4 Relationship Challenges in One Day

  • hiphoplb

    Posts: 1

    Nov 05, 2012 9:51 PM GMT
    Each of the situations below represents challenges that one might face in a gay relationship over the course of an evening. In each situation, you have to balance different, potentially conflicting interests. What choices would you make – if you were pressed to choose one of two different ways – and why?

    Situation 1

    You have decided to invite your relatively new boyfriend (of one month) that you really like to a wedding and a weekend away. It’s a short trip – Friday night through Sunday afternoon – so time, as always, is a precious resource. You get to your destination late Friday and have to be up Saturday morning for the wedding, which will occupy the morning and most of the afternoon. You and your boyfriend get between 5 and 6 hours of sleep given the timing of the arrival and the wedding. You both agree to see a movie after the wedding, and you have also casually agreed to meet with the inviting party: your close friend, his boyfriend and a mutual group friend, all of whom you spend time with at the wedding, later for an evening dinner, sometime around 9pm. The inviting friend is a close friend that you see relatively often and that you and your boyfriend have tentative plans to see next month for part of a birthday weekend. After the movie, your boyfriend indicates he is extremely tired from not getting much sleep in the past two evenings and it is important to him/her to take a nap. The problem is that it is already mid-evening and there is only a little over an hour until the time of the tentatively scheduled dinner. Moreover, your friends want to meet sooner than later because they are getting up in the morning for a previously scheduled cancer walk and you are not sure how late they will be up. You also know that your boyfriend wanted to go out dancing that evening, which for him, and maybe for you, would probably require a nap.

    What do you do? Keep in mind that you can only choose 1 of 2 options and that you have to balance different, conflicting interests. Do you 1. Tell the group that you and your boyfriend are going to nap and you will meet up, but perhaps not at the scheduled time, still allowing time for a drink and socializing but potentially not in time for dinner. Or do you 2. Feel that it is best to meet at a relatively earlier than later time so as to be sure to meet in time for dinner; indicate to your boyfriend in some manner that this is how to proceed; and suggest that perhaps you can still go dancing, but just not late?

    Why did you make the choice you did?

    I would choose option 1. I realize that there are a lot of affected parties, but this is a relatively new relationship, and it would be important for me to try to accommodate my new boyfriend’s need and desire to sleep. Besides, I had seen my friends earlier, and would have opportunity to see them the next day—as well as next month. Dinner would be fun, but meeting for a briefer time would still allow me to see my friends while also accommodating myself and my boyfriend. It would also be important to me to try to support my boyfriend’s interest in going out dancing that same evening. This seems like a way to accommodate everyone’s interests in a fair and balanced way. It wouldn’t seem fair to me to ask or even suggest to my boyfriend that he not have opportunity to rest simply to meet for dinner when the entire group could still meet and socialize.

    Situation 2

    You decide to choose option 2 in Situation 1-- in the sense that you indicated to your boyfriend that you really wanted to be there for dinner. That said, in some sense you didn’t need to, because your boyfriend offered to forsake the nap so as to allow you and he to get to dinner earlier than later.

    You realize that the friend of your friend and boyfriend, let’s call him X, who was at the wedding earlier, who is very flirtatious to the point of sometimes being offensive will be at the dinner. He flirted with your boyfriend during the wedding that same day – and in front of you. You and this X aren’t friends per se, you are more like casual friends, but he is a good friend of your friends. You don’t want to appear jealous and you didn’t want to make a scene – either at the wedding or at dinner. You had a short conversation with your boyfriend at the wedding about X, told your boyfriend that X was flirtatious and could be a problem, and your boyfriend indicated he could take care of himself. The dinner party is seated when you arrive, and X is at the end of the table. He lets you and your boyfriend in.

    Where do you sit: 1. Next to your good friend who invited you to the wedding and to the evening dinner, so that you can catch up and be close. Or 2. Next to X, so that he isn’t immediately next to your boyfriend, making it more difficult to catch up with your close friend?

