GUILT!!!

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    Nov 03, 2012 5:53 AM GMT
    Do you ever think back on things you did and feel overwhelmed with shame or guilt? Like, for example, not coming out earlier to defend a friend who was more obviously gay? Both Freud and the Catholic Church taught that guilt would be made better by confession so feel free. (I feel better already!)
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    Nov 03, 2012 6:37 AM GMT
    I feel guilty that I didn't spend 7 days in the gym this week. I only went 6 times.

    Do I look fat in this outfit?
    20121013_073050a_zps270a3b27.jpg
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    Nov 03, 2012 12:06 PM GMT
    I STILL love my guilt. It makes me feel special and exciting. I find myself still doing dysfunctional acts, and what's the aftermath? Guilt.

    This is no fun: I'm currently working on a list of all my sexual partners. The trends found so far are honesty and guilt. Trying to keep it simple, but I'm sure I'll do some statistical analysis to understand where I've been and who I am. The goal is to let go of those horrible things about me, like guilt.

    The truth will set you free.
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    Nov 03, 2012 11:52 PM GMT
    Yes and yes. I'm very quick and easy to feel guilty, even when I'm really not. I also feel guilty when I wish I did more, even though I already did alot.

    Though I usually act on feelings knowing I'll feel guilty, there are always ramifications that make me feel guilty anyways.

    I usually try not to dwell on it too long though. The past is the past.
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    Nov 03, 2012 11:58 PM GMT
    GAMRican saidI feel guilty that I didn't spend 7 days in the gym this week. I only went 6 times.

    I hate those weeks too. I'm sort of compulsive about my gym attendance. Nice to know I'm not alone.
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    Nov 05, 2012 4:39 PM GMT
    Sometimes for decades, stuff I did as a teenager and young adult still produces intense flashes of shame.

    I try to forgive myself and tell myself that nobody remembers these things but I and that I've suffered enough. That has helped with a couple of issues.

    But then, all of a sudden another memory rears its ugly head, no idea what triggered it and I silently scream and have a "hot flash".
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    Nov 05, 2012 4:53 PM GMT
    bhp91126 saidSometimes for decades, stuff I did as a teenager and young adult still produces intense flashes of shame.

    I try to forgive myself and tell myself that nobody remembers these things but I and that I've suffered enough. That has helped with a couple of issues.

    But then, all of a sudden another memory rears its ugly head, no idea what triggered it and I silently scream and have a "hot flash".

    OMG! This happens to me too! Glad I'm not the only one. icon_neutral.gif
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    Nov 05, 2012 5:05 PM GMT
    bri_66 said
    bhp91126 saidSometimes for decades, stuff I did as a teenager and young adult still produces intense flashes of shame.

    I try to forgive myself and tell myself that nobody remembers these things but I and that I've suffered enough. That has helped with a couple of issues.

    But then, all of a sudden another memory rears its ugly head, no idea what triggered it and I silently scream and have a "hot flash".

    OMG! This happens to me too! Glad I'm not the only one. icon_neutral.gif

    Any ideas how to overcome them?
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    Nov 05, 2012 5:10 PM GMT
    To this day I often feel guilty about being interested in guys... Probably the main reason why it doesn't feel completely right to hook up with guys... When I'm in love there is no question that I don't feel guilty at all...

    anyhow thats my two cents...
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    Nov 05, 2012 5:18 PM GMT
    bhp91126 said
    bri_66 said
    bhp91126 saidSometimes for decades, stuff I did as a teenager and young adult still produces intense flashes of shame.

    I try to forgive myself and tell myself that nobody remembers these things but I and that I've suffered enough. That has helped with a couple of issues.

    But then, all of a sudden another memory rears its ugly head, no idea what triggered it and I silently scream and have a "hot flash".

    OMG! This happens to me too! Glad I'm not the only one. icon_neutral.gif

    Any ideas how to overcome them?

    Nope, not a clue. I just remind myself that I've already dealt with that crap and go on. I try not to let it bother me.
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    Nov 05, 2012 6:37 PM GMT
    bri_66 said
    bhp91126 said
    bri_66 said
    bhp91126 saidSometimes for decades, stuff I did as a teenager and young adult still produces intense flashes of shame.

    I try to forgive myself and tell myself that nobody remembers these things but I and that I've suffered enough. That has helped with a couple of issues.

    But then, all of a sudden another memory rears its ugly head, no idea what triggered it and I silently scream and have a "hot flash".

