Why?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 16, 2012 10:33 PM GMT
    Another question from yours truly because I am socially inept and have an inability to pick up on social queues and have "discomfort with social ambiguity".

    Anyway - I'm curious to know if anyone thinks it's appropriate for someone to ask another why they stopped talking. Months after. Y'know - the question of "what made you lose interest?" in disguise. I know these guys are a waste of time because they're utter flakes but I'd still like to be aware of my faults.

    Obviously, in my case, I have an ulterior motive of slipping in that I still like someone but I do want to pose this question to the other gentlemen in my life who have done the same.

    Good idea? Bad idea? Waste of time?
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    Nov 16, 2012 10:36 PM GMT
    I would just make like you're restarting the convo. "Hi, long time no hear." If he shows no interest, then ask if there is something wrong, did I do/say something wrong?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 16, 2012 10:45 PM GMT
    Answer the question with, "Why? Because of dumbass, insecure questions like this one, good day sir, good day..."
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    Nov 17, 2012 12:19 AM GMT
    I feel that's a self-seeking question, but...

    The honest answer is always, "You don't meet my fantasy." That's the answer most will never say, and most never want to hear.

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    Nov 17, 2012 12:53 AM GMT
    "I know these guys are a waste of time because they're utter flakes but I'd still like to be aware of my faults."

    It's not necessarily that they're flakes, but it is apparent that they are not interested in further devoting time and effort into talking.

    Also, any changes you want to make as a person should come from you. It is ALWAYS a bad idea to give someone else the power to dictate what you should or should not change about yourself.

    Bottom line: It is a bad idea and a waste of time.

    You could make much better use of your time focusing on becoming the best version of yourself...and you know who that is way better than anyone else.
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    Nov 17, 2012 1:22 AM GMT
    deltalimen saidI feel that's a self-seeking question, but...

    The honest answer is always, "You don't meet my fantasy." That's the answer most will never say, and most never want to hear.


    That is what everything ultimately boils down to isn't it?


    SirB73 said"I know these guys are a waste of time because they're utter flakes but I'd still like to be aware of my faults."

    It's not necessarily that they're flakes, but it is apparent that they are not interested in further devoting time and effort into talking.

    Also, any changes you want to make as a person should come from you. It is ALWAYS a bad idea to give someone else the power to dictate what you should or should not change about yourself.

    Bottom line: It is a bad idea and a waste of time.

    You could make much better use of your time focusing on becoming the best version of yourself...and you know who that is way better than anyone else.

    I agree. But I'm thinking things along the lines of improper use of a joke or I ran my mouth about something I shouldn't have. Etc etc.
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    Nov 17, 2012 7:20 AM GMT
    Caslon21000 saidI would just make like you're restarting the convo. "Hi, long time no hear." If he shows no interest, then ask if there is something wrong, did I do/say something wrong?



    This.
  • Suetonius

    Posts: 1842

    Nov 17, 2012 9:45 AM GMT
    I can't tell from your post if you are talking about "friends" that have slipped away, or guys you were dating. In either case, if you have not heard from them in months, you can conclude they have lost interest (if they haven't been run over by a bus or fallen off a cliff in Machu Pichu - I remember seeing a post from some guy about learning many years later that he never heard again from someone he had been dating, because the guy had been murdered). If he has lost interest in you, better just to move on, and put him in your memory bank.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 17, 2012 11:50 AM GMT
    Well what do you do if the guy you're interested in happens to be friends with your friends who you live with, and lives across the street from you?
    Awkward...icon_confused.gif
  • muscletruk

    Posts: 109

    Nov 17, 2012 12:28 PM GMT
    waste of time!!!! when a guy falls off the edge of the earth just let him go and move on!!!!!!!
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    Nov 17, 2012 1:10 PM GMT
    IceBuckets said I am socially inept and have an inability to pick up on social queues and have "discomfort with social ambiguity".


    Seems like you're already aware of your faults.
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    Nov 17, 2012 1:51 PM GMT
    IceBuckets said I know these guys are a waste of time because they're utter flakes but I'd still like to be aware of my faults.

    This is one of the rare cases where it really is about him, not about you.
    Hence your efforts would be wasted.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 17, 2012 2:17 PM GMT
    Been in the same situation. I finally had to realize it wasn't going to happen and to just let him go. He's just not that into you.
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    Nov 17, 2012 6:24 PM GMT
    IceBuckets said
    deltalimen saidI feel that's a self-seeking question, but...

    The honest answer is always, "You don't meet my fantasy." That's the answer most will never say, and most never want to hear.


    That is what everything ultimately boils down to isn't it?


    SirB73 said"I know these guys are a waste of time because they're utter flakes but I'd still like to be aware of my faults."

    It's not necessarily that they're flakes, but it is apparent that they are not interested in further devoting time and effort into talking.

    Also, any changes you want to make as a person should come from you. It is ALWAYS a bad idea to give someone else the power to dictate what you should or should not change about yourself.

    Bottom line: It is a bad idea and a waste of time.

    You could make much better use of your time focusing on becoming the best version of yourself...and you know who that is way better than anyone else.

    I agree. But I'm thinking things along the lines of improper use of a joke or I ran my mouth about something I shouldn't have. Etc etc.


    Well, did you do anything like that? If so and you don't feel good about it, then remember that and try not to do those things in the future. But that's not even the point. Either way, he is showing you without a doubt that he is a guy who isn't willing to communicate his thoughts and feelings. If you want to devote time and energy to that kind of relationship, then by all means pursue and engage. I know you don't want that, so it is best to move on.
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    Nov 18, 2012 1:42 AM GMT
    Caslon21000 saidI would just make like you're restarting the convo. "Hi, long time no hear." If he shows no interest, then ask if there is something wrong, did I do/say something wrong?



    If your gonna do it this ^ approach looks best.

    I don't see anything wrong with getting closure and seeing what happens, but I honestly think if they stopped the conversation without having the balls to tell you its "over" it's most likely a fault of theirs not yours.
  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    Nov 18, 2012 2:02 AM GMT
    Am I the only one who reads the thead with good intentions and then gets distracted by looking at the profiles of the cute guys who responded before? We're not much help then, are we? OMG I'm so gay and so happy that I am.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11819

    Nov 18, 2012 3:18 AM GMT
    My opinion...If you' re the guy asking why?...You get labeled as this clingy, needy type....It didn't work out..simple as that...lick your wounds...bulk up to fight another day.....
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    Nov 18, 2012 3:44 AM GMT
    deltalimen said
    The honest answer is always, "You don't meet my fantasy." That's the answer most will never say, and most never want to hear.



    Pretty much that. It would be nice if we could all be blunt with each other, but people just don't want to deal with it. If I'm not interested, I could care less and just say that I'm not interested o.o