Abusive relationships

  • gyno1988

    Posts: 4

    Nov 12, 2012 7:31 AM GMT
    So my mind is trying to rap around the thought of dating a person that says " I love you " with a closed fist. Is love truly that powerful that people can just learn to live with being hit just cause your man had a rough day ? I find the thought of hitting my lover for no reason sickening, but idk everyone has there situations and reasons why they lash out i guess.


    But my question is would you ?
    STAY OR GO
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 12, 2012 7:33 AM GMT
    gyno1988 saidI find the thought of hitting my lover for no reason sickening

    I find the idea disgusting for any reason!

    You simply don't there is no more discussion to be had on it!

    And if they hit you then out the door they go no questions asked, no apologies needed, no forgiveness given.
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Nov 12, 2012 7:37 AM GMT
    lilTanker said
    gyno1988 saidI find the thought of hitting my lover for no reason sickening

    I find the idea disgusting for any reason!

    You simply don't there is no more discussion to be had on it!

    And if they hit you then out the door they go no questions asked, no apologies needed, no forgiveness given.

    ^^^ Exactly.

    No excuses. Set the boundary and keep it strong.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 12, 2012 7:45 AM GMT
    Go. Simple as that


    I've been hit only one time but threw a plate of hot grits at my then boyfriend and moved on.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 12, 2012 2:12 PM GMT
    Violence is never the answer especially in a relationship. One should leave and report it to the police. This would allow for processing restraint orders, etc. There is no excuse other than self-defense to lay hands on another person.
  • alphatop

    Posts: 1955

    Nov 12, 2012 2:14 PM GMT
    RUN. Literally. I was in abusive LTR, and ......run while you can. And don't ever look back.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 12, 2012 2:30 PM GMT
    gyno1988 saidSo my mind is trying to rap around the thought of dating a person that says " I love you " with a closed fist. Is love truly that powerful that people can just learn to live with being hit just cause your man had a rough day ? I find the thought of hitting my lover for no reason sickening, but idk everyone has there situations and reasons why they lash out i guess.


    But my question is would you ?
    STAY OR GO


    Honestly, I don't know what I'd do in the situation unless I was actually in it. I've said dozens of times my limits were cheating and abuse. Sadly I've stayed with the cheating. Well, let me clarify, I went back with the cheating. It took some time, maybe a couple of months but I did go back. I'd like to think that if someone does put their hands on me in a violent way, I would just leave it alone. I've never been the type of person who stood for unneccessary touching so I probably would leave.
  • fghtngbee25

    Posts: 1

    Nov 12, 2012 2:51 PM GMT
    It is always in someone's best interest to leave a relationship if they are being abused. Someone may say, "I love you" because they live in fear of what the abuser may do if they don't say it. I just don't understand how someone can have such low self-respect, and little to no respect for others to have to resort to abuse to make themselves feel wanted in a relationship.
  • zakariahzol

    Posts: 2241

    Nov 12, 2012 3:01 PM GMT
    My ex house mate once live with a guy who constantly beat him up. Once he come to my room in tears , take his pant off and show me a bruise and swollen all over his body. . Beside that, I always hear his bf yelling abusing language like stupid, moron , pig (the most horrible thing you can call a Muslim) and so much more.

    One night he come again , telling me that his bf have throw him out and packing his thing. They are now both married to a women and have children of their own .

    This thing happen. I personally can never handle any form of abuse (physical or verbal). You do anything like that...off I go
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 12, 2012 3:05 PM GMT
    Bail, while you can.
    Violence is a symptom of underlying emotional instability.
    People who feel like they have no control of their own life frequently try to control others, hitting is usually the tip of the abusive iceberg.
    And you never really know how far that person will go or where they will or won't stop.
    I ended things with a guy I dated for a month who eventually became my criminal stalker. Four restraining orders, two attorneys, two years, 11 police reports, two front doors kicked in, many personal violations, LOTS of antivan and therapy and 15k in attorney and court costs later... it usually doesn't stop with just hitting.
    A closed fist has no place in love
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 12, 2012 5:21 PM GMT
    gyno1988 saidSo my mind is trying to rap around the thought of dating a person that says " I love you " with a closed fist. Is love truly that powerful that people can just learn to live with being hit just cause your man had a rough day ? I find the thought of hitting my lover for no reason sickening, but idk everyone has there situations and reasons why they lash out i guess.


    But my question is would you ?
    STAY OR GO


    Oh my deity. Can you say "battered wife syndrome?" Can you say "dysfunctional" Can you say "mentally ill?"

    Leave, NOW. If you stay you are mentally ill. The other guy is sick, already, and, if you continue, you will be, too.

    This is not a situation you should be in UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. LEAVE NOW.

    This a very serious thing. You have to get away from it NOW.

