Taking your Partner to a Christmas Work Party.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 27, 2012 8:11 AM GMT
    Hi Guys!

    Just wondering if anyone has some situations to share regarding taking their partner with them to work related social events such as the Xmas Party.

    I am not out in my work but I get along really well with the staff and genuinely really like most of them. I work in a sports clinic and am contracting as a dietitian so it is a professional environment. I was asked directly today if I would like to bring my partner or friend, and I kinda just said I will just be coming by myself.

    I can still change my mind though as it's in two weeks. I'm just wondering if it's worth it or if I should just go by myself. My thoughts are coming out and introducing a partner is a double whammy but then it could also be a way of coming out rather than just telling them which I could never imagine doing... I do want to include my partner in these events as it is a part of my life.

    I am new to this situation as I've always been single until this year.

  • PEpsityYy

    Posts: 1

    Nov 27, 2012 1:27 PM GMT
    Depends how will this affect my colleagues.
    But I tried. Anyway whatever happens! icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 27, 2012 1:29 PM GMT
    I always do. I'm the IT District Director for my company, and I am completely open, to the point where there is a 5x7 picture of my partner on my desk. I don't mind it, I work for a British firm that has great Domestic Partner benefits, so it's never been a big deal for us.

    In regards to your second query, I think it would be nice to take your partner to the Christmas party. You stated that you are on contract... Chances are, they probably know or suspect that you're gay. I have learned that, in this example, when your partner accompanys you, it shows that you are comfortable with yourself. When people see you're secure with whom you are, they treat you with respect. It will definitely score brownie points with your partner too. icon_smile.gif

    Cheers,

    Sean
  • O5vx

    Posts: 3154

    Nov 27, 2012 1:47 PM GMT
    If you feel that you are ready for that, go right ahead. You might be suprice how much people are open and welcoming this days. It is a professional event so majority of you guys should know how to conduct their atittude. You know who you are, who the people you are working with are and who your boyfriend is. If you feel that one part of the equation might not add up, then maybe it is not a good idea. But like you said, they are very welcoming people so my hope is that it should go well.
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    Nov 27, 2012 2:41 PM GMT
    Once you open that door there's no turning back. Be sure to give it a lot of thought. If you're ready to "come out," then more power to you and you should follow your heart. I do think, however, that there are still many places in the U.S. where coming out would be tantamount to a professional suicide.
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    Nov 27, 2012 3:16 PM GMT
    I would make sure your co-workers and management know you are gay, and bringing your partner, before he shows up. Using the party itself to "unveil" him & you is inconsiderate of both their feelings, and his.

    Don't place him in that awkward position, which puts everyone on the spot without warning. This is the company's party, and you'll be seen as hijacking it for your own personal agenda. It's an office Christmas party, not a coming out party, and some will resent the appearance of your misappropriating it for your own purpose. Instead, make your decision now and let people know who he is before the party.

    But it doesn't have to be now, don't let the calendar dictate your decision. He could just attend as your friend or roommate, you were given that option. Or wait until another party, when you've had more time to plan & judge this.

    I'm all for coming out, but always on your own terms, and to your own benefit, when the circumstances will be most favorable. Timing & preparation are everything. Piggybacking on an office Christmas party could be a bad decision.
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    Nov 27, 2012 3:42 PM GMT
    We go everywhere together. Hold hands at football games, make out at the Whole Foods salad section and sometimes sneak a kiss at republican functions because we have no shame in our love. Nothing wrong with bringing your partner to functions, just collar him up and drag his ass around with pride.
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    Nov 27, 2012 3:51 PM GMT
    I'll let you know. I'm going to my office holiday party with my partner. I just started working with the firm three months ago. You are entitled to bring a spouse or guest. He will be my guest. I have no intention of introducing him as my boyfriend. He is an individual with a name, interests and accomplishments of his own and not some appendage of mine. He is more than just my partner. I will let people figure it out on their own, which shouldn't be too hard 'cause we will probably enter the room holding hands.
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    Nov 27, 2012 3:58 PM GMT
    SpikeyAidan saidHi Guys!

    I was asked directly today if I would like to bring my partner or friend, and I kinda just said I will just be coming by myself.

    Seems like perhaps they already either know or have a pretty good idea that you're gay.