    Why did you make the choice you did?

    Although I wouldn’t have chosen option 2 above, it would seem to me that it would be important to provide some physical distance between X and my boyfriend if I had the opportunity to do so. I would choose option 1.

    Situation 3

    Let’s say in Situation 2, you decide to sit next to your friend—option 2.

    X flirts with your boyfriend at dinner, as you expected. Your boyfriend is polite, but doesn’t make a big deal of the situation one way or the other. You decide after dinner to go out dancing with your boyfriend, as planned. X also wants and intends to go. You know that X is going to be flirtatious and that X has caused some minor problems for you in the past with friends and boyfriends.

    What do you do? Do you 1. Politely suggest to X that it might not be best that he join you and your boyfriend? 2. Allow him to come along without saying anything, trusting your boyfriend of one month and his ability to handle the situation himself?

    Again, why did you make the choice that you did?

    I would choose option 1. I would indicate to X that my boyfriend and I only have a few hours together as a couple that weekend and politely tell him that we would prefer to go out as a couple. This would allow me to be polite to X, while at the same time preventing any further incident. Besides, my boyfriend has apparently already been patient and accommodating.

    Situation 4

    You proceed with option 2. You trust your boyfriend and you don’t want to make a scene or make anyone uncomfortable.

    You notice that X is flirting with your boyfriend on the dance floor, and this the flirting has potentially become more aggressive than before. Let’s also assume that you decide to then casually say something to X about his behavior. X is now out of the picture, perhaps because he decided to excuse himself. Over the course of the night, you get more intoxicated than you expected, and you become really hungry, tired, and a bit incoherent. You know that when you eat, the night is effectively over for you, but hey, you’re hungry! You realize that it’s still relatively early in the night—a couple of hours before your boyfriend will want to leave.

    What do you do? Do you 1. Suck it up and keep dancing. 2. Try to convince your boyfriend to leave with you, apprising him that you are hungry, tired and that you really would prefer to leave.

    Why did you make the choice that you did?

    Given how polite and accommodating my boyfriend has been -- he sacrificed his nap for me and has had to put up with the annoying X figure -- I would try to give him the opportunity to enjoy himself and the rest of the time we have together as a couple that evening. I would choose option 1.

  • Fable

    Posts: 3866

    Nov 05, 2012 11:36 PM GMT
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Nov 06, 2012 12:08 AM GMT
    first day, first post. sure
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    Nov 06, 2012 12:09 AM GMT
    Break up with the guy for over analyzing everything.
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    Nov 06, 2012 12:23 AM GMT
    Geezus . . . I thought I finished taking my damn midterms.
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    Nov 06, 2012 12:32 AM GMT
    Slim2010 saidGeezus . . . I thought I finished taking my damn midterms.

    I just finished mines last week. Please don't remind me! icon_mad.gificon_cry.gif
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    Nov 06, 2012 1:06 AM GMT
    I totally agree with all your choices
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    Nov 06, 2012 1:09 AM GMT
    I lost the will to live before I got past the heading "Situation 1"
  • bischero

    Posts: 847

    Nov 06, 2012 1:52 AM GMT
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    Nov 06, 2012 3:05 AM GMT
    The opening reminded me of SAW.
    *in creepy Jigsaw voice*
    "What will you decide? Situation 1, or Situation 2?"
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    Nov 06, 2012 4:04 AM GMT
    Only 4 relationships a day?

    Damn newbs...
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    Nov 06, 2012 6:30 AM GMT
    In 10 years, this will be a question on a GRE exam: Analytical writing.
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    Nov 06, 2012 6:34 AM GMT
    Lustolove saidIn 10 years, this will be a question on a GRE exam. Analytical section.

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    Nov 06, 2012 3:19 PM GMT
    How are any of these situations even challenges? Fuck that for a joke. Boringg
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    Nov 06, 2012 3:30 PM GMT
    i read the first block part of sitch one, but damn thats alot to read icon_eek.gif