Have you ever chased repeatedly after straight men?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 23, 2012 5:39 AM GMT
    I'm not ashamed to admit that a good chunk of the men I find myself wanting and chasing are either straight or severely closeted and I know this yet I allow myself to go after them anyway. Why? I already assume I will be rejected by any man for any number of reasons but in the back of my mind I know that chasing after straight or closeted men will result in a rejection honestly and truly unrelated to me. However the same cant be said if said man was gay or some sort of bisexual.

    I also know that I tend to be less interested in men when I know they are attracted back at me. Don't toss me advice because I know what's wrong with me but I said all that to say this: have you or do you find yourself going after straight men and developing real feelings for him?
  • Kel_

    Posts: 1360

    Nov 23, 2012 4:48 PM GMT
    Nope, there's plenty of gay men already, no point in chasing a straight man who will probably, and most likely, just marry a woman and settle down.
    That's just a disaster in the making.

    e65.gif
  • Smakkyoface

    Posts: 198

    Nov 23, 2012 4:51 PM GMT
    MashogaNubianPrince saidI'm not ashamed to admit that a good chunk of the men I find myself wanting and chasing are either straight or severely closeted and I know this yet I allow myself to go after them anyway. Why? I already assume I will be rejected by any man for any number of reasons but in the back of my mind I know that chasing after straight or closeted men will result in a rejection honestly and truly unrelated to me. However the same cant be said if said man was gay or some sort of bisexual.

    I also know that I tend to be less interested in men when I know they are attracted back at me. Don't toss me advice because I know what's wrong with me but I said all that to say this: have you or do you find yourself going after straight men and developing real feelings for him?


    I don't chase after "straight" men for feelings. I do it for the challenge! icon_twisted.gif
  • Medjai

    Posts: 2671

    Nov 23, 2012 4:52 PM GMT
    No.
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    Nov 23, 2012 5:04 PM GMT
    a friend of mine goes after straight guys, its like a major turn on for him- he doesnt try to date them though. I think its something to do with getting them to want something they shouldn't, i see it as a conquest.
  • reptile18

    Posts: 199

    Nov 23, 2012 5:07 PM GMT
    Chase after them... with an axe?
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    Nov 23, 2012 5:13 PM GMT
    MashogaNubianPrince saidI'm not ashamed to admit that a good chunk of the men I find myself wanting and chasing are either straight or severely closeted and I know this yet I allow myself to go after them anyway. Why? I already assume I will be rejected by any man for any number of reasons but in the back of my mind I know that chasing after straight or closeted men will result in a rejection honestly and truly unrelated to me. However the same cant be said if said man was gay or some sort of bisexual.

    I also know that I tend to be less interested in men when I know they are attracted back at me. Don't toss me advice because I know what's wrong with me but I said all that to say this: have you or do you find yourself going after straight men and developing real feelings for him?



    I think most of us had a crush, while growing up, on a straight guy, but repeatedly? No.
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    Nov 23, 2012 5:32 PM GMT
    Kel_ saidNope, there's plenty of gay men already, no point in chasing a straight man who will probably, and most likely, just marry a woman and settle down.
    That's just a disaster in the making.

    I wouldn't say there are "plenty". 90-95% of all men you meet are presumably straight. Those are pretty horrible odds. But then I think that's why a lot of us tend to be drawn to straight men. They are the overwhelming majority. Gay/Bisexual men can be very hard to find if you don't go to gay clubs, or don't live in a gay mecca.

    I know people get a lot of grief here if they fall for a straight guy, but for some of us, it happens a lot and it's not exactly something one can easily control.
  • Kriss

    Posts: 690

    Nov 23, 2012 8:06 PM GMT
    Kel_ saidNope, there's plenty of gay men already, no point in chasing a straight man who will probably, and most likely, just marry a woman and settle down.
    That's just a disaster in the making.

    e65.gif



    Truth
  • starboard5

    Posts: 969

    Nov 23, 2012 9:36 PM GMT
    You're 21. Most of us have to go through this and we eventually get past it, at two levels.

    The first is simple self preservation. Any mentally healthy person wants to be happy. They don't want to hurt. It's like a little kid squeezing a sharp stone in his hand and complaining that it hurts. Eventually, he gets tired of it and drops it.

    The other level relates to age. As you get older you develop a little more detachment regarding your feelings. It's not that you don't sometimes (or often) feel in the same ways you did when you were younger, but the feelings don't press on you like they once may have. It's like there is more space around you and your feelings, and judgment (in large part based on experience) has room to intercede. You tend to be less impulsive. It's more peaceful and that feeling is a positive feedback.

    As another guy pointed out, there are a hell of a lot more straight men than gay ones; we're going to run into some we're attracted to. Some of them can turn out to be worthwhile friends. In time you learn to take what's positive and do-able and let go of the rest. Your self respect benefits.
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    Nov 23, 2012 9:39 PM GMT
    Medjai saidNo.


