If you love someone does the sex matter.

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    Sep 04, 2008 11:33 PM GMT
    What if you have fallen in love with the most perfect guy. But the sex is less than perfect. In fact it is horrible. Do you keep dating this person or do you find a reason to dump them or try and get dumped.
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    Sep 05, 2008 12:00 AM GMT
    If your in love the sex shouldnt matter. If its bad than you communicate and figure out whats wrong and turn bad sex into sweaty, heartpounding, moaning cant live without it sex. If you leave over sex than you really didnt value the relationship.
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    Sep 05, 2008 12:19 AM GMT
    There are people who can go for months without sex perfectly happy. There are people who can't go an hour.

    If the sex is very unsatisfying, but it isn't important to you, then grand.

    If the sex is very unsatisfying, but it is essential then it is a legitimate reason to split if you have tried working on it.
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    Sep 05, 2008 12:37 AM GMT
    While not the MOST important aspect of a loving relationship, sexual compatibility is important. I thought I could put it close to the bottom of my list in my last relationship, but an active sex life is just too important to me. Be honest with your guy about it. Sex can be improved, and the practice is fun!
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    Sep 05, 2008 1:35 AM GMT
    if you're in love with him you fell in love with qualities other than his sexual prowess. I think things can be improved in the bedroom, but good men who can be connected with on a deep level are hard to find.
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    Sep 05, 2008 1:38 AM GMT
    A great relationship without sex is a friendship. icon_wink.gif
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    Sep 05, 2008 1:39 AM GMT
    well there are a few ways of looking at that.

    You can love anyone without sex, but what kind of relationship would it be then

    If you love someone enough, you should certainly care about that persons satisfaction enough to try. unless you don't feel sexual .. if that is the case then back to point one.

    I suppose you can have a platonic relationship, but that is more like best friends or something which may not be what you want and you have to seek other means of satisfaction.
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    Sep 05, 2008 1:43 AM GMT
    If he's perfect, then you should be able to talk to him about sex. He may think it's great or he may think it's terrible too. If you care about him, talk to him about it.
    If you can't talk about it, then this will be the first in a series of progressively more important issues that you 'can't talk about' until the relationship implodes.
  • reload16

    Posts: 267

    Sep 05, 2008 1:51 AM GMT
    what is sex? icon_question.gif I don't understand...
  • swimbikerun

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    Sep 05, 2008 1:53 AM GMT
    jaydub saidA great relationship without sex is a friendship. icon_wink.gif
    Precisely. If you call someone your lover or boyfriend but never have sex with him (and have sex with others instead) something seems out of place.

    bgcat57 saidIf he's perfect, then you should be able to talk to him about sex. He may think it's great or he may think it's terrible too. If you care about him, talk to him about it.
    If you can't talk about it, then this will be the first in a series of progressively more important issues that you 'can't talk about' until the relationship implodes.

    Hey this is pretty assessment too!
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    Sep 05, 2008 1:57 AM GMT
    dancedd saidwhat is sex? icon_question.gif I don't understand...


    Sex is when a man and a woman have to settle for making babies because they can't have gay sex.
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    Sep 05, 2008 2:37 AM GMT
    Lost_Lover saidWhat if you have fallen in love with the most perfect guy. But the sex is less than perfect. In fact it is horrible. Do you keep dating this person or do you find a reason to dump them or try and get dumped.


    Well, don't try to get dumped. I think the best thing to do is just be honest. Tell him you love him, but you're not getting sexually satisfied. Try to change things up and if it doesn't work then do your best to stay friends. Don't ruin a good relationship just because of sex. In the end, isn't friends good too?
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    Sep 05, 2008 2:38 AM GMT

    The sex matters because if it is horrible to you then it is horrible to him too. LOL, you both are going to get really tired of lousy sex sooner than later, sure your LOVE may be strong enough to rise above that but I doubt a relationship could withstand such a hit.

    Maybe twenty or forty years ago a sexless union was easier to pull off, but today: you've got the internet, that's pounds and pounds of good sex right at your fingertips. You've got gay bars springing up everywhere. You've got boys who just turned legal with 18 inch arms, nine inch dicks, and a need to please. And, most importantly, you have new gay ideals with more emphasis on not just sex, but great sex than ever. I respect ideals about love and sacrifice, but up against all that?

    The two parties should do each other a favor and split because as sure as they found a Mr. Right who couldn't do it right; Mr. Right with all the right moves is out there waiting. If they really love eachother, they'd want eachother to have a shot at enjoying a real perfect man because if a man can't fuck, that ain't perfect. Furthermore, if the sex is wanting, that is a forboding symptom that all may not be as well with the relationship as first thought. If two guys really are in love, the sex is great; everything is great, even the bad times because they always seem to fix themselves. This is why true love is so legendary, it is immortal. If there is badness anywhere and it's festering, that's usually a death note for the relationship.

