[Question] How to meet "regular" guys in Montreal?

• Phoebuz
  
  Posts: 23
  
  
  Nov 17, 2012 9:49 PM GMT

  Hello,
  
  My question is a long one which needs a long explanation, so I apologize for the incoming wall of text
  
  I recently moved to Montreal after living my whole life in a homophobic country were gay guys are seen as sicko perverts that you have to watch out for and warn others to prevent the spread of the "illness".
  
  For this reason, moving to Montreal has been without a doubt one of the best things that has ever happened in my life and although I am in the closet (have to be for now due to family also living here), I want to start meeting "regular" guys (preferably gay) that I can be friends with, hang out, have a good conversation, go out, go to the movies, eat, and perhaps even find a nice boyfriend.
  
  So my question is, where can I meet "regular" guys that are not just interested in sex? Don't get me wrong, like any other guy, I like sex. I just don't enjoy jumping to bed with a guy I just met 5 minutes ago.
  
  So far I have tried meeting guys from the usual online sources (Here at RJ, Badoo, Grindr, Blendr, BoyAhoy, ManHunt, Adam4Adam, etc) but every time I get asked "what are you looking for" and I explain I am open to almost anything except having sex with strangers, they lose interest. This probably means I am looking at all the wrong places which is why it occurred to me to ask here at RJ forum.
  
  In my (very) limited experience, it has always been easier to meet people who are somehow related to you, (for example a friend of a friend) but given than I am new here, this one is probably not going to work.
  
  What do you recommend I try? Gym? (I have been searching for one close to home or school), a volunteer organization? I am latino but I am not fond of religions so I guess this leaves out churches and related.
  
  What are the usual venues to meet guys for stuff other than sex? (again, I am not discarding sex, I just prefer it to be with someone I actually care about).
  
  Thanks for your time and any help (and possible insults hehe) you might offer.

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  Nov 17, 2012 10:55 PM GMT

  I don't live in Montreal, but i've been there a few times. Good choice! It's definitely one of the more liberal parts of the country, though it's not without its own issues lol.
  
  Anyhow, I think a big chunk of LGBT-friendly places can be found somewhere along St. Catherine street. i don't exactly remember where, but I'm sure you can look it up online - what I know for sure is Montreal definitely does have one of the bigger gay scenes in Canada.
  
  Also, I'm sure you can find these "regular" guys using online sources as well. I've met plenty of good guys who I am still friends with on here, plentyoffish, and even on grindr! Not all guys who try to find others online are all for sex, so it wouldn't hurt to try. Online or not, you can't exactly be safe from meeting weirdos or one-night-standers anyway.
  
  

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• Cdnontherun
  
  Posts: 70
  
  
  Nov 17, 2012 11:32 PM GMT

  Montreal is like a lot of other places in that if you want sex, you go to Grindr, Squirt, Manhunt etc. Where it may differ is that there are a lot, and I mean a lot, of just regular guys running around getting on with their lives. I would suggest that you follow your interests and see where you can connect. Sports are a good place to start and their are lots of cultural events that while not gay per se, are very gay friendly. I don't know how 'out' you are, but that can be a road block too. You are certainly surrounded by lots of gay people who may be discreet because you come from a country that isn't very gay friendly and they don't want the hassle. I'm not some one who hangs at bars or in 'gay' places, but I always had a pretty large group of mostly gay friends around me. Met a lot of them at work and at university and through straight friends who had a gay friend. If you don't speak French, that could hinder you a bit, but language classes are a great place to meet people because you have to talk to your classmates. Good luck and give yourself a bit of time, it should come together.

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• Phoebuz
  
  Posts: 23
  
  
  Nov 18, 2012 12:45 AM GMT

  Wow guys, thanks a lot! I love your helpful replies.
  
  Cdnontherun, I have been researching different schools so I can start learning some french. I had been postponing because everything is so expensive for foreign students (I'm still a foreign student for the government, have to finish school first in order to qualify to be a resident).
  
  Steeve90, any idea about what to do with these LGBT friendly places you mention? Are they LGBT oriented institutions or just others that don't mind about it?
  
  Stephane75, I am going to school but I have been quite shy about "showing" or talking about my sexual preferences. For all purposes, my classmates probably think I am straight, also, a lot of my classmates come from another country and probably still frown upon a gay guy.

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  Nov 18, 2012 12:45 AM GMT

  
  OP= The combination of your profile pic and the post has made my day.
  
  How difficult can it be anywhere to meet nice guys when you're posting suggestive photos of yourself?
  
