I know I'm not Brad Pitt, but I don't understand why every guy ignores me on grindr

  • dexterboi1231

    Posts: 40

    Nov 01, 2012 3:54 AM GMT
    Like I really don't get it. It's not like any of these people are Brad Pitt either. I know that people have different tastes, but I feel that I'm at least good looking enough so that NOT EVERY SINGLE PERSON that I find attractive ignores me.

    People will be like..."I'm looking for friends, can I see a pic?"
    I send a pic and I never hear from them again. WTF kind of friends are you looking for then? If you want more than friends or a sex buddy, be honest.

    I really don't get how to meet guys and this grindr thing is hurting my self esteem.

    I'm from Miami and there are very good looking guys there who don't ignore me..I swear it only happens up here in Gainesville. I don't wanna bring race into it, but most of the guys here are white, and like..maybe they come from places where there aren't that many hispanics and they're not used to it? Because white guys don't ignore me in South Florida lol
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    Nov 01, 2012 4:10 AM GMT
    Beats me. You look hot to me. I know I'm old. But I can still tell a good piece of man flesh when I see it.

    Do you send the same pic as you use on here.
  • dexterboi1231

    Posts: 40

    Nov 01, 2012 4:14 AM GMT
    No. I use pictures where I smile on grindr because I don't wanna look boring lol
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    Nov 01, 2012 4:16 AM GMT
    dexterboi1231 saidNo. I use pictures where I smile on grindr because I don't wanna look boring lol

    Well since its at the point of sending the pic that you get dropped, maybe we need to see the pic you use or send.
  • DR2K

    Posts: 346

    Nov 01, 2012 4:24 AM GMT
    When they say pics they mean dick.
  • dexterboi1231

    Posts: 40

    Nov 01, 2012 4:26 AM GMT
    I've been using different pictures lol.


    http://i.imgur.com/0uoPf.jpg
    http://i.imgur.com/Is6lp.jpg

    ^^ first tried those, but since they didn't help anything I tried to have a smiling pic:

    http://i.imgur.com/FXuIH.jpg

    Again, I'm not trying to say that I'm super good looking and everyone should be begging me to hang out with them, but when EVERY single guy that I find attractive ignores me, it kinda sucks
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    Nov 01, 2012 5:06 AM GMT
    dexterboi1231 saidI've been using different pictures lol.


    http://i.imgur.com/0uoPf.jpg
    http://i.imgur.com/Is6lp.jpg

    ^^ first tried those, but since they didn't help anything I tried to have a smiling pic:

    http://i.imgur.com/FXuIH.jpg

    Again, I'm not trying to say that I'm super good looking and everyone should be begging me to hang out with them, but when EVERY single guy that I find attractive ignores me, it kinda sucks


    lol, have patience. They're out there. The more people you meet the higher the odds you stumble across each other.

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    Nov 01, 2012 5:18 AM GMT
    Maybe you're just unapproachably attractive.
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    Nov 01, 2012 5:32 AM GMT
    I would toooooooooottaaaaaaallllly not ignore you..

    In fact I'd mess with you, be flirtatious and if it turned out you were boring I'd stop talking to you.
  • PR_GMR

    Posts: 3831

    Nov 01, 2012 6:16 AM GMT
    You look good in your photo here. You're a good-looking, young twink. icon_smile.gif

    Don't internalize the shallowness of Grindr.. or any other hookup ad or website. You represent a certain flavor.. and you just need to continue to put yourself out there until you find the men that prefer your flavor. You need to hang in there. Continue to look your best and keep playing the numbers game.. because that's what it is--a numbers game.

    A 'hot' Brad Pitt type may get dozens of responses or more per night on Grindr, but what I've found out is that the hotter men are, the more conceited and pickier they get. It's a sad syndrome, really. So don't worry, the Brad Pitt types aren't getting laid more in Grindr either.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 01, 2012 11:06 AM GMT
    I used Grindr for roughly three months. I ran into that same problem, but it also did some great things for me:
    1) It Re-peoplized me. I went on many, many dates without romance.
    2) After time, it became a mirror for me to see what I really was-- unavailable.
    3) Made me see that my self-esteem is untouchable, and my ego is the most fragile. I no longer correlate my self-esteem with number of views or responses.

    A mirror can be our best friend and our worst enemy.
  • kevmoran

    Posts: 1543

    Nov 01, 2012 11:38 AM GMT
    I found out that even though I haven't used Grindr since like last Christmas and it's not even on my new phone (only the old one I lost months ago) I still show up on Grindr pages. Maybe that's the issue, because I had pages and pages of messages from guys once I logged on.
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    Nov 01, 2012 12:24 PM GMT
    dexterboi1231 saidI've been using different pictures lol.


    http://i.imgur.com/0uoPf.jpg
    http://i.imgur.com/Is6lp.jpg

    ^^ first tried those, but since they didn't help anything I tried to have a smiling pic:

    http://i.imgur.com/FXuIH.jpg

    Again, I'm not trying to say that I'm super good looking and everyone should be begging me to hang out with them, but when EVERY single guy that I find attractive ignores me, it kinda sucks

    But you are attractive. There's something wrong with the men in your area.
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    Nov 01, 2012 12:32 PM GMT
    Wait, so you contact them then send them a picture?

