Bringing my Guy Home

  • NMGUY505

    Posts: 145

    Nov 27, 2012 6:45 AM GMT
    I've been dating this guy for a lil over 10 months now. I decided its time to introduce him to my family. We decided in mid December, but I'm really nervous about it. Any words of encouragment or advice we be greatly appreciated.
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    Nov 27, 2012 7:12 AM GMT
    Well congrats for this big step first of all. And yea, bringing a bf to meet the family for the first time is nerve raking for most of us but honestly if your family is accepting of who you are, I am sure its gonna be fine. Personally, my family isn't made up of the most open minded people in world but the first time I brought a bf home I was pleasantly surprise and it wasn't any different from the way they treated my brother's girlfriends.
    Anyways, I don't think anyone of them is gonna purposely act like a bigot, so don't go having a panic attack over this ;)
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    Nov 27, 2012 7:22 AM GMT
    Mimicking the congratulations!
    For some it can be a big deal, yet for others it can be quite normal.
    My family was fine when I brought home my first boy icon_lol.gif

    Who's more nervous out of y'all two?
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    Nov 27, 2012 7:30 AM GMT
    Well for one I'm happy for you but where exactly is this nervous feeling coming from? Does your family know you're gay? Do they accept your sexuality?
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    Nov 27, 2012 2:13 PM GMT
    NMGUY505 saidI've been dating this guy for a lil over 10 months now. I decided its time to introduce him to my family. We decided in mid December, but I'm really nervous about it. Any words of encouragment or advice we be greatly appreciated.




    Kudos for you~

    Im still closeted i cant say. At least your family knows you are gay.


    If i told mine i will be dishoned and out of their lives.


    I love happy endings~
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Nov 27, 2012 3:16 PM GMT
    don't let him sleep with your mom or dad
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    Nov 27, 2012 3:39 PM GMT
    Way too early. I know, it all seems like it is perfect and everything, but trust me, you introduce them, bonds are formed, all is peachy and then, if it falls apart in January and in February you meet another perfect match, the same thing will happen next December, and the cycle starts again. Think about your poor family. My advice? Wait until you have been dating for at least 5-10 years.
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    Nov 27, 2012 3:54 PM GMT
    NMGUY505 saidI've been dating this guy for a lil over 10 months now. I decided its time to introduce him to my family. We decided in mid December, but I'm really nervous about it. Any words of encouragment or advice we be greatly appreciated.

    Though much older than you & your BF, I had to face the same situation 5 years ago. My new partner of just a few months was taking me to a family gathering, at which his older brother, the "pater familias" of this extended but close Italian family, would be visiting from Boston.

    I already knew he had a history as a homophobe, and a generally difficult personality. I was told I'd be introduced to him at their sister's home here in Florida, but to expect a chilly reception, and maybe even a hostile rebuff, as happened to my partner's late partner before me.

    We entered the sister's home, and I quickly spotted him, obvious to me by his sitting regally aloof and "Godfather" style in a big armchair, other family members fussing & preening over him.

    Not waiting for an introduction, I walked right up to him and said: "Hello! You must be John! I'm Bob, Cxxx's partner. I'm happy to finally meet you!" And gave him a handshake that could have cracked a crab.

    I had done my homework. I knew what he liked, what his hobbies were. Fortunately I had my own genuine interest and knowledge of most of them, and I was ex-military and law enforcement, like him. I guided the conversation to these areas. We talked pleasantly for nearly an hour.

    Today when he phones us he always wants to speak with me. His brother my partner bitches that he talks more with me than with him. When we traveled to Boston we stayed in John's house, sleeping together under his roof, using the car he lent us. We visit him when he's staying at his Florida home, go out to dinner together, even to "gay" places. And my partner is still puzzled about his formerly homophobic brother's transformation.

    Lessons for your & your BF, at least what worked for me:
    - Don't be intimidated
    - Be outgoing, never lose your smile. Seek people out for introductions, don't wait to be taken
    - Do your homework, to know the other person(s) beforehand
    - Bite your tongue when gay insults, intentional or inadvertent, are spoken
    - Keep smiling and be gracious
    - Pour on the compliments
    - Did I mention keep smiling?
  • camfer

    Posts: 892

    Nov 27, 2012 4:02 PM GMT
    It is good luck to have a gay son in the family. It is even better luck when the gay son brings home his partner! You are bringing good luck to your family.
  • in_this_corne...

    Posts: 704

    Nov 27, 2012 4:02 PM GMT
    smartmoney saidWay too early. I know, it all seems like it is perfect and everything, but trust me, you introduce them, bonds are formed, all is peachy and then, if it falls apart in January and in February you meet another perfect match, the same thing will happen next December, and the cycle starts again. Think about your poor family. My advice? Wait until you have been dating for at least 5-10 years.


    At minimum...5-10 years...lol.
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    Nov 27, 2012 4:04 PM GMT
    camfer saidIt is good luck to have a gay son in the family. It is even better luck when the gay son brings home his partner! You are bringing good luck to your family.

    Is that like the luck of shaking hands with a chimney-sweep?

    (Points to those who know the reference)

    A lovely thought, though. Original with you?
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    Nov 27, 2012 4:06 PM GMT
    camfer saidIt is good luck to have a gay son in the family. It is even better luck when the gay son brings home his partner! You are bringing good luck to your family.


