Let's Face It: Nobody Really Cares About the Personality

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    Nov 22, 2012 3:01 PM GMT
    Of course I was being extreme in my title it does seem that way. I know those of us like myself whose bodies are sturdy but don't resemble The David tell ourselves that guys will really like us once they see our personalities. But even I've only been out a relatively short time I can already see that unless you look like you just jumped off of a set for an Abercrombie and Fitch shoot people ain't giving a shit, lol.

    But here's the thing I have zero interest in being chiseled. Trimmer? Yes. Less likely to have hypertension? Damn straight. But having muscles protruding out of every inch of body wouldn't feel like me. As you can clearly see I'm larger. I'm not obese despite what some gym-a-hoics might say but I am a man of considerable girth.

    So basically my question do you feel sometimes that you may have to put on image (that you may or may not want) just for people to be able to look past the image?
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    Nov 22, 2012 4:00 PM GMT
    You are right and wrong at the same time. It's less about personality and more about confidence. If you don't have confidence then you better have looks. I have neither so yeah. icon_cool.gif

    If I do try to fake confidence, it's so transparent that it's just as bad.
  • PR_GMR

    Posts: 3831

    Nov 22, 2012 4:05 PM GMT
    I agree to an extent with your post. Personality does matter a bit. Yes, what catches your eye at first is the looks and muscles.. but there are many men out there with chiseled good looks that have zero personality, and that's not conducive to a long-term relationship. I agree with IceBuckets post above--It's mainly about confidence. If you're a confident larger men, I'm sure you can meet some people that will be into you and you have to offer.
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    Nov 22, 2012 4:12 PM GMT
    IceBuckets saidYou are right and wrong at the same time. It's less about personality and more about confidence. If you don't have confidence then you better have looks. I have neither so yeah. icon_cool.gif

    If I do try to fake confidence, it's so transparent that it's just as bad.


    I would say I come off as more confident when I'm not trying or when there is a direct need for me to be. Otherwise I would say I'm just average if that makes any sense, lol.
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    Nov 22, 2012 4:12 PM GMT
    MashogaNubianPrince saidOf course I was being extreme in my title it does seem that way. I know those of us like myself whose bodies are sturdy but don't resemble The David tell ourselves that guys will really like us once they see our personalities. But even I've only been out a relatively short time I can already see that unless you look like you just jumped off of a set for an Abercrombie and Fitch shoot people ain't giving a shit, lol.

    But here's the thing I have zero interest in being chiseled. Trimmer? Yes. Less likely to have hypertension? Damn straight. But having muscles protruding out of every inch of body wouldn't feel like me. As you can clearly see I'm larger. I'm not obese despite what some gym-a-hoics might say but I am a man of considerable girth.

    So basically my question do you feel sometimes that you may have to put on image (that you may or may not want) just for people to be able to look past the image?


    Man you are a larger and black, so in the gay context, you are totally fucked. I'm not saying that to bring you down, I'm saying it to let you know that I understand how awfully brainwashed gay men are regarding notions of beauty.

    I don't think your image is ugly, it's just polarizing. There will be many guys who right off the bat will want nothing to do with you because you don't look like kellan lutz (ew) or ryan phillipe, but that's not your fault. There will also be guys who want to have sex with you (almost always in the context of you dominating them because you are so large.) So there are guys who aren't attracted to you, and guys who find you irresistible, all based on looks. So no, personality does not matter really to gay men at all. I think to some of the older ones who have gotten it out of their system it does.........maybe. icon_confused.gif

    Props to you for being proud of who you are. I'm not really gonna try to sugar coat it and say you're the poster-boy for what the average gay man is looking for......I'm not either, it's okay. But at the end of the day, you just have to always remind yourself that there is nothing wrong with the way YOU look, there is something wrong with the way others think.
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    Nov 22, 2012 4:13 PM GMT
    IceBuckets saidYou are right and wrong at the same time. It's less about personality and more about confidence. If you don't have confidence then you better have looks. I have neither so yeah. icon_cool.gif

    If I do try to fake confidence, it's so transparent that it's just as bad.