    I can't say I've ever had the patience to talk to someone who didn't already have a pic up. I ignore all of them.
  • tz83

    Posts: 8

    Nov 01, 2012 12:41 PM GMT
    You have your photo up here, why not on grindr? I think it works a lot better when you just have a photo from the beginning, otherwise people think all sorts of things.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 01, 2012 12:54 PM GMT
    Noodz...send noodz
  • agro

    Posts: 199

    Nov 01, 2012 12:57 PM GMT
    kevmoran saidI found out that even though I haven't used Grindr since like last Christmas and it's not even on my new phone (only the old one I lost months ago) I still show up on Grindr pages. Maybe that's the issue, because I had pages and pages of messages from guys once I logged on.


    Someone's popular...
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    Nov 01, 2012 1:11 PM GMT
    dexterboi1231 saidLike I really don't get it. It's not like any of these people are Brad Pitt either. I know that people have different tastes, but I feel that I'm at least good looking enough so that NOT EVERY SINGLE PERSON that I find attractive ignores me.

    People will be like..."I'm looking for friends, can I see a pic?"
    I send a pic and I never hear from them again. WTF kind of friends are you looking for then? If you want more than friends or a sex buddy, be honest.

    I really don't get how to meet guys and this grindr thing is hurting my self esteem.

    I'm from Miami and there are very good looking guys there who don't ignore me..I swear it only happens up here in Gainesville. I don't wanna bring race into it, but most of the guys here are white, and like..maybe they come from places where there aren't that many hispanics and they're not used to it? Because white guys don't ignore me in South Florida lol


    the problem isnt you dude. the problem is them. im a white guy and I think hispanics are the cutest things, and you're a good looking guy. maybe they fear that you'd, in hindsight, reject them if you saw them in person. meanwhile, i would get off grindr and just talk to people on rj- they're more socially advanced than grindr guy lmao
  • tigrisblue

    Posts: 113

    Nov 01, 2012 1:25 PM GMT
    Regardless of website or app, I've been ignored for a variety of reasons from 'get your hair cut and we can talk' to 'you're way too twinky for me'.

    And that's when people are being generous and actually send replies.

    You have to keep in mind that websites with an abundance of available men endorse rather than censure unrealistic expectations, especially when, if you don't see your dream man today, you can always refresh tomorrow (or in an hour) and see who else has logged on. (And some would further argue this is just gay men in general.)

    And yeah, pictures can really make a profile 'pop' so if that's what you're going for, have a professional take some pictures and leave it at that. If you don't feel that's necessary however... then just be patient. (Or don't depend on the internet/mobile networks.)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 01, 2012 2:30 PM GMT
    I think you are cute and would totally do you. Dont let some idiots on grindr affect your self esteem, you are better looking than many of them.
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    Nov 01, 2012 2:48 PM GMT
    I think you're attractive. But that's not the only thing that matters in grindr, based on my experience with it so far.

    I used to receive very few messages with the pic I'm using on RJ right now, then I changed it to the elevator pic. I've been receiving a lot more messages since I changed it, probably because it shows my body. No profile info, no name either.
    Mostly 30ish guys looking for sex, or the generic "meeting people and seeing where it goes" which I always see as "I want sex as long as you're not weird or too ugly in person".

    That makes me believe that most guys there are looking for sex and will ignore you as soon as they think you'll take too long to give what they want. They won't go out of their comfort zone unless you're extremely attractive and worth the wait.
    So if you have stuff like "just looking for friends" or "not looking for sex" you're way more likely to be ignored by the majority of guys on Gridnr - but that's not a bad thing because only people actually interested in meeting you will bother to message you.
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    Nov 01, 2012 2:50 PM GMT
    I get ignored also. You're not gonna be every guy's type. It could be race and if it is, you don't need or want them anyway. If they ignore you, just realize you've dodged a bullet
  • postyork

    Posts: 127

    Nov 01, 2012 2:51 PM GMT
    Ever had a good friend look at your grindr pictures? When I did, my friend said none of them were conveying how I looked very well. he took a quick, very natural picture of me and my responses soared. Sometimes we don't see ourselves in pictures they way they actually look!
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Nov 01, 2012 3:00 PM GMT
    Lots of great advice on this thread. I have Hornet but I'm celibate and am not into 'hooking up' in any case. More just curious how these dating sites, aps, etc. work. (As a budding writer, it is background research if nothing else.)

    THAT SAID, I am a visual artist. You are a very cute guy but the pics you've taken of yourself don't accentuate your best assets. I've seen some incredibly hot self-shots by guys who a) aren't ripped or overly developed and b) aren't showing off their dicks or whatever. It may be to get the best self-shots you'll have to look at profile pix you admire and think about what it is about them (not the guy, but the way they are done) that makes them seem 'hot'.

    For example, think about a) what clothes you feel sexy in; b) what facial expressions and body poses accent your cuteness and sexiness; c) don't be afraid to show some flesh (you don't have to be 'slutty' about it, just provocative); d) really consider things like lighting, what shows up in the background of the photo, where you are, etc. You might want to get a mirror you can move around (not just hang on a wall) so you can take shots of yourself from different angles and positions.

    As someone said, if all else fails, look for a good portrait photographer who maybe specializes in this kind of thing.

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    Nov 01, 2012 3:14 PM GMT
    I thought grindr was not about face pics at all anyway. Get real, show your butt.