Embracing Derogatory Names

  • uncgymguy

    Posts: 27

    Nov 18, 2012 2:42 PM GMT
    What are your thoughts on embracing derogatory names?

    I was listening (again) to a talk show and the topic came up. A female caller said that she thinks people should embrace them because it takes the hurt away from the word. She says she uses the words "dyke", "cunt", and anything else people use to be mean to her.

    I think it takes away the power of others to use them to hurt or demean someone. I once advised my son, who was eight at the time, to respond when asked if it was true that his dad is a "fag", "Yes, my dad is a fag, so what's the big deal?". Once he did that, the kids at school stopped trying to make him feel bad about their name calling.

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    Nov 18, 2012 5:19 PM GMT
    Meh, the only time I like embracing them is in the bedroom to get me off when I've been a naughty boy icon_biggrin.gif
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    Nov 18, 2012 5:23 PM GMT
    I fully agree with you. The C word over here isnt anything too bad at all!
  • Import

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    Nov 18, 2012 5:50 PM GMT
    didn't black ppl to that with the N word?



  • Medjai

    Posts: 2671

    Nov 18, 2012 6:01 PM GMT
    Alternatively, you could just ignore them.

    Using such language to defer insult shows there is still an insult there. Simply ignoring the attack invalidates it altogether.
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    Nov 18, 2012 6:31 PM GMT
    Honestly I don't agre.

    I don't think it should be embraced. Why embrace something that causes pain to so many.

    At the end of the day it's not taking the pain away, it's just relating yourself to it and not allowing you to be hurt by it.

    You should try to not be hurt by it either way.

    Like that example , yes my dad is a fag, so by saying that makes the word fag...ok...

    NO!

    You are still being acknowledge as something pejorative and by saying, "Yeah, ok, sure, thanks" you are just taking it.

    Maybe it's different for me because I live in Alabama where people are still very much racist and not to mention homophobic.

    SO when I see another black person call someone a Nigger...it just makes me feel ...idk weird. Including Nigga, Niggah etc.

    Why call someone something that carried so much pain.

    Things like that don't need to be embraced, it should be eliminated. However, i think it's nice people try to change meanings of words, but to me changing the meaning keeps the word alive. And as long as it is alive, there will be some who use it badly.
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    Nov 18, 2012 7:01 PM GMT
    Intelligent, conscious and aware Black people DO NOT embrace the 'N' word under any circumstance, in any context! Please don't be confused about that! icon_cool.gif
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    Nov 18, 2012 7:06 PM GMT
    One of the best lessons I've ever learned: Don't take yourself so seriously. Humility is humor.

  • uncgymguy

    Posts: 27

    Nov 18, 2012 7:08 PM GMT
    MuchMoreThanMuscle said


    My contribution:

    As a way to dis-empower someone who is trying to cause me emotional/mental harm I completely agree that it's easier and healthier to embrace disparagement as a way to not give someone power over you.

    However, I don't use any of these terms affectionately like some guys do with one another (e.g. "girl", "bitch", "fag", etc.)"


    I typically don't use those words either unless I'm saying, "stop acting like a bitch" or quoting a movie line, "do you speak fag?" The last one works really well with the straight guys! lol
  • great_scott

    Posts: 519

    Nov 18, 2012 7:11 PM GMT
    MuchMoreThanMuscle said
    Import saiddidn't black ppl to that with the N word?





    Not necessarily the same thing cuz according to black folk who say,"Nigguh pleez!" to one another it's okay so long as you're black. But once a Latino, Asian or a white person say it, all hell breaks loose and now it's racism.

    Completely grasping either the contemptuous disdain or embracive allowance of the "N" word based on skin color still will forever elude me.









    IKR it's kinda like when a straight athlete calls a ref a fag. All of a sudden he's "homophobic" and gets a $100,000 fine, and all the gay groups get all upset and want an apology. Yet Dan Savage uses faggot in various ways (both comically and professionally), and no one's fined him or asked him to apologize. icon_confused.gif
  • uncgymguy

    Posts: 27

    Nov 18, 2012 7:14 PM GMT
    JamieJfromtheA saidHonestly I don't agre.

    I don't think it should be embraced. Why embrace something that causes pain to so many.

    At the end of the day it's not taking the pain away, it's just relating yourself to it and not allowing you to be hurt by it.

    You should try to not be hurt by it either way.

    Like that example , yes my dad is a fag, so by saying that makes the word fag...ok...

    NO!

    You are still being acknowledge as something pejorative and by saying, "Yeah, ok, sure, thanks" you are just taking it.

    Maybe it's different for me because I live in Alabama where people are still very much racist and not to mention homophobic.

    SO when I see another black person call someone a Nigger...it just makes me feel ...idk weird. Including Nigga, Niggah etc.

    Why call someone something that carried so much pain.

    Things like that don't need to be embraced, it should be eliminated. However, i think it's nice people try to change meanings of words, but to me changing the meaning keeps the word alive. And as long as it is alive, there will be some who use it badly.


    I agree that it doesn't eliminate the word, but it changes the "hate" behind it. Just like a black person using the "N" word, I don't like that word either, but by them using it so much, it's like they are owning it and it no longer becomes a hate word (depending on who says it). That is why I think that by making the words "common", it makes it just a word.
    The word "queer" is something I rarely hear anymore. And to think it was originally meant to mean "strange".
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    Nov 18, 2012 7:29 PM GMT
    tumblr_l3h2e2to0B1qzp38co1_1280.jpg?AWSA
    I agree. You'll never be able to censor other people's words, so the only emotionally healthy response is to alter your reaction to them. Embracing these words is an obvious alternative. Continuing to allow your feelings to be trampled will only keep you in victim-mode. But let's face it....there are plenty of people who enjoy being the victim.
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    Nov 18, 2012 7:32 PM GMT
    You could always watch British TV in hopes of "fag" not sounding quite as bad as it does in the US. However, despite all the Britcoms I've watched over the years, I still cringe a little at hearing that word, lol.
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    Nov 18, 2012 7:34 PM GMT
    intentions > actions
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    Nov 18, 2012 7:41 PM GMT
    uncgymguy saidWhat are your thoughts on embracing derogatory names?

