Do you believe in an Open Relationship or Monogamy?

  • uncgymguy

    Posts: 27

    Nov 11, 2012 7:05 AM GMT
    I recently read an article about gay men prefer an open relationship to monogamy. It said that it builds for a healthier relationship and can last longer if it is open.

    I remember growing up in San Francisco that it was one of the issues that people had about gay men, their promiscuity. What are your thoughts?
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    Nov 11, 2012 7:09 AM GMT
    My thoughts are you should do what ever you are most happy and comfortable doing. If you personally feel that an open relationship is going to be amazing for you then do it.

    If you feel that an open relationship wouldn't be right for you then you shouldn't do it.

    And never should anyone feel forced into the situation of doing one or the other when they truly believe it isn't right for them.

    I personally for me wont have an open relationship and any guy who wants to be with me will need to accept that it's purely monogamous and none other. could that change after being together for ten years.. sure it could but don't count on it.
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Nov 11, 2012 7:27 AM GMT
    I've been in both. Of the two, the open relationship was the more challenging. It was alright when we played together but when we played separately, it brought up all sorts of trust issues. The fundamental rule was NO SECRETS. If either of us did anything with someone separately, we had to tell the other about it. I know some couples prefer just the opposite -- 'do what you want but don't tell me about it'.
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    Nov 11, 2012 7:43 AM GMT
    Strictly monogamous. Relationships are more than just good feelings (both mental & physical), it's a journey. I expect monogamy to be hard. I expect temptation. I expect trials, and hardships. They are what discipline me, they are what make me a more profound and astute individual. It's through the strength and character of an amazing partner that allows monogamy to flurish. When I'm weak, he's strong and vice versa.

    It's easy to chase those "good feelings", it's not easy to be faithful and enduring with one person. But if you find the right person, that journey is one for the ages.

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    Nov 11, 2012 8:02 AM GMT
    Personally, I think monogamy is the best answer.

    However, there may be certain people/circumstances in which an open relationship would be acceptable. (Like if one partner didn't want sex, and understood he other partners "needs")

    Honestly, I don't like the idea of an open relationship, but that's just because I don't think that would work for me.
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    Nov 11, 2012 8:06 AM GMT
    I take what I get.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Nov 11, 2012 8:18 AM GMT
    Must be a big city thing
  • Kriss

    Posts: 690

    Nov 11, 2012 3:32 PM GMT
    Monogamy....two people in a relationship,
    two people intent on building something together. I don't know I've seen some bits and pieces of what an Open relationship is like and it always seems like someone is crying or hurting but to afraid to say anything.

    That's the worst thing to see someone going through. It's understandable that we are human but if you love someone won't you be willing to put up with some of their issues, and give up some of your own self gratifying needs to make it work? Then again I haven't been in a relationship...I'm just a casual observer of the things that seem to work and things that don't work so well lol
  • alphatop

    Posts: 1955

    Nov 11, 2012 3:36 PM GMT
    I don't believe in any of that, and I've been in both. Now, totally prefer single status.
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    Nov 11, 2012 3:39 PM GMT
    personally i dont believe in open relationships, but whatever floats your boat- as long as its healthy and happy.
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    Nov 11, 2012 3:45 PM GMT
    If you know in your heart that you cannot possibly be monogamous, why go through the charade? You and your partner would be better off having an open relationship if cheating is inevitable.
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    Nov 11, 2012 4:15 PM GMT
    Well I've always been naturally monogamous but my relationships have never lasted long enough for me to be objective. I think there are a lot of relationships that I would say fall in between these two options. I think most people would want the fairy tail relationship that a select few actually achieve where neither party ever cheats because they are so satisfied with their love and time in bed they see no point. But most couples I know who claim to be monogamous cheat on each other. This to me is the worst option as I don't like deceit and value honesty above all. At the other extreme are the open relationships where neither party stops cruising and trolling the internet for sex. That makes me wonder why they wouldn't prefer to be single and just call each other fuck buddies.

    What I want is an honest respectful affection loving constructive relationship with great sex. If I could find all those qualities in a relationship I wouldn't care if I was not his only partner. You know what I believe. Is if I were so lucky as to find such an ideal, the relationship would naturally approach monogamy even if it did not start out that way.
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    Nov 11, 2012 4:16 PM GMT
    I think it's up to each couple to determine the type of relationship that works best for their situation.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Nov 11, 2012 4:19 PM GMT
    my thoughts are that anyone who asks this question again should be thrown into a pit of zombie unicorns
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    Nov 11, 2012 4:21 PM GMT
    Do you believe in an Open Relationship or Monogamy?

