Obsession with labels

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 18, 2012 1:34 AM GMT
    Okay so first thing to know is I am in a fraternity. Today I was working concessions with some brothers and a pledge for fundraising. The pledge and I knew a girl who I went to school with in HS and she flew up for the big game from California. After we exchanged hellos he came over and asked if I ever BOW CHICKA WOW WOWed her. I said, "no." He asked, "why not?" I replied, "because while we were in HS she always had a boyfriend." He said, "oh, okay," and then kept standing there awkwardly. So I followed it up with, "among other things..."

    Now he started asking questions
    "What other things?"
    I told him to, "think about it."
    He said, "why not just tell me?"
    I said, "does it need to be said?"
    He said something I don't remember and I said something I don't remember but I said something along the lines of; "cause she is a girl."
    He laughed and said, "your straight."
    I said, "am I?"
    He said, "dude, yeah, you are."
    I asked, "why."
    He said, "you ride the straight road."
    I said, "I go off roading."
    He didn't believe me so asked another brother who felt too uncomfortable to answer and he was busy doing his job in the concession stand.
    I said yeah, "ask the cali kid."
    He told me, "you aren't gay."
    I said. "what makes me not?"
    He said, "I guess I don't know."
    Then I said, "I just kind of roll with whatever."
    He asked, "really?"
    I said, "yes, just roll with whatever."
    He said ,"so you are bi?"
    I said, "roll with whatever."
    He said, "that means you are bi."

    This is a two part question and OMG THAT IS SO LONG!

    Why was I so nervous to tell him about me and why does he want to distinguish so badly between gay and bi. So many brothers are often not satisfied with my answers, which I admit are somewhat misleading, until I admit to being gay or bi or straight. I'm not sure what I am. At some point I said I was predominantly gay in this conversation. Why do I feel uncomfortable telling them when I've been open about it for 6 or so years?
    The big question is: Why are people so obsessed with labels? I'd rather say "Roll with whatever" than "bisexual" because Bi is such a weird term/word/phrase/saying.to me. It does not hit the ears politely.


    Note: I didn't punctuate it when I typed it then it looked more awful than I liked so excuse my grammar and punctuation as it took ages to put in!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 18, 2012 1:39 AM GMT
    my favourite label:
    alexander-mcqueen-mcq-plum-gloss-crop-pu
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 18, 2012 1:51 AM GMT
    I think the word label is often used in a derogatory sense for descriptor.

    Just think:

    "I eat meat sometimes, but I'm a vegetarian"

    Say what?
    Or the confusion that would ensue if I sent you to the store for round things (no labels remember) and so off you went not knowing if I meant potatoes, oranges, apples or tennis balls.

    Really I think the issue is around this:

    "Why are people so obsessed with labels? I'd rather say "Roll with whatever" than "bisexual" because Bi is such a weird term/word/phrase/saying.to me. It does not hit the ears politely."

    It shouldn't be that way; there should be no shame in saying, "I'm Bi."

    Here, if you want to keep 'em guessing, which is your perogative, try this one.

    Grin and say, "I've been known to swing both ways."

    The pledge, like you, is discovering life and learning to navigate it so is asking questions. icon_wink.gif

    warmly,

    -Doug of meninlove
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 18, 2012 2:05 AM GMT
    I think you're nervous because you have been out for so long, that you've forgotten what it's like to come out to new friends. (If that makes any sense)

    Labels are a horrible descriptor used by society. That's just how it is. People even identify themselved by these labels.

    Most times, people use labels because that's all they see others as, labels.

    You can't stop it, just go with it. Honestly I think you are gay, you just haven't accepted it yet. There is a possibility of bi, but if you were bi, you'd know it. You may not like the term, but it is an effective label.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 18, 2012 3:22 AM GMT
    ...Think it's because we want them to like us and not prejudge us till they get to know us; crazy that it's mostly the first question(s) you get.
    I always get a kick out of the guys that say it's a non issue and none of their business, like not answering the question(s) isn't an answer all in it's self.
    In time, hopefully, you'll get to a place were you wont give a frake, but I still get that chest tightening and inner grown even after all these years.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11819

    Nov 18, 2012 3:42 AM GMT
    Why would ya give a fuck that others aren't satisfied with your answers?...Answer with clarity...Be a man that just happens to be gay...end it there...
  • Medjai

    Posts: 2671

    Nov 18, 2012 3:47 AM GMT
    This could be easily cleared up in two ways. One, you man up and simply state where you stand, with no room for misinterpretation. If y pure trying to come out, just do it. Two, you stop caring how others label you, and move on.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 18, 2012 4:48 AM GMT
    It could be that he's interested in the girl, but he wanted to know where you stand. He didn't want to step on any toes.

    He could just be trying to get to know you. Aren't pledges supposed to get to know the brothers?

    You don't like the term bi so you could just make up whatever word you want and call yourself that instead. You're speaking in riddles to the guy anyways so he wouldn't be any more confused than he already is.

    If you're bi than at least you two could go pick up girls together. If you're gay, then you wouldn't, would you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 18, 2012 4:51 AM GMT
    So the real question is are you gay or bi? Stop being a 14 yr old emo fag crying about labels.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 18, 2012 5:00 AM GMT
    You dont want a label because you dont want to be judged by that label
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 18, 2012 7:28 AM GMT
    McQueen saidmy favourite label:
    alexander-mcqueen-mcq-plum-gloss-crop-pu


    Bless his Fabulous soul....

    icon_cry.gif
  • ThatSwimmerGu...

    Posts: 3755

    Nov 18, 2012 3:07 PM GMT
    Can you not just tell everyone? I'm not out so not sure how it is but I've always heard there are a few guys in the frats every year that are gay/bi and a few that just want to experiment.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 18, 2012 3:43 PM GMT
    You are who you are. Gay, Bi or Straight. Be honest with yourself and others. Just give a straight forward answer next time or tell them it's none of their business. Why make a game out of it?!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 18, 2012 3:53 PM GMT
    Claystation saidYou dont want a label because you dont want to be judged by that label


    Conversely, without a self-descriptor others may judge a person confused or evasive.
  • TennisJock10

    Posts: 208

    Nov 18, 2012 4:52 PM GMT
    I hate how people are so preoccupied with labels, but they do serve a function and make things easier.

    Gay, straight, bi. Top, bottom, vers. icon_eek.gif

    It all makes my head hurt. I don't like to label myself or be labeled because I feel like it limits you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 18, 2012 6:05 PM GMT
    Coming out is a constant series of conversations with people. Focus on what you can control... what you tell people and how you behave. Let the other stuff take care of itself on its own... its too much to carry on your shoulders and you've got bigger things to accomplish.