What do you do with a friend who manages to consistently piss you off?

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    Nov 19, 2012 5:58 PM GMT
    So I have a friend who I've danced around dating with that I've known for several months. It never fails, EVERYTIME we go out..he does something either disrespectful or unsavory that leaves me irritated, sometimes for days on end. Sometimes it something little like smoking in my house, or something huge like hooking up with a guy who's trying to hook up with me, or something rude he said.

    The other night we went out, I needed a breather from the club for about an hour. He was occupying his time looking for party favors and I didn't want to spend all night looking for that. But when I returned, he left and is not even there.I call him and he's in the car with some guy heading to his house. Someone he just met. I'm asking where he's going, he's being vague and drunk and then hangs up on me. I didn't hear from him until the next morning.

    He calls me asking me to pick him up and that he'll give me $20 since I'm already on the other side of town. At that point, I'm already annoyed. He then calls back 15 minutes later saying the guy he's at is going to give him a ride. I'm like, don't ask me for a ride when the person you're with can bring you back. And why the hell park your car at my house if you're just going to go home with someone else?

    He gets back mentioning how the guy was a security guard for the club we were at, but that they didn't hookup because he was 'a bottom'. icon_rolleyes.gif Then he's asking me if I'm mad, in which I didn't even bother saying I was because all he does everytime is dismisses my feelings and makes excuses for his uncontrollable behavior that he knows is not the right thing to do. He claimed I ditched him, but didn't even bother texting or calling me to verify that. Later on, he called/texted me like 4 or 5 times and I didn't answer. Only thing I said was I have nothing nice to say and don't want to waste my sunday.

    I just wonder with him when is it going to be the last draw for me? This happened the same night I bought him the new LaCoste cologne for his birthday and I regret even doing it now. If you had or have a friend like this, what do you do? Lately I've been hanging out with him every 2-3 weeks now rather than every week, but he STILL manages to inflict pain.
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    Nov 19, 2012 6:19 PM GMT
    FuzzyPecs25 saidThis happened the same night I bought him the new LaCoste cologne for his birthday and I regret even doing it now.


    Arrogant Doormat?

    This statement sums it up-- I am the center of my own universe, and why would anyone treat me badly. If you volunteer yourself as the victim; you are just as guilty. When you no longer do that, you'll find yourself surrounded by healthy people because you will be just that.

    It's simple: healthy people attract other healthy people. Good Luck!

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    Nov 19, 2012 6:37 PM GMT
    How is that being an arrogant doormat?

    The reason I say I did is because if I'm going to do something thoughful for someone, they should have the decency not to be insolent in the process.

    Yeah the doormat part is understandable, but we generally get along fine until the end of the night. And I usually always have to have a discussion with him about what it was that pissed me off. I didn't bother doing it this time because I needed to sort out whether what I was feeling was rational or not before discussing it. I'm generally not the type to bottle things up.

    In addition, I didn't want to talk about it because as mentioned, he always has some defense to his behavior. It's almost pointless having a discussion.
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    Nov 19, 2012 8:56 PM GMT
    Time for the fisher to cut bait! I have had long time historical friends that I have had to drop for very good reasons. He has to learn shit the hard way.
  • Kriss

    Posts: 690

    Nov 19, 2012 9:23 PM GMT
    sounds like you need to cut loose some friends because that is not going to work out. If its a repeated offense AND you talk to him about it well if he didnt listen the first few times why the hell would it change now?

    People dont just have epiphanies unless you A. Beat it into them or B. They almost die and LIFE Beats it into them. So it just looks like its time to cut the strings count your losses. Remeinesce about the good times and keep it moving. Sorry that sounded really harsh but just truthful.
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    Nov 19, 2012 9:42 PM GMT
    getta hold of the people in jersey to take him for a car ride.......a long car ride..
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    Nov 19, 2012 9:58 PM GMT
    Why the hell are you still friends? Other than you being used for a ride.
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    Nov 19, 2012 10:02 PM GMT
    FuzzyPecs25 saidHow is that being an arrogant doormat?

    The reason I say I did is because if I'm going to do something thoughful for someone, they should have the decency not to be insolent in the process.

    Yeah the doormat part is understandable, but we generally get along fine until the end of the night. And I usually always have to have a discussion with him about what it was that pissed me off. I didn't bother doing it this time because I needed to sort out whether what I was feeling was rational or not before discussing it. I'm generally not the type to bottle things up.

    In addition, I didn't want to talk about it because as mentioned, he always has some defense to his behavior. It's almost pointless having a discussion.


    Don't give gifts if you are going to be resentful. It can never resemble a selfless act if you do. That's the arrogant part of being a doormat; It's the 'look what I've done for you' attitude.

    Sometimes in life we just have to make room for something called grace. That means you understand your part in this and walk away.
  • hawkeye7

    Posts: 565

    Nov 19, 2012 10:47 PM GMT
    oh my gosh cologne?
    Dude walk away now.....you are better.
    The mere fact that you ask others of your peer group means you know it.

