Your exclusive dating rules

  • Robert_NYC

    Posts: 42

    Nov 22, 2012 6:47 PM GMT
    Just curious how other guys approach the 'exclusive' dating issue...

    I will date several guys at the same time, but once I start sleeping with one of them, then he is the only guy I sleep with until we decide we're not together anymore. Is this naive? Generous? Sensible? Safe? All of the above?

    I am always honest with guys I date about what the sexual prospects are, based on this somewhat random guiding principle. And, I would probably break my own rule for the right guy/situation.

    Discuss.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Nov 22, 2012 6:55 PM GMT
    I think it is a good idea to discuss it with the one you're with to make sure you are both on the same page.
  • Robert_NYC

    Posts: 42

    Nov 22, 2012 7:05 PM GMT
    AMoonHawk saidI think it is a good idea to discuss it with the one you're with to make sure you are both on the same page.


    Yes. I admit the 'rule' is one-sided... I would never expect someone else to adhere to a commitment we never discussed... I am just talking about having the guiding principle for myself. I agree that communication is key.

    I don't see how you could sleep with more than one guy and not tell the other(s). so, in that sense, there is auto-exclusivity. So, I guess my question is really about having simultaneous sexual relationships. And, the answer for myself is that I don't feel like that's right for me.
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    Nov 22, 2012 10:17 PM GMT
    Robert_NYC saidI will date several guys at the same time, but once I start sleeping with one of them, then he is the only guy I sleep with until we decide we're not together anymore.


    You say "sleep with" does this mean that you are still dating other people, but not sleeping with anyone else? That is something that I would have to say wouldn't work for me.

    The way I handle it is that I don't have sex with someone until we are dating exclusively, and usually for quite some time. This means only the two of us are involved in the relationship, and we have had enough time to build up a stable connection before throwing sex into the equation. Overall though, you always need to talk with the prospect to make sure you both understand the rules and expectations; basically whatever works best for the both of you.

    Also, you need to discuss the possibility of the rules changing further down the line. I ended one relationship because he wanted to change it to an open relationship a year into it. That, for me, was a no go.
  • TheAlchemixt

    Posts: 2294

    Nov 23, 2012 12:49 AM GMT
    I just don't like people eating my leftovers... I really look forward to my leftovers.
  • Robert_NYC

    Posts: 42

    Nov 23, 2012 1:52 AM GMT
    TheAlchemixt saidI just don't like people eating my leftovers... I really look forward to my leftovers.


    icon_smile.gif
  • Robert_NYC

    Posts: 42

    Nov 23, 2012 1:56 AM GMT
    Hawk_Guy13 said

    You say "sleep with" does this mean that you are still dating other people, but not sleeping with anyone else? That is something that I would have to say wouldn't work for me.

    The way I handle it is that I don't have sex with someone until we are dating exclusively, and usually for quite some time. This means only the two of us are involved in the relationship, and we have had enough time to build up a stable connection before throwing sex into the equation. Overall though, you always need to talk with the prospect to make sure you both understand the rules and expectations; basically whatever works best for the both of you.


    Yes, I mean I would still be open to dating a guy even if I was sleeping with another guy. If the guy I was sleeping with and I decided that we wanted to be exclusive, then I would not date anyone else at the same time.

    I guess the difference between our two points of view is that I usually get in bed with a guy a like sooner in the relationship than you choose. probably smarter to wait, if a longer term relationship is what you want.