Would you consider adopting a child from the US or a foreign country? or Having a surrogate mother?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 13, 2012 12:39 AM GMT
    I am not sure if this topic been brought up here but I think it's important thinking about this because I'm a little older now. One of my straight best friend is trying to get pregnant for a while now, I had this discussion with her just recently. She is very keen on having her biological child, which is great for some people. She asked my opinions on this, my reply:

    *I have 3 nephews from 1 niece already, I don't have a lot of pressures of having a biological kid. Beside, I think there are a lot of *misfortune/starving children in the world, especially in Asia, Africa and S. America. I really admire people who adopt kids from foreign countries. They gave them everything, their love, support and a better life. I'd probably adopt a baby or a 2-3 years old boy in the future from a foreign country (Southeast Asia or South America) somewhere when I am ready to be a dad. I will do this with a partner of course, not solo.

    I know that one of my ex donated his sperms to a lesbian couple and he signed the contract to *never come after the baby when she grows up.

    I guess this is one of those delicate questions, if or when you are ready, would you ever adopt a kid in the US or from another country? If so, a boy, girl and from where? Would you ever want to be a gay father? I know I do.

    I know the process/paperwork for adopting is very pricy (up to $100,000) depending on a lot of factors but so is having a surrogate mother, which most monogamous couples are doing.

    I want to hear your thoughts on this. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 13, 2012 1:26 AM GMT
    I'd go with adoption. There are plenty of kids out there who need a good home. Having a surrogate will only prevent that from happening to one child.
  • spacemagic

    Posts: 520

    Nov 13, 2012 3:44 AM GMT
    If you ever consider adoption, make sure to include adoption from foster care as a potential avenue.
  • zakariahzol

    Posts: 2241

    Nov 13, 2012 4:03 AM GMT
    Kids have a right to know, who their biological parent is. Those stuff about "never come after the baby" after donating a sperm sound so selfish to me. We are not breeding machine.

    Just my thought
  • dfrourke

    Posts: 1062

    Nov 13, 2012 4:13 AM GMT
    Yes. If I could give an orphan or foster child a fighting chance, I would.

    - David icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 13, 2012 4:56 AM GMT
    zakariahzol saidKids have a right to know, who their biological parent is. Those stuff about "never come after the baby" after donating a sperm sound so selfish to me. We are not breeding machine.

    Just my thought


    Agreed. As an an adopted kid who has found his birth mother late in life - open adoptions are the way to go. And not foreign adoptions - they're too subject to abuse, and I think it's bad for many of the kids to be ripped from their culture of origin. Not to mention arrogant and patronizing for many Western folks to think they are "saving" them. I have many friends who've adopted from foreign countries, and I have to avoid this topic with them.

    Adoption is about raising a child who doesn't have parents willing to raise him. Not about providing a child for a childless couple.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 13, 2012 4:58 AM GMT
    Would I WANT to be a dad? Sure - I'm certainly not thinking about now at single and 22. But I'm also smart enough to know that I'd make a terrible dad straight or gay.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 13, 2012 11:23 AM GMT
    This is certainly an interesting topic that I have discussed with a few gay attorney friends. Both issues pose complications.

    They pointed out that even if gay adoption is legal in a given country, when you travel with your child in a country wihere gay adoption is not legal, you may be stopped and questioned rigorously at the airport since they may suspect the gay couple of trafficking children.

    With respect to surrogacy, if one gay partner donates the sperm in the USA to the surrogate and then he divorces his partner, he legally will have rights to the child via DNA. The other gay father has no rights.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 13, 2012 12:55 PM GMT
    I would ONLY consider adoption because it is the only non-selfish way to raise a child.
  • ohioguy12

    Posts: 2024

    Nov 13, 2012 2:17 PM GMT
    I want to be a father. I believe that adoption is very important, but I really want to see my only offspring grow up and develop. So I may Have a surrogate for one, and adopt another one.

