Breaking up because of chic fil a, right or wrong?

  • winwin

    Posts: 264

    Nov 10, 2012 1:53 PM GMT
    I'm (or was) dating this guy for about a month or so. He is very religious which to me was a little odd from the very beginning since he is gay but I still continued to date him. I felt he was very lonely and needed my companionship. He is still in the closet, was married to a woman with kids (for some reason I always end up with guys who were previously married to women). Like I said he is religous and as long as he does not shove it down my throat that was fine with me until last night when we started talking about chick fil a. We got into an argument (nothing big) but in the end he lost and all he could say was "I still disagree" and said he will continue eating there which is his right to do whatever he wants.

    I decided not to see him anymore knowing he supports chic and quite adamant about it and even called the opponents idiots which I felt like he called me an idiot as well. Am I doing the right thing or the wrong thing?

    Thanks!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 10, 2012 3:40 PM GMT
    Apparently, there are people who would go to bed with the devil for a Chick-Fil-A, so I'd be careful not to dismiss everyone that can't give up their crackwiches.

    OTOH, personal experience taught me that the kind of "religious" you describe is no good. The guys that are gay but carry tons of homophobic baggage tend to act up and out in strange ways.

    I've seriously had one of those guys tell me he was dying of cancer for six months, until a friend of mine saw him on a hookup site while he was supposed to be in a medically induced coma.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 10, 2012 3:49 PM GMT
    I would not date a religious person, you can believe in some higher power that's fine but the moment the guy starts saying things like "because it's in the bible/quran/whatever" for me it will be over.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 10, 2012 3:55 PM GMT
    I don't think it's so much as "right or wrong", but whether or not you are willing to go against your own values and principals. I could never date someone like you describe as it would force me to go completely against what is important to me and I would not be happy or comfortable in the relationship.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Nov 10, 2012 4:05 PM GMT
    i'd say a chicken sandwich is the least of the reasons to break up with the guy
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 10, 2012 4:25 PM GMT


    They guy is a hypocrite... He's religious, supports chic-fil-a and wanted to date, have sex with you? Apparently he's not a good guy for you if he believes what chic-fil-a supports.... anywahs, you did the right thing. If your core values don't match then there was no potential for a relationship to begin with...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 10, 2012 4:28 PM GMT
    mmmm i love some chic fil a. Idc bout what they said, i just go and eat. its not even that serious, its not like when I go in there, tehy gonna poison my food cuz the employees who work there know im gay.
  • alphatop

    Posts: 1955

    Nov 10, 2012 4:31 PM GMT
    whatever3009 saidI would not date a religious person, you can believe in some higher power that's fine but the moment the guy starts saying things like "because it's in the bible/quran/whatever" for me it will be over.



    Agreed. Religious freaks are a big NO-NO in my book.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 10, 2012 4:32 PM GMT
    My guess is that if you really wanted to be with him, Chick-fil-A wouldn't be an issue that would separate you.
  • aznduderocks

    Posts: 67

    Nov 10, 2012 4:37 PM GMT
    There's a new one that opens in my area, and coworker asked me to eat there, I 100% said no. No matter what he said, I am not going to eat there, period!!! I have not eaten there before, but guess what there are quite of good chicken places around ;-)

    In your situation, I would stick to what you believe in. The guy needs to come to his own senses about sexuality and his religious background. Your real issue is not about that chicken place but the fact that you two have different perspectives on homosexuality and religion, and that place is just a good force to make that differences surface.
  • tigrisblue

    Posts: 113

    Nov 10, 2012 4:39 PM GMT
    Religion aside, this seems more like an issue of mutual respect. If he's degrading you with generalizing comments about 'those people who hate CFA,' then he needs a reality check, or you need to move on.

    Likewise, if you're not being fair to him and his opinions, the same applies.

    Personally, I would have communicated my frank feelings to him on the matter and state that if we can't peaceably agree to disagree, then the relationship is over. Especially if he continues to flagrantly eat there knowing my/your feelings about that restaurant chain.

