Do you want kids? Would you go ahead with being a single parent if you couldn't find the right guy?

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    Nov 25, 2012 3:34 AM GMT
    The title explains it all but I'll throwing my two cents.

    I really want a child but looking from where I am now I don't see myself being in the position to adopt or surrogate with another person. I'd kind of prefer to do it alone anyway since I've been raising kids since I was one and I like doing things my way. Although its be nice to have support.

    Wbu?
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    Nov 25, 2012 5:43 AM GMT
    It's tough being a single parent, especially trying to find a relationship. Get yourself in a stable relationship first and then make absolutely certain you are both on the same page; not just wanting kids, but talk about how you want to parent, talk about finances, values, expectations of each other. Even think about where you want to spend your holidays as a family.

    People change when they have kids. The things you loved about your partner before can quickly become the pain in the ass that causes a breakup. Having differing opinions on how to discipline your child(ren) can be enough to cause some pretty severe problems in your relationship. so I can't stress it enough, you might be compatible as lovers, but you better make sure you're compatible as parents first.
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    Nov 25, 2012 5:46 AM GMT
    No
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    Nov 25, 2012 5:51 AM GMT
    Tonka saidIt's tough being a single parent, especially trying to find a relationship. Get yourself in a stable relationship first and then make absolutely certain you are both on the same page; not just wanting kids, but talk about how you want to parent, talk about finances, values, expectations of each other. Even think about where you want to spend your holidays as a family


    See that's the thing though. When it comes to kids since I've been doing this since I was one I really would prefer to make decisions on my own. Although I'd like support I feel as I'm not willing enough to compromise so it would probably be best I wait until I do.
  • TheAlchemixt

    Posts: 2294

    Nov 25, 2012 5:53 AM GMT
    No way, kids are awesome but being a single parent is hard! I know a few and I give mad respect to these people!
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    Nov 25, 2012 5:57 AM GMT
    No kids for me. I know I'm still young and all, but I feel pretty confident that I don't want to have kids neither biological nor adopted regardless if I stay single or have a long term partner.

    I'm going to raise puppies instead!
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Nov 25, 2012 5:59 AM GMT
    Aaah, Just get big cage and leave them plenty of water they'll be fine.icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 25, 2012 6:01 AM GMT
    I've honestly never considered it.

    I want kids, but not if I have to raise them alone.

    I've always wanted a family, and family starts with a loved one. I wouldn't want kids who have to see their dad dating to find the right guy, and I wouldn't want to give up on love, just because I have kids.

    If I had given up on love, I may consider adopting I guess, but I'd probably just stick to pets for family.
  • Amira

    Posts: 327

    Nov 25, 2012 7:36 AM GMT
    One thing I know future about my future is that I will have kids (most likely through adoption if not from a surrogate mother). If I'm single that's fine, since I don't plan to have kids till I know I can support and give them everything they would need and want. Ideally I would love to be married with kids. Thankfully the man in my life now shares these very same values. But even then I am no fool to the fact that men come and go. While when you start a family, single or not, that family bond is forever there which is why I am so adamant on starting a family.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 25, 2012 1:11 PM GMT
    I believe I will have a child within the next 5 years.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 25, 2012 1:22 PM GMT
    Do not choose to be a single parent, it will not end well. Kids need two parents, gay straight, communal, whatever, but no single parent can really pull it off successfully ever. It is almost impossible. Oh sure, someone, somewhere must have done it, but it is rare. Please, do not even think of doing it. There is another thread on here somewhere about "would you date a gay with kids" go find that and see how unattractive some of your gay brothers find gay fathers before you even think of becoming a single gay father.
    Do not ever become a single gay parents. Marry a serious partner with every intention of spending the rest of your lives together, then spend years together, before you even begin having a conversation of bringing a child into that relationship. Children need two parents, and parents need two adults to raise children.
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    Nov 25, 2012 2:04 PM GMT
    Yes, I would. I know I have a great support system in place should I do it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 25, 2012 2:06 PM GMT
    I want kids and I would go ahead and have a kid if I were single. I would have to make sure I am financially stable in order to do so.
  • monet

    Posts: 1093

    Nov 25, 2012 3:15 PM GMT
    My wife and I raised two children and it was a ridiculously hard job, even with two parents. My wife and I used to say that we couldn't imagine any single person ever being able to do what we had done as a team.

    Children require a tremendous amount of hard work at every stage of their development. Infants require your complete attention 24 hours a day, every single day. That means feeding and diapering every few hours around the clock at a minimum. Even when they are big enough to go to school they require your full attention whenever they are not in school. And when they become teenagers, that is when you really need two parents to try to manage their craziness.

    Don't ever expect to get a full night's sleep again once you bring a child into your home.

    I would never, ever, ever encourage a person to try to raise a child without a partner. Even with another parent there will be days when you just feel like you are losing your mind. Raising children is simply too much work for any single person to handle on their own.

    Also, how the hell have you been raising kids since you were one? Do you mean you looked after your younger siblings? You were a baby sitter, you weren't raising those kids. You were not responsible for looking after those kids 24 hours a day. Being a parent means being responsible for your children 24 hours a day, every single day, year after year, for 18 plus years.
  • monet

    Posts: 1093

    Nov 25, 2012 3:16 PM GMT
    smartmoney saidDo not choose to be a single parent, it will not end well. Kids need two parents, gay straight, communal, whatever, but no single parent can really pull it off successfully ever. It is almost impossible. Oh sure, someone, somewhere must have done it, but it is rare. Please, do not even think of doing it. There is another thread on here somewhere about "would you date a gay with kids" go find that and see how unattractive some of your gay brothers find gay fathers before you even think of becoming a single gay father.
    Do not ever become a single gay parents. Marry a serious partner with every intention of spending the rest of your lives together, then spend years together, before you even begin having a conversation of bringing a child into that relationship. Children need two parents, and parents need two adults to raise children.


