Do you ever find it hard to care about gay stuff?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 19, 2012 6:22 PM GMT
    For some reason, I don't really care about gay rights. It's kinda frustrating for me actually because I feel like I cared a lot before I came out.

    Since coming out, my concern has waned pretty steadily for the past few years. I would still stick up for gays and advocate for all of the rights and privileges we deserve, but when I do it, I feel like I am arguing on someone else's behalf. I don't feel any ownership over the gay struggle and defending it doesn't feel organic for me.

    The strange thing is that I pretty much feel strongly about everything (sexism, racism, classism, animal welfare etc.) Infractions against any of these groups can really draw out a heart-felt response from me. But I just don't feel that way about gay issues. I never participated in the 'It gets better campaign,' I don't keep up on which states allow gay marriage, or get excited when one tips in our favor. My straight friends are usually more excited about it than I am.

    I never even bothered to look up the gay rights record of the presidential candidates, though I can tell you all sorts of other seemingly meaningless things about them.

    Has anyone experienced something similar? Was it a phase for you or was it permanent?
  • Montague

    Posts: 5205

    Nov 19, 2012 8:00 PM GMT
    All the friggin' time man!

    I could care less about gay rights.. and would like to see it as a much more broader spectrum of human rights
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    Nov 19, 2012 8:02 PM GMT
    Many years ago, a gay rights activist I knew said, "Not every cocksucker is my gay brother."
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    Nov 19, 2012 8:15 PM GMT
    Depends upon what we are talking about as "gay stuff"

    For me, a basic matrix runs down like this...

    Pop Culture: IDGAF sometimes ranging to LOLWUT (such as why anybody gives a fuck about the comings or goings of some random but unfortunately infamously ill-behaved Armenian females (the Kardashians).

    Rob Kardashian's ass, however, remains a matter of great concern, at least until I have the opportunity to plow him into a sex-crazed stupor.


    Fashion: IDGAF ... though I am likely to buy shit off the rack and have it tailored ;)

    Haute Couture (the goofy ass fashion shit that Anduru/McQueen has vapors over) : IRDGAF

    Gay Marriage: I care, but it does not consume my every waking moment of thought.

    Animal Rights/Hunting/Veganism: All animals have the right to be on my dinner plate after being carefully prepared and served with a suitable wine.

    Until then, I care that they otherwise live in healthy and reasonably comfortable conditions.

    Democrats vs Republicans: They all pretty much suck donkey sphincters.
  • FireDoor211

    Posts: 1030

    Nov 19, 2012 8:21 PM GMT
    I feel like we have alot of real issues in our country and in our world. The 2 biggest issues to me are the Environment and the Economy. If neither of those gets fixed then what the hell good is a gay marriage going to do?
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    Nov 19, 2012 8:22 PM GMT
    Gay people deserve rights just as much as any human group. However, I've come to not respect the gay community and, therefore, don't really care about gay rights. I don't think of myself as being part of the gay community (even though I am officially) so I don't have much interest in gay rights.
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    Nov 19, 2012 8:26 PM GMT
    JackTwist saidGay people deserve rights just as much as any human group. However, I've come to not respect the gay community and, therefore, don't really care about gay rights. I don't think of myself as being part of the gay community (even though I am officially) so I don't have much interest in gay rights.


    I think I might be feeling something similar.

    My straight friend actually told me that he thinks that I feel this way because being in the closet allows you to fantasize about and idealize a perceived gay community. Once you actually come out, you can become disillusioned with the realities of the gay community and eventually care about it less.

    The more I think about it, the more I guess it makes sense.
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    Nov 19, 2012 8:26 PM GMT
    ChoklitDaddy saidMany years ago, a gay rights activist I knew said, "Not every cocksucker is my gay brother."


    That's such a sweet quote
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    Nov 19, 2012 8:28 PM GMT
    JackTwist said I've come to not respect the gay community ... I don't think of myself as being part of the gay community (even though I am officially) ...


    Hmm, that's why we call it self-loathing. A bit dramatic for a description, but you get the idea.

    Anyway, the gays come in all stripes, just like the straights. Plenty of gay assholes out there, but plenty of great guys, too.
  • Pontifex

    Posts: 1882

    Nov 19, 2012 8:29 PM GMT
    If by stuff you mean rights, then yes. If by stuff you mean lady Gagas latest exploits then no. Caring about gay rights is caring about yourself. If you don't care about yourself then you have some issues. There is far too much apathy in the world. There are basic rights that everyone deserves and if you can stand around and watch them violated and not care then I question your humanity.
  • HorrorHound

