Does it make me self hating I don't really like dating other black guys ?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 19, 2012 1:25 PM GMT
    I mean Im not close minded. If one was openly gay and didn't come off like a complete asshole I'd consider it as with anyone. But for some reason I just find myself hesitant to be with them cause I'm not really attracted to them.

    Any thoughts?
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    Nov 19, 2012 4:07 PM GMT
    Remember when you first started questioning you were gay? Did you deny it? Did you swear up and down that you weren't? How did that end up?

    Do you think you'd be feeling this way if you were raised in a country where black people were the prominent figures of beauty in films, commercials, magazine ads, television shows, and news anchor roles?

    Something to think about.

    Don't feel bad for being a product of your environment. The sooner you come to terms with whatever is eating at you, the sooner you can learn how to either understand and overcome it or understand and accept it.
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    Nov 20, 2012 1:14 PM GMT
    I never thought about it that way.
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    Nov 20, 2012 1:53 PM GMT
    Yeah agreed with MATSU and i'd like to add something


    Something that I always ask people who ask this question regardless of ethnicity is

    how can you expect someone else to embrace your ethnicity if you cannot do the same?

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    Nov 20, 2012 2:39 PM GMT
    I wouldn't say I disown being black but I don't go around acting like cock of the walk just because of my ethnicity.
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    Nov 20, 2012 3:09 PM GMT
    you're worried about being perceived as close minded and self loathing. really think about what matsu is asking you and be honest with yourself

    it seems to me that you've associated a stigma to what gay/bi black men are which is why you're unlikely to give them a shot unless they can prove right off the bat that they're an exception to those stigmas.

    So what im saying is that other people might share the same views as you which of course may work against you especially if you like the guy.
  • great_scott

    Posts: 519

    Nov 20, 2012 4:38 PM GMT
    Oh no. Shrek will not be looking down on us today. No. Don't even dignify this with serious replies.
  • Import

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    Nov 20, 2012 4:42 PM GMT
    I dunno how u can't like blk guys.
    They're sexy. I love 'em.

    something real sexy about a confident black man that dresses well. OMG. YES
  • Kriss

    Posts: 690

    Nov 21, 2012 4:04 PM GMT
    great_scott saidOh no. Shrek will not be looking down on us today. No. Don't even dignify this with serious replies.


    You're fucking rude. Excuse my language but he was asking a valid question not everyone is attracted to the same thing and some people simply want to better understand themselves and what they want in life which is I think where Mashoga is going with this. "Great_Scott" more like god dam anal ass wipe. If you are not here to give this man advice get out the thread and don't post such comments.

    Mashoga I think Matsu and Tmac are giving you great advice. I would solidfy it by saying that you really just need to keep your eyes open, because not everyone is the same remember that. To get to really know people sometimes it takes more than just an initial meeting. Thats why you should never judge someone solely on a first impression.
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    Nov 21, 2012 4:44 PM GMT
    If the guy is hot, he is hot irrespective of race/ethnicity.
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    Nov 21, 2012 5:31 PM GMT
    no it does not
  • great_scott

    Posts: 519

    Nov 21, 2012 11:05 PM GMT
    Kriss said
    great_scott saidOh no. Shrek will not be looking down on us today. No. Don't even dignify this with serious replies.


    You're fucking rude. Excuse my language but he was asking a valid question not everyone is attracted to the same thing and some people simply want to better understand themselves and what they want in life which is I think where Mashoga is going with this. "Great_Scott" more like god dam anal ass wipe. If you are not here to give this man advice get out the thread and don't post such comments.

    Mashoga I think Matsu and Tmac are giving you great advice. I would solidfy it by saying that you really just need to keep your eyes open, because not everyone is the same remember that. To get to really know people sometimes it takes more than just an initial meeting. Thats why you should never judge someone solely on a first impression.


    My fault. Guess I just got a bit worked up knowing I don't have a shot with Precious. I'm crushed.
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    Nov 22, 2012 2:41 PM GMT
    great_scott saidOh no. Shrek will not be looking down on us today. No. Don't even dignify this with serious replies.


    Oh child come your ass down and pick up a book cause obviously you don't know who to read. Where in that original post did I saw something like 'Oh Im too good to be with a black guy' or anything of the like? Yeah I thought so.

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    Nov 22, 2012 2:50 PM GMT
    tmac saidyou're worried about being perceived as close minded and self loathing. really think about what matsu is asking you and be honest with yourself

    it seems to me that you've associated a stigma to what gay/bi black men are which is why you're unlikely to give them a shot unless they can prove right off the bat that they're an exception to those stigmas.

