Where does confidence come from?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 04, 2012 10:13 AM GMT
    In light of some recent events, I've been wondering: where does confidence come from?
    Is it something we're born with? Are we born with/without confidence, destined to live with that fate sealed? Or is confidence something we are taught by others, perhaps something we learn ourselves?
    Does confidence stem from a need to impress others?
    Are confidence and self-esteem synonymous? Is it possible for someone to be confident and shy at the same time?
  • ytOwen

    Posts: 298

    Nov 04, 2012 10:17 AM GMT
    http://blog.ted.com/2012/10/01/10-examples-of-how-power-posing-can-work-to-boost-your-confidence/
  • ytOwen

    Posts: 298

    Nov 04, 2012 10:19 AM GMT
    It's about how you feel about yourself, and how you are perceived.
    Adopt a power position. Think Wonder Woman.
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    Nov 04, 2012 10:41 AM GMT
    from ur butthole
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    Nov 04, 2012 10:44 AM GMT
    Here's a twist. Confidence partially comes from not giving a fuck. Specifically not being afraid to make mistakes.
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    Nov 04, 2012 11:30 AM GMT
    glens-vodka.jpg
    dose as needed
  • PR_GMR

    Posts: 3831

    Nov 04, 2012 11:37 AM GMT
    Confidence comes from having discipline. It comes from being motivated. From being spiritual and knowing that in your core, you're a good human being. It comes from taking risks. It comes from surviving and becoming stronger.
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    Nov 04, 2012 11:39 AM GMT
    Sometimes it just comes out of the mouth (or keyboard)
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    Nov 04, 2012 12:20 PM GMT
    For me, and I don't think I'm alone: "from doing esteemable acts"

    I was raised to be prideful, perfect, and everything would be okay if I had control. Fast forward 29 years to a disaster when every facet of my ego was shattered. Jobs, degrees, good grades, all my Chanel-Prada-Gucci, every dick I could take... I had to learn that it all meant nothing. I was an arrogant, floaty gay guy just wrapped up in a pretty face. I had nothing to give to anyone.

    That's when I learned the hard lesson of the difference between ego and self-esteem. I had zero of the latter. The only function of my ego is to make me feel separate, special, and unique. It is the place of self-pity and arrogance. My ego humors me today, because I don't need it but can never fully escape.

    I had to build from the smallest seed possible that I am just like everyone else. I am confident that I can reach a level of compassion (the highest connection to another human), but can only do that through empathy. Most of the time it requires me to do something for someone else in need. R. Frost said, "You have freedom when you're easy in your harness." I've perhaps made my harness from doing esteemable acts. My life has never been better.
  • Bunjamon

    Posts: 3161

    Nov 04, 2012 2:04 PM GMT
    ytOwen saidhttp://blog.ted.com/2012/10/01/10-examples-of-how-power-posing-can-work-to-boost-your-confidence/


    I was going to post this, too.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 04, 2012 2:11 PM GMT
    confidence is like virginity - you are born with it then it is taken away from you. Once it is gone you cannot get it back - you can only pretend.

    It is all in how you act.

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    Nov 04, 2012 2:23 PM GMT
    Worthiness.
  • starboard5

    Posts: 969

    Nov 04, 2012 2:23 PM GMT
    deltalimen saidFor me, and I don't think I'm alone: "from doing esteemable acts"

    I was raised to be prideful, perfect, and everything would be okay if I had control. Fast forward 29 years to a disaster when every facet of my ego was shattered. Jobs, degrees, good grades, all my Chanel-Prada-Gucci, every dick I could take... I had to learn that it all meant nothing. I was an arrogant, floaty gay guy just wrapped up in a pretty face. I had nothing to give to anyone.

    That's when I learned the hard lesson of the difference between ego and self-esteem. I had zero of the latter. The only function of my ego is to make me feel separate, special, and unique. It is the place of self-pity and arrogance. My ego humors me today, because I don't need it but can never fully escape.

    I had to build from the smallest seed possible that I am just like everyone else. I am confident that I can reach a level of compassion (the highest connection to another human), but can only do that through empathy. Most of the time it requires me to do something for someone else in need. R. Frost said, "You have freedom when you're easy in your harness." I've perhaps made my harness from doing esteemable acts. My life has never been better.


    This is wonderful.
  • stol

    Posts: 82

    Nov 04, 2012 2:29 PM GMT
    xrichx saidHere's a twist. Confidence partially comes from not giving a fuck. Specifically not being afraid to make mistakes.


    This.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 04, 2012 3:19 PM GMT
    I don't think confidence and self-esteem are the same at all. I'm confident in my ability to perform my job, my athletic ability, my ability to co-exist with others and to support and protect myself and, if need be, my family. But I have some major inferiority complex issues. If I'm ever going to get over those I need to stop coming here to begin with. So many superior specimens.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Nov 04, 2012 3:24 PM GMT
    The two are different, but linked. When one is a kid, families convey a bit of this, but it really is on the individual to develop it based on life's experiences. Both are certainly improved by a person reaching certain goals, achievement and making the right decisions.