    I also want to mix my partner's semen and mine into a surrogate's egg (provided I have a partner of course)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 13, 2012 2:35 PM GMT
    ohioguy12 saidI want to be a father. I believe that adoption is very important, but I really want to see my only offspring grow up and develop. So I may Have a surrogate for one, and adopt another one.

    I also want to mix my partner's semen and mine into a surrogate's egg (provided I have a partner of course)

    I'm not a fan of this. You're going to know who the father is no matter what. You'll know whose swimmers "won". I personally prefer if we're talking surrogate to use a family member as the mom (i.e. ideally, one of the guys sisters) to provide an egg.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 13, 2012 5:18 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidI'd go with adoption. There are plenty of kids out there who need a good home. Having a surrogate will only prevent that from happening to one child.



    I really love that answer icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 13, 2012 6:59 PM GMT
    If and When I'm in a committed relationship with a guy, and we both want to adopt AND can afford to do it; then it'll be on the table.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 13, 2012 7:03 PM GMT
    Surrogate most likely...But not closed to adoption. One brunette and one blonde would be nice.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 13, 2012 7:04 PM GMT
    IF I do have children, I would want at least 3 children: 1 adopted, 1 biological from me, and 1 biological from my partner (if he wants, otherwise adopt another child.)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 13, 2012 7:48 PM GMT
    ohioguy12 said

    I also want to mix my partner's semen and mine into a surrogate's egg (provided I have a partner of course)


    I like this answer, this way you and your partner wouldn't be wondering whose sperm got into the surrogate's egg. icon_eek.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 14, 2012 4:20 AM GMT
    I'd have to talk it over with my partner, but it's definitely a consideration. I'd like to have several children, but I'm open to adopting boys or girls. I don't see the problem with being a gay father personally. Since I was hoping for at least two kids anyways, I don't see why I couldn't do both.
  • morleyq

    Posts: 175

    Nov 14, 2012 4:26 AM GMT
    showme saidAdoption is about raising a child who doesn't have parents willing to raise him. Not about providing a child for a childless couple.

    Forgive me, but I must ask:
    Aren't these two sides of the same coin?
    (Assuming the childless couple wants to raise a child who doesn't have parents willing to raise her.)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 14, 2012 5:28 AM GMT
    morleyq said
    showme saidAdoption is about raising a child who doesn't have parents willing to raise him. Not about providing a child for a childless couple.

    Forgive me, but I must ask:
    Aren't these two sides of the same coin?
    (Assuming the childless couple wants to raise a child who doesn't have parents willing to raise her.)


    No.

    Many adoptive parents think that it's all about their needs. It's not. In the adoption triad of birth parent, child and adoptive parents, the birth parent and child often get short shrift. And the adoption agencies and facilitators, which shouldn't even figure, drive the agenda.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 14, 2012 6:57 AM GMT
    I prefer adoption.
  • Montague

    Posts: 5205

    Nov 14, 2012 7:14 AM GMT
    I'd rather have my own children! There are plenty of children already out there but I want one born of my seed.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 18, 2012 7:38 PM GMT
    Ah! Great topic, as concerned men have biological clocks too lol Definitely intend to adopt 2 kids. There's so much need out there. I do want to adopt an African American baby boy, naturally. The other kid, I would like to be of my partner's culture, whatever, whenever, wherever that may be. icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 18, 2012 8:00 PM GMT
    I was adopted under a year old. My Mother and Grandparents mean the world to me. There are so many children who could use a loving home; I am extremely grateful.

    People often ask if i ever want to see my birth "parents" and my answer is no. My mother is the one who took me to the movies to see the latest Disney film, and my family is the one I spent summers and the holidays with. My family invested their love and time into creating the man I am today. I'd absolutely adopt a baby!

    P.S. Asian babies are really cute and I have pictures to prove it! ^_^
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 20, 2012 3:41 AM GMT
    I just adopted a 2 1/2 old girl and 3 1/2 year old boy. I had them two years as a foster parent and the adoption was finalized in few months ago. I have to say it's the best thing I've done in my life.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 20, 2012 3:43 AM GMT
    Love adoption from Foster Care...much respect Tonka!