    And you're not bad looking by the way. You're cute.
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    Nov 22, 2012 4:20 PM GMT
    Gay men are like shallow women, except instead of shoe shopping, they like cock.
    Of course, there are some who are deeper, but good luck finding a well adjusted, "normal" gay man, they are few and far between. No amount of working out, healthy living or looking like David with a personality will help, the healthier people are either gone, married or straight.
    Of course, it is best that you become a healthier person because, as one of these few super healthy people, I can tell you, the last thing we want is a fake one looking for us, because we have all learned from years of experience, you flake/fakes are dangerous and crafty and not crafty in a nice table setting crafty sort of way.
    My advice, run right back into that comfortable closet, learn how to create a nice table setting and form some sort of co-dependent relationship with, well, a farm animal or a drunken gay, because lord knows, there are plenty of both.
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    Nov 22, 2012 4:20 PM GMT
    DEKIRUMAN said
    MashogaNubianPrince saidOf course I was being extreme in my title it does seem that way. I know those of us like myself whose bodies are sturdy but don't resemble The David tell ourselves that guys will really like us once they see our personalities. But even I've only been out a relatively short time I can already see that unless you look like you just jumped off of a set for an Abercrombie and Fitch shoot people ain't giving a shit, lol.

    But here's the thing I have zero interest in being chiseled. Trimmer? Yes. Less likely to have hypertension? Damn straight. But having muscles protruding out of every inch of body wouldn't feel like me. As you can clearly see I'm larger. I'm not obese despite what some gym-a-hoics might say but I am a man of considerable girth.

    So basically my question do you feel sometimes that you may have to put on image (that you may or may not want) just for people to be able to look past the image?


    Man you are a larger and black, so in the gay context, you are totally fucked. I'm not saying that to bring you down, I'm saying it to let you know that I understand how awfully brainwashed gay men are regarding notions of beauty.

    I don't think your image is ugly, it's just polarizing. There will be many guys who right off the bat will want nothing to do with you because you don't look like kellan lutz (ew) or ryan phillipe, but that's not your fault. There will also be guys who want to have sex with you (almost always in the context of you dominating them because you are so large.) So there are guys who aren't attracted to you, and guys who find you irresistible, all based on looks. So no, personality does not matter really to gay men at all. I think to some of the older ones who have gotten it out of their system it does.........maybe. icon_confused.gif

    Props to you for being proud of who you are. I'm not really gonna try to sugar coat it and say you're the poster-boy for what the average gay man is looking for......I'm not either, it's okay. But at the end of the day, you just have to always remind yourself that there is nothing wrong with the way YOU look, there is something wrong with the way others think.


    Yeah I know what you mean. I'm not exactly on anyone's menu nor do I care that I'm the soup du jour for the gay population at large. I'm in entertainment so I get that my looks get me no favors but I'm not trying to lose weight for nan fella alive. But I would prefer if some guys were attracted to me or were able to look past this wall of chocolate and see the person inside, lol.
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    Nov 22, 2012 4:24 PM GMT
    MashogaNubianPrince said
    DEKIRUMAN said
    MashogaNubianPrince saidOf course I was being extreme in my title it does seem that way. I know those of us like myself whose bodies are sturdy but don't resemble The David tell ourselves that guys will really like us once they see our personalities. But even I've only been out a relatively short time I can already see that unless you look like you just jumped off of a set for an Abercrombie and Fitch shoot people ain't giving a shit, lol.

    But here's the thing I have zero interest in being chiseled. Trimmer? Yes. Less likely to have hypertension? Damn straight. But having muscles protruding out of every inch of body wouldn't feel like me. As you can clearly see I'm larger. I'm not obese despite what some gym-a-hoics might say but I am a man of considerable girth.

    So basically my question do you feel sometimes that you may have to put on image (that you may or may not want) just for people to be able to look past the image?


    Man you are a larger and black, so in the gay context, you are totally fucked. I'm not saying that to bring you down, I'm saying it to let you know that I understand how awfully brainwashed gay men are regarding notions of beauty.

