Beautiful Charlie aka the British MMA Guy: Sad Update

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    Nov 11, 2012 10:50 PM GMT
    I would like to step out of character for a minute to break some sad news. As many of ya'll know, I had recently posted much about a British MMA fighter friend/fuckbud/potential BF that I was developing/had feelings for, well I just found out last night he had decided to take his own life. Needless to say I am in shock. No one person has managed to change my life in such a short time span than he has.


    I had mentioned that he had some "issues" to work out but didn't reveal everything to me. As much as I tried to be there for him he kept me at arm's distance. Well, I guess his demons were to much to bare on this earth.

    I usually try to keep real personal stuff like this off the internetz but figured that since I had talked about him so much on here, it would only be fair for me to finish his (our) story. Never in a million years did I think this story would end like this. It breaks my heart.

    To all the naysayers who said he was just a figment of my imagination, I would like to reveal he was not.

    So fellow RealJockers, I would like to present to you Charlie. To me, he will always be the most perfect man in the world. I hope you find the peace you were looking for big guy.


    Beautiful beautiful Charlie, I wish you would have told me what was on your mind

    I love you Charlie......





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    Nov 11, 2012 10:53 PM GMT
    I'm really sorry for your loss. Big hug.
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    Nov 11, 2012 10:58 PM GMT
    Im sorry to hear of your loss! *HUG*
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Nov 11, 2012 11:00 PM GMT
    Wow ... so very sad icon_cry.gif
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    Nov 11, 2012 11:04 PM GMT
    jmusmc85 saidI would like to step out of character for a minute to break some sad news. As many of ya'll know, I had recently posted much about a British MMA fighter friend/fuckbud/potential BF that I was developing feelings for, well I just found out last night he had decided to take his own life. Needless to say I am in shock. No one person has managed to change my life is such a short time span than he has.

    I had mentioned that he had some "issues" to work out but didn't reveal everything to me. As much as I tried to be there for him he kept me at arm's distance. Well, I guess his demons were to much to bare on this earth.

    To all the naysayers who said he was just a figment of my imagination, I would like to reveal he was not.

    So fellow RealJockers, I would like to present to you Charlie Collins. To me, he will always be the most perfect man in the world. I hope you find the peace you were looking for big guy.


    I love you Charlie......


    IMG_6150.jpeg





    I am so sorry for your loss, a hug from me also.
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    Nov 11, 2012 11:20 PM GMT
    jmusmc85 saidI would like to step out of character for a minute to break some sad news. As many of ya'll know, I had recently posted much about a British MMA fighter friend/fuckbud/potential BF that I was developing feelings for, well I just found out last night he had decided to take his own life. Needless to say I am in shock. No one person has managed to change my life is such a short time span than he has.

    I had mentioned that he had some "issues" to work out but didn't reveal everything to me. As much as I tried to be there for him he kept me at arm's distance. Well, I guess his demons were to much to bare on this earth.

    To all the naysayers who said he was just a figment of my imagination, I would like to reveal he was not.

    So fellow RealJockers, I would like to present to you Charlie Collins. To me, he will always be the most perfect man in the world. I hope you find the peace you were looking for big guy.


    I love you Charlie......


    IMG_6150.jpeg





    OH MY GOD!! I'm so sorry for your loss...
    icon_cry.gif *hug x100*
    I'm sure I speak for most when I say we're all here for you if you need to talk
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    Nov 11, 2012 11:21 PM GMT
    Thanks guys. I'm a mess right now.

    The last thing I ever said to him was "Are you feeling better Charlie?" When I knew he was going through some issues.

    I don't know what to do with myself. I have a thousand different emotions going through my head.

    I'm sad. Angry. Confused.


    A part of me wishes I had never met him because he has caused so much worry and heartache in the few months I knew him. But another part of me is grateful to see that there still are wonderful guys out there for me despite the way things went with my last relationship.

    I'm heartbroken....
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    Nov 11, 2012 11:27 PM GMT
    Gosh I'm so sorry to hear that! *hugs*

    Such sadness and sorrow. May he find solace
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    Nov 11, 2012 11:32 PM GMT
    I am so sorry. I cannot believe this happened. It's so sad that his issues got the better of him. My condolences go out to you and his family.
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    Nov 12, 2012 12:00 AM GMT
    Sorry to see this news. I hope his soul finds peace, and that you find the strength to move forward.

    Big hug,
    John
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    Nov 12, 2012 12:11 AM GMT
    I'm very sorry to read about this. icon_sad.gificon_sad.gificon_sad.gif
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    Nov 12, 2012 12:13 AM GMT
    That's unfortunate.

