The gay stereotype. What is it? And do you fit the mold or break it?

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    Sep 06, 2008 10:57 PM GMT
    What exactly is the gay stereotype? Does it represent you?
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    Sep 06, 2008 11:37 PM GMT
    When you look at homosexuals in so many cultures, the "gay acting" homosexuals basically look like they are females on the inside and have no idea they are males on the outside. This is why I put it down in terms of sexual attraction and mating: because I want to have sex with a fucking guy! Not a god damn nelly stuck in pre-op for the rest of his life. On a similar note, I'll date someone who acts like a stereotype if he is Latino, because Latinos are so hot they can get away with it.
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    Sep 06, 2008 11:50 PM GMT
    The gay stereotype is basically viewed negatively by a lot of people, straight bi or gay. It's their preference. I don't mind a guy that act's in a feminine manner, they make great friends.

    My personal preference is a guy that is a stereotypical guy. But that's my preference, for a relationship. It may be my own internalized homophobia or other psycho babble, but it is what it is for me.

    I like to refer to the term masculine rather then str8 acting, as this would imply the guy will have to put up a front and consciously attempt to act differently. It also demeans gay guys, in that we all must act to become masculine.

    Another pet peeve of mine is when a guy with a great worked out body thinks he is masculine just because he works out, sigh. but I am now rambling and perhaps I am not an expert on this subject.

    I am sure you will be yelled at, demeaned, and treated poorly for this thread, so have a thick skin and just understand that some people are just assholes.
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    Sep 07, 2008 2:29 AM GMT
    jakebenson saidWhen you look at homosexuals in so many cultures, the "gay acting" homosexuals basically look like they are females on the inside and have no idea they are males on the outside. This is why I put it down in terms of sexual attraction and mating: because I want to have sex with a fucking guy! Not a god damn nelly stuck in pre-op for the rest of his life. On a similar note, I'll date someone who acts like a stereotype if he is Latino, because Latinos are so hot they can get away with it.


    I don't look latin, but I am, and if you want I can act "gayly"icon_twisted.gif I'm so hot I can get away with icon_razz.gif
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    Sep 07, 2008 2:36 AM GMT


    I think I mentioned this in another thread.
    While I have no particular thoughts of preference over masculine or feminine behavior among friends, I simple can't get it to stand at attention when kissing someone who may look like a he-man on the outside but behaves like my Aunt Kate.

    Sexual attraction is not a matter of willpower.

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    Sep 07, 2008 2:55 AM GMT
    With the advent of "modern" social justice movements, I think there are groups of people who don't feel connected to the gay communities in their area--or rather, they don't feel connected to what they perceive as the gay community in their area, and thus, don't identify with being stereotypically effeminate.

    I agree that the term "straight-acting" is inappropriate as it alludes to shame and concealment (e.g. I am straight-acting and therefore can "pass", and therefore you, as a potential partner should also be straight-acting, so I don't have to directly confront being openly gay/bisexual because we'll just both "pass".) It also doesn't make a lot of sense because outward expressions of masculinity are not the defining characteristic that differentiates "straight" from "gay". The defining characteristic that defines someone as "straight" or even "acting as straight" from the reference point of "gay" or "acting as gay" is the lack of attraction to people of the same gender, and possibly, the concommitant attraction to members of the opposite gender. "Straight" is just a slang term for "heterosexual". You can't "act heterosexual" as a homosexual person unless it's in the context of a movie or a play, or active deception.

    "Having sex with a guy," means interacting with someone who has a dick. Even the most nellie of gays is still a guy. It all comes down to language and nuances of language. To say, "I want to have sex with a guy," when you mean, "I want to have sex with a guy who behaves in a masculine manner," does put down guys who don't behave in a masculine manner because it clumps all guys who don't behave in a masculine manner as "not a guy". That's hardly fair.

    Again, the same theme crops up with this thread as with all of the race threads--preference is preference, and it's up to each individual to decide if they want to summarily rule-out an entire group of potential partners based on their biased ideas of that group(s)' characteristics, but I do think we all need to exhibit a degree of mutual basic respect for each other as human beings and avoid making people feel small for reasons that they have no control over.
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    Sep 07, 2008 3:12 AM GMT
    By my reckoning, there are approximately 3 billion different models of masculinity around us at this moment, not counting the billions there have been before nor the ones germinating and not yet hatched. Given that roughly one in ten males are of the homosexual bent and every single one one of them as incomprehensibly unique as their heterosexual male counterparts, there are something in the order of 300 million different examples of gay masculinity, and not one of them fit any mould at all.

