Why is it that whether its on here, on grindr, on any other gay app or in real life I can't make any gay friends?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 15, 2012 4:45 AM GMT
    Any attempt to make friends lasts all of about five minutes before I get blocked or ignored.
    Any guys I meet I'l see them once then never again or they will just stop texting me
    Idk what I'm doing wrong
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    Nov 15, 2012 4:47 AM GMT
    Keep tryin', I'm sure it'll happen eventually.

    CollegeDude27 saidAny attempt to make friends lasts all of about five minutes before I get blocked or ignored.
    Any guys I meet I'l see them once then never again or they will just stop texting me
    Idk what I'm doing wrong
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 15, 2012 5:31 AM GMT
    Have you tried wearing deodorant?

    :s
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 15, 2012 5:37 AM GMT
    CollegeDude27 saidAny attempt to make friends lasts all of about five minutes before I get blocked or ignored.
    Any guys I meet I'l see them once then never again or they will just stop texting me
    Idk what I'm doing wrong


    I can't know. icon_wink.gif

    (you'd have to explain a lot more about what you're like for anyone to decide anything.)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 15, 2012 5:38 AM GMT
    Are you acting needy by chance?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 15, 2012 5:40 AM GMT
    Once you figure that out, let me know. I have never made it to date #3 with any of the 7 guys I've met. icon_lol.gif

    Seriously though, in my experience, it might be too much eagerness? Though I can't really say that was the case on my #6 and 7...
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    Nov 15, 2012 7:54 AM GMT
    Maybe telling them that you want 2 kids 5 lines into the conversation is a turn off icon_razz.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 15, 2012 8:12 AM GMT
    masculine and down to earth but u look like a queen loooooooooooool
  • ytOwen

    Posts: 298

    Nov 15, 2012 8:21 AM GMT
    It takes time, and mutual interest, to cultivate genuine friendships, whether online or in real life.
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    Nov 15, 2012 9:24 AM GMT
    You have to share a bit about yourself. What do you like? What are you like?

    Or nude pics.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 15, 2012 10:59 AM GMT
    Well the truth is that 99% of the guys that you will meet online or on apps aren't going to be your friends so just wait until you get to guy 100
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    Nov 15, 2012 1:59 PM GMT
    TerraFirma saidMaybe telling them that you want 2 kids 5 lines into the conversation is a turn off icon_razz.gif


    I don't come across as needy if thats what you're getting at
  • Kagse

    Posts: 261

    Nov 15, 2012 2:02 PM GMT
    Those apps really aren't for finding friends. They are for finding hookup, fuck buddies, purely sex driven encounters.
    The few gay friends I have made, have been through work, volunteering, playing sports, etc. You can never really take the "sex" out of men, especially gay men, but you can try meeting guys outside of sex oriented apps or websites.
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    Nov 15, 2012 2:04 PM GMT
    Kagse saidYou can never really take the "sex" out of men, especially gay men
    what icon_neutral.gif
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    Nov 15, 2012 2:05 PM GMT
    Thanks to ytOwen for actually taking the OP seriously. The rest of you suck and point to why gay guys can't make friends with each other: total lack of inability to take anything seriously. On the real though, online websites like that aren't really made for friendships. It's like going apple picking and expecting to come up with some oranges. I have a difficult time making gay friends myself-- I can't tolerate the bitchiness, insecurity and political tunnel that most gay guys live in. I am trying to be a more open and understanding person but at least with straight friends, if I want to take a moment to share how I really feel, it's not met with sass, indifference or glee. Finding good friends, much less gay friends, is hard in this world.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 15, 2012 2:05 PM GMT
    For a variety of reasons, a lot of gay men, not all, but a super high majority, are seriously screwy. Whether they were bullied, or mistreated as sullen little children, or they felt "different" and never got over it, many are just nutty. They have no clue how to be real friends. So if you are having trouble connecting with the gays, consider yourself kind of lucky, because a large percentage of the gay men I have met in my life have no clue how to be friends or even how to be friendly.
    Best advice I could offer is, well first, never expect to find healthy men online, that just does not happen. Get out and meet people face to face, in an environment where you are happy and secure, like an athletic sort of place, hiking, riding, running - something healthy, not a bar. People get behind a computer screen and they become different (yes, I am an example of this too) and you can not always trust who you are dealing with.
    Get out and meet real people, not computer pretend people.
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    Nov 15, 2012 2:08 PM GMT
    smartmoney saidFor a variety of reasons, a lot of gay men, not all, but a super high majority, are seriously screwy. Whether they were bullied, or mistreated as sullen little children, or they felt "different" and never got over it, many are just nutty. They have no clue how to be real friends. So if you are having trouble connecting with the gays, consider yourself kind of lucky, because a large percentage of the gay men I have met in my life have no clue how to be friends or even how to be friendly.
    Best advice I could offer is, well first, never expect to find healthy men online, that just does not happen. Get out and meet people face to face, in an environment where you are happy and secure, like an athletic sort of place, hiking, riding, running - something healthy, not a bar. People get behind a computer screen and they become different (yes, I am an example of this too) and you can not always trust who you are dealing with.
    Get out and meet real people, not computer pretend people.


    What he said.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 15, 2012 2:18 PM GMT
    You sound like a nice enough guy, I don't think you'd be alone n your observation though.

    So, I don't think it's just you, relax.

    I found that to make friends, you have to form a behaviour habit in people - you need to prompt friendly behaviour to occur spontaneously.. Sound weird huh?

    Well, putting it simply, the best way to make friends is to act like a friend... Offer support, help, compliments in a genuine way, do it often enough and it evokes a friendly response in most folks...

