Is it OK to date someone that you are (kinda) related to?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 06, 2008 5:00 PM GMT
    I just read on some other site that one guy happened to found out that he & his bf are related.icon_eek.gifWell,not that close.Their grandfathers(one from father`s side,the other from mother`s) are cousins.His bf seems really bothered by this and didn`t want to see him anymore.But the guy that posted still wants him.


    I wondered what`s your guys take on this?If it`s not ok,why?And if it is OK,where will you draw the line?
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    Sep 06, 2008 6:53 PM GMT
    That's the kind of excuse I'd give a guy who I was looking to break up with, honestly.

    What I'm saying is I don't think the problem is that the grandparents are related, so the guy needs to sit down and have a talk with this other guy to see what the problem actually is.
  • Squarejaw

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    Sep 06, 2008 7:17 PM GMT
    If someone can explain to me why two consenting adults shouldn't date each other even if they're brothers, I'd be much obliged.
  • auryn

    Posts: 2061

    Sep 06, 2008 7:29 PM GMT
    Because, Squarejaw, their babies could come out with deformities and/or mental handicaps. icon_rolleyes.gif

    Oh wait, we're talking about same-sex couples... never mind. icon_lol.gif

    (yes, I was kidding)
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    Sep 06, 2008 7:36 PM GMT
    As long as we don't find you at the bottom of a huge huddle of cousins and brothers, having to pick them off of you left and right.
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    Sep 06, 2008 7:56 PM GMT
    Squarejaw saidIf someone can explain to me why two consenting adults shouldn't date each other even if they're brothers, I'd be much obliged.


    I agree with you, though it's still strange. I would break up with a relative, but that's just me.
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    Sep 06, 2008 8:03 PM GMT

    Depends on what kinds of boundaries you people enjoy in your life. For me, I like clear boundaries between family and bed mates. To me, both relationships can create a very valuable bond between two people, but those bonds are very different and complete with a whole seperate set of emotions/affection/love. I for one would never want to feel the same feelings I feel for a lover for a brother. Actually, damn...didn't want to devulge this, i've been there. It's a place that is very dark and hard to explain. Plainly put, a bond has already been set between you and him as you are brothers: I think overlaying a romantic bond over it just was simply overload. Furthermore, there is no future in dating your brother. Dating, lol, let's face it: fucking your brother. And, we all know relationships based just on sex often crumble ugly. If you don't mind ruining a perfectly good family bond with a loved one, go ahead, shag away.

    This example though is not like the OP's example. Those guys didn't know and weren't closely related. They don't have any past or deep seated familiar emotions to get in the way. However, if they were brothers having been raised together. I wouldn't recommend it. A familiar bond is something sacred that should be protected and kept pure not corrupted by things like pure sexual desire, lust, or passion.
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    Sep 06, 2008 8:24 PM GMT
    Squarejaw saidIf someone can explain to me why two consenting adults shouldn't date each other even if they're brothers, I'd be much obliged.



    EEWWWW....Having sex with one of my brothers? I can't get a handle around that. I don't feel sexual passion for my brothers. EWWWW! It's like thinking about your mom and dad having sex. EEWWW.
  • Koaa2

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    Sep 06, 2008 8:29 PM GMT
    My best friend and his first cousin were lovers for 16 years. Made for some interesting family stories. They were open to all and never had any problems from anyone.
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    Sep 06, 2008 9:01 PM GMT
    As 2 consenting same sex adults... don't think it's such a big deal. Most of the "rules" about this type of thing have something to do w/birth defects... though I'm not sleeping w/my brother, NO WAY... There are a couple cousins that, well, I'd prb go for it...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 06, 2008 11:01 PM GMT
    There's a cousin I would go for. Tall, built, blonde and he builds race cars. Mmmmm
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    Sep 06, 2008 11:50 PM GMT
    I would brake up. To me, its just all types of wrong. I was watching a show ( on Logo or Here network). And there were two half brothers that were in a relationship. To me that is just gross.
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    Sep 07, 2008 12:21 AM GMT
    Let's they had the same great-great-grandparents....that makes them

    hmmm..
    great great grandparents
    > great grand parents = siblings
    >> grand parents = cousins
    >>> parents = second cousins
    >>>> selves = third cousins

    ...third cousins
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 07, 2008 12:26 AM GMT
    Wedding between royalty used to be within relatives
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    Sep 07, 2008 12:44 AM GMT
    If I didn't know the person I'm dating is related to me when we start out, I would continue dating them even after knowing. It's not like either one of us is going to be giving birth to babies with birth defects anyway... =(
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    Sep 07, 2008 12:47 AM GMT
    From the way you describe it, they're not even related by blood right? They're kinda like second cousins in law or something like that.

