oct 31, 2012 2:42 PM GMT
    I think you had the best intentions when you attempted to return his headphones. He really overreacted which makes believe that there could be something going on. What that could be idk. Definitely something you should discuss with him, as everyone said communication is really the only way to get through this. It is not acceptable for him to be constantly tearing you down, no matter how comfortable y'all are. The purpose of a relationship is to build up someone you love, not to break them down.

    You seem like you would be nice guy and don't deserve to be torn down. I think that you guys need to talk it out to determine whether you should stay in a relationship or go see other people. Best of luck dude.
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    Oct 31, 2012 2:44 PM GMT
    After any one of the incidents you describe, I would have been quite clear and concise in my demand for him to explain what he feels the problem is, how it can be fixed, and whether he wanted to work together to fix it. I would have been quite clear that his reactions were rude, inappropriate, and unacceptable if he wanted to be in a relationship with me.

    Ask him 1) if he still wants to be in a relationship, and if yes, 2) What has to change about either the relationship environment, you, or his own attitude in order to make the relationship functional again.

    From what you describe, though, he sounds like a chicken-shit coward that doesn't handle his emotions well. I wish you the best, but think you're better off without him.
  • Import

    Posts: 7190

    Oct 31, 2012 2:47 PM GMT
    find a new bf
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    Oct 31, 2012 2:51 PM GMT
    Wild speculation: sounds like he's having an affair with someone at work. That would both explain why he got so upset about you showing up unannounced, and why he treats you like crap (guilt).
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    Oct 31, 2012 2:52 PM GMT
    Going on the limited information you provided, it sounds to me like he's cheating. The fact that he got all defensive and suspicious about you coming by unannounced is a huge red flag to me and that he's being rude and passive aggressive just makes me think something is going on.

    I agree with just about all the posts that you need to talk about what's going on in your relationship. There's no situation where you should accept being treated poorly by your boyfriend.

    He should be the one person you can trust to make you feel special.
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    Oct 31, 2012 2:56 PM GMT
    my thoughts>>>>>>>>>DUMP HIMicon_biggrin.gif
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19119

    Oct 31, 2012 2:56 PM GMT
    Onemoresummer said
    He always tells me that im "the most irritating person" he knows.

    Thoughts?


    I would not put up with that kind of smacking down on a regular basis from a friend, much less a boyfriend. The people in your life are suppose to lift you up and make you feel good about yourself. If your boyfriend considers you "the most irritating person" he knows, time to get some of your self respect back and let him know you're not going to put up with it another second. Communication in a relationship is crucial. Tell him this is bothering you. You need to set your own boundaries or clearly this guy will walk all over you as long as you're willing to put up with it.

    Regarding showing up at his work, to be honest that would be annoying to me too without a call first. This is his place of employment, and you should respect those boundaries. A simple call asking him if he would like you to drop the headphones by would have been appropriate. They were headphone, not his dose of insulin. He could have probably made it through the day without them.
  • Medjai

    Posts: 2671

    Oct 31, 2012 3:20 PM GMT
    My advice? Ignore everyone saying to drop him. Relationships are tough sometimes. If you run at the first sign of trouble, you will always be alone. Forever. You need to learn to work with others in anything long term.

    Now listen to the people suggesting a sit down heart to heart. Both of you stay calm and grounded, have an open, honest conversation, and it will solve your issues, every time.
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    Oct 31, 2012 3:24 PM GMT
    Medjai saidMy advice? Ignore everyone saying to drop him. Relationships are tough sometimes. If you run at the first sign of trouble, you will always be alone. Forever. You need to learn to work with others in anything long term.

    Now listen to the people suggesting a sit down heart to heart. Both of you stay calm and grounded, have an open, honest conversation, and it will solve your issues, every time.


    ignore this guy and dump him, you need to evolve not hold yourself backicon_confused.gif
  • TheAlchemixt

    Posts: 2294

    Oct 31, 2012 3:26 PM GMT
    It seems that this guy is treating you like you are beneath him. Sorry to tell you this but relationships like this don't last.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Oct 31, 2012 3:33 PM GMT
    I would agree with the "serious conversation" recommendations. I'd make it clear that you need to have a major talk and approach him at a time he seems to be in the mood for it. I think you need to be prepared to evaluate your relationship in a logical way. Is he blowing you off with regards to your "serious concerns" you mention during your conversation with him? Does he finally open up and talk about how he really feels?

    I couldn't handle that kind of thing. Don't hang on if it is clear you should move on, but on the other hand, afford him the respect, you hope you'd receive in reverse. Make decisions based on what you get back.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Oct 31, 2012 3:45 PM GMT
    if some says you're the most irritating person he knows, and you refer to him as your boyfriend, it means you have horrible self-esteem or you're phyllis diller
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    Oct 31, 2012 3:52 PM GMT
    Eww what a itchy bitchy boyfriend!

    wow! this part is sooo crucial!.------>He didn't really talk to me the entire night after that (granted he was tired).....I love to play D E V I L ! here.

    For example I commented on a FB status of his and he said "go away, nobody asked you"..<---This is so yuck!

    He always tells me that im "the most irritating person" he knows...Another part I love playing the D E V I L !

    I tell you what always keep a gun under your pillow or your Undies drawer! It does tighten things around.


    *It is sad some people think its fun to behave like this! I wonder would they even dare to sit down in a Cinema of them being in the movie! I wonder how would their priceless reactions looks like! icon_rolleyes.gif
    I think he needs to do some yoga! icon_razz.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 31, 2012 3:54 PM GMT
    calibro saidif some says you're the most irritating person he knows, and you refer to him as your boyfriend, it means you have horrible self-esteem or you're phyllis diller


    Didn't she die