Not finding a place in the gay world

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 06, 2008 5:20 PM GMT
    Maybe dance clubs aren't the place to start finding new friends but what choice does a guy have when a "date" is way beyond the commitment level of the gay population.
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    Sep 06, 2008 5:30 PM GMT
    Alpha13 saidMaybe dance clubs aren't the place to start finding new friends but what choice does a guy have when a "date" is way beyond the commitment level of the gay population.


    I assume you mean "gay" friends?

    Volunteer for a gay-sponsored charity, join a gay hiking, running or sports league, join a gay club or activities group. There are lots of ways to meet new people... but you need to get out there - put yourself out there.
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    Sep 06, 2008 5:33 PM GMT
    You know I've had a very hard time with the same thing. It's seems that men that come out when they're younger naturally start forming friendships in the gay community when they are young and many of those friendships seem to carry on throughout life.

    But being a man that came out in his late 30's, I've pretty much just maintained the friendships of my straight friends but really have not made many gay friends. It may have something to do with having kids so I'm not always able to go out etc on the weekends.

    I've pretty much figured out though that what I've been doing is sitting back and waiting for friends to come to me instead of me going out and meeting some guys. So I guess that the responsibility is really with me.
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    Sep 06, 2008 6:14 PM GMT
    Bars are a lousy place to make friends. People are there for many different reasons; to dance, to drink, to hang out with friends, to talk to people, to people watch, to hook up, etc. In a different context, you may get on great with them, but there and then no chance!

    What are you interested in? Join an LGBT group -- a political, reading, sports or outdoors or *whatever* group that aligns with your interests and you instantly gain much better odds on finding people who have things in common with you.

    I would say that a great number, perhaps even a majority, of the LGBT population do not regularly frequent bars.

    And there *is* a place for you in gay society. You *are* a part of it just because you're being gay. What you do affects *all* of us and what we do affects *you*. If you don't like what you see, be the change you want to happen.
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    Sep 06, 2008 6:21 PM GMT
    At this point in my life, I feel comfortable moving around in both gay and straight circles. maybe it is easier in a big city like mine, because you have no other choice but to interact, socialize and live with so many people.

    In terms of going out....clubs......I feel comfortable in both settings.

    I used to feel alienated by gay society, and straight society, and to some extent, still reject the bullshit from both camps, but now I feel part of both.....which probably means I'm just a person who lives and breathes just like anyone else.
  • Koaa2

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    Sep 06, 2008 6:34 PM GMT
    Alpha13 saidMaybe dance clubs aren't the place to start finding new friends but what choice does a guy have when a "date" is way beyond the commitment level of the gay population.


    San Francisco has many alternatives to the clubs and bars. I can only think of 1 or 2 cities that have equal to offer.

    I think it is up to you to get out and join some of the organizations, sport groups, etc to meet people. I lived in SF for a while, and there was more than enough opportunities to meet people in a positive environment.
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    Sep 06, 2008 11:13 PM GMT
    Search meetup.com for local gay couples or singles activity groups. Worked for us.
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    Sep 06, 2008 11:29 PM GMT
    I have met a lot of great friends playing gay softball. In the bay area there are tons of non-bar gay activities.

    Pick one or two, learn something new and get out an make connections with people.
  • TexanMan82

    Posts: 893

    Sep 06, 2008 11:55 PM GMT
    Alpha13 saidMaybe dance clubs aren't the place to start finding new friends but what choice does a guy have when a "date" is way beyond the commitment level of the gay population.


    Methinks you are too jaded and skeptical. Do you really expect to find people looking for lifelong partners in a bar? Take personal responsibility in the fact that you aren't really trying to find your niche. No one is going to look for it for you.
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    Sep 07, 2008 12:22 AM GMT
    Someone mentioned earlier that bars are lousy places to meet friends. I agree somewhat. There are friendships that i have formed in a bar but it rarely has ever extended outside the bar. Never have figured that one out yet.

    My few gay friends have been introduced to me via gay sports or even straight friends. True it is more difficult to meet gay friends but there is always a spattering of us that we may meet through common non-gay interests.

    Good Luck!icon_smile.gif
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    Sep 07, 2008 3:37 AM GMT
    ruck_us saidSearch meetup.com for local gay couples or singles activity groups. Worked for us.


    funny .I checked the meetup.com The only group for gay people was a COUPLES site.
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    Sep 07, 2008 3:43 AM GMT
    TigerTim saidBars are a lousy place to make friends. People are there for many different reasons; to dance, to drink, to hang out with friends, to talk to people, to people watch, to hook up, etc. In a different context, you may get on great with them, but there and then no chance!

    What are you interested in? Join an LGBT group -- a political, reading, sports or outdoors or *whatever* group that aligns with your interests and you instantly gain much better odds on finding people who have things in common with you.

    I would say that a great number, perhaps even a majority, of the LGBT population do not regularly frequent bars.

    And there *is* a place for you in gay society. You *are* a part of it just because you're being gay. What you do affects *all* of us and what we do affects *you*. If you don't like what you see, be the change you want to happen.



    Ditto -- verbatim.