    I fully expect to be vilified for what I'm about to say, but I think gays and lesbians should be able to date even their brother. As was already mentioned, they can't have kids anyway, and that's the ONLY logical reason not to have an incestuous relationship.

    You can come up with pseudo-moral reasons, or cultural reason, but the only reason based on scientific fact is that genetic deformities are common among incestuous relationships.

    Besides, God condoned incest in the Bible, in Genesis, when he let Lot's daughters get him drunk and have sex with him, since they thought they were the last people left on earth after Sodom and Gomorrah got nuked. If God opposed incest, he would have killed them I would think, I mean he just nuked a town for being inhospitable, I would think incest would be worse, right? But I digress.

    If someone can present a good scientific reason why gay dudes or lesbians can't date their relatives, I would be happy to hear it and consider it.
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    Sep 07, 2008 12:49 AM GMT
    gymguy1 saidI would brake up. To me, its just all types of wrong. I was watching a show ( on Logo or Here network). And there were two half brothers that were in a relationship. To me that is just gross.


    Many people find homosexuality "just gross." Don't you care you're being a hypocrite? I'm not going to take a position whether gay incest is wrong or not here, but if you're going to condemn them then you need an actual justification in some deeper moral theory. "Just gross" doesn't cut it.
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    Sep 07, 2008 12:56 AM GMT
    Auryn saidBecause, Squarejaw, their babies could come out with deformities and/or mental handicaps. icon_rolleyes.gif

    Oh wait, we're talking about same-sex couples... never mind. icon_lol.gif

    (yes, I was kidding)


    So, incest is ok as long as you don't have babies. I mean, my parents are brother and sister and their sexual relationship is ok because they use protection. Granted, they are also Catholic and don't believe in contraception and use the rhythm method for protection. There was bound to be a few mistakes.
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    Sep 07, 2008 4:10 AM GMT
    As gay men and women, we do not have any reason at all why the incest taboo should be in place for us, except of course, possible psychological damage. As long as they are happy and no one is forcing anyone, I don't see why not.

    But yeah eeew on my own brother. LOL. But I do have this cousin... icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 07, 2008 4:29 AM GMT
    The incest taboo predates any explicit mention of birth defects.

    Interestingly, it is related to the foundation of "modern" psychology. Freud's thinking is grounded in the Oedipus myth as written by Sophocles -- a tale of incest. Freud, in one of the essays in "Totem and Taboo," theorizes (as I recall) that the taboo is in place to keep the son from submitting to his sexual attraction to his mother and committing patricide to get his father out of the way. He calls these two laws, against incest and patricide, the foundation of civilization and describes their evolution in terms of the "primal horde."

    It's an interesting, if kooky theory. If you don't take it literally, it is about creating and maintaining order in families without the insanity of sexual attraction and competition.
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    Sep 07, 2008 4:47 AM GMT
    obscenewish saidThe incest taboo predates any explicit mention of birth defects.

    Interestingly, it is related to the foundation of "modern" psychology. Freud's thinking is grounded in the Oedipus myth as written by Sophocles -- a tale of incest. Freud, in one of the essays in "Totem and Taboo," theorizes (as I recall) that the taboo is in place to keep the son from submitting to his sexual attraction to his mother and committing patricide to get his father out of the way. He calls these two laws, against incest and patricide, the foundation of civilization and describes their evolution in terms of the "primal horde."

    It's an interesting, if kooky theory. If you don't take it literally, it is about creating and maintaining order in families without the insanity of sexual attraction and competition.


    What could've started it then?

    Encouragement to intermarry between clans? icon_confused.gif

    How about the opposite, Electra complex? hehe though women are far less likely to commit matricide. heh. Freud is indeed kooky. But yeah, I do see his point. Sexual competition destroys the cooperation of the family unit.

    And also interesting to note that even the traditonal ancient greek practice of pederasty had an incest limitation. The older man must not be of immediate family to the youth.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 07, 2008 5:02 AM GMT
    Well, we could go further. Since Freud, in a theory he later abandoned, initially associated homosexuality with an unresolved Oedipus Complex, you could argue that homosexuality is also a means of prohibiting incest since it supposedly arrests normal heterosexual development (by which attraction to the mother, in the presence of a weak father, could be consummated).

    "The Electra Complex" is a Jungian term. Freud's description of the Oedipal formulation between daughter and father is just bizarre at best, since it depends on the notion of penis envy and the assumption that mommy has caused the girl to be castrated, etc. The effect is the same -- to prohibit incest.



  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 07, 2008 5:11 AM GMT
    I wonder if Freud could even look at a banana and not think Dick! LOL
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 07, 2008 5:16 AM GMT
    Sedative saidI wonder if Freud could even look at a banana and not think Dick! LOL


    Sometimes a banana is just a banana.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 07, 2008 6:36 AM GMT
    well, I lost my cherry to my Uncle. It was damn hot too.