    If your relationship is such that you would enjoy the evening out with your friends at work, then I'd include your partner. It sounds like, even though this is a professional environment, that it's also warm and inviting for you with the rest of the staff. If you've developed a more intimate relationship with the staff there, then I'd say go for it and have a nice time. I think I would advise to avoid any actions (such as throwing him onto the banquet table and going down on him or even kissing) as it might be seen as offensive to some and embarrassing to you and/or your partner. Good luck, let us know what you decide.
  • reptile18

    Posts: 199

    Nov 27, 2012 3:59 PM GMT
    Try to find another openly gay guy at work to talk to. I'm lucky enough to be working with one who already brings his partner everywhere, so I'd feel more comfortable bringing mine.
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    Nov 27, 2012 4:01 PM GMT
    I brought a date to the Marine Corps ball this year. Was the first time I'd done so though I don't hide that I'm gay. It doesn't come up often at work though. I don't know if anyone was surprised or not but there were no issues. Everyone treated us just like anyone else.
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    Nov 27, 2012 4:23 PM GMT
    ART_DECO saidI would make sure your co-workers and management know you are gay, and bringing your partner, before he shows up. Using the party itself to "unveil" him & you is inconsiderate of both their feelings, and his.

    Don't place him in that awkward position, which puts everyone on the spot without warning. This is the company's party, and you'll be seen as hijacking it for your own personal agenda. It's an office Christmas party, not a coming out party, and some will resent the appearance of your misappropriating it for your own purpose. Instead, make your decision now and let people know who he is before the party.

    But it doesn't have to be now, don't let the calendar dictate your decision. He could just attend as your friend or roommate, you were given that option. Or wait until another party, when you've had more time to plan & judge this.

    I'm all for coming out, but always on your own terms, and to your own benefit, when the circumstances will be most favorable. Timing & preparation are everything. Piggybacking on an office Christmas party could be a bad decision.


    I disagree with this response on so many points that it would take way too much time and words to address them all.

    Not one of your better responses, Art.
  • Pontifex

    Posts: 1882

    Nov 27, 2012 4:43 PM GMT
    ART_DECO saidI would make sure your co-workers and management know you are gay, and bringing your partner, before he shows up. Using the party itself to "unveil" him & you is inconsiderate of both their feelings, and his.

    Don't place him in that awkward position, which puts everyone on the spot without warning. This is the company's party, and you'll be seen as hijacking it for your own personal agenda. It's an office Christmas party, not a coming out party, and some will resent the appearance of your misappropriating it for your own purpose. Instead, make your decision now and let people know who he is before the party.

    But it doesn't have to be now, don't let the calendar dictate your decision. He could just attend as your friend or roommate, you were given that option. Or wait until another party, when you've had more time to plan & judge this.

    I'm all for coming out, but always on your own terms, and to your own benefit, when the circumstances will be most favorable. Timing & preparation are everything. Piggybacking on an office Christmas party could be a bad decision.

    Guys do not have to prepare their coworkers when they bring their wives or girlfriends. Going through all of that just makes it a bigger deal than it needs to be. Bring your partner and act like you would when you go grocery shopping or do anything else together. If you don't make it into a big deal I doubt anyone else will. If you want to be accepted as normal, act normal.
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    Nov 27, 2012 5:03 PM GMT
    Pontifex said
    ART_DECO saidI would make sure your co-workers and management know you are gay, and bringing your partner, before he shows up. Using the party itself to "unveil" him & you is inconsiderate of both their feelings, and his.

    Don't place him in that awkward position, which puts everyone on the spot without warning. This is the company's party, and you'll be seen as hijacking it for your own personal agenda. It's an office Christmas party, not a coming out party, and some will resent the appearance of your misappropriating it for your own purpose. Instead, make your decision now and let people know who he is before the party.

    But it doesn't have to be now, don't let the calendar dictate your decision. He could just attend as your friend or roommate, you were given that option. Or wait until another party, when you've had more time to plan & judge this.

    I'm all for coming out, but always on your own terms, and to your own benefit, when the circumstances will be most favorable. Timing & preparation are everything. Piggybacking on an office Christmas party could be a bad decision.

    Guys do not have to prepare their coworkers when they bring their wives or girlfriends. Going through all of that just makes it a bigger deal than it needs to be. Bring your partner and act like you would when you go grocery shopping or do anything else together. If you don't make it into a big deal I doubt anyone else will. If you want to be accepted as normal, act normal.