    This.
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    Nov 23, 2012 10:03 PM GMT
    starboard5 saidYou're 21. Most of us have to go through this and we eventually get past it, at two levels.

    The first is simple self preservation. Any mentally healthy person wants to be happy. They don't want to hurt. It's like a little kid squeezing a sharp stone in his hand and complaining that it hurts. Eventually, he gets tired of it and drops it.

    The other level relates to age. As you get older you develop a little more detachment regarding your feelings. It's not that you don't sometimes (or often) feel in the same ways you did when you were younger, but the feelings don't press on you like they once may have. It's like there is more space around you and your feelings, and judgment (in large part based on experience) has room to intercede. You tend to be less impulsive. It's more peaceful and that feeling is a positive feedback.

    As another guy pointed out, there are a hell of a lot more straight men than gay ones; we're going to run into some we're attracted to. Some of them can turn out to be worthwhile friends. In time you learn to take what's positive and do-able and let go of the rest. Your self respect benefits.


    Well yes some of the straight men I tried to sleep with have turned out to be friends but also a learning experience. They teach me that not all men are scary and what kind of things to look for in actual gay men.

    You're probably right about the age factor. I enjoy my intense if not often exhausting emotions though. Also seeing as I have a mental illness I don't think age will do much for me.
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    Nov 23, 2012 10:21 PM GMT
    Have I ever been attracted to some ? yeuus ! have I ever chased after them ? no ! and here's why :

    Skipping the whole 5% of the population is gay theory, I'd like to think that there is enough gay, bi and tranny chasing men in this world for me to pick and choose from. There is no need for me to try to go around hollering after the straight woman's territory lol A straight man is a straight man.

    I understand that sexuality is fluid and that there are a lot layers to it that many people don't admit to due to stigma, but men who sleep with women and go after men or let themselves be sexed up by other men are either bi, bi-curious, pansexual, pollysexual or any other undiscovered but adequate term.

    If you're interested in my humble opinion, I think that you should focus on finding men who can build a solid emotional foundation with you. I'm not condemning you or saying that you do this on a regular basis.

    I relate to you in being feminine (not camp or over the top diva) and those certain notions that come along with that (I've read a few of your posts/comments). I've been in situations where these type of men who claiming to be straight wanted me to have sex with them for free, material benefits; all the while they had wifes, girlfriends and families. None of them wanted to get to know me, but wanted to use me as a sexual fantasy, a glorified prostitute. That's not something that will make you feel good about yourself.

    I'm not judging you, I just want to advise you to help you make the right decisions in life. It's totally up to you what you will decide to do and I know that my comment comes from a more hindsight perspective, but I do hope that you take it to heart. icon_smile.gif
  • onefortified

    Posts: 1630

    Nov 23, 2012 10:27 PM GMT
    No. What's the point? You know they are not going to be able to reciprocate the feelings you have for them. Unless you are masochistic, I don't see why you want to hurt yourself over and over again with something that could never be.
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    Nov 23, 2012 10:41 PM GMT
    bedtimestories saidHave I ever been attracted to some ? yeuus ! have I ever chased after them ? no ! and here's why :

    Skipping the whole 5% of the population is gay theory, I'd like to think that there is enough gay, bi and tranny chasing men in this world for me to pick and choose from. There is no need for me to try to go around hollering after the straight woman's territory lol A straight man is a straight man.

    I understand that sexuality is fluid and that there are a lot layers to it that many people don't admit to due to stigma, but men who sleep with women and go after men or let themselves be sexed up by other men are either bi, bi-curious, pansexual, pollysexual or any other undiscovered but adequate term.

    If you're interested in my humble opinion, I think that you should focus on finding men who can build a solid emotional foundation with you. I'm not condemning you or saying that you do this on a regular basis.

    I relate to you in being feminine (not camp or over the top diva) and those certain notions that come along with that (I've read a few of your posts/comments). I've been in situations where these type of men who claiming to be straight wanted me to have sex with them for free, material benefits; all the while they had wifes, girlfriends and families. None of them wanted to get to know me, but wanted to use me as a sexual fantasy, a glorified prostitute. That's not something that will make you feel good about yourself.

    I'm not judging you, I just want to advise you to help you make the right decisions in life. It's totally up to you what you will decide to do and I know that my comment comes from a more hindsight perspective, but I do hope that you take it to heart. icon_smile.gif


    I agree with everything you wrote and I'm doing that but like I said I was just asking the question I was only using myself as the example, lol. But thanks.
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    Nov 24, 2012 10:34 AM GMT
    yourname2000 saidAnd "ignored"....too much stupidity in too short a time. icon_confused.gif


    oh how Ive missed you icon_biggrin.gificon_wink.gif