    I believe in what 2 guys mutually agree is best for them. Some of our gay friends have open relationships, and have been together for decades, very happy & stable couples. I'm only happy with monogamy for myself, and wouldn't partner with a guy who didn't practice the same thing.
  • Kagse

    Posts: 261

    Nov 11, 2012 4:22 PM GMT
    lilTanker saidMy thoughts are you should do what ever you are most happy and comfortable doing. If you personally feel that an open relationship is going to be amazing for you then do it.

    If you feel that an open relationship wouldn't be right for you then you shouldn't do it.

    And never should anyone feel forced into the situation of doing one or the other when they truly believe it isn't right for them.

    I personally for me wont have an open relationship and any guy who wants to be with me will need to accept that it's purely monogamous and none other. could that change after being together for ten years.. sure it could but don't count on it.


    Well said, exactly what I think. Depends entirely on the couple.
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    Nov 11, 2012 4:26 PM GMT
    ART_DECO saidDo you believe in an Open Relationship or Monogamy?

    I believe in what 2 guys mutually agree is best for them. Some of our gay friends have open relationships, and have been together for decades, very happy & stable couples. I'm only happy with monogamy for myself, and wouldn't partner with a guy who didn't practice the same thing.

    This.

    It's why I cannot do simple hookups or friends with benefits. I cling far too easily to become invested in a one time deal while being a bit jealous. Hell, I get jealous by thinking of guys I don't know hooking up with other guys and then consciously thinking what a dirty stupid cheater he is. icon_lol.gif
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Nov 11, 2012 4:27 PM GMT
    I think gay men are told they aren't able to be monogamous and they start to believe it.
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    Nov 11, 2012 4:30 PM GMT
    I have too much of a bitchy jealous side for an open relationship icon_lol.gificon_lol.gif I want my guy allllll to myself....
  • mr_bijae

    Posts: 229

    Nov 11, 2012 4:32 PM GMT
    lilTanker saidMy thoughts are you should do what ever you are most happy and comfortable doing. If you personally feel that an open relationship is going to be amazing for you then do it.


    I agree with Tanker. I know several couples that have an open relationship and they are very happy together and successful at it. I also know a few couples that have veen with only each other for many years and are equally happy. I also know several trio relationships that have worked for many years, some open and some closed. The nice thing about living an alternative lifestyle is you can do what feels best for you. When you are with a partner then you should communicate clearly about what it is that makes you happy and work toward your future together.

    The question is "Do you believe in ..." I believe that they are both viable options for a relationship.
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    Nov 11, 2012 4:33 PM GMT
    i couldn't do an open relationship, i am a monogamist type of guy.
  • rac4437

    Posts: 105

    Nov 11, 2012 4:36 PM GMT
    Definitely... Monogamy! icon_smile.gif
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    Nov 11, 2012 4:49 PM GMT
    Psychologists are open about this mater. They said waterier decision should be an agreement between both partners. This applies for both gays and straights couples; whatever the couple selects will be fine. In my personal opinion I would prefer the monogamous and a commitment to build a strong relation based not only in sex but in every other single value that make us, the human beings unique. And yes, sex will fade during the aging process because it is a normal physiological process. The sex appetite can be lowered as the organ system get older, and then love, truly love based in respect, mutual admiration, and the values we appreciate in our partner will be stronger. Promiscuity will only put the couple to a risk of STDS (Sexual Transmitted Diseases), just my opinion.
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    Nov 11, 2012 5:28 PM GMT
    You talking about monogamous sex or monogamous love? Many believe in monogamy only because they can't think out of the puritan box to believe that anyone can do anything that's different then 'the way it was when I grew up'.

    It's more about doing what works for you. Cheating and divorce are high in the str8 community. The reason often has to do with the lack of openness and communications between couples, this includes sexual needs and desires that when suppressed in a monogamous relationship get addressed in a negative way.

    Every relationship is different, each needs to define their own accepted boundaries for openness in sex, finance, socializing, everything.
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    Nov 11, 2012 5:33 PM GMT
    I would never judge an open relationship but I personally believe in monogamy