Crushing on a straight guy : a rite of passage ?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 13, 2012 5:10 PM GMT
    Ok, I noticed there were a LOT of threads straight guy crushes. I have to say, I didn't really pay a lot of attention to this issue.... until it happened to ME icon_redface.gif

    The thing is I've never really had a good male friend who knew I was gay, and had absolutely no problem with it. When I came out to my best friends, some of whom are guys, I sensed it was still kind of a taboo between us , we're working through it but it's still not come to the point where we can casually talk about it.

    This year, I decided to just stop hiding the fact that I was gay, just tell people if the situation presented itself, basically just coming out at a higher level. In the process, I made a really good friend, the first guy who has manifested no awkwardness or discomfort whatsoever about me being gay. In fact, we talk and joke about it all the time.

    The problem is, I'm afraid I might like him a bit too much, and I can't say if it's a crush or if it's just really a strong friendship, cause here's the thing, I do think about him a lot when he's not around , and I really love the time we spend together but at the same time, I've never really fantasized about anything physical with him, I just don't see it.

    But then, it got me thinking, the reason so many guys find themselves in this situation, maybe is that it's so hard to find caring, compassionate people out there. So, when they do find one, and he's a guy, there's bound to be confusion about their feelings for him. Maybe it's just natural for guys who feel loved and accepted wholly for the first time in their lives, to react by reciprocating that love, sometimes going farther than they're supposed to. In that way, having a crush on a straight guy can almost seem like a rite of passage. What do you think ?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 13, 2012 5:19 PM GMT
    I think all gay guys deal with this throughout their life. When 90% of the male population is straight, most of the guys you're attracted to are going to be straight. It's just purely a numbers game. But guys are generally friends with other guys because they share common interests (women, sports, etc.). For gays, it's very easy to become friendly with a guy you're also attracted to which leads to trying to maintain a friendship, while suppressing, holding back stronger emotional/romantic type feelings that can develop.

    Personally I consider it one of the worst parts about being Gay/Bi. It feels like a curse. It's inevitable to happen, and always leads to lots of heartache. And it really leaves you with no good options. You either suffer through to try and maintain your friendship and hope the feelings fade, or you walk away and never have contact with that person again.

    But how can you walk away from someone you deeply care about?

    I'm going through this situation now. Second time in the last few years it's happened. It sucks. icon_cry.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 13, 2012 5:32 PM GMT
    I'm attracted to men, regardless whether I know if they're gay or straight. And there's nothing wrong with that.

    What I do find issue with is guys who wax incessantly all "oh my god I want to fuck my straight roommate but he's straight what should I do how do I get my straight roommate to fuck me do I drug him do I get him drunk can he just have casual sex with me on a regular basis and be straight in his normal life?"

    If you know someone you''re attracted to is straight you cut off that line of interest and move on. You don't pine like a 12 year old girl or try some asshole scheme like trying to get him drunk so he'll fuck you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 13, 2012 5:57 PM GMT
    What do you mean by " cut off that line of interest" ?
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Nov 13, 2012 6:21 PM GMT
    I wouldn't call it a rite of passage. It just happens. Straight men can become infatuated with women who aren't available to them (coupled, married, not their type, w/e). Certainly not a good idea to dwell on it too much or try and make something happen. The latter is a very bad idea and a good way to ruin an otherwise good friendship.

    In *some* cases it is can be ok to talk about it with your straight crush. I've done this. I just tell them, 'sorry but I've developed a crush on you'. This usually means we need to 'back off' a bit just to keep things clear between us. Needn't be the end of the friendship provided you can get or keep your feelings under control.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 13, 2012 6:24 PM GMT
    MikeW saidI wouldn't call it a rite of passage. It just happens.


    Pretty much this. Nobody has a choice to whom they're attracted to. It just kinda happens. I can safely say I've never once been attracted to any of my straight guy friends (and I would say 3/4 of my friends are straight males). Maybe I've programmed part of my mind not to chase something that can never happen. I also think it comes with being respectful to others but sometimes you just can't fight your feelings.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 14, 2012 7:06 AM GMT
    Saad22 saidWhat do you mean by " cut off that line of interest" ?


    Acknowledge and accept it has no future or possibility and move on.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 14, 2012 7:08 AM GMT
    Actually, I've never been infatuated with straight men. There are plenty I could drool over, but my brain doesn't work that way. I don't want what I can't have, I want what I *can* have.
  • Montague

    Posts: 5205

    Nov 14, 2012 7:09 AM GMT
    redacting saidActually, I've never been infatuated with straight men. There are plenty I could drool over, but my brain doesn't work that way. I don't want what I can't have, I want what I *can* have.


    Get out of town Big R!! What can't you have!! hah
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 14, 2012 7:13 AM GMT
    Its a right of passage, of course! Straight women crush on gay men; and gay men crush on straight men, sometimes falling in love with them, until they turn around and love themselves, and don't give things like this a second thought. Moving on.