Blowing my load too soon (starting a relationship)

  • Spiritreaver

    Posts: 2086

    Nov 21, 2012 9:26 AM GMT
    I have a really bad habit during the beginnings of dating or a relationship. I get too attached too quickly. To the point where I think I scare people away or come off desperate. Makes me feel borderline crazy sometimes.

    Right now I've been talking with a guy, and the talks have been very friendly, not very intimate, but occasionally flirty. Things are moving much slower than I'm used to, but I'm starting to get attached and feel as if I'm moving toward forcing things. That's bad. I've started testing and calling him more, and I get the feeling it may be bothering him.

    My chance with this guy is probably ruined, but I'm mostly making this thread to get tips. Any way I combat this? I was thinking about going as far as deleting someone's contact info until they initiate a conversation. But aside from that I really don't know what to do to try and curb myself from going after someone too hard too fast.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 21, 2012 12:05 PM GMT
    Maybe the problem is with them, not you.

    Are you feeling like you're moving too fast because they don't seem as interested? Will you feel more or less interested if someone gets attached to you at your normal pace?

    But if you must, distract yourself with your own life, don't get obsessed.

    And don't give your power away.
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    Nov 21, 2012 2:18 PM GMT
    It's just a matter of finding the right person who feels the same way you do. Some guys like to close the deal quickly, while others are into long, tedious courtships. Some guys are easily intimidated or threatened by overzealous potential lovers. Some guys, on the other hand, are intrigued by guys who wear their heart on their sleeves. There's someone out there for you who will appreciate you for who you are and who will not be scared that he may find his pet rabbit boiling on his stove when he comes home from work one day.
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    Nov 21, 2012 3:55 PM GMT
    Nothing wrong with you. It's just your style. You're probably a very passionate guy. I personally like a guy that comes at me full bore. I can handle it 'cause usually I'm coming back at you just the same.

    BE WHO YOU ARE!

    Your Mr. Right is out there for you but you won't find him if you're being someone you're not.
  • chris_hasting...

    Posts: 197

    Nov 21, 2012 4:00 PM GMT
    hm, might be my prob too, i say fuck him and let him contact you, if he doesn't he's not interested in even being your friend. i had this issue with a douche over here, he's in desperate need of some social skills/etiquette classes as well as a severe de-bitching of his personality.

    i tested him and stopped texting (only ever did it like once a day) and then he ended up never messaging me again. i dont' really care though, i was fed up with his issues the third time we hung out.
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    Nov 21, 2012 4:01 PM GMT
    If you're aware of it, than its not the issue. Like crazy people never question their sanity. "Only" sane people think their crazy. You're not a bad guy... you're second guessing yourself. Trust yourself, and it may be cause there is something about the other guy you don't acknowledge fully as putting you off, that is actually turning you off, though you try... just a hypothesis, not a final answer.
    You can either keep going, or cut it off. It's your choice; and if either make you happy, than what you choose can't be wrong. Plenty of fish in the sea; and when the time is right, you'll know it. Sometimes, you just know... Good luck, handsome. icon_wink.gificon_wink.gificon_wink.gif
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    Nov 21, 2012 4:02 PM GMT
    I agree, you shouldn't change the way you are, if that is right for you, the guy who is right for you will not be put off. If he is, he's not right for you.
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    Nov 21, 2012 4:03 PM GMT
    I say you try backing off a bit and see if the guy takes the bite and contacts you. You can come on too strong in the beginning and scare some guys off as being needy or desperate but if they respond without your initiation, then it tells you they have more interest. Like eating, it's all about moderation. You'll be happier with yourself if you don't gorge on the affection but instead feed on it in smaller amounts for a longer period of time. A little to satisfy your need (slight flirting) to lead to a more substantial involvement (dating).
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    Nov 21, 2012 4:04 PM GMT
    some just don't have the same endurance icon_lol.gif but just more patience should suffice and giving the ball more often to the other court
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    Nov 21, 2012 4:05 PM GMT
    Yes, I agree with the above reply: "BE WHO YOU ARE".... It seems to me that if you are "being you" and something about your modus operandi is making the other guy uncomfortable, yet he is indeed interested or "into" you, then he will be willing to take the risk to tell you what it is that is making him uncomfortable. Then you two can work through that little thing and proceed to move forward with the friendship. I hope this makes sense... I still need another cup of coffee here.... But all in all, be on guard against over-thinking things and tripping over your own over-analysis. Good luck to you!
  • jayatl56

    Posts: 463

    Nov 21, 2012 4:09 PM GMT
    There's that thing I call the swing that's out there. You push or move towards him (push might not be the correct term) and he retracts. When he moves towards you, you retract. I think it's pretty natural in the beginning of things until there's a comfort level that's eventually found and you both come together. It doesn't always happen and you should be aware of that. It might not happen - the attraction might not be on the level you want. But there might be a friendship there and that shouldn't be overlooked.
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    Nov 21, 2012 4:21 PM GMT
    It's good that you noticed your own feelings, but don't let it change your habits.
    Often times when when starting relationships, people tend to forgo their hobbies and friends. You subtly place a priority on that person over time, and it can feel bad when you realize you aren't in the same position in his mind.

