Am i doing something wrong?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 05, 2012 6:50 PM GMT
    I'm trying to figure out I've been single for a while now, not because I haven't had choices but because I keep turning them down.. I feel maybe I should accept these guys and give them a chance but at the same time I feel it would be a waste of time.

    The problem is most of these guys just want sex and I want something more, I'm not attracted to the concept of having sex a priority at all like most guys, I feel it's a waste of time and takes me away from other important things happening in my life, so unless there's a good enough reason just meeting someone randomly for sex feels like bumming around.

    Sometimes I almost have to shoot myself in the foot for turning down the most amazingly super good looking gorgeous jock who are my age but i turn them only cause they simply want to fuck me with no date whatsoever... Please tell me I'm doing the right thing!!! I'm trying to justify these actions but don't have dating wisdom in this case to know im doing the right thing.
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    Nov 05, 2012 7:24 PM GMT
    Sounds like you have sand in your vagina.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 05, 2012 7:30 PM GMT
    Stop using Grindr
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 05, 2012 7:53 PM GMT
    i have never used grindr in my life
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    Nov 05, 2012 7:55 PM GMT
    I think a lot of guys have the same problem. Our dating world revolves around sexual gratification instead of emotional fulfillment. It's even worse if your pics look like a sexual warrior.

    You are doing the right thing by following your principles. But you have to compromise and play the field a little bit. I found my bf thru jackd but told him straight up that sex was not happening on the first date. It's possible to find a relationship that isn't just sex based. It just takes a lot of searching!
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    Nov 05, 2012 7:56 PM GMT

    Easy, make 'em go on dates. If they want you that badly, they will. icon_wink.gif
  • Iakona

    Posts: 367

    Nov 05, 2012 8:16 PM GMT
    You are not doing the wrong thing.... If what you want is a Long Term Relationship....then hold out for it.....nothing wrong with that.....hell, date a guy a few times before even considering going to bed with them.....
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    Nov 05, 2012 8:29 PM GMT
    Nitty... You know I chaste you for not having 'fun'...But honestly its OK that you're holding out for someone that you want to connect with.


    Also next time do call me if you're feeling amiss.
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    Nov 05, 2012 9:51 PM GMT
    Fuck.
    You.
  • hawkeye7

    Posts: 565

    Nov 05, 2012 10:01 PM GMT
    Keep being yourself,
    don't settle, you don't need too.
    don't feel guilty if you do have sex we are men after all and make sure it is someone you at least like There is something to be said for practice.
    I do agree with you I do at least want to go on a date.
    I have been at this for 20 years, I am still single and good looking, I haven't had sex lately but I sure have had a great life
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    Nov 05, 2012 10:23 PM GMT
    You're doing the right thing man.

    Stick to your guns, and you'll definitely always find someone who has the same moral values as yourself. Just give it some time.

    Always remember, that it's the promiscuous people who end up being alone in the end, not you!

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    Nov 05, 2012 10:28 PM GMT
    grofte saidFuck.
    You.


    I think he's trying to avoid that icon_rolleyes.gif (At least as a hookup)

    FootballHawk, you are doing the right thing. Don't settle just because they just want hookups. Have you tried suggesting a date to some of these guys? Maybe they'll say yes.

    Don't give up, just keep looking for the right guy.
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    Nov 05, 2012 10:35 PM GMT
    I am not sure where you meet people; could it be a vibe that you carry that attracts the type of ppl who only looks for sex?
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    Nov 05, 2012 10:53 PM GMT
    FootballHawk saidI'm trying to figure out I've been single for a while now, not because I haven't had choices but because I keep turning them down.. I feel maybe I should accept these guys and give them a chance but at the same time I feel it would be a waste of time.

    The problem is most of these guys just want sex and I want something more, I'm not attracted to the concept of having sex a priority at all like most guys, I feel it's a waste of time and takes me away from other important things happening in my life, so unless there's a good enough reason just meeting someone randomly for sex feels like bumming around.

    Sometimes I almost have to shoot myself in the foot for turning down the most amazingly super good looking gorgeous jock who are my age but i turn them only cause they simply want to fuck me with no date whatsoever... Please tell me I'm doing the right thing!!! I'm trying to justify these actions but don't have dating wisdom in this case to know im doing the right thing.


    Most of the guys here are just joking/ball busting, but don't sweat it. Never settle! Trust your gut, you will know when the right guy that just does it for you on multiple levels, & is looking for the same things is whom you've met. I'm not saying that you shouldn't make compromises, nobody's perfect, but you will meet the type of guys you're looking for eventually. As cliche as it sounds it will most likely happen when you're not looking. Also I'm not saying you should just hook up with anyone randomly, however sometimes relationships can come out of what initially started as flirting, make out, etc... I've seen it happen with lots of people. Just be open, relax, enjoy your life, & it will eventually happen. Please just don't settle. Everyone ends up unhappy if you do. Good luck buddy!
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Nov 05, 2012 11:41 PM GMT
    smartmoney saidSounds like you have sand in your vagina.


    that's how pearls are made
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    Nov 05, 2012 11:47 PM GMT
    grofte saidFuck.
    You.


