Just found out my friend is bi or gay....or at least thats what all the gossip is about

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 07, 2008 5:15 PM GMT
    So lately I have been hearing one of my good friends is either bi or gay through the grapevine. I wasnt completely shocked to hear this knowing him pretty well, but he had always dated and slept around with women and seemed pretty into it. I have had a very unique relationship with this guy and there had always been moments where I couldnt really tell if we were flirting or not, but I never tried anything because he is a good friend of mine and I assumed he was into women. I am personally not out, so him being in the situation he's in leaves me in a sort of dilemma. I don't know whether to confront him about it or just leave it as is. He is a great guy and good looking too, but I dont know whether to try and pursue this or just leave our relationship as friends.
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19067

    Sep 07, 2008 5:50 PM GMT
    Invite him over, have a few beers, and let the chips fall where they may icon_lol.gif
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    Sep 07, 2008 5:56 PM GMT
    Oh yes. the difference between a str8, bi, and a gay man is a 6pack. lol.

    Just kidding.

    Well if you know your friend as well as you think you do and know that nothing trival will come between your unique relationship then I say ask him and inform him of your status as well. Since you aren't out and apparently neither is he then both your secrets are safe.

    I should warn you though to be cautious of your emotions and to not feel jaded if he's not interested in you on a sexual level. I've seen alot of friendships ruined over "You're gay, I'm gay ...we should hook up" scenerios.

    Don't ever be a fan of the grapevine. Always get your info from the horse's mouth and question those who use grapes for info because eventually they will whine. LOL.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 07, 2008 6:23 PM GMT
    if he is your best friend or close to being, I say tell him you're gay.

    I came out to all my friends and none of them has a problem. BTW 90% of my friends are girls icon_razz.gif
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    Sep 07, 2008 7:27 PM GMT
    All my straight guy friends don't care that I am gay and we mess with each other all the time. Not sexually just stupid comments and flirting (BTW straight men do flirt with gay guys and it does not mean they want to sleep with you)

    I say come out to him, not with the pretense that he is possibly gay or bi, but that he is a good friend and you want him to know about your sexuality.

    Don't be disappointed if he does not come out to you, that is on his terms, if he is actually gay or bi. If he is gay or bi, knowing that he has a friend that will understand is important.
  • pelotudo87

    Posts: 225

    Sep 08, 2008 3:21 AM GMT
    Well if he is a good friend of yours, you don't want to ruin anything. True friends, gay, straight, bi, whatever, are hard to find. So...

    I wouldn't get him drunk. If one of my friends got me drunk to make a move on me, I would feel like I was being manipulated.

    And i wouldnt get him drunk to ask him either. I mean sexuality is such a personal thing, and if he is a good friend, its better to just say:

    "Hey were really good friends, i consider u one of my best friends. You can tell me anything, as I hope i can tell u anything. But lately ive been hearing some stuff about u and i just want to know if it's true..."

    Then maybe u can come out to him, too, kind of break the ice, let him know that u're a safe person.

    And then ask him just straight up, but be sure to say that it doesn't mean u guys have to hook up.

    And i say everything sober because even if u get him to tell u when hes drunk, its not really him who's doing it--its the booze. If he tells u because he wants to, the friendship can only grow stronger.

    Thats what i would do. Let us know how it goes!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 08, 2008 3:27 AM GMT
    I say just go out to a bar and tell him after a few drinks. This will relax him and you, and it removes you from being all alone with him so he doesn't think you're making a move on him.

    If he is bi or gay maybe you guys can have more in common than you think. A good gay/bi friend is great to find. Whether you mess around or not is up to you and him.icon_cool.gif