    OMG! This happens to me too! Glad I'm not the only one. icon_neutral.gif

    Any ideas how to overcome them?

    Nope, not a clue. I just remind myself that I've already dealt with that crap and go on. I try not to let it bother me.


    Forgiveness.
    I think guilt is a good tool, but used gently. We all fuck up at some point in our lives, sometimes unknowingly and some times willfully.
    When we cringe with shame for something we've done, it's like a parameter was created in our minds of where we will not go and what we will not do. There is a taming quality to guilt and shame, and that's not such a bad thing. It becomes a bad thing when it rules us and we continue living like we're half alive.

    One technique I use is to write out my problems, thoughts,memories of my past. I close the book, literally and figuratively, and put it away, literally and figuratively. I have the power of opening the book when I need to, add my stuff then stop carrying it around, weighing me down. Part of memory and maturity is the wisdom to see why we did (and do) the things we do. Live within your guideposts.

    Forgive yourself for what you did from ignorance, hold yourself accountable for your willful mistakes and make amends to those you hurt.

    Part of forgiveness is accepting we can't change the events of the past. Accept the lessons of your mistakes, but stop beating yourself with reliving those mistakes.

    Book 10 of Augustine's Confessions talks about it. He was a sad sack, but let his mistakes guide him to be a better person.

    ...or maybe I'm talkin' out my ass...
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    Nov 05, 2012 6:59 PM GMT
    [quote]

    Forgiveness.
    I think guilt is a good tool, but used gently. We all fuck up at some point in our lives, sometimes unknowingly and some times willfully.
    When we cringe with shame for something we've done, it's like a parameter was created in our minds of where we will not go and what we will not do. There is a taming quality to guilt and shame, and that's not such a bad thing. It becomes a bad thing when it rules us and we continue living like we're half alive.

    One technique I use is to write out my problems, thoughts,memories of my past. I close the book, literally and figuratively, and put it away, literally and figuratively. I have the power of opening the book when I need to, add my stuff then stop carrying it around, weighing me down. Part of memory and maturity is the wisdom to see why we did (and do) the things we do. Live within your guideposts.

    Forgive yourself for what you did from ignorance, hold yourself accountable for your willful mistakes and make amends to those you hurt.

    Part of forgiveness is accepting we can't change the events of the past. Accept the lessons of your mistakes, but stop beating yourself with reliving those mistakes.

    Book 10 of Augustine's Confessions talks about it. He was a sad sack, but let his mistakes guide him to be a better person.

    ...or maybe I'm talkin' out my ass...[/quote]

    Thanks...That does help. I'll give the writing tip a try.
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    Nov 05, 2012 9:34 PM GMT
    n8698u said
    Forgiveness.
    I think guilt is a good tool, but used gently. We all fuck up at some point in our lives, sometimes unknowingly and some times willfully.
    When we cringe with shame for something we've done, it's like a parameter was created in our minds of where we will not go and what we will not do. There is a taming quality to guilt and shame, and that's not such a bad thing. It becomes a bad thing when it rules us and we continue living like we're half alive.

    One technique I use is to write out my problems, thoughts,memories of my past. I close the book, literally and figuratively, and put it away, literally and figuratively. I have the power of opening the book when I need to, add my stuff then stop carrying it around, weighing me down. Part of memory and maturity is the wisdom to see why we did (and do) the things we do. Live within your guideposts.

    Forgive yourself for what you did from ignorance, hold yourself accountable for your willful mistakes and make amends to those you hurt.

    Part of forgiveness is accepting we can't change the events of the past. Accept the lessons of your mistakes, but stop beating yourself with reliving those mistakes.

    Book 10 of Augustine's Confessions talks about it. He was a sad sack, but let his mistakes guide him to be a better person.

    ...or maybe I'm talkin' out my ass...


    Wow, writing down this shit might work. I will most def give this a try. Thanks
  • C_Dezi

    Posts: 134

    Nov 05, 2012 9:34 PM GMT
    nope never
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    Nov 06, 2012 12:30 AM GMT
    bhp91126 said
    n8698u said
    Forgiveness.
    I think guilt is a good tool, but used gently. We all fuck up at some point in our lives, sometimes unknowingly and some times willfully.
    When we cringe with shame for something we've done, it's like a parameter was created in our minds of where we will not go and what we will not do. There is a taming quality to guilt and shame, and that's not such a bad thing. It becomes a bad thing when it rules us and we continue living like we're half alive.