    So what im saying is that other people might share the same views as you which of course may work against you especially if you like the guy.


    You're right I do have some preconceived notions that I don't particularly like that I have since the same thoughts could be slung right back at me. But at the same time I have tried to put it behind me before and it has always back fired on me. Either he was on the DL and didn't want his girl to know but could still fuck or he was so into that closet that he expanded it to a studio apartment, lol.

    But I know that everyone is not represntative of the men I've been with. Cause I've seen and been with white assholes as well.

    However my original question wasn't so much referring to what I thought about them because I have prejudgments about everyone even though I know I shouldn't. I meant more that by and large I don't really find myself attracted to other black. There are some exceptions but physically I don't find myself attracted to them. That's why I was asking if maybe that meant on some level I'm not aware of that I secretly dislike myself and my own race.

    But you guys have certainly given some really good points and advice.
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    Nov 22, 2012 5:42 PM GMT
    I was just thinking about this a while ago:

    Perhaps it's the exotic/erotic factor at work here. When I was younger I never really fit in with the white kids at school and I always around them which lead to a very lonely existence. I've been around black men all my life though and I never really felt out of place with them. I remember who I got sexually mature most of the men I was attracted to at first were the older upper class men black guys but that fazed out it was white boys of varying types for years. I always felt different than them because of my race and thinking back on it I was raised that way in part. So maybe my lack of physical attraction to black men has more to do with that I crave what previous rejected me and what I find 'exotic'?

    Cause my attraction to Asians, Latinos and so on varies considerably from person to person as well.

    And this doesn't mean I won't date black guys. I've met a few straight ones I wish I could turn its just that I'm not physically attracted to them for some reason.
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    Nov 22, 2012 5:59 PM GMT

    "Perhaps it's the exotic/erotic factor at work here."

    I suspect so. Just look at the muscle fetish topics on here.

    Let's examine white guys for a moment. Some blond/blue eyed guys are attracted to black hair and brown eyed whites. Why aren't they attracted to other blond and blue eyed guys? Self loathing etc? And vice versa. Tall guys only attracted to talls, or only attracted to shorter men, and vice versa. If tall and short were breeds of people so to speak, there'd likely be cries of racism, lol.

    Generalizations of why a person is attracted to something doesn't really work considering the diversity of people.

    Yes some blacks may very well be attracted to whites due to feelings of self inferiority, but the same could be said of out of shape people attracted to the muscular, of skinny people attracted to the heavy-set, of the heavy-set attracted to the skinny.





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    Nov 22, 2012 6:07 PM GMT
    meninlove said
    "Perhaps it's the exotic/erotic factor at work here."

    I suspect so. Just look at the muscle fetish topics on here.

    Let's examine white guys for a moment. Some blond/blue eyed guys are attracted to black hair and brown eyed whites. Why aren't they attracted to other blond and blue eyed guys? Self loathing etc? And vice versa. Tall guys only attracted to talls, or only attracted to shorter men, and vice versa. If tall and short were breeds of people so to speak, there'd likely be cries of racism, lol.

    Generalizations of why a person is attracted to something doesn't really work considering the diversity of people.

    Yes some blacks may very well be attracted to whites due to feelings of self inferiority, but the same could be said of out of shape people attracted to the muscular, of skinny people attracted to the heavy-set, of the heavy-set attracted to the skinny.

    Well I was talking mostly about myself and I don't think it's due to feeling inferior because I don't.

    If you can explain more of where you're going with your response so I can understand more what this has to do with what I was proposing that would be appreciated.




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    Nov 22, 2012 6:19 PM GMT

    lol, I'm agreeing with you that your attraction may very well be merely the exotic/erotic you mentioned.

    I was also addressing claims of possible self loathing or racism at work which topics of this kind are often full of, which is too easy an answer and a rather inaccurate generalization. Just wait, those others comments will arrive here like they usually do on other topics like this one. icon_wink.gif



    PS I'm also addressing your topic title "Does it make me self hating I don't really like dating other black guys ?"

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    Nov 23, 2012 12:31 AM GMT
    meninlove said
    lol, I'm agreeing with you that your attraction may very well be merely the exotic/erotic you mentioned.

    I was also addressing claims of possible self loathing or racism at work which topics of this kind are often full of, which is too easy an answer and a rather inaccurate generalization. Just wait, those others comments will arrive here like they usually do on other topics like this one. icon_wink.gif



    PS I'm also addressing your topic title "Does it make me self hating I don't really like dating other black guys ?"



    Oh I see where you were going with this. Lol sorry I'm slow.
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    May 01, 2013 3:10 AM GMT
    Aw my very first thread!

    I was so young and fat then!