    Smile at the same person you see on the street every day, within a short time, they will start to smile back, it's the way our brains are wired... It carries on to other real life.

    In a new workplace, offer to get someone a coffee or a glass of water from the cooler, because you're going there yourself, and pretty soon, the favour will be returned... Kindnesses are repaid in kind.

    It is something I hear often, "why don't people like me" .. The answer is usually, they haven't had time to, or reason to.. So... If you give them reason to, then it usually is just a question of time..
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    Nov 15, 2012 2:19 PM GMT
    Capn_A saidThanks to ytOwen for actually taking the OP seriously. The rest of you suck and point to why gay guys can't make friends with each other: total lack of inability to take anything seriously. On the real though, online websites like that aren't really made for friendships. It's like going apple picking and expecting to come up with some oranges. I have a difficult time making gay friends myself-- I can't tolerate the bitchiness, insecurity and political tunnel that most gay guys live in. I am trying to be a more open and understanding person but at least with straight friends, if I want to take a moment to share how I really feel, it's not met with sass, indifference or glee. Finding good friends, much less gay friends, is hard in this world.
    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA WOW NICE GENERALIZATIONS YOU FUCKING CUNT.

    With people that I actually consider my friends I have had serious conversations about our feelings about all sorts of different topics - politics, gay issues, trans issues, racism issues, people we mutually know, and even each other.
    I do not sass my friends when they express their feelings towards me, because I care about them and want to know them as a person. I sass idiots on the internet that don't understand why they can't make friends on grindr. The answer is simple: IT'S GRINDR.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 15, 2012 2:23 PM GMT
    I've made a couple friends from on here. Never have made a friend from the other accounts back when I used to have them.

    There are some great guys on here, also some not so great guys. Just keep trying.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 15, 2012 2:32 PM GMT
    think of the people you call your long term friends: i don't talk to them everyday. sometimes we do stuff together. sometimes we do not. it just takes time to prove out that you are actually friends.

    when people become "friends" because they want to get off...it's not friendship. it can be confusing. it's like someone who only calls you when they want something. they are not there for you.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 15, 2012 2:57 PM GMT
    Maybe you just have to do a little better in terms of keeping it interesting. Just a hunch... I mean it's impossible for me to assume exactly what your discussions consist of.
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    Nov 15, 2012 3:22 PM GMT
    McQueen said
    Capn_A saidThanks to ytOwen for actually taking the OP seriously. The rest of you suck and point to why gay guys can't make friends with each other: total lack of inability to take anything seriously. On the real though, online websites like that aren't really made for friendships. It's like going apple picking and expecting to come up with some oranges. I have a difficult time making gay friends myself-- I can't tolerate the bitchiness, insecurity and political tunnel that most gay guys live in. I am trying to be a more open and understanding person but at least with straight friends, if I want to take a moment to share how I really feel, it's not met with sass, indifference or glee. Finding good friends, much less gay friends, is hard in this world.
    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA WOW NICE GENERALIZATIONS YOU FUCKING CUNT.

    With people that I actually consider my friends I have had serious conversations about our feelings about all sorts of different topics - politics, gay issues, trans issues, racism issues, people we mutually know, and even each other.
    I do not sass my friends when they express their feelings towards me, because I care about them and want to know them as a person. I sass idiots on the internet that don't understand why they can't make friends on grindr. The answer is simple: IT'S GRINDR.


    Thanks for proving my point dude. Calling me a cunt? What are you, 12? See my point about bitchiness.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 15, 2012 3:28 PM GMT
    Capn_A saidThanks to ytOwen for actually taking the OP seriously. The rest of you suck and point to why gay guys can't make friends with each other: total lack of inability to take anything seriously. On the real though, online websites like that aren't really made for friendships. It's like going apple picking and expecting to come up with some oranges. I have a difficult time making gay friends myself-- I can't tolerate the bitchiness, insecurity and political tunnel that most gay guys live in. I am trying to be a more open and understanding person but at least with straight friends, if I want to take a moment to share how I really feel, it's not met with sass, indifference or glee. Finding good friends, much less gay friends, is hard in this world.


    What he said. Don't get stuck on making gay friends. Especially through sites and apps like Grindr. The focus in places like that really is on sex, that's why you don't get much contact after the first meeting. If you didn't "put out", they're likely to just move on to the next guy.

    Focus on the people you already interact with on a day to day basis or start a group hobby like working out or a sport to start meeting guys, straight, bi, or otherwise you resonate with so you can start making real friendships.
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Nov 15, 2012 3:53 PM GMT
    What do you mean by "friend"? What would a friend be to you? Do you mean someone to talk with and share things with, not a hookup? If so, then obviously a hookup ap isn't the right medium. This forum has more potential, provided you're willing to BE a friend to someone here.

    For example, who's to say we couldn't be friends? I'm old enough to be your granddad but that in and of itself shouldn't make any difference with friends. As well as my gay friends in real life, I have gay friends I've met online who are younger than you. One in particular I've known since he was 16. He's 19 now. A jock. Not out. Has a bad crush on his best friend and so on. He knows a lot about me and my life, too. I'm willing to email, chat, or skype with you about anything you want EXCEPT anything erotically stimulating. I mean that. We would then find out whether or not we liked one another well enough to become friends. We might not and that's fine.

    I'll just add that there are different kinds of friends and levels of friendship. My closest friends (gay and straight) I've known for decades. We've been there for one another through thick and thin. We care about one another, warts and all. And each friendship is different. There are other people, too, I call "friend" where really what we are, are close acquaintances. Many have come and gone over the years. People change, move on, what ever. But real lasting friendship is something that takes time, genuine interest, caring and unbroken trust. A willingness to just listen and be there for one another. That is what a real "friend" is to me.