Dating someone fresh out of the closet

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 23, 2012 10:19 PM GMT
    Could you or would you even entertain the idea of getting into a relationship with someone who is finally coming to terms with their sexuality and trying to embrace said identity?
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    Nov 23, 2012 10:29 PM GMT
    HELL NO!!

    I did it twice and no way in hell am I ever going near a closet case again!

    I walked away both times more damaged then I started with and it was entirely my own fault!
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    Nov 23, 2012 10:30 PM GMT
    Hey Again lol icon_smile.gif

    If said someone has just came out and feels ready to date and let someone in their lives as a potential partner, then why not ?

    Everybody goes through a journey through life filled with self discovery and development. Being able to share that with someone you love is comforting and very reassuring.

    If I was the person that just came out, I would think hard if I didnt have too much emotional baggage and whether I should deal with it first and then decide to open myself up for dating.

    This is unrelated,I briefly dated a guy for about a month who was still in the closet. I was suprised because he asked me out and did most of the pursuing. He is a very sweet, compassionate and very giving. He's also muslim and he don't me about the consequences if his parents would have ever found out. During that month, he only ever kissed me once on the forehead, he couldn't bring himself to kiss me on the lips. I saw that he was struggling with a lot of emotions and that this was hard for him. So, I told him that it's best if we go our separate ways and if ever needed to talk, I would be there for him. Who knows, maybe things might change ?

    That's my two cents hope it helps icon_smile.gif
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    Nov 23, 2012 10:47 PM GMT
    bedtimestories saidHey Again lol icon_smile.gif

    If said someone has just came out and feels ready to date and let someone in their lives as a potential partner, then why not ?

    Everybody goes through a journey through life filled with self discovery and development. Being able to share that with someone you love is comforting and very reassuring.

    If I was the person that just came out, I would think hard if I didnt have too much emotional baggage and whether I should deal with it first and then decide to open myself up for dating.

    This is unrelated,I briefly dated a guy for about a month who was still in the closet. I was suprised because he asked me out and did most of the pursuing. He is a very sweet, compassionate and very giving. He's also muslim and he don't me about the consequences if his parents would have ever found out. During that month, he only ever kissed me once on the forehead, he couldn't bring himself to kiss me on the lips. I saw that he was struggling with a lot of emotions and that this was hard for him. So, I told him that it's best if we go our separate ways and if ever needed to talk, I would be there for him. Who knows, maybe things might change ?

    That's my two cents hope it helps icon_smile.gif


    I see your point but its almost like trying to have sex with a virgin. They don't have a lot of experience and they come with more baggage than I do and I'm a mess. It's almost like operating a business. Would rather choose the guy which years of managerial experience or the plucky young kid fresh outta grad school? You're gonna go with the experience guy every time!

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 23, 2012 10:49 PM GMT
    Closets are only good for clothes. They are dark and lonely places. If that is where you are comfortable, I feet sorry for you, but hand me a shirt and shut the fuck up about your sad and pathetic choices.
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    Nov 23, 2012 10:57 PM GMT
    MashogaNubianPrince said
    bedtimestories saidHey Again lol icon_smile.gif

    If said someone has just came out and feels ready to date and let someone in their lives as a potential partner, then why not ?

    Everybody goes through a journey through life filled with self discovery and development. Being able to share that with someone you love is comforting and very reassuring.

    If I was the person that just came out, I would think hard if I didnt have too much emotional baggage and whether I should deal with it first and then decide to open myself up for dating.

    This is unrelated,I briefly dated a guy for about a month who was still in the closet. I was suprised because he asked me out and did most of the pursuing. He is a very sweet, compassionate and very giving. He's also muslim and he don't me about the consequences if his parents would have ever found out. During that month, he only ever kissed me once on the forehead, he couldn't bring himself to kiss me on the lips. I saw that he was struggling with a lot of emotions and that this was hard for him. So, I told him that it's best if we go our separate ways and if ever needed to talk, I would be there for him. Who knows, maybe things might change ?

    That's my two cents hope it helps icon_smile.gif


    I see your point but its almost like trying to have sex with a virgin. They don't have a lot of experience and they come with more baggage than I do and I'm a mess. It's almost like operating a business. Would rather choose the guy which years of managerial experience or the plucky young kid fresh outta grad school? You're gonna go with the experience guy every time!



    Who said that sex with a virgin has to be horrible ? Just because a guy is has been around spreading his seed around doesnt mean that he's the next best thing to the Kamasutra. What if he's selfish ? unnatentive ? doesnt want to please you ? If you want crazy monkey business sex, then I agree, but if you're looking for something more than that, then it's better to wait for a guy who has more substantial feelings for you. Each to their own, but I preffer the latter.