  

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• Phoebuz
  
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  Nov 18, 2012 1:10 AM GMT

  Lol Tanlejos, like I said, I'm still in the closet and have to keep that way. So in the absence of a face, I don't think the picture of a tree or a hat or a head covered with a brown bag would be interesting, would it?

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  Nov 18, 2012 1:13 AM GMT

  The YMCA downtown is a great place to meet "regular" guys and gals, gay and straight. And they offer pretty decent affordable French class.

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• Phoebuz
  
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  Nov 18, 2012 1:21 AM GMT

  Nivek,
  
  Thanks a lot man! I will definitely research more about their french classes

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• torathlete
  
  Posts: 58
  
  
  Nov 18, 2012 5:08 AM GMT

  From my experience, find an activity that you enjoy. When I first came out, I didn't have any gay friends until I joined a couple of the sports leagues in Toronto. I now have tons of great friends and have met my best friend that way too. It is so much easier to connect with people that like the same things as you.
  
  And I've met a lot of people from the Montreal gay sports scene (actually met a group of them tonight at a volleyball tournament event here in Toronto) and they seem really nice.
  
  So if there is something you enjoy, go online and see if there is a group or league in Montreal and you'll be surprised how many people you'll meet and have a connection with.
  
  Good luck.
  
  

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• Phoebuz
  
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  Nov 18, 2012 2:14 PM GMT

  Thanks Torathlete! I will follow your advice, not with sports but with something else out of my hobbies list.

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• mcapple
  
  Posts: 4
  
  
  Nov 18, 2012 3:05 PM GMT

  I've moved twice to very conservative countries and the best way to find gay friends was through straight friends. Just find some good acquaintances who are friendly and not too much later you can ask them if they have any gay friends. And again, don't go in looking for a husband right away, but just to meet different gay guys and even girls. You still need to get out and initiate meeting people, but do it the way the other guys posting here have recommended. It takes time though - don't worry - trust that it'll happen. It will.

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  Nov 18, 2012 3:32 PM GMT

  tanlejos said
  OP= The combination of your profile pic and the post has made my day.
  
  How difficult can it be anywhere to meet nice guys when you're posting suggestive photos of yourself?
  
  

  
  
  
  You took the words right out of my mouth. Your profile should mirror what you're looking for. No face pics...just practically naked photos and one of your crotch! Come on dude...

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• Phoebuz
  
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  Nov 18, 2012 4:55 PM GMT

  Scruffypup said
  
  You took the words right out of my mouth. Your profile should mirror what you're looking for. No face pics...just practically naked photos and one of your crotch! Come on dude...

  
  
  And I explained that in my original post and later on my reply to TanLejos

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  Nov 18, 2012 5:44 PM GMT

  Phoebuz said

  Scruffypup said
  
  You took the words right out of my mouth. Your profile should mirror what you're looking for. No face pics...just practically naked photos and one of your crotch! Come on dude...

  
  
  And I explained that in my original post and later on my reply to TanLejos

  
  
  
  I don't think you're going to find an emotionally healthy partner as long as you're ashamed of who you are. Because for them to be with you, that means they're required to feel shameful about themselves also. I don't see how that type of dynamic could ever work.

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  Nov 18, 2012 6:24 PM GMT

  Hey Phoebuz! Honestly, I met my bf 4 yrs ago at Buonanotte http://buonanotte.com/blog/english/ on St-Laurent street in Montreal, a str8 ass resto/lounge with many secrets. At the bar I ordered a rum/coke and apparently he ordered one right before me... not paying attention, enjoying the music and discretely checking out the guy across I grabbed the first drink that came close to me. Michel whos right next to me, a.k.a boo boo, tapped me on the shoulder to let me know his drink was in my hand... This gorgeous, well built and well dressed, with salt and pepper hair and grey eyes french canadian didn't seem too happy. Well you know what.. i didnt think he'd enjoy to laugh about it and to stick around for the rest of the night. Bought my friends and I round of drinks and finally added me on his bbm list. I think you should just do your thing, your daily routines, gym work restos and hang out with friends... i never thought the gay village is the right place to meet unless desperate. Your choice. And the right man will find you unexpectedly. Previous experience, when your searching for love you'l get lost in your mission and do foolish things but when your focusing and taking care of yourself physically, morally etc. You will attract love and happiness!

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  Dec 06, 2012 2:12 AM GMT

  Just as the people above said as well, I suggest to just do things that you like and automatically you will meet like-minded people, whether gay or not.
  
  But I also think - at least this is my experience - you also have to be in the right "mind set" for it. Not only going to the right places or doing things you like is important, but also to be mentally open for it and to be ready to get to know other guys. For me, that was/is almost more important than the location or the "how to meet guys".
  
  Bonne chance!

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