Would you get seriously involved with a guy with young kids?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 22, 2012 6:15 AM GMT
    Here's a question I need some honest feedback on.

    I have two kids, a 3 1/2 year old and a 2 year old. I have had a lot of guys make advances because of what is clearly a "daddy" fantasy, most of them have been more interested in sex than getting to know me.

    There's not a lot of nice guys knocking on my door lately. When I talk to a guy I'm interested in I tell him upfront that I have two kids. When I do, I get one of two responses, 1) he runs like hell or 2) the conversation quickly switches to sex and hooking up. Should I now consider my romantic life DOA and go for the hookups? How do you feel about guys with kids?
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    Nov 22, 2012 6:23 AM GMT
    I would. But that's me.

    Having kids sure does serve as a "maturity filter" for any guy who you might meet.
  • Just_Tim

    Posts: 1723

    Nov 22, 2012 6:30 AM GMT
    I may be a little too young to answer this one,but it wouldn't be a problem for me. Not because of the previously mentioned "daddy" fantasy either.

    I once dated a girl with kids. It didn't work out, but for different reasons.icon_wink.gif
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    Nov 22, 2012 6:30 AM GMT
    Kids = unwanted baggage.
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    Nov 22, 2012 6:31 AM GMT
    I would, but after months of chat, he stood me up three times. And the guy was a bit paranoid that neither the kids or anyone in his neighborhood could ever see us together. Good grief. icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Nov 22, 2012 6:34 AM GMT
    Oh, and I don't know about you, but I get contacted by a lot of sketchy random people on-line who want to know if I'm a "real dad" and "into fam." I don't have a clue what they want and not sure I even want to know.
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    Nov 22, 2012 6:36 AM GMT
    only if he is divorced !

    My boyfriend is 54 ,has a daughter older than me
    BUT IS DIVORCED
    & Open to his family now

    & loves to stay & care me
    he's BLONDE, Not very Good-looking ,American , who has white hairs , Doesnt speak my language ,

    BUT I LOVE HIM & HE LOVES ME TOO

    thats all that matters to me
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Nov 22, 2012 6:40 AM GMT
    You need a man .. who has kids

    It also depends on the man
    Some men are not close to their kids
    Some men their kids will come first and you will come last
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    Nov 22, 2012 6:42 AM GMT
    Sam_u_el saidhe's BLONDE, Not very Good-looking ,American , who has white hairs , Doesnt speak my language
    wow you speak so highly of him icon_neutral.gif
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    Nov 22, 2012 6:45 AM GMT
    Tonka saidShould I now consider my romantic life DOA and go for the hookups? How do you feel about guys with kids?


    1) Bottom line is that it's your life- it's how you want, but ask yourself this- as a father of two, how would you feel about your teenage kids, now 17 and 15 hooking up with people they just met?

    2) I want kids myself. It's almost a non-issue, but if the kid has autism, then I would feel like a burden because he'd have to take care of someone with autism as well as someone who was diagnosed with Asperger's.
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    Nov 22, 2012 6:52 AM GMT
    McQueen said
    Sam_u_el saidhe's BLONDE, Not very Good-looking ,American , who has white hairs , Doesnt speak my language
    wow you speak so highly of him icon_neutral.gif



    Well yes
    The truth is he is "NOT VERY GOOD-LOOKING "
    SO what ?
    I cant deny the truth
    what matters is !
    That he is beautiful from inside

    What he is ,is what he is !
    When i compare to all the guys i dated in the past , He is the not a model or a fashion mongrel
    He's a simple man ,though
    & still important to me
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 22, 2012 6:53 AM GMT
    Well U need to find the right guy , when u do , your query would chase off

    Dont live with stereotypes for all gays being the same
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    Nov 22, 2012 3:18 PM GMT
    Tonka saidHere's a question I need some honest feedback on.

    I have two kids, a 3 1/2 year old and a 2 year old. I have had a lot of guys make advances because of what is clearly a "daddy" fantasy, most of them have been more interested in sex than getting to know me.

    There's not a lot of nice guys knocking on my door lately. When I talk to a guy I'm interested in I tell him upfront that I have two kids. When I do, I get one of two responses, 1) he runs like hell or 2) the conversation quickly switches to sex and hooking up. Should I now consider my romantic life DOA and go for the hookups? How do you feel about guys with kids?


    It depends on how the guy became a single father and whether or not the other father or mother was still involved but otherwise I wouldn't care. I love kids anyway and especially little ones like yours. Some guys like me eventually want to have kids but don't seem themselves being able to slow down for it but if I could pick up a guy who already has them that would be a plus.
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    Nov 22, 2012 3:21 PM GMT
    I would, I love kids, and kids love me!
  • alphatop

    Posts: 1955

    Nov 22, 2012 3:25 PM GMT
    McQueen saidKids = unwanted baggage.