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    Nov 04, 2012 3:25 PM GMT
    McQueen saidfrom ur butthole


    i was going to say that u little bitchicon_mad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 04, 2012 3:26 PM GMT
    "It's a lot easier to ask forgiveness than permission", it comes from saying "fuckit" to yourself and taking chances
  • mindblank

    Posts: 275

    Nov 04, 2012 3:27 PM GMT
    Confidence in X comes from showing ourself that we are well capable of X, through action, OR, excessively telling ourselves that we are well capable of X. I think?

    And self-esteem is different, but I don't know how to explain it - the other guys above do a good job icon_confused.gif

    Actually it came to me - self-esteem is how you view yourself in terms of value, usually relative to how you view other people. Confidence is the belief that you are capable of something, based on convincing demonstrations in your past. Different.
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Nov 04, 2012 3:36 PM GMT
    Coach_Mike said
    /snip/
    But I have some major inferiority complex issues. If I'm ever going to get over those I need to stop coming here to begin with. So many superior specimens.

    Sorry to hear that! I mean, if I compared myself to the other men here, I'd almost always come out on the short end of the stick. Confidence isn't something I have a lot of but rather than compare or judge myself negatively, I try to view admiration as stimulus for motivation.

    Anyway, good question Neight. You're getting some interesting responses, too. Lots of beautiful (inside and out) guys on this forum!

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    Nov 04, 2012 3:58 PM GMT
    HndsmKansan saidThe two are different, but linked. When one is a kid, families convey a bit of this, but it really is on the individual to develop it based on life's experiences. Both are certainly improved by a person reaching certain goals, achievement and making the right decisions.



    I was just thinking, achieving goals are like building blocks for confidence. I set myself a goal, achieve it and I become confident with all the small things I have completed. There will be fuck ups, misjudgments and failures along the way. Hell, you can become confident through failure by learning what NOT to do. Self esteem is loving yourself for your achievements and failures. (This is a tough one for me.)

    The opposite of confidence is fear. Fear will keep you from trying for any goal. Keep trying, taking risks.

    I do believe there are guys less anxious than others. They are prone to more risk taking which builds confidence. There are people who thrive on charging into battle, there are those who thrive on analyzing and making an accurate and precise decision before acting. I'm one of those anxious, analytical people.

    I learned what others around me termed "shyness" was really my introverted temperament. Some people are more boisterous, gregarious and talk WAY too much. I was shamed into thinking my quiet, reflective, contemplative nature was a bad thing. (Fuck YOU Dale Carnegie, Norman Vincent Peale and Philip Zimbardo!!!) Now I know I process all available info, weigh all factors, consider other elements of the situation...then I speak with accuracy and confidence. That is why I rule the classroom...OKIIRRRR!

    If you consider yourself "shy" keep trying to put yourself out there, no matter how hard it is. If you're afraid you'll say something stupid, guess what, the best bullshitters are those who can't shut the fuck up. Take it easy, take it slow. A great element of confidence is letting oneself be oneself, and loving.

    For what it's worth.
  • stratavos

    Posts: 1831

    Nov 04, 2012 4:06 PM GMT
    confident and shy do feel at odds. Confident and reserved however... that's actually quite believable.

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    Nov 04, 2012 4:08 PM GMT
    xrichx saidHere's a twist. Confidence partially comes from not giving a fuck. Specifically not being afraid to make mistakes.


    +^This! I would confidently go with!

    On my say Its when you do something that brings that slight little happiness out of it that gives confidence! like fueling whats right and healthy you do,without a doubt you are at and in confidence!

    Then again there is a dark side of confidence the shadow of it, dont let overshadow you as the word Ego. You will be blind as bat!, so as being a Bat you look at your confident shadow as Dracula...now that is bad! * sorry for the Dracula theory too much of horror movie lately

    well A guy with a big dick may have high sure confidence and can be pretty friendly, but he is a clown in the real world and a fool on presentations in the office, you get what I mean? Subject over matter over object. Unless he is in the porn industry then he may be relevantly appropriate of confidence.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 04, 2012 4:23 PM GMT
    A certain amount's good, a product of self-knowledge. Too much? Be very suspicious. icon_exclaim.gif (jus' sayin')
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    Nov 04, 2012 4:29 PM GMT

    Interesting topic! I think confidence isnt something that's inherent to anyone person. I really think it comes from our upbringing, our family structure and relationships woh other people.

    As a kid, I didn't have much confidence growing up. However I gained more confidence as I got older and especially through my martial arts training which I started at an early age. Confidence isn't there for you to impress people persay but to know you are capable of doing almost anything! If I can win a gold medal at nationals, attain five degrees on my black belt, I can accomplish anything icon_wink.gif