Complements. How do you react?

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    Nov 12, 2012 2:55 PM GMT
    I never know how to react to complements esp at bars. Sometimes I just say a quick thanks and keep the conversation going or sometimes just simply smile and ignore it. It makes me uncomfortable for some reason. To the point where it comes off as I'm not interested in the guy I'm talking to icon_redface.gif. A guy I met yesterday actually told me that "I'm turning on the charms on you but it just phases over you. I don't know how to read you".

    On a similar note my ex always complained I did not complement him enough which in retrospect is true. Over email or chat i'm fine with them but I'm just not vocal about complements and find them embarrassing in person giving or receiving.

    How do you deal with complements?
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Nov 12, 2012 3:03 PM GMT
    Considering that I am a just barely average looking guy, I look at compliments with suspicion and wonder what the ulterior motive of the giver is.




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    Nov 12, 2012 3:16 PM GMT


    " Over email or chat i'm fine with them but I'm just not vocal about complements and find them embarrassing in person giving or receiving."

    I suggest closely examining this.

    In the old days I went out with a fellow that had this problem, and we had no internet; there was no such thing. He could only communicate compliments etc via letters or cards.
    One day I sat us both down with note pads and we passed notes back and forth across the dining room table.
    He said it was dumb and I replied it was a lot faster than waiting for a mailed letter. lol, we broke up.




    You could always text each other from either side of the bed, but I think that's rather cumbersome. icon_wink.gif

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 12, 2012 3:50 PM GMT
    If you're interested in the guy find a way to return the compliment. If I find the guy hot I say something to the affect of that means a lot coming from such a (insert compliment). If not I might just say thanks or that's a nice thing to say. I only return the compliment if it is sincere. I remember approaching a guy once and complimenting him and his reply was "your quite a fine specimen yourself". I decided to take it as a compliment but it made me feel a bit like scientific classification.
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    Nov 12, 2012 4:00 PM GMT
    meninlove said

    " Over email or chat i'm fine with them but I'm just not vocal about complements and find them embarrassing in person giving or receiving."

    I suggest closely examining this.

    In the old days I went out with a fellow that had this problem, and we had no internet; there was no such thing. He could only communicate compliments etc via letters or cards.
    One day I sat us both down with note pads and we passed notes back and forth across the dining room table.
    He said it was dumb and I replied it was a lot faster than waiting for a mailed letter. lol, we broke up.




    You could always text each other from either side of the bed, but I think that's rather cumbersome. icon_wink.gif



    That's actually super cute! lol and yeah i do get the point and need to work on that. I'm not sure what my mental block is about them. It would cause my ex to question if i even found him attractive icon_cry.gif
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    Nov 12, 2012 4:24 PM GMT
    icon_wink.gif


    If you pursue this the way you've pursued fitness and sports, you're gonna knock their emotional socks off.
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    Nov 12, 2012 4:39 PM GMT
    friendormate saidIf you're interested in the guy find a way to return the compliment. If I find the guy hot I say something to the affect of that means a lot coming from such a (insert compliment). If not I might just say thanks or that's a nice thing to say. I only return the compliment if it is sincere. I remember approaching a guy once and complimenting him and his reply was "your quite a fine specimen yourself". I decided to take it as a compliment but it made me feel a bit like scientific classification.


    That is a good exercise. I'll try it next time. Do you feel comfortable initiating complements too?
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    Nov 12, 2012 5:11 PM GMT
    I always get compliments, but because I am paranoid and quite possibly insane, when I do get these massive amounts of compliments, I always punch the complimenter in the neck. That usually ends the conversation right there.
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    Nov 12, 2012 5:43 PM GMT
    It takes a while for me to comprehend someone is actually complimenting me or calling me sexy.
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    Nov 12, 2012 5:44 PM GMT
    smartmoney saidI always get compliments, but because I am paranoid and quite possibly insane, when I do get these massive amounts of compliments, I always punch the complimenter in the neck. That usually ends the conversation right there.


    lol funny response and I fortunately don't get enough to make me want to do that hahah
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    Nov 12, 2012 7:29 PM GMT
    rnch saidConsidering that I am a just barely average looking guy, I look at compliments with suspicion and wonder what the ulterior motive of the giver is.




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    This. Especially now that I know anyone whose ever "complimented" my appearance was just trying not to hurt my feelings.
  • PR_GMR

    Posts: 3831

    Nov 12, 2012 7:37 PM GMT
    friendormate saidIf you're interested in the guy find a way to return the compliment. If I find the guy hot I say something to the affect of that means a lot coming from such a (insert compliment). If not I might just say thanks or that's a nice thing to say. I only return the compliment if it is sincere. I remember approaching a guy once and complimenting him and his reply was "your quite a fine specimen yourself". I decided to take it as a compliment but it made me feel a bit like scientific classification.


    This. I appreciate complements but only return them when they're mutual. O don't want to lead anyone on.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Nov 12, 2012 7:38 PM GMT
    smartmoney saidI always get compliments, but because I am paranoid and quite possibly insane, when I do get these massive amounts of compliments, I always punch the complimenter in the neck. That usually ends the conversation right there.





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  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 12, 2012 8:02 PM GMT
    i eat them,

    cannibalism=love.
  • RollDontWalk

    Posts: 187

    Nov 13, 2012 5:01 PM GMT
    I give compliments and they are only sometimes returned.

    When they are ignored or replied to with a one-word 'thanks' I end up feeling like I stroked the guy's ego for nothing icon_sad.gif
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    Nov 13, 2012 5:03 PM GMT
    I react awkwardly to compliments, not used to them!
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    Nov 13, 2012 5:05 PM GMT
    I always get told that I'm too humble and need to learn to accept compliments better.
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    Nov 13, 2012 5:21 PM GMT
    I get props pretty regularly from friends and others, and I just show my appreciation by warmly thanking them and then - whenever possible - I turn it back to them and repay the compliment in some way - - - or ask about their day or week, etc.
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    Nov 13, 2012 5:22 PM GMT
    Compliments make me uncomfortable as well. I think It's just a part of our personalities.
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    Nov 13, 2012 5:30 PM GMT
    My dogs are in charge of compliments. They don't have any problem with them.
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    Nov 13, 2012 7:53 PM GMT
    When I get a compliment, I ask for more until I'm convinced that I'm God's greatest gift to humankind. And no, I don't ever say "thank you" because I feel that it's a privilege to be able to compliment me, particularly if the compliment is verbal.
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    Nov 13, 2012 8:05 PM GMT
    If someone ever compliments me in real life I'm assuming I'm at the end of some kind of sick joke.
  • Nico3687

    Posts: 108

    Nov 13, 2012 8:11 PM GMT
    You don't have to respond with words. If I'm on a date or something along those lines and get complimented, I usually do something intimate. For example, I'll smile, do "puppy dog" eyes, say thank you, and gently glide my hand part way down his arm. It works well (if I'm interested).
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    Nov 13, 2012 8:20 PM GMT
    When someone complements me, I marry him. When he compliments me, I thank him.
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    Nov 13, 2012 8:25 PM GMT
    When a guy complement me, I usually say thank you and smile to him. If I don't feel him for any reasons, I'd politely smile, say thanks and make some excuse to walk away and not giving back mixed signals. If he's cute and I feel him, I'd try to initiate conversation and maybe give him a compliment back. I am usually nice and receptive at receiving and giving compliments though. icon_biggrin.gif