    Then again, you've only been dating a month and change. This is that point when you figure out if it's a good fit, which it seems not to be. So don't torture yourself and stay if it's going to require so much work. There are an abundance of other options.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 10, 2012 5:08 PM GMT
    Chic-fil-A is just a symptom of the BF's beliefs, not the sole cause of the conflict, in my opinion. It's not Chic-fil-A alone but rather a number of incompatibilities between these two that present serious problems, so that this breakup is likely a wise decision.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Nov 10, 2012 5:19 PM GMT
    Well lets be clear.. he probably is just reciting what he's been told, not what he believes.. he probably hasn't developed any of that yet.

    The real mistake here was that the discussion got turned into a political issue (so to speak). I sometimes have a conversation with someone about political or other issues that have different views than I... I never tell them how I see it, I just ask them why they think the way they do and I ask alot of questions. The reality is, I would bet he is clueless and if he isn't, he hasn't heard differing viewpoints!

    I'd ask him out again, you are probably doing him a service (that is, if you like him otherwise). I'd avoid the Chic discussion, but if it comes, up, ask him questions, dont' make it an argument.
  • winwin

    Posts: 264

    Nov 10, 2012 6:17 PM GMT
    Thank you all for the replies! I have decided not to see him any more. We were two different people from the very beginning when we first met but I didn't know how to reject him so I just acted polite and went along. He is extremely religious and I'm not and everytime we sat down to eat at his house or at a restaurant he had to say his prayers before every meal which always made me uncomfortable, and on top of that he would always make comments like, "I said a prayer for you last night for your new job", I really don't need anyone praying for me about anything! I don't love him, I tried to be his friend because he is very lonely but I do know he wants more than just friendship.

    He is still in the closet because of his religious upbringing, so that's the problem and he doesn't realize that.

    Also when we first met, he made it clear that he would always introduce me to his family and friends as a "friend" and I didn't like that then and don't like that now. I'm not going to be anybody's "friend". He wants to have his cake and eat it too,and I don't play that kind of game. I think he is going to be a very lonely old man unless he finds someone who is willing to put up with all that.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 10, 2012 6:19 PM GMT
    I think the worst thing is you are dating a married man. It doesn't matter what he is or how he feels...you shouldn't date someone who is married and wants to hide it from his wife and his kids!...

    And who cares about Chic-Fil-A, if people want to eat it, let them.. Theyll only get fat
  • winwin

    Posts: 264

    Nov 10, 2012 6:22 PM GMT
    crsonoma saidMy guess is that if you really wanted to be with him, Chick-fil-A wouldn't be an issue that would separate you.


    I agree! I don't want to be with him as a couple, just tried to be his friend. If I was in love with him, then this matter would not have been such a big deal because I think there are other bigger problems we could have in our relationship.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Nov 10, 2012 6:22 PM GMT
    You're better off without him, by the sounds of it.
  • winwin

    Posts: 264

    Nov 10, 2012 6:23 PM GMT
    RadRTT saidI think the worst thing is you are dating a married man. It doesn't matter what he is or how he feels...you shouldn't date someone who is married and wants to hide it from his wife and his kids!...

    And who cares about Chic-Fil-A, if people want to eat it, let them.. Theyll only get fat


    He is no longer married, got a divorce a few years ago and still paying child support.
  • winwin

    Posts: 264

    Nov 10, 2012 6:27 PM GMT
    crsonoma saidMy guess is that if you really wanted to be with him, Chick-fil-A wouldn't be an issue that would separate you.


    I agree with you but I don't want to be with him.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 10, 2012 6:30 PM GMT
    I dated a guy named Wayne who was the lead singer in a Christian rock band when I met and dated him. There was something off about him from the start and he broke up with me because he said he's not gay. About 2 years later I see him singing on a pride parade float in West Hollywood. I catch up to him and I ask him what he's been up to and he keeps looking down and motioning to his shirt which said PORNSTAR. I finally say "You're a pornstar?" and he says "Yes." His porn name is Zach Richards. Then a few years after that I saw him back at the Whole Foods on Riverside Drive which is where he worked when we dated. This time he didn't look so good. I think he may have been on drugs by this time.