    I don't think your image is ugly, it's just polarizing. There will be many guys who right off the bat will want nothing to do with you because you don't look like kellan lutz (ew) or ryan phillipe, but that's not your fault. There will also be guys who want to have sex with you (almost always in the context of you dominating them because you are so large.) So there are guys who aren't attracted to you, and guys who find you irresistible, all based on looks. So no, personality does not matter really to gay men at all. I think to some of the older ones who have gotten it out of their system it does.........maybe. icon_confused.gif

    Props to you for being proud of who you are. I'm not really gonna try to sugar coat it and say you're the poster-boy for what the average gay man is looking for......I'm not either, it's okay. But at the end of the day, you just have to always remind yourself that there is nothing wrong with the way YOU look, there is something wrong with the way others think.


    Yeah I know what you mean. I'm not exactly on anyone's menu nor do I care that I'm the soup du jour for the gay population at large. I'm in entertainment so I get that my looks get me no favors but I'm not trying to lose weight for nan fella alive. But I would prefer if some guys were attracted to me or were able to look past this wall of chocolate and see the person inside, lol.


    Ideas just have to change. If you were straight, you would not be suffering like this with the ladies. If you want to lose weight for you, then do it. But don't get trapped in trying to maintain the perfect body so you can get fucked every friday. Most guys who are overinvested in image aren't happy anyway......
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    Nov 22, 2012 4:26 PM GMT
    Unless you have the personality, life-experience and elan to back it up...good looks will do little more than turn a few heads and guarantee that you be a perpetual one-night stand.

    Just be the best that you can be and don't worry about what everyone else is doing/looking like.

    Eventually there will be another Guy being the best that He can be who will lay awake at night thinking of you with a smile on his face.

    Trust Me on that one!

    Happy Thanksgiving!!!!

    icon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gif
  • Pyre85

    Posts: 213

    Nov 22, 2012 4:27 PM GMT
    Looks are the lure, but without personality, they won't get you far.
    That being said,confidence is a huge asset. I had a..well. ugly friend who scored hotter guys than I could ever get to look my way. I mean, unfortunate face, over weight.. the whole package, but he'd bring home the afore mentioned abercrombie models on the regular. It was crazy icon_surprised.gif
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    Nov 22, 2012 4:28 PM GMT
    smartmoney saidGay men are like shallow women, except instead of shoe shopping, they like cock.
    Of course, there are some who are deeper, but good luck finding a well adjusted, "normal" gay man, they are few and far between. No amount of working out, healthy living or looking like David with a personality will help, the healthier people are either gone, married or straight.
    Of course, it is best that you become a healthier person because, as one of these few super healthy people, I can tell you, the last thing we want is a fake one looking for us, because we have all learned from years of experience, you flake/fakes are dangerous and crafty and not crafty in a nice table setting crafty sort of way.
    My advice, run right back into that comfortable closet, learn how to create a nice table setting and form some sort of co-dependent relationship with, well, a farm animal or a drunken gay, because lord knows, there are plenty of both.


    By healthy do you mean like super fit and vegan and stuff or mentally and emotionally healthy? Cause im working on both.
  • austex85

    Posts: 572

    Nov 22, 2012 4:32 PM GMT
    this is true, but it's just men in general:
    http://news.cnet.com/8301-17852_3-57551488-71/okcupid-experiment-proves-men-dont-mind-dating-sociopaths/

    cnet In replies to other potential lovers, she mentions having endured a c-section, being only 16, and even suggests being paid $45 for sex.
    Still these men seemed relatively oblivious. Reminder: Tara was blessed with having a very nice picture on her profile.
  • DCEric

    Posts: 3713

    Nov 22, 2012 4:34 PM GMT
    Cash saidUnless you have the personality, life-experience and elan to back it up...good looks will do little more than turn a few heads and guarantee that you be a perpetual one-night stand.

    Just be the best that you can be and don't worry about what everyone else is doing/looking like.

    Eventually there will be another Guy being the best that He can be who will lay awake at night thinking of you with a smile on his face.

    Trust Me on that one!

    Happy Thanksgiving!!!!

    icon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gif


    This
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    Nov 22, 2012 4:34 PM GMT
    MashogaNubianPrince said
    smartmoney saidGay men are like shallow women, except instead of shoe shopping, they like cock.
    Of course, there are some who are deeper, but good luck finding a well adjusted, "normal" gay man, they are few and far between. No amount of working out, healthy living or looking like David with a personality will help, the healthier people are either gone, married or straight.
    Of course, it is best that you become a healthier person because, as one of these few super healthy people, I can tell you, the last thing we want is a fake one looking for us, because we have all learned from years of experience, you flake/fakes are dangerous and crafty and not crafty in a nice table setting crafty sort of way.
    My advice, run right back into that comfortable closet, learn how to create a nice table setting and form some sort of co-dependent relationship with, well, a farm animal or a drunken gay, because lord knows, there are plenty of both.