    Posts: 1435

    Nov 19, 2012 8:30 PM GMT
    I'm the same way...
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    Nov 19, 2012 8:36 PM GMT
    I'm old enough to have experienced first hand ugly oppression of gays and the most wretched homophobic opinions stated by well-meaning mainstream people. And also, now that I'm in my 50s, I think about things like inheritance, property rights, pensions, social security and so forth. Gays have not been entitled to the same rights or the respect of others, and have really been short-changed. You are only 21 and quite privileged to attend a prestigious university. So I think if you have a social conscience the cause of gay rights may mean more to you when you have more world experience and are in a less protective environment. One of the things that made me realize how important rights are, is having gotten to know so many senior citizens over the years. The full benefits of marriage gave them so much security in their later years (in terms of finances, property and family support) and I want the same for me.
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    Nov 19, 2012 8:37 PM GMT
    its battle for human rights, everyone deserve to love and belovedicon_wink.gif
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    Nov 19, 2012 8:38 PM GMT
    Pontifex saidIf by stuff you mean rights, then yes. If by stuff you mean lady Gagas latest exploits then no. Caring about gay rights is caring about yourself. If you don't care about yourself then you have some issues. There is far too much apathy in the world. There are basic rights that everyone deserves and if you can stand around and watch them violated and not care then I question your humanity.


    agreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeicon_wink.gif
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    Nov 19, 2012 8:40 PM GMT
    In a way, I do care about "gay rights" but I really think that there is no such thing. They're human rights. A couple of examples:

    Hate groups say, "You can't have gay marriage because that would open the door to polygamy!" Gay activists say, "That's ridiculous, we're only talking about gays here!" I say, "BFD. Any group of two or more consenting adults who want to legally bind themselves together should be able to. And I wish them luck."

    There is a lot of noise about protecting "gay kids" from bullying. And it's always implicit that anyone who gets bullied must be gay. Bullshit. ALL kids deserve protection from bullying. I seriously doubt whether most of those kids have any clue about whether they're "gay," and at that age, they shouldn't have to. It's not a "gay" issue, it's a "bully" issue.
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    Nov 19, 2012 8:52 PM GMT
    There's no reason that just because you're gay that you have to be excited about the politics of it. It sounds like you have other issues that you are excited about so don't sweat it. You can't be passionate about everything that you might have a stake in. Do you best to make a difference where you can in areas that resonate with you.....

    "A rising tide lifts all boats."
  • Pontifex

    Posts: 1882

    Nov 19, 2012 9:22 PM GMT
    There is a difference between being an activist and caring. Most people don't have the time or resources to actively help. I have trouble seeing why someone wouldn't care though. I have heard people say that things are good enough right now. I guess almost being equal is good enough for them.

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    Nov 19, 2012 9:31 PM GMT
    if for some reason it crosses my path and requires personal response or action, then ya....but no, i have a life to live...i'm not an activist.
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    Nov 19, 2012 9:47 PM GMT
    JackTwist saidGay people deserve rights just as much as any human group. However, I've come to not respect the gay community and, therefore, don't really care about gay rights. I don't think of myself as being part of the gay community (even though I am officially) so I don't have much interest in gay rights.

    Fighting for gay rights has nothing to do with being gay or not for me. It has to do with fighting for what is right. Even if I hated every gay men on earth it has nothing to do with them. There's a major flaw in our society that needs to be fixed.
  • wellwell

    Posts: 2265

    Nov 19, 2012 9:59 PM GMT
    imasrxd saidThere's no reason that just because you're gay that you have to be excited about the politics of it. It sounds like you have other issues that you are excited about so don't sweat it. You can't be passionate about everything that you might have a stake in. Do your best to make a difference where you can in areas that resonate with you.....

    "A rising tide lifts all boats."


    Agree
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 19, 2012 9:59 PM GMT
    Deki, I think it won't matter to you til something happens to you or someone you really care about, and then of course it will. icon_wink.gif
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    Nov 19, 2012 10:22 PM GMT
    I read somewhere the other day that in a civil society it is a good thing to take our liberties for granted. It was in the context of the UK, so it was talking about healthcare, education, civil rights and all. So in one sense I identify with the OP, in that many of us have the luxury of our basic freedoms not being impinged. Living in London, I can show my man off however I want, and be pretty damn blase about it.

    Then I read tweets from Uganda, and see youtube clips of young people back home in my childhood town, and realise that we're nowhere near done yet. Then that extraordinary quote from the German Pastor in the 1940s comes to mind:


    "First they came for the socialists,
    and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a socialist.

    Then they came for the trade unionists,
    and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a trade unionist.

    Then they came for the Jews,
    and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a Jew.

    Then they came for me,
    and there was no one left to speak for me."


    So my question to myself is, which is more relevant? To just live openly and quietly occupy my own space, or to make some noise on other people's behalf? I'm not done figuring it out yet.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 19, 2012 10:26 PM GMT
    I don't give a fuck about gay rights. I care about my own rights. Since I'm gay, that means fighting for gay rights can directly benefit me.
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    Nov 19, 2012 11:50 PM GMT
    I care about human rights, which include gay rights. If I didn't care about gay rights then I wouldn't care about human rights. Human rights don't exist when all humans aren't included.

    In the USA where I live, as a gay man, my human rights are at risk from the gay haters, and from the disinterested & lazy, which includes some of my fellow gays.

    I sometimes wish a list could be made, of gays who rejected or even actively opposed gay rights. Who would not be eligible for any of the benefits & rights that others gays are slowly winning. You didn't want them, you didn't care, you didn't earn them, then fine - you don't get them.

    But since human rights are by definition inalienable, they should never be denied. Which makes me wonder even more why some gays continue to deny their own rights.
  • Ej101

    Posts: 444

    Nov 19, 2012 11:53 PM GMT
    I do not care about anything gay