    Stereotypes only exist in the mind, and it is the mind that must be unmoulded to conform to the reality within which it exists.
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    Sep 07, 2008 3:31 AM GMT
    For a long time in the '90's, there were really two different sets of stereotypes: in-group and out-group. That is to say, there were those stereotypes that straight people had about gay people (e.g. effeminate, limp wrist, etc) and those stereotypes that gay people had about gay poeple (e.g. extremely well groomed, extremely body-conscious, etc). Now, with gayt culture being more visible and accepted, the straights have caught on, so there isn't as much of a separation any more.

    But back then, when people told me whether I "act gay" or "fit the stereotypes" and so on, this was my pat answer: I fit NONE of the stereotypes that straight people have about gay people, but I definitely am one of the "types" that gay people know about gay people.
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    Sep 07, 2008 4:36 AM GMT
    The stereotype doesn't fit me.
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    Sep 07, 2008 4:50 AM GMT
    I dont think about the 'gay stereotype' as meaning someone is gay or straight. It's all about being "feminine or masculine" as it is entailed in (mostly) western culture. I've run into a number of men that i thought couldn't be more nelly if they tried, but (as far as i know) are straight (though one is definitly just still hanging out in his bedroom closet lol ) When i came out to select few friends, they were all shocked. Who'da thunk i'd turn out to be gay? It all just goes to prove this whole stereotype thing is a load of rubbish.

    So i'd say the 'common' stereotype doesnt represent me, no. Every good friend that knows me well and i've come out to was shocked i was gay, because i don't fit that stereotype. It's all just RUBBISH!!
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    Sep 07, 2008 6:41 AM GMT

    hey lean_jock74,

    Being Asian is genetic; being effeminate is learned.
    We can't possibly compare the two as equal.

    We have many dear effeminate friends that we love. To be in love would require a sexual attraction as well.

    Again, sexual attraction is not a matter of willing it. That's exactly what the people who say gays can convert to straight think.

    The topic is about stereotypes.

    Well, there aren't any, we hope. We know both masculine and effeminate heteros,
    and masculine and effeminate gays.


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    Sep 07, 2008 6:44 AM GMT
    meninlove,

    Well, it's really more complicated than that. Being Asian is correlated with cultural factors, which are learned; and having certain effeminate traits (both physical and behavioral) can be traced back to physiological (genetic and hormonal) origins.

    So it is not as clear-cut as you would like to think.
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    Sep 07, 2008 6:57 AM GMT
    I think we all know the "stereotype"...the mincing high-pitched over-the-top queen.

    But like everything else in life, the stereotype is only representative of a small portion. Gay men are a pretty diverse group. Our sexuality is just a small part of who we are, but it doesn't define 100% us as individuals.
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    Sep 07, 2008 7:01 AM GMT


    Hmmm, there are so many Asian cultures, which ones do we apply this to? We know a lot of Asians (they are 30% of the population here), and have only met a few that we could consider effeminate in any way.

    Are you saying that Asian cultures are effeminate?
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    Sep 07, 2008 7:04 AM GMT

    Thanks NoSuchPerson,

    Couldn't have said it better.

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    Sep 07, 2008 11:08 AM GMT
    1) The original post was edited, so my post looks out of place now.

    2) I'm not so sure that being effeminate is actually learned. How many parents are teaching their boys (I guess I should qualify that as "straight parents" or pre-gay-parenting parents) to behave effeminately, directly or indirectly? And how many people who are effeminate can actually successfully change it? And does it trying to be more masculine force them to betray their "true selves"?

    3) Whether innate or learned, it doesn't really change the substance of my argument. I could have used "body habitus", "hair length", "willingness to participate in fisting" or "insistence on wearing polka dotted green socks on Sunday". In fact, I probably should have.