    By healthy do you mean like super fit and vegan and stuff or mentally and emotionally healthy? Cause im working on both.

    Both, what you eat is also who you are. What you think is who you are.
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    Nov 22, 2012 4:39 PM GMT
    austex85 saidthis is true, but it's just men in general:
    http://news.cnet.com/8301-17852_3-57551488-71/okcupid-experiment-proves-men-dont-mind-dating-sociopaths/

    cnet In replies to other potential lovers, she mentions having endured a c-section, being only 16, and even suggests being paid $45 for sex.
    Still these men seemed relatively oblivious. Reminder: Tara was blessed with having a very nice picture on her profile.


    Lol I read that and laughed my ass off.

    But it's true, I know some hot ass guys who have nothing redeeming about themselves besides being hot and they get dick all the time.
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    Nov 22, 2012 4:43 PM GMT
    smartmoney said
    MashogaNubianPrince said
    smartmoney saidGay men are like shallow women, except instead of shoe shopping, they like cock.
    Of course, there are some who are deeper, but good luck finding a well adjusted, "normal" gay man, they are few and far between. No amount of working out, healthy living or looking like David with a personality will help, the healthier people are either gone, married or straight.
    Of course, it is best that you become a healthier person because, as one of these few super healthy people, I can tell you, the last thing we want is a fake one looking for us, because we have all learned from years of experience, you flake/fakes are dangerous and crafty and not crafty in a nice table setting crafty sort of way.
    My advice, run right back into that comfortable closet, learn how to create a nice table setting and form some sort of co-dependent relationship with, well, a farm animal or a drunken gay, because lord knows, there are plenty of both.


    By healthy do you mean like super fit and vegan and stuff or mentally and emotionally healthy? Cause im working on both.

    Both, what you eat is also who you are. What you think is who you are.


    That is true. I eat okay. I used to be veg but stopped because of money but I got a better paying job so I'm going back on it. And I work out like a damn fool, I spend hours on online reading stuff I can use for my writing (Im a writer by trade) and also just because I like being able to discuss various topics with various people. I like being able to relate to everyone.
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    Nov 22, 2012 4:52 PM GMT
    Think about when you buy a book. The cover/title needs to be catchy to get you to open it. Without that, it needs good reviews. And only then you'll probably spend the time to read it.

    Here's the thing: nobody on the planet owes you anything. And most humans have an abundance of personality, as far as I can tell. Of course you have a great personality. Why is your personality any more useful or compelling to me than the next guy's?

    Maybe you don't need any more friends, in which case you'll never have to interact with me, because I don't need any more friends either. But if you are lonely and looking for companionship, step up and be seen. Your cover jacket should be compelling, and the New York Times reviewer better sing your praises. Why else would anyone buy this book? Because they need more words in their vocabulary?
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    Nov 22, 2012 5:02 PM GMT
    smartmoney saidGay men are like shallow women, except instead of shoe shopping, they like cock.
    Of course, there are some who are deeper, but good luck finding a well adjusted, "normal" gay man, they are few and far between. No amount of working out, healthy living or looking like David with a personality will help, the healthier people are either gone, married or straight.
    Of course, it is best that you become a healthier person because, as one of these few super healthy people, I can tell you, the last thing we want is a fake one looking for us, because we have all learned from years of experience, you flake/fakes are dangerous and crafty and not crafty in a nice table setting crafty sort of way.
    My advice, run right back into that comfortable closet, learn how to create a nice table setting and form some sort of co-dependent relationship with, well, a farm animal or a drunken gay, because lord knows, there are plenty of both.