    BTW.... women created cologne so that men did not smell like men. Real men want men to smell like men. Sometimes we stink and that is what a shower is for stud. You can come tangle with me any day, but no cologne.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 19, 2012 10:47 PM GMT
    I don't have people who constantly piss me off as friends.

    In your case, don't hang out with him when he's drinking. That should take care of 75% of your issues. Ok maybe 8.5% of your drama.

    Don't you give gifts because you're honoring your friend? Giving a "gift" in order to get something in return is just awful. AWFUL.
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    Nov 19, 2012 11:10 PM GMT
    What do you do? You cut him out of your life.
  • thatirishbast...

    Posts: 3523

    Nov 19, 2012 11:20 PM GMT
    IceBuckets saidWhat do you do? You cut him out of your life.


    I disagree. Honesty can hurt, but it's not harmful. Let the man know what he's doing to piss ye off. Let him know as he's doing it. Let him know that you feel disrespected in terms of the friendship. He doesn't have to change, but he should change how he treats YOU if he wants to remain your friend.

    He may not even know how much his behaviour constantly irritates ye.

    I've had friends who annoyed me to death until I took a break for a few months. We stayed in contact with texts and phone calls. Then we saw each other again and took it casually.

    Cutting someone out of your life usually does irreparable damage to relationships of any type. Make sure you can live your life without this man with no regrets before you do it.
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    Nov 19, 2012 11:20 PM GMT
    [quote]

    Don't give gifts if you are going to be resentful. It can never resemble a selfless act if you do. That's the arrogant part of being a doormat; It's the 'look what I've done for you' attitude.

    Sometimes in life we just have to make room for something called grace. That means you understand your part in this and walk away. [/quote]

    Ths guy knows his shit
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    Nov 19, 2012 11:24 PM GMT
    RJTU.jpg
    -----WINNER!-----

    IceBuckets saidWhat do you do? You cut him out of your life.
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    Nov 19, 2012 11:24 PM GMT
    dude, basically this guy isn't your friend. You're doing what I used to do which is try to see past the bad. The problem is that the bad stuff you're trying to look past is stuff that really bothers you. You need to cut this guy loose and move on with your life. He's obviously not going to change any time soon.
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    Nov 19, 2012 11:25 PM GMT
    deltalimen said
    FuzzyPecs25 saidHow is that being an arrogant doormat?

    The reason I say I did is because if I'm going to do something thoughful for someone, they should have the decency not to be insolent in the process.

    Yeah the doormat part is understandable, but we generally get along fine until the end of the night. And I usually always have to have a discussion with him about what it was that pissed me off. I didn't bother doing it this time because I needed to sort out whether what I was feeling was rational or not before discussing it. I'm generally not the type to bottle things up.

    In addition, I didn't want to talk about it because as mentioned, he always has some defense to his behavior. It's almost pointless having a discussion.


    Don't give gifts if you are going to be resentful. It can never resemble a selfless act if you do. That's the arrogant part of being a doormat; It's the 'look what I've done for you' attitude.

    Sometimes in life we just have to make room for something called grace. That means you understand your part in this and walk away.

    Thanks for your wisdom, deltaliman. You opened my eyes to something I've done repeatedly to myself. I appreciate your candor.
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    Nov 19, 2012 11:43 PM GMT
    FuzzyPecs25 said What do you do with a friend who manages to consistently piss you off?
    Marry him.
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    Nov 19, 2012 11:48 PM GMT
    paulflexes said
    FuzzyPecs25 said What do you do with a friend who manages to consistently piss you off?
    Marry him.


    OMG That's what I was thinking of doing! icon_lol.gif!
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    Nov 19, 2012 11:49 PM GMT
    paulflexes said
    FuzzyPecs25 said What do you do with a friend who manages to consistently piss you off?
    Marry him.

    Nah, they should get a room first. icon_cool.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 20, 2012 12:53 AM GMT
    It's not like you two are life-long friends. You say you've only known the guy for a few months. Why are you so worried about offending him by telling him to stop being a self-absorbed jerk? My guess is that you're attracted to him and are trying to get with him so are willingly putting up with his crap because you hope he'll eventually come around and want to be with you... but that's clearly not going to happen.

    So tell him to stop being a jerk or you'll stop putting up with him.
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    Nov 20, 2012 12:56 AM GMT
    JR_RJ said
    paulflexes said
    FuzzyPecs25 said What do you do with a friend who manages to consistently piss you off?
    Marry him.

    Nah, they should get a room first. icon_cool.gif
    That's adultery and will send you straight to hell! icon_eek.gif
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    Nov 20, 2012 1:06 AM GMT
    thatirishbastard said
    IceBuckets saidWhat do you do? You cut him out of your life.


    I disagree. Honesty can hurt, but it's not harmful. Let the man know what he's doing to piss ye off. Let him know as he's doing it. Let him know that you feel disrespected in terms of the friendship. He doesn't have to change, but he should change how he treats YOU if he wants to remain your friend.