    One technique I use is to write out my problems, thoughts,memories of my past. I close the book, literally and figuratively, and put it away, literally and figuratively. I have the power of opening the book when I need to, add my stuff then stop carrying it around, weighing me down. Part of memory and maturity is the wisdom to see why we did (and do) the things we do. Live within your guideposts.

    Forgive yourself for what you did from ignorance, hold yourself accountable for your willful mistakes and make amends to those you hurt.

    Part of forgiveness is accepting we can't change the events of the past. Accept the lessons of your mistakes, but stop beating yourself with reliving those mistakes.

    Book 10 of Augustine's Confessions talks about it. He was a sad sack, but let his mistakes guide him to be a better person.

    ...or maybe I'm talkin' out my ass...


    Wow, writing down this shit might work. I will most def give this a try. Thanks


    When you finish, close the book and imagine your guilt has no power over you. Only review when you need to and DONT obsess.

    I guess it's natural for some memories to pop up from time to time.
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    Nov 06, 2012 3:24 AM GMT
    ^Thanks. Learning to forgive yourself is a journey/process that is ever evolving. You may be healed but never cured.
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    Nov 06, 2012 4:50 AM GMT
    I dont do guilt, shame or regrets!.
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Nov 06, 2012 6:22 PM GMT
    GAMRican saidI feel guilty that I didn't spend 7 days in the gym this week. I only went 6 times.

    Do I look fat in this outfit?
    20121013_073050a_zps270a3b27.jpg

    no-just a lot older than your stated age.
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    Nov 08, 2012 3:15 AM GMT
    I feel guilty for not feeling guilty about anything.
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    Nov 08, 2012 3:26 AM GMT
    paulflexes saidI feel guilty for not feeling guilty about anything.

    Sometimes, this*^& I value my humanity, the faulty nature it begets, and my ability to rationalize between guilt, social expectations, and self compassion... feel sorry for those who lock themselves & others up in Guilt, and throw away the key. icon_confused.gif
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    Nov 11, 2012 2:02 AM GMT
    over tons of things.

    but I don't forgive myself for it. What's the point, I stuffed up!

    I use it to not make the same mistake a second time!
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    Nov 11, 2012 2:07 AM GMT
    lilTanker saidover tons of things.

    but I don't forgive myself for it. What's the point, I stuffed up!

    I use it to not make the same mistake a second time!

    Ooh! What a deliciously guilty pleasure! icon_razz.gificon_cool.gificon_twisted.gif
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    Nov 26, 2012 2:17 AM GMT
    n8698u said
    bri_66 said
    bhp91126 said
    bri_66 said
    bhp91126 saidSometimes for decades, stuff I did as a teenager and young adult still produces intense flashes of shame.

    I try to forgive myself and tell myself that nobody remembers these things but I and that I've suffered enough. That has helped with a couple of issues.

    But then, all of a sudden another memory rears its ugly head, no idea what triggered it and I silently scream and have a "hot flash".

    OMG! This happens to me too! Glad I'm not the only one. icon_neutral.gif

    Any ideas how to overcome them?

    Nope, not a clue. I just remind myself that I've already dealt with that crap and go on. I try not to let it bother me.


    Forgiveness.
    I think guilt is a good tool, but used gently. We all fuck up at some point in our lives, sometimes unknowingly and some times willfully.
    When we cringe with shame for something we've done, it's like a parameter was created in our minds of where we will not go and what we will not do. There is a taming quality to guilt and shame, and that's not such a bad thing. It becomes a bad thing when it rules us and we continue living like we're half alive.

    One technique I use is to write out my problems, thoughts,memories of my past. I close the book, literally and figuratively, and put it away, literally and figuratively. I have the power of opening the book when I need to, add my stuff then stop carrying it around, weighing me down. Part of memory and maturity is the wisdom to see why we did (and do) the things we do. Live within your guideposts.

    Forgive yourself for what you did from ignorance, hold yourself accountable for your willful mistakes and make amends to those you hurt.

    Part of forgiveness is accepting we can't change the events of the past. Accept the lessons of your mistakes, but stop beating yourself with reliving those mistakes.

    Book 10 of Augustine's Confessions talks about it. He was a sad sack, but let his mistakes guide him to be a better person.

    ...or maybe I'm talkin' out my ass...


    Very wise advice. Some people may never forgive you for something, but in order to move past this crap YOU must forgive yourself!! Life continues whether we are a part of it or not, so we might as well keep on moving. It took me a long time to realize this. Also, realize that NO ONE is perfect, and plenty of people have done much worse than you.