    Baggage wise, it's never good to get into a relationship when you have issues of your own. You can truly love someone if you dont love yourself. Dont you think so ?
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    Nov 23, 2012 11:07 PM GMT
    bedtimestories said
    MashogaNubianPrince said
    bedtimestories saidHey Again lol icon_smile.gif

    If said someone has just came out and feels ready to date and let someone in their lives as a potential partner, then why not ?

    Everybody goes through a journey through life filled with self discovery and development. Being able to share that with someone you love is comforting and very reassuring.

    If I was the person that just came out, I would think hard if I didnt have too much emotional baggage and whether I should deal with it first and then decide to open myself up for dating.

    This is unrelated,I briefly dated a guy for about a month who was still in the closet. I was suprised because he asked me out and did most of the pursuing. He is a very sweet, compassionate and very giving. He's also muslim and he don't me about the consequences if his parents would have ever found out. During that month, he only ever kissed me once on the forehead, he couldn't bring himself to kiss me on the lips. I saw that he was struggling with a lot of emotions and that this was hard for him. So, I told him that it's best if we go our separate ways and if ever needed to talk, I would be there for him. Who knows, maybe things might change ?

    That's my two cents hope it helps icon_smile.gif


    I see your point but its almost like trying to have sex with a virgin. They don't have a lot of experience and they come with more baggage than I do and I'm a mess. It's almost like operating a business. Would rather choose the guy which years of managerial experience or the plucky young kid fresh outta grad school? You're gonna go with the experience guy every time!



    Who said that sex with a virgin has to be horrible ? Just because a guy is has been around spreading his seed around doesnt mean that he's the next best thing to the Kamasutra. What if he's selfish ? unnatentive ? doesnt want to please you ? If you want crazy monkey business sex, then I agree, but if you're looking for something more than that, then it's better to wait for a guy who has more substantial feelings for you. Each to their own, but I preffer the latter.

    Baggage wise, it's never good to get into a relationship when you have issues of your own. You can truly love someone if you dont love yourself. Dont you think so ?


    The chances of having bad sex with someone who is a virgin are more likely than someone who has been around the block. Of course there are a lot of horrible lovers who have been schlepping their oats all over the hillside. But I wasn't actually talking about sex. That was just a comparison.

    Someone who is just learning about this new side of themselves might not be the best emotional, spiritual or mental support since they are still working things out for themselves. I'm friends with people like this but going anywhere serious with them is a gamble. Who is to say they might balk and decide they don't want to b out anymore? I've seen that happen before.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 24, 2012 12:47 AM GMT
    lilTanker saidHELL NO!!

    I did it twice and no way in hell am I ever going near a closet case again!

    I walked away both times more damaged then I started with and it was entirely my own fault!


    +1 not going backwards.
  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    Nov 24, 2012 2:54 AM GMT
    Love of my life fell into that category. Long story. Let's see if anyone is reallding these things.
  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    Nov 24, 2012 2:54 AM GMT
    really reading I think I meant to say
  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    Nov 24, 2012 2:55 AM GMT
    I think big but type with slippery keys
  • ftwcycle

    Posts: 111

    Nov 24, 2012 3:03 AM GMT
    No, don't think so. When I was first coming out, I dated a wonderful fellow for a couple of months. He was older and much more experienced and taught me lots...but he felt I needed to get out and experience life out of the closet before committing to a monogamous relationship. He was right and I am grateful for his wisdom.

    Also...100th post!! woo-hoo for me!
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    Nov 24, 2012 3:05 AM GMT
    Not date, but befriend... show them how to find themselves in the gay community first. Let someone else take it from there with them.
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    Nov 24, 2012 3:20 AM GMT
    gross.

    Everyone knows when you get sick it takes time to recover or heal. The greater the sickness the longer the recovery.

    Our secrets keep us sick. We can never expect to be miraculously healed or recovered in one day.

    Coming out takes years.
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    Nov 24, 2012 3:23 AM GMT
    Yeah, did it once, I was his first, we were both 18. He ended up dumping me for someone else a month later and then a few years later got together with a well known billionaire sugar daddy who recently dumped him.. which made national headlines. So... kind of a negative experience.

    *edit- I guess what happened wasn't because he was fresh outta the closet, but, it's an awesome story anyway and wanted to share it icon_razz.gif
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    Nov 24, 2012 3:48 AM GMT
    deltalimen saidgross.

    Everyone knows when you get sick it takes time to recover or heal. The greater the sickness the longer the recovery.

    Our secrets keep us sick. We can never expect to be miraculously healed or recovered in one day.

    Coming out takes years.