    In closing, don't date closeted men and especially don't date religious closeted men.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 10, 2012 6:37 PM GMT
    I don't know what Chic Fil A did, but anyone religious is just too crazy for me and it is perfectly ok for you to decide someone isn't approprite for you using whatever criteria you want.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 10, 2012 7:15 PM GMT
    winwin saidI'm (or was) dating this guy for about a month or so. He is very religious which to me was a little odd from the very beginning since he is gay but I still continued to date him. I felt he was very lonely and needed my companionship. He is still in the closet, was married to a woman with kids (for some reason I always end up with guys who were previously married to women). Like I said he is religous and as long as he does not shove it down my throat that was fine with me until last night when we started talking about chick fil a. We got into an argument (nothing big) but in the end he lost and all he could say was "I still disagree" and said he will continue eating there which is his right to do whatever he wants.

    I decided not to see him anymore knowing he supports chic and quite adamant about it and even called the opponents idiots which I felt like he called me an idiot as well. Am I doing the right thing or the wrong thing?

    Thanks!


    If you do in fact feel that strongly about it, and he does in fact feel that strongly about it, then this is probably just one of many many strong conflicts you would continue to have together. I can't tell you whether you're doing the wrong thing or the right thing in this situation. I don't think that kind of binary value condition even applies. You've made the choice you thought was best, now the next step is to continue to make the best out of the choice you've already made.

    Personally, I think the boycott of Chik-fil-a is silly as a political action. If it makes people feel better to do so, there's nothing wrong with that, and in fact there's a very real value in establishing a standard you wish to live by and then gaining self-respect and satisfaction from living by it.

    It's just like a woman I know who refuses to use paper towels because of the environmental impact of all that paper being manufactured then used once very briefly and then going right into the trash. In reality, her individual impact on the amount of deforestation, industrial manufacturing, and landfill, is negligible; and furthermore, in using cloth napkins she is substituting the environmental impacts of the factory farming to produce the cotton, the industrial textile plant that weaves/bleaches the threads, the chemical plant that produces the laundry detergent to wash the napkins, the water treatment facility, etc.

    In the big picture, it may or may not be significantly better for the environment to use cloth towels instead of paper towels. But that's where she chooses to draw the line, and it's a step that she can take which exercises her concern over the environment. Then good for her.

    What does more harm to gay rights -- the few million dollars a fast food CEO donates to some conservative american social org, or the billions of dollars we pump into our vehicles every day which go to prop up regimes like Saudi Arabia and Iran where homosexuals are beheaded/hanged/stoned simply for the crime of existing? Anyone outside of public-transit havens like Chicago, New York, SF, ready to boycott gasoline?

    Modern life is full of paradox, and everything is so turned-around-reverse-interconnected that it's pretty much impossible to live some kind of 100% ideologically consistent pure life. Learning to resolve or manage paradoxes and conflicts of belief/desire is an essential part of psychological maturation. And for me, part of that has required the recognition that others are going through the same process, and I shouldn't be so quick to jump on their hypocrisies when I still have some of my own to struggle with.
  • winwin

    Posts: 264

    Nov 10, 2012 7:34 PM GMT
    dragondevil said

    They guy is a hypocrite... He's religious, supports chic-fil-a and wanted to date, have sex with you? Apparently he's not a good guy for you if he believes what chic-fil-a supports.... anywahs, you did the right thing. If your core values don't match then there was no potential for a relationship to begin with...


    Yes he is a hypocrite. I never had sex with him and never will, not attracted to him sexually nor physically. I do know he wants more than just friendship and companionship.He had made it very clear to me since we met. He wants to grow old together as a couple but only inside the house, and we will just be friends outside the house. I should have stopped seeing him after the first date.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 10, 2012 7:46 PM GMT
    there is no changing a man and there is no cure for a fool

    you did your best but if he is unwilling to change then youll be wasting your time

    your best bet is to move on and hope that maybe you leaving him as a friend is enough to kick start a change in his life to get his priorities in order

    but in the big picture it sounds like this is the part where you part ways because there is really no more you can do for him now.

    that being said I mean this for all the other strange behvour listed, no because he supports a chicken joint
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 10, 2012 7:58 PM GMT
    I'm sensing dissatisfaction in general from the OP in his relationship and that the chic-fil-a was merely the straw that broke the camel's back. Honestly you'll be fine moving on as long as you admit to yourself that you were just dissatisfied with the relationship and not that the reason you broke up was because of what you told us.