    4) Please don't change this into another race thread. We've had enough of them.
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    Sep 07, 2008 4:55 PM GMT
    ok, the stereotypical gay does not need explaining... everyone knows it. as far as if i fit the mold, no. ive recently started coming out to people i meet in college and they dont believe me until time goes on and i stick to the story. people actually are thinking its cool because im not a flaming homosexual.
  • CuriousJockAZ

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    Sep 07, 2008 4:58 PM GMT
    I don't really like stereotypes -- especially gay ones -- since gay men come in all shapes, sizes, colors, personalities, and mannerisms.
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    Sep 07, 2008 5:00 PM GMT
    I'm not a democrat, that breaks the stereotype.

    (No, I'm not Republican either before you ask).

    I used to have a lot of shoes though, got rid of all but about 12 of em. I used to have around 40.
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    Sep 07, 2008 5:02 PM GMT
    I break the stereotype by refusing to accept a word as loaded as gay to describe me.



    I choose g0y.
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    Sep 07, 2008 6:11 PM GMT
    RyanReBoRn said

    I choose g0y.


    goy describes a non-Jew. You people make me sick.

    I break the stereotype by NOT going to Pink Berry.
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    Sep 07, 2008 6:12 PM GMT
    jakebenson said
    RyanReBoRn said

    I choose g0y.


    goy describes a non-Jew. You people make me sick.

    I break the stereotype by NOT going to Pink Berry.


    For the record it was g-zero-y, not g-o-y icon_biggrin.gif

    Not that I have any idea what a g-zero-y is anyway.

    And what's a Pink Berry? Sounds like some kinda fruit smoothie store or something.
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    Sep 07, 2008 6:51 PM GMT
    conativejj said
    jakebenson said
    RyanReBoRn said

    I choose g0y.


    goy describes a non-Jew. You people make me sick.

    I break the stereotype by NOT going to Pink Berry.


    For the record it was g-zero-y, not g-o-y icon_biggrin.gif

    Not that I have any idea what a g-zero-y is anyway.

    And what's a Pink Berry? Sounds like some kinda fruit smoothie store or something.


    Ahhh I gotcha. Well then I supposed I'll spare these people's lives.

    Anyway, Pink Berry is an evil vapid hole that sucks in what little life any creature has by putting on a cheap urban-outfitter-ish toys-for-tots meets trendy-lofts style to lure in Generation X and Y. Not to mention the music is usually gay, but the kind of gay music you can hear at a straight club or in Europe. The worst part of this chain from hell is that you have only TWO choices of the nastiest tasting frozen yogurt (and then you can slap on fruit on top of it which is the only saving quality of this chain).

    Unfortunately this is a perfect example of the stereotypical market appeal in US: advertise the product to look as appealing as possible but the actual product is a failure. The concept of Pink Berry is akin to laminating a piece of cat vomit on a golden plate: it still tastes like cat vomit but many people don't seem to process much beyond their peripheral attraction towards the associated golden bling.
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    Sep 07, 2008 9:55 PM GMT
    cantgetagoodsn said: ok, the stereotypical gay does not need explaining... everyone knows it.

    It? Just one? And which single one is Yours?

    Pretend your straight and don't know any gay people whatsoever, coz you're so wonderfully normal and decent. Now, suppose someone asks you if your son or friend is a homo (that's the theoretical You) and you look around for clues as to what a homo looks like (because you want to make sure he is before you shame him or something).

    Look online: "gay men images stars"
    Look at the newsagents' to see what kind of magazines they buy. "Oh my, they have a whole section marked "gay", and not just porn!, although it's packaged with porn stars!
    Look on tv: "image-obsessed", "very good-looking", "fashionable", "superficially charming"
    Look at Real Jock: Yep! He look's just like one of 'em! Flexing, posing, tanning; frosted tips, electric tan, waxed brows; suspiciously good-looking buddies, no friends, fat girl-friends; photographs himself in the mirror, spends a lot of time on the computer with his shirt off, lives off these magic powders bought by the bucket; ...

    "Honey, c'mon! How much more proof do you need? Look at what I found at the back of his closet---an a A&F t-shirt fer chrissakes!

    danwestla said: What exactly is the gay stereotype?

    Most of us guys on Real Jock are the (current) gay cliché.
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    Sep 07, 2008 10:08 PM GMT


    http://www.gotoquiz.com/how_stereotypically_gay_are_you


    You Are 46% Stereotypically Gay
     

    You definitely have some stereotypically gay traits. You might set off a person's gaydar now and then. If you are not actually gay, you could be mistaken for gay from time to time. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

    How Stereotypically Gay Are You?
    Take More Quizzes