being the rebound guy...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 03, 2012 1:50 AM GMT
    what is your opinion about being the rebound guy?

    -meaning you are "hanging" out with someone who is about to leave their bf....? thought? suggestions? comments? concerns? and you're the other guy...

    icon_rolleyes.gif
  • unhooligan

    Posts: 92

    Nov 03, 2012 1:52 AM GMT
    Never would put myself in that situation. He's bound to do the same to you.
  • 1blind_dog

    Posts: 377

    Nov 03, 2012 4:23 AM GMT
    If he hasn't left the bf yet, then you aren't a rebound you're just the other guy. You sure he's definitely leaving the bf? Knowingly being the rebound means you're aware you're just the inbetween guy until he find someone else so don't go falling in love. A rebound is there to be used, not loved. If you feel like there may be real feelings between you two you don't look at it as being the rebound but as being the guy to really steal his heart.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 03, 2012 4:26 AM GMT


    It just happens; it's no one's fault. Sometimes it's just the right thing to happen, sometimes it isn't. icon_wink.gif
  • DanOmatic

    Posts: 1155

    Nov 03, 2012 12:28 PM GMT
    I was in this situation once with a guy I fell really hard for. He and his BF split up only a few months before he and I met, so that should have been a yellow flag to start with. But things didn't seem quite right, and it turned out that while he was seeing me, he was also desperately seeking to patch things up with his ex. He broke things off with me when there was a glimmer of hope that his ex and he might patch things back up; when that didn't work out, he suddenly wanted me back. Then, one day, he completely disappeared, without any word about what happened. The logical assumption would be that he got back with his ex, but I'm not so sure about that.

    It was a hard lesson. I made the mistake of getting too attached to a guy who clearly was still caught up with his ex, and I was just there to fill the gaps. Looking back, there were times I felt really stupid and a bit ashamed that I allowed myself to be used in that way. I've gotten past it now, but it took a while.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Nov 03, 2012 12:53 PM GMT
    The big thing is just understanding what the situation is... being realistic and having a grasp of reality... and act, armed with that reality.

    Don't take unnecessary emotional risks and be supportive to the point you feel comfortable... if not.. back off.

    icon_neutral.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 03, 2012 8:30 PM GMT
    I see no problem with being there for a friend who is going through a rough relationship. If he starts seeing you as something more than a friend, then I can see it getting messy. But thats just life isn't it? A giant mess we are always cleaning up.
  • TennisJock10

    Posts: 208

    Nov 03, 2012 10:11 PM GMT
    DanOmatic saidI was in this situation once with a guy I fell really hard for. He and his BF split up only a few months before he and I met, so that should have been a yellow flag to start with. But things didn't seem quite right, and it turned out that while he was seeing me, he was also desperately seeking to patch things up with his ex. He broke things off with me when there was a glimmer of hope that his ex and he might patch things back up; when that didn't work out, he suddenly wanted me back. Then, one day, he completely disappeared, without any word about what happened. The logical assumption would be that he got back with his ex, but I'm not so sure about that.

    It was a hard lesson. I made the mistake of getting too attached to a guy who clearly was still caught up with his ex, and I was just there to fill the gaps. Looking back, there were times I felt really stupid and a bit ashamed that I allowed myself to be used in that way. I've gotten past it now, but it took a while.


    Similar situation. I started talking to a guy about two months after him and his ex broke up. They had a really bad relationship, and I felt like I was trying to fix the damage that his ex had done. He constantly talked about his ex and all the problems that they had. I got tired of it, but I really like him so I stuck around. Then he just stopped texting and calling, and I all I got was some text about ho "he was still going through a lot." To this day he still talks to his ex and they have the weirdest relationship that I will never understand.

    That situation nearly broke me and it made me question why I wasn't good enough. I can't see myself in a situation like that now, and it definitely helped me grow, but I wouldn't go through it again and I wouldn't suggest it. Long story short: say no to being the rebound guy...especially if they haven't even broken up yet
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 03, 2012 10:28 PM GMT
    AWESOME!!!

    Your the rebound guy... lots of sex!!

    although your not technically a rebound guy until AFTER he's broken up with his boyfriend
  • DanOmatic

    Posts: 1155

    Nov 03, 2012 10:37 PM GMT
    Hey Tennis Jock, too bad this happened to you, too. It's very demoralizing, but like you, I grew from it and learned to steer clear of anyone with unfinished business with his ex. As in your situation, they had a screwed up relationship where neither could stand to see the other one happy--but it seems that felt like "love" to them, so not much you can do about that but count your lucky stars. Takes a while to come to that perspective, though. Peace, buddy.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 03, 2012 10:39 PM GMT
    If you are in it just for sex, go for it, but rebounds are just that, then they bounce along to someone else, in my experience
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 03, 2012 10:40 PM GMT
    youngRJ1 saidwhat is your opinion about being the rebound guy?

    -meaning you are "hanging" out with someone who is about to leave their bf....? thought? suggestions? comments? concerns? and you're the other guy...

    icon_rolleyes.gif


    Probably I am reading too much into this, just for the humor of it, but I'd have thought that if you're with a guy who's in the middle of a break-up that doesn't make you the rebound guy; that makes you the homewrecker.

    That's an affair, not a rebound.
  • TennisJock10

    Posts: 208

    Nov 03, 2012 11:09 PM GMT
    DanOmatic saidHey Tennis Jock, too bad this happened to you, too. It's very demoralizing, but like you, I grew from it and learned to steer clear of anyone with unfinished business with his ex. As in your situation, they had a screwed up relationship where neither could stand to see the other one happy--but it seems that felt like "love" to them, so not much you can do about that but count your lucky stars. Takes a while to come to that perspective, though. Peace, buddy.


    I escaped unscathed for the most part haha! One of life's many learning experiences. Glad you came out of it as well! Take it easy DanOmatic.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 04, 2012 2:45 AM GMT
    well i'm not the home wrecker... they have been separated for some months now... he told me the other night that he's waiting to tell his bf that it's just not going to work out.

    I have told him that before ANYTHING else happens, we need to take it slow since technically they are still living in the same apartment, BUT different bed rooms. I really do think that they are separate. NO contact what so ever, but who knows. I'm not gonna get anymore involved than I am now.. Hangout yes, talk and txt yes, but as far as emotional... nope.

    Thanks dudes.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 04, 2012 2:54 AM GMT
    Not a good idea unless you are a guy who only is looking for sex and nothing else.
  • kevmoran

    Posts: 1543

    Nov 04, 2012 3:17 AM GMT
    I've been there, just treat him like a fuck buddy/friends with benefits until he really pushes for things to be serious.