    The demons can be tough to deal with. You become so consumed with them that it feels like you're in a constant state of struggle with everything around you. No light in the dark. Hopefully, he'll find some peace.
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    Nov 12, 2012 12:20 AM GMT
    I keep looking back at our texts and I can see something is obviously wrong, but he always told me he was dealing with them. It kills me to know he was going through this much pain. I would have been there in a heartbeat if he would have just let me know what was wrong.


    Anyways, this is just my place to vent for the next few days/weeks/years/ It's nice to get somethings off my chest.

    This is just a tragic situation on all ends. He was one of the first guys I met in Florida.

    Coulda, shoulda, woulda, keeps going through my mind right now. What could have become of this????

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    Nov 12, 2012 12:30 AM GMT
    *hugs* icon_sad.gif

    I can tell you from experience, when a friend is on the verge of suicide, there is no way to know. Different people have different struggles, and some struggles are simply too much to bare.

    Everyone has struggles. Some voice them more than others. Those who don't voice them are the ones I worry about. And the catch22 is that if you try to bring it up, they distance themselves from you and repress it even deeper.

    You never had a chance of helping him. If he wanted help, he would have asked. You did an incredible job just by being his friend and being there for him till the end.
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    Nov 12, 2012 12:34 AM GMT
    FUUUUUCCCKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest. I was crazy about this guy. I really thought we stood a chance. I can't even look at his pictures now because it's just too much.

    I felt like everything about him was beautiful. Why couldn't he see this?
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    Nov 12, 2012 12:52 AM GMT
    I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. He probably wanted to protect you from his demons, that's why he kept you at arms length. I don't think there is anything you could have done. Sometimes the desire to die is so powerful that everything else is blocked out. And absolutely nothing is visible on the outside. Charlie needed professional help and did not get it or got it to late.

    I'm sorry you have to go through this.
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    Nov 12, 2012 12:56 AM GMT
    I'm really sorry icon_sad.gif *hug*
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    Nov 12, 2012 1:02 AM GMT
    Ugh. I feel so numb right now. He was literally the embodiment of what I wanted in a partner. He was beautiful inside and out. I remember our first conversation vividly and was so charmed by his aura. He was a perfect British gentleman. I have been talking to a few guys on RJ through email and they can vouch I was head over heels for this guy.

    I just found out a few hours ago and it all seems surreal. I'm literally just staring at the computer screen right now. I just don't know what to do. Actually, I just want to curl up in a little ball and die.
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    Nov 12, 2012 1:10 AM GMT
    No doubt you feel the hurt and pain. Its going to be like that for while, but please also look at the good that was in him and forge forward.

    This will seems like an empty gesture, but you will meet someone who is going to be similar to him and you will be happy.


    When I feel down and don't want a particular cheerful song but still gives you hope , I listen to this song.
    I hope this song with give you something as it does for me.

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    Nov 12, 2012 1:33 AM GMT
    Fivealive saidNo doubt you feel the hurt and pain. Its going to be like that for while, but please also look at the good that was in him and forge forward.

    This will seems like an empty gesture, but you will meet someone who is going to be similar to him and you will be happy.


    When I feel down and don't want a particular cheerful song but still gives you hope , I listen to this song.
    I hope this song with give you something as it does for me.



    I can only hope so. He was a rare breed. I feel honored he would even fancy me much less meet me. icon_neutral.gif
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    Nov 12, 2012 1:39 AM GMT
    Time heals all wounds. Scars may remain but only serve as a reminder for the journey traveled
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    Nov 12, 2012 2:31 AM GMT
    Fivealive saidTime heals all wounds. Scars may remain but only serve as a reminder for the journey traveled


    I know. Doesn't make the road any easier though...icon_neutral.gif
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    Nov 12, 2012 3:32 AM GMT
    I am so sorry for your loss, jmusmc85. I have lost many loved ones in my life and know that the days to come will not be easy. I hope that you can find peace in your thoughts, and that you will remember him with grace. As you have stated, he influenced you greatly, keep him close to you by remembering all that you learned from him.

    Hang in there. We are all a post away.
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    Nov 12, 2012 3:36 AM GMT
    I'm very sorry for your loss.

    I went through a similar experience earlier this year and all I can tell you is that time truly does heal. The pain never goes away but it lessens and lessens. Remember the good stuff.
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    Nov 12, 2012 3:38 AM GMT
    World24 saidI am so sorry for your loss, jmusmc85. I have lost many loved ones in my life and know that the days to come will not be easy. I hope that you can find peace in your thoughts, and that you will remember him with grace. As you have stated, he influenced you greatly, keep him close to you by remembering all that you learned from him.

    Hang in there. We are all a post away.


    Thanks for the kind words. Like I said, I feel honored that he would even look my way, much less want to date. I still never got that date he promised.....

    HA....ok I'm in tears now but this is one of his last messages to me.....


    ME: i doubt you will tell him whats bothering you but trust me when I say I'm good people

    Charlie: its just stuff i need to sort out, trust me im dealing with it