    That is very true. I feel like I'm coming out to everyone I meet each time I meet someone. Even at jobs. I figure it's better to get it out there than keep it secret.
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    Nov 24, 2012 4:14 AM GMT
    It's been my experience that newly out guys rarely stay with the first person they date. If a person wanted to date a newly out guy, my advice would be to not have expectations of a long term relationship. Almost all guys go through a period of curiosity after they come out, and this desire to try out a variety of different partners usually isn't conducive to maintaining a relationship, unless that understanding is established from the start. Almost every guy I know evolves pretty significantly after they come out from the person they were when they were closeted.

    That doesn't mean you shouldn't date someone newly out (somebody has to be their first), just don't have an expectation that he will stay the same person forever, and don't expect that they'll want to stay with you forever as their tastes and desires evolve with experience.
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    Nov 24, 2012 4:18 AM GMT
    Gezz I hate these threads. No matter who you are, everyone was at one point freshly out of the closet! I for one, am coming out of the closet right now. I have accepted who I am and am slowly coming out to my friends and family. Hell, my new years resolution is to be 100% out to everyone in 2013, by my 25th Birthday (which is in May). But I will say I am 100% ready to date someone. If they don't want to date me cause I just have come out of the closet or am in the process of doing it...its their loss!
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    Nov 24, 2012 4:40 AM GMT
    RadRTT saidGezz I hate these threads. No matter who you are, everyone was at one point freshly out of the closet! I for one, am coming out of the closet right now. I have accepted who I am and am slowly coming out to my friends and family. Hell, my new years resolution is to be 100% out to everyone in 2013, by my 25th Birthday (which is in May). But I will say I am 100% ready to date someone. If they don't want to date me cause I just have come out of the closet or am in the process of doing it...its their loss!


    Hey well do you baby and I hope you fulfill your goal.

    I'm glad your doing what works for you.
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    Nov 24, 2012 4:42 AM GMT
    RadRTT saidGezz I hate these threads. No matter who you are, everyone was at one point freshly out of the closet! I for one, am coming out of the closet right now. I have accepted who I am and am slowly coming out to my friends and family. Hell, my new years resolution is to be 100% out to everyone in 2013, by my 25th Birthday (which is in May). But I will say I am 100% ready to date someone. If they don't want to date me cause I just have come out of the closet or am in the process of doing it...its their loss!


    Glad to hear this man, just make sure you do it at your own pace and feel ready. For you saying that you're ready for a date my number is 613-40*-**** ;)

    For this thread though I think it depends where the guy is at as there are different stages of coming out. If he's still in the questioning period then no, and the rest for me I'm hesitant on. Last guy I was seeing I had to end things with because I recognized I was looking for a relationship on a more out and meaningful level. We were both going through our own fazes of acceptance/coming out at the same time, i just moved quicker. This December it will be a year since I told my parents, and have been living openly for about 4 months now. I'm ready for a real relationship and if i can get that with a guy that is still coming out to people, then ya no problem, if not then probably not going to go past friends.
  • highforthis

    Posts: 680

    Nov 24, 2012 5:54 AM GMT
    Fresh out of the closet is the best kind. I wish my first time had also been "his" first time... that kind of shared fear, intimacy and excitement binds a relationship... maybe for life! Instead I ended up with a guy who claimed to be "inexperienced" but was looser than a fistee and had more tramp stamps than Rihanna.
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    Nov 24, 2012 7:21 AM GMT
    I would and I see no problems with it.

    We always look for a reason not to say yes. In the closet, inexperienced, too experienced, too tall, too short, not my type, etc.

    Why not just take a chance and see where it goes? I'm not saying it'll always work out, but that doesn't mean it won't or at least change your life for the better in some way.
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    Nov 24, 2012 7:34 AM GMT
    RadRTT saidits their loss!

    Fantastic attitude to have.

    Now go have your relationship with someone who wants to have a relationship with you
  • Diceroll

    Posts: 224

    Nov 24, 2012 8:03 AM GMT
    I met my first bf when I was still in the closet and we stayed together for about four years. It's wrong to assume that everyone who has just come out will want to explore their sexuality by playing the field.

    I wouldn't rule out dating someone who was fresh out of the closet but as some of the posts above, I'd definitely take it slowly to make sure I knew what their intentions were.
  • stol

    Posts: 82

    Nov 24, 2012 8:47 AM GMT
    I see we've got a few bitter, judgemental, and narrow-minded guys here. I'm in a relationship with a guy who is in the process of coming out. I remember what a tough process it is back when I was doing the same, and respect the guy for as far as he's come. He has rough days here and there, which we talk through. I had them when I was coming out, he's allowed them too. Sexually, in the beginning, he was a little rough around the edges. Now, the sex is incredible. Practice makes perfect icon_wink.gif Anyway, wouldn't trade the guy for anything.