    I was listening (again) to a talk show and the topic came up. A female caller said that she thinks people should embrace them because it takes the hurt away from the word. She says she uses the words "dyke", "cunt", and anything else people use to be mean to her.

    I think it takes away the power of others to use them to hurt or demean someone. I once advised my son, who was eight at the time, to respond when asked if it was true that his dad is a "fag", "Yes, my dad is a fag, so what's the big deal?". Once he did that, the kids at school stopped trying to make him feel bad about their name calling.



    While I see the merit in this, I also see another side you might not be aware of.

    Like this: Kids say to little Joey kid that his Mom is a stupid bitch-cunt. Kid embraces derogatory term by saying, "Yes my Mom is a stupid bitch-cunt."
    Kids then stop saying that because little Joey agreed with them.

    Not great.

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    Nov 18, 2012 7:46 PM GMT
    nicodegallo saidYou could always watch British TV in hopes of "fag" not sounding quite as bad as it does in the US. However, despite all the Britcoms I've watched over the years, I still cringe a little at hearing that word, lol.



    I use the word myself. Hell, my straight EMPLOYEE even calls me "fag" on occasion. Doesn't hurt my feelings one bit because I know his intentions are not evil. Words are meaningless without intent. I wish people could just understand that.
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    Nov 18, 2012 8:23 PM GMT
    THANK YOU!!

    This is what I've been saying for years now. Remove the words "harmfulness" and you've removed all the power of it. Since it is just a word. God knows I love using the word "Faggot". Not as much as "cunt" but still.

    The sooner we over these words the sooner we can get over ourselves. This all leads into my argument about how apathy is good.
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    Nov 18, 2012 8:24 PM GMT
    Medjai saidAlternatively, you could just ignore them.

    Using such language to defer insult shows there is still an insult there. Simply ignoring the attack invalidates it altogether.


    This. The point isn't the word, it's the intent behind the word, which is to show disrespect. The fact that the person failed to hurt your feelings doesn't erase the fact that they are consciously trying to show you disrespect.... Having thick skin doesn't mean tolerating and embracing insults.
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    Nov 18, 2012 8:31 PM GMT
    Words have as much power as you give to the person who says them.

    I don't care what anyone thinks about me, so I rarely take offense to anything.

    I won't use derogatory words to refer to myself, but I don't mind when others do.

    Everyone has a right to say what they want. It's not like we can stop them anyways. What's important is knowing the truth and doing your best to live by it and surrounding yourself with people who care more for the truth than what people will think about you.
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    Nov 18, 2012 8:34 PM GMT
    caramelopelon saidIntelligent, conscious and aware Black people DO NOT embrace the 'N' word under any circumstance, in any context! Please don't be confused about that! icon_cool.gif


    This past year I saw a Black university professor (of literature?) on TV talk about the importance of keeping Uncle Tom's Cabin in its' original form and not translate "politically incorrect" words to make it teachable in grade school. He considers these words fundamental in conveying the spirit of the book and the period that it took place. He himself said that he enjoys using the "N" word when speaking amongst his black friends. The impression of him was that of an "Intelligent, conscious and aware" American man.
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    Nov 18, 2012 9:01 PM GMT
    I always wonder why white people are so interested in the word nigger.

    I have never wanted to call anyone any other derogatory term for their race.

    I really don't see how the word nigger is useful to white people so any time I come across a white person who has spent and inordinate amount of time contemplating the "injustice" of not being able to use the word freely, I wonder under what circumstances this person would need to use the word and why he feels so limited by the fact that he can't. If you have a burning desire to say it, I just can't help but wonder why.

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    Nov 18, 2012 9:09 PM GMT
    DEKIRUMAN saidI always wonder why white people are so interested in the word nigger.

    I have never wanted to call anyone any other derogatory term for their race.

    I really don't see how the word nigger is useful to white people so any time I come across a white person who has spent and inordinate amount of time contemplating the "injustice" of not being able to use the word freely, I wonder under what circumstances this person would need to use the word and why he feels so limited by the fact that he can't. If you have a burning desire to say it, I just can't help but wonder why.


    I don't know about white people, but I don't understand why there are people at my gym (Blacks, also South Asians) who use that as an interjection every 5 words or so when speaking amongst themselves in public. They seem to have the need to be heard saying it. I grew up knowing that it's a word that shouldn't be used at all. When I hear it used incessantly at the gym my eyebrows rise and I have an urge to go up the guys and smash in their faces.
  • FRE0

    Posts: 4865

    Nov 18, 2012 9:15 PM GMT
    nicodegallo saidYou could always watch British TV in hopes of "fag" not sounding quite as bad as it does in the US. However, despite all the Britcoms I've watched over the years, I still cringe a little at hearing that word, lol.


    What about "batty man?"

    Actually, I eschew all words that people might find offensive.
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    Nov 18, 2012 10:03 PM GMT
    It's a double standard. If one thing to show that you're ok with the word if it's about your group.
    If you use the offensive word about a group of which you're not a part, you look classless and tacky (at best). It's just better to not include certain offensive words in your vocabulary.
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    Nov 18, 2012 10:08 PM GMT
    Are you ok if someone keep calling you a fag then?

    If you think faggot sounds like a beautiful word in your ears then yes.icon_rolleyes.gif