    I wish more people saw it that way.
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    Nov 27, 2012 4:08 PM GMT
    unless your family is ultra cool...maybe think about a non-holiday introduction. just a thought.
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    Nov 27, 2012 4:16 PM GMT
    NMGUY505 saidI've been dating this guy for a lil over 10 months now. I decided its time to introduce him to my family. We decided in mid December, but I'm really nervous about it. Any words of encouragment or advice we be greatly appreciated.


    What are your folks like?
  • hawkeye7

    Posts: 565

    Nov 27, 2012 4:25 PM GMT
    I had one thing going for me......Bob was 6'4", 210, Iowa farm boy and so there was no way Dad could be intimidating. His chin hit the floor and never came back. It is tough for you but it is far more challenging for him.
  • TheAlchemixt

    Posts: 2294

    Nov 27, 2012 5:45 PM GMT
    hawkeye7 saidI had one thing going for me......Bob was 6'4", 210, Iowa farm boy and so there was no way Dad could be intimidating. His chin hit the floor and never came back. It is tough for you but it is far more challenging for him.


    Damn, that's a horrible story...

    OP- If you're nervous don't let your partner know; You'll make him even more so!
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    Nov 27, 2012 6:29 PM GMT
    calibro saiddon't let him sleep with your mom or dad


    This. lol.
  • NMGUY505

    Posts: 145

    Nov 29, 2012 4:41 AM GMT
    MashogaNubianPrince saidWell for one I'm happy for you but where exactly is this nervous feeling coming from? Does your family know you're gay? Do they accept your sexuality?


    Idk where this nervous feeling is coming from. Yeah my family knows, while some weren't exactly ok with it and it came down to agressive negotiations. While others were completely accepting. Guess just wait and see what happens. But I'm prepared been training in Kenpo Karate for five years just in case.
  • NMGUY505

    Posts: 145

    Nov 29, 2012 4:47 AM GMT
    meninlove said
    NMGUY505 saidI've been dating this guy for a lil over 10 months now. I decided its time to introduce him to my family. We decided in mid December, but I'm really nervous about it. Any words of encouragment or advice we be greatly appreciated.


    What are your folks like?


    Well all my family is native american, some follow our tribal teachings being Hozho and walking in bueaty. Part of the traditional views on LGBT is that there "twiced blessed" meaning they can do both male and female responsiblities. Meaning there cool with LGBT people. While the other half are hardcore bible followers. Even then some tolerate it and others well I've had my aggressive negotiations with them and won. So thats why I'm nervous not sure how its going to go.
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    Nov 29, 2012 5:05 AM GMT
    NMGUY505 said
    meninlove said
    NMGUY505 saidI've been dating this guy for a lil over 10 months now. I decided its time to introduce him to my family. We decided in mid December, but I'm really nervous about it. Any words of encouragment or advice we be greatly appreciated.


    What are your folks like?


    Well all my family is native american, some follow our tribal teachings being Hozho and walking in bueaty. Part of the traditional views on LGBT is that there "twiced blessed" meaning they can do both male and female responsiblities. Meaning there cool with LGBT people. While the other half are hardcore bible followers. Even then some tolerate it and others well I've had my aggressive negotiations with them and won. So thats why I'm nervous not sure how its going to go.


    I meant your parents, as they really are the ones that matter I think.icon_wink.gif
  • NMGUY505

    Posts: 145

    Nov 29, 2012 6:45 AM GMT
    meninlove said
    NMGUY505 said
    meninlove said
    NMGUY505 saidI've been dating this guy for a lil over 10 months now. I decided its time to introduce him to my family. We decided in mid December, but I'm really nervous about it. Any words of encouragment or advice we be greatly appreciated.


    What are your folks like?


    Well all my family is native american, some follow our tribal teachings being Hozho and walking in bueaty. Part of the traditional views on LGBT is that there "twiced blessed" meaning they can do both male and female responsiblities. Meaning there cool with LGBT people. While the other half are hardcore bible followers. Even then some tolerate it and others well I've had my aggressive negotiations with them and won. So thats why I'm nervous not sure how its going to go.


    I meant your parents, as they really are the ones that matter I think.icon_wink.gif


    My mom slowly came to terms with it. She accepts it, one time I was with her when she pointed a guy who she thought was good looking and asked if i thought he was good looking to ha ha ha Yep he was damn good looking icon_lol.gif

    Then my dad well thats were things are complicated. Him and my mom are divorced but are still somewhat together icon_rolleyes.gif anyway he a firm beleiver in teh bible and former marine. Long story when I told him he just walked away and didn't talk to me for a while. Then he started acting like nothing happened so I guess silence accepteance. But just not sure how he going to react to me bringing my guy home.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 29, 2012 1:30 PM GMT
    [quote]

    Lessons for your & your BF, at least what worked for me:
    - Don't be intimidated
    - Be outgoing, never lose your smile. Seek people out for introductions, don't wait to be taken
    - Do your homework, to know the other person(s) beforehand
    - Bite your tongue when gay insults, intentional or inadvertent, are spoken
    - Keep smiling and be gracious
    - Pour on the compliments
    - Did I mention keep smiling?[/quote]

    This list... love it. +1