    Absolutely 100% correct.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 25, 2012 3:22 PM GMT
    smartmoney saidDo not choose to be a single parent, it will not end well. Kids need two parents, gay straight, communal, whatever, but no single parent can really pull it off successfully ever. It is almost impossible. Oh sure, someone, somewhere must have done it, but it is rare. Please, do not even think of doing it. There is another thread on here somewhere about "would you date a gay with kids" go find that and see how unattractive some of your gay brothers find gay fathers before you even think of becoming a single gay father.
    Do not ever become a single gay parents. Marry a serious partner with every intention of spending the rest of your lives together, then spend years together, before you even begin having a conversation of bringing a child into that relationship. Children need two parents, and parents need two adults to raise children.


    ^^^ The man has wisdom. If you want something to love you unconditionally, get a puppy.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 25, 2012 3:24 PM GMT
    monet saidMy wife and I raised two children and it was a ridiculously hard job, even with two parents. My wife and I used to say that we couldn't imagine any single person ever being able to do what we had done as a team.

    Children require a tremendous amount of hard work at every stage of their development. Infants require your complete attention 24 hours a day, every single day. That means feeding and diapering every few hours around the clock at a minimum. Even when they are big enough to go to school they require your full attention whenever they are not in school. And when they become teenagers, that is when you really need two parents to try to manage their craziness.

    Don't ever expect to get a full night's sleep again once you bring a child into your home.

    I would never, ever, ever encourage a person to try to raise a child without a partner. Even with another parent there will be days when you just feel like you are losing your mind. Raising children is simply too much work for any single person to handle on their own.

    Also, how the hell have you been raising kids since you were one? Do you mean you looked after your younger siblings? You were a baby sitter, you weren't raising those kids. You were not responsible for looking after those kids 24 hours a day. Being a parent means being responsible for your children 24 hours a day, every single day, year after year, for 18 plus years.


    I had younger siblings, cousins and I also took care of my ill father. A good chunk of the time I was the only able bodied 'adult' around for days. When someone when finally come back then I went back to being a child.
  • monet

    Posts: 1093

    Nov 25, 2012 4:11 PM GMT
    MashogaNubianPrince said
    monet said


    I had younger siblings, cousins and I also took care of my ill father. A good chunk of the time I was the only able bodied 'adult' around for days. When someone when finally come back then I went back to being a child.


    Right, like I said, you were babysitting.

    If you think for one minute that you "raised" those kids, then you have absolutely no idea what really goes into raising children.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 25, 2012 4:16 PM GMT
    I will be a single parent to my kid(s), if it comes down to it
  • Import

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    Nov 25, 2012 4:16 PM GMT
    MashogaNubianPrince said
    Tonka saidIt's tough being a single parent, especially trying to find a relationship. Get yourself in a stable relationship first and then make absolutely certain you are both on the same page; not just wanting kids, but talk about how you want to parent, talk about finances, values, expectations of each other. Even think about where you want to spend your holidays as a family


    See that's the thing though. When it comes to kids since I've been doing this since I was one I really would prefer to make decisions on my own. Although I'd like support I feel as I'm not willing enough to compromise so it would probably be best I wait until I do.


    dude, u cant even talk or barely walk at one....how could u have been raising children? Dumbest thing I've ever heard. U dont even know right from wrong at that point, etc....U can't think independently on what a child needs at age one LOL. . . . ridiculous
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 25, 2012 4:26 PM GMT
    I definitely want kids, just because it's possible to not find someone special doesn't mean I have to miss out on having a child too. I'd definitely be a single parent if it came down to it
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    Nov 25, 2012 4:44 PM GMT
    I definitely want kids. I can't envision a future without a family of my own. It's the brightest part of the future to me. Nevertheless, I want them to have two parents. It wouldn't be fair to them to try to raise them all on my own, let alone consider how terrifying that prospect would be. If my partner and I were to end up separating, I would find a way to raise them well as a single dad. Hopefully it won't come to that. I will do all I can to make sure it doesn't come to that.

    On a slightly different note, it's amazing how so many of the concerns and nit-pickiness in the gay world seems so shallow and superficial when you start considering the needs of a family and how you and your partner would raise your children. Top vs. bottom, masculine vs feminine, not having <10% body fat, how much body hair the other has, etc. just seems so... pathetic.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 25, 2012 4:48 PM GMT
    I really want a kid so bad! And hell yeah...I don't need a guy to help me raise a kid.


    But if times get rough, I'm gonna go straight Maury on his ass!

    tumblr_lmlpsxJchU1qapysf.gif

    #childsupport

    icon_lol.gif
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    Nov 25, 2012 4:49 PM GMT
    BlackCat90 saidI really want a kid so bad!


    Aw me too!

    Do you want a boy or girl?
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    Nov 25, 2012 4:52 PM GMT
    MashogaNubianPrince said
    BlackCat90 saidI really want a kid so bad!


    Aw me too!

    Do you want a boy or girl?


    Either....lean more towards son icon_confused.gif