    So go out, have fun, and be active. That way you won't be sitting at home brooding!
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    Nov 21, 2012 4:23 PM GMT
    the problem is not the other guys but you, you don't really love yourself as much as you should, you are not complete, so you try to find someone to fill the empty space inside and attach yourself to quickly thinking that maybe this guy will give you what you want satisfy the empty space, but what u have to realize is that only you can fill that up by loving yourself, and you become complete, when you become complete you will except love from everyone and everywhere, not just one person, if you get in a relationship with someone in the state you are in it will never last because you will always want to take from that guy, and if he can't give u what u want the relationship will begin to crumble. but if you are complete you don't need to take from that guy, u can have a perfect relationship. its good to work on your body, but people now in days work way to much on there body to improve it and forget about whats inside, forget to improve themselves, and the inside is much more important then the outside.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Nov 21, 2012 4:28 PM GMT
    find another guy who has the same problem
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    Nov 21, 2012 4:31 PM GMT
    archon saidthe problem is not the other guys but you, you don't really love yourself as much as you should, you are not complete, so you try to find someone to fill the empty space inside and attach yourself to quickly thinking that maybe this guy will give you what you want satisfy the empty space, but what u have to realize is that only you can fill that up by loving yourself, and you become complete, when you become complete you will except love from everyone and everywhere, not just one person, if you get in a relationship with someone in the state you are in it will never last because you will always want to take from that guy, and if he can't give u what u want the relationship will begin to crumble. but if you are complete you don't need to take from that guy, u can have a perfect relationship. its good to work on your body, but people now in days work way to much on there body to improve it and forget about whats inside, forget to improve themselves, and the inside is much more important then the outside.

    i love you
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 21, 2012 4:34 PM GMT
    It could be your passion, as other's have said, or it could be your insecurities, which is a reason to do some deep thinking about why you latch in this way.
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    Nov 21, 2012 4:36 PM GMT
    Davidolce said
    archon saidthe problem is not the other guys but you, you don't really love yourself as much as you should, you are not complete, so you try to find someone to fill the empty space inside and attach yourself to quickly thinking that maybe this guy will give you what you want satisfy the empty space, but what u have to realize is that only you can fill that up by loving yourself, and you become complete, when you become complete you will except love from everyone and everywhere, not just one person, if you get in a relationship with someone in the state you are in it will never last because you will always want to take from that guy, and if he can't give u what u want the relationship will begin to crumble. but if you are complete you don't need to take from that guy, u can have a perfect relationship. its good to work on your body, but people now in days work way to much on there body to improve it and forget about whats inside, forget to improve themselves, and the inside is much more important then the outside.

    i love you


    heheheicon_cool.gificon_cool.gificon_cool.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 21, 2012 4:38 PM GMT
    No, I dont love Archon he is just playing humble!

    calibro saidfind another guy who has the same problem


    I love you.
  • weneedlovetoo

    Posts: 92

    Nov 21, 2012 4:40 PM GMT
    Spiritreaver saidI have a really bad habit during the beginnings of dating or a relationship. I get too attached too quickly. To the point where I think I scare people away or come off desperate. Makes me feel borderline crazy sometimes.

    Right now I've been talking with a guy, and the talks have been very friendly, not very intimate, but occasionally flirty. Things are moving much slower than I'm used to, but I'm starting to get attached and feel as if I'm moving toward forcing things. That's bad. I've started testing and calling him more, and I get the feeling it may be bothering him.

    My chance with this guy is probably ruined, but I'm mostly making this thread to get tips. Any way I combat this? I was thinking about going as far as deleting someone's contact info until they initiate a conversation. But aside from that I really don't know what to do to try and curb myself from going after someone too hard too fast.


    That is my problem as well, and mine didn't end well cuz we ended up just being friend. Now i learned my lesson lmao. What i do now is I would initiate a conversation and then wait till he initiate the next one.
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    Nov 21, 2012 4:51 PM GMT
    har19 saidNo, I dont love Archon he is just playing humble!

    calibro saidfind another guy who has the same problem


    I love you.


    love me!!!icon_evil.gificon_evil.gificon_evil.gif and worship me as your god king!!!icon_evil.gificon_evil.gificon_evil.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 21, 2012 4:52 PM GMT
    COCKRINGS
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 21, 2012 4:57 PM GMT
    Okay first.. I misread the title. haha. icon_smile.gif

    Anyway second.. I think you should tell the person how you feel. You're gonna feel sorry or just get worse if you don't do anything and just leave him be. Sure, you might be bothering him but.. at least you'll get it off your chest.
  • mr_bijae

    Posts: 229

    Nov 21, 2012 5:03 PM GMT
    UndercoverMan saidNothing wrong with you. It's just your style. You're probably a very passionate guy. I personally like a guy that comes at me full bore. I can handle it 'cause usually I'm coming back at you just the same.

    BE WHO YOU ARE!

    Your Mr. Right is out there for you but you won't find him if you're being someone you're not.


    Great advice!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 21, 2012 5:45 PM GMT
    I am the same way, OP -- sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. Depens a lot on the other guy.

    It could also be two different sryles, and maybe he likes yours, but has his own.

    Maybe he is playing "hard to get"?




  • weneedlovetoo

    Posts: 92

    Nov 21, 2012 5:46 PM GMT
    Sebastian2 saidOkay first.. I misread the title. haha. icon_smile.gif

    Anyway second.. I think you should tell the person how you feel. You're gonna feel sorry or just get worse if you don't do anything and just leave him be. Sure, you might be bothering him but.. at least you'll get it off your chest.


    did that on my 4th date and I got a " We're just friend" lmao.