First time dater

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 19, 2012 3:05 AM GMT
    The back story... I met a guy! We talked for a week or two online and then got together one night with me staying over. Then 3 nights in the next week, got come booty calls with him and then we actually went out to the bar with some of his friends which turned in to me spending the entire weekend with him. Each weekend (except for one when he was busy and one when I was out of town) for the last month and a half we've done something in the evening and I've stayed over. We text pretty much all the time, even about dumb things. I really like spending time with him.

    Here's my problem/need for advice. I'm not sure exactly where we stand or how I proceed. Each time we've gone out he's introduced me as his "friend" to people I don't know but a good friend of his makes comments all the time calling him my "boyfriend." As well, I don't see him at all during the week and see him on where we met online (though I know, I'm on it too as I obviously see him on there). I don't want to have a talk with him like what are we or where is this going or are we exclusive because I don't want to push him away. And this is my first gay relationship (if you can call it a relationship) so I have NO CLUE what i'm doing.
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    Nov 19, 2012 4:00 PM GMT
    Enjoy the time you two are spending together definitely, but don't count your eggs before they've hatched!

    Don't be too discouraged that he is referring you as his "friend" for the time being. Until you two have the "talk" it would be a bit presumptuous to say you guys are official.

    But you're in the right mindset to not be pushy!
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    Nov 19, 2012 5:29 PM GMT
    I've been to that place a thousand times. It sounds like you're trying to control something you can't-- a relationship that is based on a few weeks of talking and rubbing.

    1)It's impossible/insane, and 2)it's codependent.

    The 'spiritual' solution is... Don't.
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    Nov 19, 2012 5:55 PM GMT
    Like they said ... just enjoy the time your spending with him. it might take a while.. eventually i would talk to him .. hover until then just enjoy.

    What i always say is"if you look like a duck, and talk like duck ... than your a duck"

    If you talk like a cpl and look like a cpl than you are. you don't need the title .. not yet in the early dating stage. not until you get serious.

    But don't stop seeing people either cus you might miss something great icon_biggrin.gif

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    Nov 19, 2012 7:28 PM GMT
    Both those guys are right. I was in the same situation as you and just went with the flow. Enjoy the time you spend with the guy and if it's meant to be it's meant to be.He'll let you know if he wants to be "friends" or a couple.

    In the mean time go out, meet other guys (good for the mind) so you don't loose yourself,in something so fresh, as one guy told me.icon_smile.gif
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    Nov 20, 2012 4:39 AM GMT
    Same advice as some people above. Just enjoy it and don't sweat over labels too much at this point.

    Sometimes it can be OK to take the lead on initiating the "talk" as long as you know where he stands. My bf was the one who initiated the "talk" with me, although by that point I told him that I wasn't looking for a bf but I would be open to the idea of having one.

    Try to feel out where he stands and then go with your gut feeling. He may well be in a similar mind set as me at that time, that is not looking for a bf but would be open to the idea of having a bf (taking a passive role in initiating it).
  • cavecanem10

    Posts: 70

    Nov 21, 2012 2:01 AM GMT
    First of all-congrats!

    Second of all, be careful with your emotions, but have fun! It is somewhat concerning that both of you are on the site that you guys met (presumably it's the meat and greet kind). I've been down this road before of constant texting/flirting/going on dates/etc, but he was still online and looking and in the end, he was double dipping and I wanted more.

    Eventually it'll be time to DTR (define the relationship), it's gonna be a big jump especially if you don't see eye to eye. But if you do-then you're in luck, but if not, move on and realize that there are many more fish in the sea.
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    Nov 25, 2012 3:55 PM GMT
    I guess the "title" thing isn't my biggest issue because I do simply like spending time with him. Even if it's just sitting on the couch watching TV with him. Like he was tired last week but invited me over because he hadn't seen me for 2 weeks. I think it's just more me not knowing anything about this. I only see him on the weekend, mainly because I work at 6 am weekdays. I want to see him more but I don't want to be pushy and needy. He's more experienced in the relationship department and I'm brand new (to guys).
  • TheAlchemixt

    Posts: 2294

    Nov 25, 2012 4:09 PM GMT
    Off course he would refer to you as his friend at first. If he were to refer you as his boyfriend without having that talk with you he'd look Crazy!
    You obviously like him just take it slow, there is no need to rush let him bring it up and if it never comes up after a long while then just say, "I enjoy spending time with you, but where do you see this going?" If he says nowhere at least you can be friends or something and move on and you won't have to worry about what in the hell is going on.
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    Nov 25, 2012 4:37 PM GMT
    dude, I totally understand where you're coming from.

    It can be a bit frustrating, but I think some good advice has been dispensed on here. Just go with it....dont worry about this and that....and how you're inexperienced in relationships, etc. Just hang out, have fun, do your thing, see where this goes. Let it naturally flow without being pushy, needy, or clingy. Yuck.

    Hanging out on the weekends is fine. You dont necessarily need to see eachother everyday. I mean, you have your life, and he has his. Time apart is fine. Communicating everyday is good too. Just keep it light, yet show interest and see where it goes.

    Goodluck, man
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    Nov 25, 2012 5:09 PM GMT

    lol, it's a pretty sweet feeling.

    Here, a fave song this time performed by a couple of guys...(and yes I'm an incurabe romantic)