    It's a harsh reality, but doesn't have to be. If there is ever a fatal wound to a relationship between two guys who are in love, there would never be a need for tricks to get dumped. The two would want eachother to be happy and communication would already be abundant between them. The coup de grace would be administered by both parties wholely and in agreement, i'd like to imagine.

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    Sep 05, 2008 2:55 AM GMT

    Really, you'd have to explain WHY the sex is horrible.

    People can learn technique if they care enough. And in this case, you might be just the teacher he needs!
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    Sep 05, 2008 3:16 AM GMT
    Yar! I can teach him!

    Nay! I can condition him, bombard him with subliminal messages, and finally I can brainwash him to have pornstar sex. icon_twisted.gif
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    Sep 05, 2008 3:23 AM GMT

    I think the question here may not be pertaining to a lack of skill. icon_razz.gif
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    Sep 05, 2008 4:10 AM GMT
    What is considered horrible sex...?
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    Sep 05, 2008 4:15 AM GMT
    gymguy1 said...figure out whats wrong and turn bad sex into sweaty, heartpounding, moaning cant live without it sex.


    Excuse me while I go use the facilities to umm...yeah...release. LOL! icon_twisted.gif
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    Sep 05, 2008 4:50 PM GMT

    Gemini saidWhat is considered horrible sex...?


    Horrible sex is hard to describe , but very good sex makes your heart rate go up without you even doing anything. Just when that person puts their hands on you, your heart starts goin THUMP! THUMP! and it feels like it's going to pop out of your chest. It gets your body so thrilled until the things you are doing, you aren't even thinking about, but everything you do is perfect and everything he does just stimulates you to do more. The two of you play off each other until this wanton cycle of love and pleasure developes this cyclone of passion that enraptures you and gets you so caught up that two hours can quickly feel like five minutes. You just want more and more until you've been in bed for hours and you still don't want to stop. Even after you cum and collapse in a sweaty heap next to him, you still feel this energy compelling you to do something more to show your esteem for this person. But, even if all you can do is lay there and listen to him breathe, no one breathing has ever sounded this good!

    In reverse, horrible sex is like a lecture, sure it may be mildly entertaining over subject matter you have a vested interest in, but it is boring and you can feel every minute inch by. You have to think about every action that you're taking and half of the things he's doing, you don't really fancy. You can't wait for it to be over and when you cum and roll over completey dry (maybe somewhat sticky) and unaroused, you wish he'd stop breathing so hard so that you can get to sleep.icon_neutral.gif

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    Sep 05, 2008 4:58 PM GMT
    To each his own. But for me, sex matters.....even if I was together forever with someone, I would need/want sex because it is a basic need (like eating/sleeping) and I would also want to communicate feelings and love with my partner.

    I could never be in a boyfriend/"lover" relationship without sex.

    I fell for that "I love him but no sex" scheme years agao. I learned.
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    Sep 05, 2008 5:09 PM GMT

    ..............................................................gaymalesymbol.jpg

    You were made to love his sex. icon_wink.gif
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    Sep 05, 2008 5:13 PM GMT
    [quote][cite]GuiltyGear said[/cite]
    ..............................................................gaymalesymbol.jpg

    You were made to love his sex. icon_wink.gif[/quote

    So are you....ain't we lucky!
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    Sep 05, 2008 5:18 PM GMT

    No, I was involved in a major car crash in middle school. The trauma scrambled my brains and made me gay. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Sep 05, 2008 5:20 PM GMT
    I think you have to be true to yourself. If sex is important to you (and there is nothing wrong with that!) then you need to try to work it out. There are however some people who find sex to be the least important aspect of their relationship and this is also perfectly acceptable. You can't let others decide what is important to you.

    The other side of it is that you need to be cognizant of your lover's needs as well. If you're not having fun then it is likely he is not either. You need to find out how he is feeling about this and make sure his needs are being met as well.

    Having said all that, I suspect sex is important to you or you wouldn't have posted. Get a good book on gay sex and talk to your boyfriend about exploring other ways to have fun.

    Good luck!
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    Sep 05, 2008 5:25 PM GMT
    GuiltyGear said
    No, I was involved in a major car crash in middle school. The trauma scrambled my brains and made me gay. icon_biggrin.gif


    Sorry to hear about that. Speaking for myself and some friends I know, being gay was NOT the result of something negative happening earlier in life. I'm gay beacuase of something GOOD that happened in my life.