i love bottoming but in my relationship im a top. how to reverse this?

  • rogerfederer

    Posts: 300

    Nov 01, 2012 6:34 AM GMT
    B4 i met my boyfriend i was a huge bottom. and i still am (in the sense that i still LOVE to bottom). But when i met my boyfriend i told him i wanted to top, bc at the time i was kind of bored with it from doing it so much. Well, now he LOVES it and we've fallen into the roles of me topping, him bottoming. And every time things get sexual, he just goes to the bottom position. Every time he talks sexy, it's about him taking it. But the problem is i still want to bottom!

    I've told him my history and how i love taking it and all but he just assumes that was the past. And i've even told him i want to bottom the next time and it's like he thinks i get over it when we start to makeout. The 2 times he actually did top me, he immediately went soft the one time and the 2nd he quit after 30 seconds and said he'd much rather me top him. That he sucks at it (which he does)

    I dnt mind topping, i really dont but what do i do?? im becoming extremely sexually frustrated and thinking about sleeping with other dudes. He's not rough or really hard like i like it...he's gentle and likes to "make love". and that's WHEN he can actually get it up. and then he takes like 30 mins to cum when i bottom (which is wayyyyyyy too long) but literally 3 seconds when he bottoms?!?!?!?! i dont understand.
  • PR_GMR

    Posts: 3831

    Nov 01, 2012 6:54 AM GMT
    Two bottoms in an unsatisfying relationship?

    Let me give you my business card. I'm a top. icon_razz.gif
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    Nov 01, 2012 7:20 AM GMT
    rogerfederer said i love bottoming but in my relationship im a top. how to reverse this?
    Hang out at biker bars.
  • rudolphe

    Posts: 156

    Nov 01, 2012 12:35 PM GMT
    Well I think you would just have to set him down and talk to him about it instead of making passing comments like "I want to bottom next time" which he probably just shrugged off like you said. As for his ability to perform, wellllllllll practice makes perfect right? Its time for you to take on the role of teacher honey.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Nov 01, 2012 1:27 PM GMT
    It has been my (somewhat limited) experiences that, although a top can learn to bttm, most bttms can't/won't/don't want to top.



    icon_idea.gif
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    Nov 01, 2012 2:11 PM GMT
    It sounds like you're a natural bottom. It's easier for two tops to be sexually creative. Two bottoms--that's a nightmare. You really need to sit down and talk about this because it has the potential to destroy your relationship permanently. Perhaps you could agree to invite a top once in a while.
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    Nov 01, 2012 3:34 PM GMT
    predefined roles baffle me
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    Nov 01, 2012 3:57 PM GMT
    Hmm it probably depends on how much you really like your bf and think you have a future with him. You have to communicate this need and see if he seriously responds to it. (I'm kinda in the same boat - my bf only tops me once a month if I'm lucky. Sometimes it's enough, sometimes not.)

    Maybe you can add a top to your mix somehow. But that's not a great sign for a real relationship IMO.
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Nov 01, 2012 4:33 PM GMT
    Don't know if it would help but a double headed dildo can be fun.

    Otherwise, sigh, sexual compatibility is always an issue in any LTR. There's the whole monogamy question, too.
  • unhooligan

    Posts: 92

    Nov 01, 2012 9:15 PM GMT
    Turn him on his back.
    Straddle the weiner
    case closed
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    Nov 01, 2012 11:21 PM GMT
    He's a bigger bottom than you are.
    So you get a toy, use your hands, or invite a top to join you two. Really, it's not complicated.
  • DR2K

    Posts: 346

    Nov 02, 2012 3:18 AM GMT
    I could solve both your problem if you lived closer.

    Is there any other reason you could think of that he wouldn't be willing to top?
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    Nov 02, 2012 3:33 AM GMT
    At least you have a boyfriend...
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    Nov 02, 2012 5:20 AM GMT
    You got a total bottom! Can't force him to do something he's not into... Umm maybe a butt plug for you when you top himicon_smile.gif
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    Nov 02, 2012 5:25 AM GMT
    RedWhiteBlue saidpredefined roles baffle me


    +1 icon_biggrin.gif
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    Nov 02, 2012 5:33 AM GMT
    Predefined roles are perfect for men who know how and what they want/like... If a guy is mentally only into being a bottom, that's an expression of him being honest and you can't change people
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    Nov 02, 2012 10:06 AM GMT
    RedWhiteBlue saidpredefined roles baffle me

    This is so true.
  • Guy1630

    Posts: 5

    Nov 02, 2012 10:23 AM GMT
    Tell him you want to mix things up and switch off. If he can he should accommodate. My bf is really a true bottom and really does not have it in him to fuck me; you may find this to be the case and if so, get a toy or another "utility" top to join you from time to time.
  • kevmoran

    Posts: 1543

    Nov 02, 2012 8:52 PM GMT
    You can never really flip a total bottom, it will always be uncomfortable. I say, like others, bring another top in.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Nov 02, 2012 9:08 PM GMT
    MuchMoreThanMuscle saidInvite me over, I'll tap that little bubbly jock ass of yours good, hard and send you away wet, drippy and happy. icon_twisted.gificon_twisted.gificon_twisted.gif


    icon_twisted.gificon_razz.gif
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    Nov 02, 2012 9:39 PM GMT
    Lash saidAt least you have a boyfriend...


    +1

    I'd suggest a double-headed dildo. Maybe get another guy to top you while you top him?

    You could ask him to try more often, but I don't know if this will work, since you describe him as a bad top.
  • kevmoran

    Posts: 1543

    Nov 02, 2012 9:51 PM GMT
    MuchMoreThanMuscle saidInvite me over, I'll tap that little bubbly jock ass of yours good, hard and send you away wet, drippy and happy. icon_twisted.gificon_twisted.gificon_twisted.gif


    This got me wet, just sayin'.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 27, 2012 4:21 AM GMT
    I don't see this lasting too much longer if you two are pretty much bottoms and you're unsatisfied with him topping. My advice, if you can't get what you want in him as a versatile lover, you may as well cut it off because it will only lead to cheating unless you two agree on an open relationship. If you break it off, find a good versatile top (there's plenty out there, I'm one of them icon_biggrin.gif) and get your freak on!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 27, 2012 5:02 AM GMT
    QUOTE AUTHOR GOES HERE But when i met my boyfriend i told him i wanted to top, bc at the time i was kind of bored with it from doing it so much.


    lol
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    Dec 31, 2012 6:20 PM GMT
    yea, I'd say get some toys that you two can play with, double headed dildos, etc etc, may be he'll find it thrilling to work you with toys, there're lots of them and a butt plug while u top him should help too