    Sorry, but your description of these hot hot guys pursuing you... Made me think that it's a bit of a luxury problem. I am neither getting dates or gorgeous jocks that just want to fuck.
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    Nov 06, 2012 12:13 AM GMT
    calibro said
    smartmoney saidSounds like you have sand in your vagina.


    that's how pearls are made



    would you like a pearl necklace?

    sorry i couldn't help myself icon_lol.gif
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    Nov 06, 2012 12:14 AM GMT
    grofte said
    grofte saidFuck.
    You.


    Sorry, but your description of these hot hot guys pursuing you... Made me think that it's a bit of a luxury problem. I am neither getting dates or gorgeous jocks that just want to fuck.



    aww no worries mate, i understand that but even if you had them you'll realize being bag of meat aint fun either, unless you like that stuff icon_smile.gif
  • kevmoran

    Posts: 1543

    Nov 06, 2012 12:17 AM GMT
    It's pretty rare to find a guy that doesn't want sex. If you find one, send him to me first for inspection...
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Nov 06, 2012 12:19 AM GMT
    FootballHawk said
    calibro said
    smartmoney saidSounds like you have sand in your vagina.


    that's how pearls are made



    would you like a pearl necklace?

    sorry i couldn't help myself icon_lol.gif


    sorry, this bitch here is a classy mother. i only do the best fake diamonds
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 06, 2012 12:24 AM GMT
    kevmoran saidIt's pretty rare to find a guy that doesn't want sex. If you find one, send him to me first for inspection...



    I dint say i dint want sex, i'll give him lots of sex but he needs to also be decent and i have to like him. I don't appreciate guys who expect me to be a booty call.. that is the most annoying thing ever that i will never tolerate and i don't do it out of any of that moral bs
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    Nov 06, 2012 12:27 AM GMT
    So what is the problem? You are getting too much sex and you're still not happy? I don't get it...I wish that was my problem. Unfortunately, some of us aren't getting any and others are getting it ALL and they still bitch and moan. Here's the deal....don't put out babe until you are ready. Why satisfy one bitch if you can't be satisfied yourself? Learn to control your sexual impulse and don't put out to satisfy HIS needs. A relationship is about two people becoming one...a couple. Each other looking out for the other. In your case, each of you are looking out for himself. Sounds very selfish to me. Therefore, don't put out and if he's only interested in you for the sex, then send him my way or the highway. He'll get the hint sooner or later that you want something more. Happy trails...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 06, 2012 12:48 AM GMT
    Date me...I wouldn't wanna have sex with you until I got to know you...getting that intimate...yeah, takes time for me.


    uberick saidI am not sure where you meet people; could it be a vibe that you carry that attracts the type of ppl who only looks for sex?


    #beautifulpeopleproblems
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 06, 2012 1:04 AM GMT
    You're getting older.

    Many gay guys deal with their sexuality through sex, and really are never comfortable with who they are. (I always pre-block picture-less because it means there are issues, plus, it's not fair.)

    It's a numbers game. The more folks you talk to the more the chance you'll find someone who sees The World in the same way.

    Many folks have lost the ability to have an engaging phone, or in person, conversation. "HI, my name is Chuck Gudgel. I live in The Colony and I work for Cisco Systems Advanced Services."

    As you can imagine (not so much on this site, but, several others) I'm inundated with dick pics, sex offers, and all sorts of crude remarks. You have to consider the source: folks who've developed a way of detachment and live from one trick to the next.

    Sex is fun, but, it's sex. Love is love. Intimacy need not involve sex, nor love, because it's neither. Intimacy is more of a comfort level / mutual affection thing and takes time.

    Those just wanting sex, or the being discreet (sneaky, low esteem, creepy) things, are symptoms of underlying issues of intimacy / fear of relationships / self esteem. They are big red flags for what I call head-fucked people. It's not that I haven't been boned by a few of them, but, I understand it for what it is. You need to get to that spot.

    To meet decent folks you need to go to places where there are real people, doing real things. E.g., join a volleyball league, a supper club, bowling league, beer hockey, flag football, cooking club, or whatever. Understand, there's lots of trolling, head fucked, creeps, all over The Internet. You gotta' understand it for what it is: dysfunctional.

    One of the down sides of being what society deems as attractive is that you'll attract a certain level of attention because of it. Embrace it, be kind (while I pre-ignore folks, I never ignore someone who reaches out to me), compassionate, but, firm, and direct. It will serve you well.

    It's amazing....the number of gay folks who have no level of decency, nor decorum....but...as I say...the head fucked trolls lurk within Cyberland. It is what it is.

    If you want a date, ask for it. It's just that simple. Same with fucking. Wanna fuck? Ask the guy. "Wanna' fuck?" Works the same for dating.

    Don't make it more complicated than need be, but, take it for what it is. Many gay guys have issues with closeness. They're afraid, for whatever reason...being hurt...getting caught......feeling guilty...all sorts of b.s.

    Worst thing a guy can say is no. Well...maybe beat you up and say no...but..that's not likely these days...but..I know folks it's happened to..and...that's why I'm out....no mystery.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 06, 2012 1:07 AM GMT
    Truly satisfying, egalitarian relationships turn up once in a lifetime, and only then if you're lucky. The idea that we'd all have one is not very realistic.