    No, YOU are unwanted baggage. Unbelievable.icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Nov 22, 2012 3:36 PM GMT
    That would depend on what he expects from me. If he wants me to play dad for his kids, then no because I'm in no way ready for that. If he wants me to interact with them the way I would normally interact with children (like those of friends and family), then I'd be cool with it.
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    Nov 22, 2012 3:44 PM GMT
    Absolutely no problem for me. Actually, I always wanted kids, but at my age that ship seems to have sailed. So, if my significant other has them, that would be fine.
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    Nov 22, 2012 3:49 PM GMT
    I don't think it would be a prob for me... You just need to find the right guy for you. One to accept you and your family...
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    Nov 22, 2012 3:52 PM GMT
    I would. A guy with kids is a sign of patience and devotion!
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    Nov 22, 2012 4:03 PM GMT
    Tonka saidHere's a question I need some honest feedback on.

    I have two kids, a 3 1/2 year old and a 2 year old. I have had a lot of guys make advances because of what is clearly a "daddy" fantasy, most of them have been more interested in sex than getting to know me.

    There's not a lot of nice guys knocking on my door lately. When I talk to a guy I'm interested in I tell him upfront that I have two kids. When I do, I get one of two responses, 1) he runs like hell or 2) the conversation quickly switches to sex and hooking up. Should I now consider my romantic life DOA and go for the hookups? How do you feel about guys with kids?


    Being interested in sex it's not a bad thing , you just need to look for clues behind that. People need time to get used to your situation.

    Are the kids living with you? Two small kids it's great responsability.

    I have a "kid" but he's almost 22. The main issue for me was that back then people assumed right away that i am bi, which I'm not. ...though i explored heterosexuality for 3 years.

    It is also great fun. We used to go to gym together and people thought we were friends.

    I'd suggest don't tell people the first time you meet them in person. Assess them first. Besides your feelings and attractions think of the kids safety first.
    I am assuming the guys are local, i am not a believer in long distance relationships.
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    Nov 22, 2012 4:25 PM GMT
    I have don't have any problem with men who have children but (please don't hate me) I am not ready to date them just yet. icon_sad.gif
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    Nov 22, 2012 4:28 PM GMT
    Tonka saidHere's a question I need some honest feedback on.

    I have two kids, a 3 1/2 year old and a 2 year old. I have had a lot of guys make advances because of what is clearly a "daddy" fantasy, most of them have been more interested in sex than getting to know me.

    There's not a lot of nice guys knocking on my door lately. When I talk to a guy I'm interested in I tell him upfront that I have two kids. When I do, I get one of two responses, 1) he runs like hell or 2) the conversation quickly switches to sex and hooking up. Should I now consider my romantic life DOA and go for the hookups? How do you feel about guys with kids?



    Personally, I wouldn't be interested in a relationship only because I am not interested in having kids, but I also wouldn't go for the two options you state others as having taken. My rule, after all, is "Friends first, lovers later" which gives you the wonderful option of just stopping at "Friends." There are guys out there, I'm sure, who aren't going to be scared by the prospect of kids and like others have said before me, it serves as a maturity filter to see how guys respond to them.
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    Nov 22, 2012 4:29 PM GMT
    I think ideally I would have wanted to know about any children through him, not his ex. It's a possibility depending on the circumstances.
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    Nov 22, 2012 4:29 PM GMT
    Someone else said it, depends on everything else, like if the person who he created these kids with is still in the picture, etc. A parent with their children is a lot of responsibility, at least a good parent, so you are buying into a lot when you have a relationship with someone with young children. It's not the kids that are the issue, it's the adult. Kids tend to show what sort of person you are dealing with very quickly.
    I once went on a date with a guy and as we were talking he told me he had two young children, but they were "not a problem, they lived with their mom across the country, he only saw them on holidays." I left. Loser parents are an indication to me of irresponsibility on a grand scale, for all to see.
    A man with his children can show something even stronger, someone taking responsibility and being a role model. You hardly ever see that in the gay community. Would I want to see a strong, happy, successful man like that sitting across from me at dinner? Hell yeah.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 22, 2012 5:48 PM GMT
    100% I would date a guy with kids. As long as he was a good dad and could balance his life to accomidate a good, realistic relationship with his children as well as with me.

    Now.. until those kids are on their own, your life is no longer just yours. You probably should not just hook up with multiple people when you have young kids. No matter how much you clean, it's bad enough having to kiss your kids good night after doing THINGS with your mouth to your significant other. It would be even worse to have to kiss your kids goodnight with the same mouth that you have slutted it up with every Tom, Dick, and Harry. Yeah you can scrub it, but it's just the idea of it being everywhere else, then used to kiss the kids goodnight. I'm sure you're much smarter and worth more than just a sexy daddy fetish/fantasy. Require and desire more in men.. don't give up.. don't give in. =^)