    Study up on physical abuse. Read about battered wife syndrome. GET YOURSELF OUT OF THE SITUATION A.S.A.P.

    If you need help, contact an agency to help you with your mental health, or with shelter. GET OUT NOW.

    Understand, you are dealing with two mentally ill people here. Him, because he believes it is o.k. to punch on you. You, for allowing it to happen and believing that it is some how o.k. IT IS NOT O.K. It is serious stuff. You need to seek a pro to see why you have dealt with it up to this point (it's called battered wife syndrome, and it's a mental illness that is completely irrational).

    For your personal safety, you have to remove this person from your life. PERIOD. YOU MUST LEAVE.

    DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO COMPLETELY GET THIS PERSON OUT OF YOUR LIFE NOW. SEEK PROFESSIONAL MENTAL HEALTH CARE. THIS IS AN URGENT MATTER.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 12, 2012 5:30 PM GMT
    If you notice, not a single person said "you should stay and work things out." Know why? No one stupid.
    I agree with everyone, run, do not walk. Pack your shit first chance you have and run. Someone always has a spare room, hell I always have a spare room for friends who are in need. Run. Abusers abuse, it's all they know. Get the fuck out while you can.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 12, 2012 7:51 PM GMT
    Step 1...beat the shit out of him...

    Step 2...walk out the door...
  • TrentGrad

    Posts: 1541

    Nov 12, 2012 8:38 PM GMT
    gyno1988 saidSo my mind is trying to rap around the thought of dating a person that says " I love you " with a closed fist. Is love truly that powerful that people can just learn to live with being hit just cause your man had a rough day ? I find the thought of hitting my lover for no reason sickening, but idk everyone has there situations and reasons why they lash out i guess.


    But my question is would you ?
    STAY OR GO


    I'm a firm believer in the view that when it comes to violence, everyone needs to keep their bloody hands to themselves.

    If the guy I was with struck me once, it would only happen once...I'd be gone!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 12, 2012 8:40 PM GMT
    MikeW said
    lilTanker said
    gyno1988 saidI find the thought of hitting my lover for no reason sickening

    I find the idea disgusting for any reason!

    You simply don't there is no more discussion to be had on it!

    And if they hit you then out the door they go no questions asked, no apologies needed, no forgiveness given.

    ^^^ Exactly.

    No excuses. Set the boundary and keep it strong.
    I'm with with Tank and Mike!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 12, 2012 8:51 PM GMT
    It wouldn't take me long to leave the person for good , there definitively are no excuses for abuse !
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 12, 2012 8:57 PM GMT
    Sounds like its a unanimous agreement among all posters (and that rarely happens) and I agree you need to leave ASAP!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 13, 2012 1:16 AM GMT
    Edward24 saidI've been hit only one time but threw a plate of hot grits at my then boyfriend and moved on.
    Your ex wouldn't by any chance be named Al Green. Al found God in 1973 after being baptized with hot grits.

    Seriously to OP, that is an intolerable situation. Anyone who abuses another whether physical or emotional has inferiority issues and insecurities that need to be addressed on their time and not yours. There's no reason to set yourself up for being victimized as the whipping boy of another. RUN!!!!
  • Nico3687

    Posts: 108

    Nov 13, 2012 1:33 AM GMT

    You actually, for one moment, have considered forgiving that? Nuh Uh!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 13, 2012 2:37 AM GMT
    nabob7729 said
    Edward24 saidI've been hit only one time but threw a plate of hot grits at my then boyfriend and moved on.
    Your ex wouldn't by any chance be named Al Green. Al found God in 1973 after being baptized with hot grits.

    Seriously to OP, that is an intolerable situation. Anyone who abuses another whether physical or emotional has inferiority issues and insecurities that need to be addressed on their time and not yours. There's no reason to set yourself up for being victimized as the whipping boy of another. RUN!!!!



    Nah his name was Dominic. I did hear about that story regarding Al.

    He simply hit me in the face one day when I was poppin off at the mouth because I found a text message from the hoe he used to mess around with.

    The hot grits influence came from an Aaliyah song called What If, Madea, and my Mama who threw a pot at my abusing father, hit him with a led pipe, ans set him on fire.


    I'm the type of person that doesn't let an abuser get away with shit. So I heemed him up.



  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 13, 2012 2:45 AM GMT
    ^ shows how fucked up folks are. Violence on violence.... very telling about a particular culture and some of its issues. Sadly, the cycle continues. It is not OK.
  • gyno1988

    Posts: 4

    Nov 13, 2012 7:10 AM GMT
    thanks everyone for your insight and thoughts i just heard up date and im at a WTF mood right now. Sooooo to add insult to injury what would you say if



    BAMM!!!! "I WANT YOU TO MOVE IN WITH ME AND MY FAMILY"
    REALLY ??? like the beat down never happen