    He may not even know how much his behaviour constantly irritates ye.

    I've had friends who annoyed me to death until I took a break for a few months. We stayed in contact with texts and phone calls. Then we saw each other again and took it casually.

    Cutting someone out of your life usually does irreparable damage to relationships of any type. Make sure you can live your life without this man with no regrets before you do it.

    I'm sorry but this is not a case of "my friend is doing a series of things that annoy me." This guy is pissing the OP off and never fails. He is unable to be around him. Usually, when it's just a thing thats annoying, you can be around that person but then it's outside the "hanging out situation" it's bad. This is a clear inability to cooperate with one another.
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    Nov 20, 2012 1:08 AM GMT
    Macaque said
    Don't you give gifts because you're honoring your friend? Giving a "gift" in order to get something in return is just awful. AWFUL.


    I wasn't expecting anything in return. Where did I say I was? I did it to be thoughtful as a birthday present (I wasn't really rushing either, his b-day was 2 weeks ago and I was out of town, purposely...cause I know how he gets on certain events and him getting kicked out of every bar proved it).

    What i WASN'T expecting was for him to do something something silly that night, but yeah I'll take the blame because he can't help himself not doing something silly. Everytime we go out it turns into a fiasco. But at the same time, it's so much fun. The gay media is always taking pics of us when we go out...atleast once a week it seems. We dance, have fun...but by 12:30, things start going downhill. Way down, to the underground...One of his friends referred to him the other night, "the evil is coming out now..."

    thatirishbastard saidHe may not even know how much his behaviour constantly irritates ye


    I've done that before and yes he'll apologize about most things (smoking, being rude, etc) but then the next week he invents some other way to irritate me and cause a conversation to come up AGAIN. And he can be such a coward, when I start talking he'll either hangup after a few minutes or go home. i'm like go ahead and leave, cause that's what you do best is run like a little bitch.

    So the other morning when I could of had the conversation, The inclination to do it just wasn't even there. He asked to meet up Tuesday during the day, but I haven't decided if I'm ready to see him again.

    Also...I've attempted to not hangout with him when he's out drinking but 95% of the time that's all he wants to do on the weekends. When you're bored and have people who are wayward about wanting to meet you, makes it hard to just say no and stay home/go out alone.
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    Nov 20, 2012 1:09 AM GMT
    paulflexes said
    JR_RJ said
    paulflexes said
    FuzzyPecs25 said What do you do with a friend who manages to consistently piss you off?
    Marry him.

    Nah, they should get a room first. icon_cool.gif
    That's adultery and will send you straight to hell! icon_eek.gif

    As long as they're not mixing fabrics, they should be fine. Are you testing me?
  • XxXxXxAZNxXxX...

    Posts: 615

    Nov 20, 2012 1:10 AM GMT
    FuzzyPecs25 saidSo I have a friend who I've danced around dating with that I've known for several months. It never fails, EVERYTIME we go out..he does something either disrespectful or unsavory that leaves me irritated, sometimes for days on end. Sometimes it something little like smoking in my house, or something huge like hooking up with a guy who's trying to hook up with me, or something rude he said.

    The other night we went out, I needed a breather from the club for about an hour. He was occupying his time looking for party favors and I didn't want to spend all night looking for that. But when I returned, he left and is not even there.I call him and he's in the car with some guy heading to his house. Someone he just met. I'm asking where he's going, he's being vague and drunk and then hangs up on me. I didn't hear from him until the next morning.

    He calls me asking me to pick him up and that he'll give me $20 since I'm already on the other side of town. At that point, I'm already annoyed. He then calls back 15 minutes later saying the guy he's at is going to give him a ride. I'm like, don't ask me for a ride when the person you're with can bring you back. And why the hell park your car at my house if you're just going to go home with someone else?

    He gets back mentioning how the guy was a security guard for the club we were at, but that they didn't hookup because he was 'a bottom'. icon_rolleyes.gif Then he's asking me if I'm mad, in which I didn't even bother saying I was because all he does everytime is dismisses my feelings and makes excuses for his uncontrollable behavior that he knows is not the right thing to do. He claimed I ditched him, but didn't even bother texting or calling me to verify that. Later on, he called/texted me like 4 or 5 times and I didn't answer. Only thing I said was I have nothing nice to say and don't want to waste my sunday.

    I just wonder with him when is it going to be the last draw for me? This happened the same night I bought him the new LaCoste cologne for his birthday and I regret even doing it now. If you had or have a friend like this, what do you do? Lately I've been hanging out with him every 2-3 weeks now rather than every week, but he STILL manages to inflict pain.


    Here's the thing about that...obviously you like him...but I'm not sure he reciprocates the feelings. The prob is he's using u as a go 2 guy....I wouldn't waste my time with this dude...he seems like a total jerk who really is just looking for hookups and enjoys stringing u along because he knows you'll pull thru :/