    I like this^

    For me:
    Healthy on the outside does not equal healthy on the inside. I'm now weary of the boys (not men, because men have something called humility) that spend six days a week being perfect. Perfectionists put the terrible and torment into relationships. I was raised that way, and frankly it took a long time to realize it didn't work... I didn't work.
    I'm somewhat more effective today.
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    Nov 22, 2012 5:06 PM GMT
    It is all about a connection with a person. I mean yes we are men and we are visual and we are shallow at first, and I mean at first sometimes.

    But when you want to be with someone. It is all about what your heart tells you and your heart will speak sooner or later.

    You might meet someone on looks and we all will do that. But your heart will let you know if there is a connection or not and personality plays a role.
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    Nov 22, 2012 5:12 PM GMT
    deltalimen said
    smartmoney saidGay men are like shallow women, except instead of shoe shopping, they like cock.
    Of course, there are some who are deeper, but good luck finding a well adjusted, "normal" gay man, they are few and far between. No amount of working out, healthy living or looking like David with a personality will help, the healthier people are either gone, married or straight.
    Of course, it is best that you become a healthier person because, as one of these few super healthy people, I can tell you, the last thing we want is a fake one looking for us, because we have all learned from years of experience, you flake/fakes are dangerous and crafty and not crafty in a nice table setting crafty sort of way.
    My advice, run right back into that comfortable closet, learn how to create a nice table setting and form some sort of co-dependent relationship with, well, a farm animal or a drunken gay, because lord knows, there are plenty of both.


    I like this^

    For me:
    Healthy on the outside does not equal healthy on the inside. I'm now weary of the boys (not men, because men have something called humility) that spend six days a week being perfect. Perfectionists put the terrible and torment into relationships. I was raised that way, and frankly it took a long time to realize it didn't work... I didn't work.
    I'm somewhat more effective today.


    See that's exactly how I feel. I don't feel like I have to be working out everyday. But just enough so I feel good. I don't want a male model type of guy hell someone average would work and I'm not hideous so I'm assuming that the reason men avoid me is because of my body. Of course there is always older men but that's a whole other story....
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    Nov 22, 2012 5:16 PM GMT
    IceBuckets saidYou are right and wrong at the same time. It's less about personality and more about confidence. If you don't have confidence then you better have looks. I have neither so yeah. icon_cool.gif

    If I do try to fake confidence, it's so transparent that it's just as bad.

    Interesting answer. I would take confidence to be an aspect of personality. But confidence, short of arrogance, is indeed a trait I like in other men. And that I hope I project myself.

    And I've never had much choice, since I never had a great-looking body, even when I was in excellent trim condition during my Army days. Nor was my face ever attractive. So when you lack the physical bait, you've gotta develop the personality, it's a matter of simple necessity.

    Which is what mostly attracts me to other men, as well. Having a guy with both looks & personality, along with some smarts, would be perfect. But that's a rare catch, indeed, at least in my experience. So if I'm hopefully gonna be spending some time with this guy, not just a trick, it's the personality that makes him keeper material, not his pecs.
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    Nov 22, 2012 5:21 PM GMT
    Not true at all. Granted there needs to be an initial attraction, but personality is my primary criterion for determining whether or not there will be a continuing interest. I'd rather have a nice, funny guy who has his shit together over a pretty basket case.
  • onefortified

    Posts: 1630

    Nov 22, 2012 5:22 PM GMT
    Looks start the attraction, personality keeps the attraction going.
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    Nov 22, 2012 6:37 PM GMT
    MashogaNubianPrince saidOf course I was being extreme in my title it does seem that way. I know those of us like myself whose bodies are sturdy but don't resemble The David tell ourselves that guys will really like us once they see our personalities. But even I've only been out a relatively short time I can already see that unless you look like you just jumped off of a set for an Abercrombie and Fitch shoot people ain't giving a shit, lol.

    But here's the thing I have zero interest in being chiseled. Trimmer? Yes. Less likely to have hypertension? Damn straight. But having muscles protruding out of every inch of body wouldn't feel like me. As you can clearly see I'm larger. I'm not obese despite what some gym-a-hoics might say but I am a man of considerable girth.

    So basically my question do you feel sometimes that you may have to put on image (that you may or may not want) just for people to be able to look past the image?


    Gay men do not look pass the image. image is what is the first noticeable thing. If it doesn't attract, there is no hope in hell that anyone would spend timge getting to know the person behind the image.