Veiled Retrospection

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    Nov 23, 2012 8:06 AM GMT
    dozensof-daisies----early-childhood-of-i
    Childhood is the time of innocence. It is the absolute period of purity in which we have not been defiled by the society. As we grow, we learn about pain and hardship of life. As we age into our sexuality, our turmoil begins when we discover what it is to be gay within a society. We learn that differences between people exist even more than we have thought.

    Do you remember about your childhood? The moment of your innocence?

    Do you recall the moment you know you are different, the moment you know you have to face your future alone, the moment before you know you have someone to stand on your side?

    As you grow and experience discrimination, whether due to your race, gender, or personality........Have you changed as a person? Deep down inside of you do you know if you are heading toward the person you want to become or a person you "have" to become to protect yourself?

    As a person are you representing your true self or is it a cover to protect and destroy those you feel threatened?

    The moment you are all alone........gaze deep into your soul if you are who you really are or it is just a facade to cover pain you have deep inside.

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    Nov 23, 2012 12:40 PM GMT
    Interesting question.

    I do believe in childhood innocence. I see about 95% children's ears today and have received many gifts because of it. The worst age group is 16 to 36 months. Toddlers have so much to say, but they don't have the words to tell.

    For me, that's the period that I have a few good memories. I do remember being around three years of age and being mesmerized by the penis; my mother, on the other hand, says she knew I was gay at three months. I try to embrace the good as much as possible because acting ones 'age' is a sign of not healing from the past, and I've had a lot of healing to do. In a way, working with so many pediatrics has let me reclaim that innocence. They've also brought me to tears countless times because I know their frustration and know the road ahead is rough.

    Around age five years was when I began my sex relations, not incest-- I lost my innocence. I discovered how to be very efficient in controlling my Father at any cost. I learned to make myself feel good but also a worthless piece of shit at the same time. Twenty years later I was doing the same thing; I was guilty because I proved myself guilty. Essentially I remained a toddler with so much to say but no words to tell.

    Today I am no longer that victim, and I know that's where I'm supposed to be; It was a shitty place to be anyway. I see my childhood as a set of rules just like music theory. I had to learn the rules up and down, inside and out, but they had to be learned before I could break them.

    From what I hear every now and then I am different today:
    A few weeks ago an academic mentor told me, "Not to get too sentimental on you and this is off the record, but you've changed. The entire faculty has seen this, and we've watched you grow into something very special. I can see who you are today whether you're downstairs in the clinic, in the classroom, or in the grocery store. Who you are today is beautiful, and we've all learned from you."
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    Nov 23, 2012 5:07 PM GMT
    deltalimen saidInteresting question.

    I do believe in childhood innocence. I see about 95% children's ears today and have received many gifts because of it. The worst age group is 16 to 36 months. Toddlers have so much to say, but they don't have the words to tell.

    For me, that's the period that I have a few good memories. I do remember being around three years of age and being mesmerized by the penis; my mother, on the other hand, says she knew I was gay at three months. I try to embrace the good as much as possible because acting ones 'age' is a sign of not healing from the past, and I've had a lot of healing to do. In a way, working with so many pediatrics has let me reclaim that innocence. They've also brought me to tears countless times because I know their frustration and know the road ahead is rough.

    Around age five years was when I began my sex relations, not incest-- I lost my innocence. I discovered how to be very efficient in controlling my Father at any cost. I learned to make myself feel good but also a worthless piece of shit at the same time. Twenty years later I was doing the same thing; I was guilty because I proved myself guilty. Essentially I remained a toddler with so much to say but no words to tell.

    Today I am no longer that victim, and I know that's where I'm supposed to be; It was a shitty place to be anyway. I see my childhood as a set of rules just like music theory. I had to learn the rules up and down, inside and out, but they had to be learned before I could break them.

    From what I hear every now and then I am different today:
    A few weeks ago an academic mentor told me, "Not to get too sentimental on you and this is off the record, but you've changed. The entire faculty has seen this, and we've watched you grow into something very special. I can see who you are today whether you're downstairs in the clinic, in the classroom, or in the grocery store. Who you are today is beautiful, and we've all learned from you."


    Hope and an inner will to be understanding is what make you a beautiful person and I am glad for your changes.