    I agree and I don't often find myself in disagreement with Art_Deco on matters like this. We really need to change the focus of "coming out" from making an announcement, "I'm gay," to just simply living our lives. Straight people never tell you, "I'm hetero," but in a way they do kind of "come out" as a straight person when they tell you "I went to see a movie with my wife/husband" when you ask what they did over the weekend or, as will happen in this case, they bring their husband/wife/girlfriend.boyfriend to a company Christmas party. Making an announcement to come out is kind of saying "I'm different than you." Coming out by discussing your life with your partner when straight people around you are doing the same or bringing your boyfriend to an event is kind of saying, "I'm like you. I love too."
  • TheAlchemixt

    Posts: 2294

    Nov 27, 2012 5:37 PM GMT
    Never done it but if I had a partner I sure would be proud and I would show him off to everyone!
  • tyler_helm

    Posts: 299

    Nov 27, 2012 5:37 PM GMT
    Iceblink said
    Pontifex said
    ART_DECO said We really need to change the focus of "coming out" from making an announcement, "I'm gay," to just simply living our lives. Straight people never tell you, "I'm hetero," but in a way they do kind of "come out" as a straight person when they tell you "I went to see a movie with my wife/husband" when you ask what they did over the weekend or, as will happen in this case, they bring their husband/wife/girlfriend.boyfriend to a company Christmas party. Making an announcement to come out is kind of saying "I'm different than you." Coming out by discussing your life with your partner when straight people around you are doing the same or bringing your boyfriend to an event is kind of saying, "I'm like you. I love too."


    +1
  • GWriter

    Posts: 1446

    Nov 27, 2012 6:38 PM GMT
    I would definitely bring a partner/date to my office Christmas party! There is nothing wrong with that.
    I just don't have anyone to bring. icon_cry.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 27, 2012 6:41 PM GMT
    Just bring him and treat it like no big deal, which it isn't. Seriously, I had to worry about this kind of stuff in the '80s, but this is 2012. And if they asked you to bring a "partner or friend" I doubt anyone is going to be that shocked.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 27, 2012 7:20 PM GMT
    I'll be the best dressed guy at the office holiday party and with a man. I won't have to tell them I'm gay.
  • Latenight30

    Posts: 1525

    Nov 27, 2012 9:25 PM GMT
    If the said partner...they already know, like mom does.
    I am out and everyone knows my partner. Maybe before the party he could drop by and take you to lunch one day. Your co-workers might be ready, but there is also the mix of their other 1/2 too.
    I encourage being open, with a slight hesitation.
    Happy Holigays!
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Nov 27, 2012 9:29 PM GMT
    I'd be tempted to take your partner, but I think it also depends on his comfort level. Sounds like a reasonable proposition, consider carefully and do it if it makes sense. Sounds like you have co-workers who are flexible and openminded. Best of luck, let us know what happens. Merry Christmas!
  • Sincityfan

    Posts: 409

    Nov 27, 2012 9:30 PM GMT
    Only if he's hot.
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    Nov 27, 2012 9:45 PM GMT
    SpikeyAidan saidHi Guys!

    Just wondering if anyone has some situations to share regarding taking their partner with them to work related social events such as the Xmas Party.

    I am not out in my work but I get along really well with the staff and genuinely really like most of them. I work in a sports clinic and am contracting as a dietitian so it is a professional environment. I was asked directly today if I would like to bring my partner or friend, and I kinda just said I will just be coming by myself.

    I can still change my mind though as it's in two weeks. I'm just wondering if it's worth it or if I should just go by myself. My thoughts are coming out and introducing a partner is a double whammy but then it could also be a way of coming out rather than just telling them which I could never imagine doing... I do want to include my partner in these events as it is a part of my life.

    I am new to this situation as I've always been single until this year.

    I guess it depends on the culture you live and work in (you are in another country) and on your partner's desires. I think Melbourne in 2012 is probably a bit more advanced than say, Perth, in 1985 - but none of us non-aussies on here could really know for sure what the culture is like. It's great to be out at work, if you can be (you wouldn't even think of it if you were in Ridhya or Islamabad). If you are comfortable there, and the evnviornment is generally accepting, and it's OK with your partner, then by all means do it. (Since they said, as you put it, you could bring your "partner.'') Like someone above said, they probably already know you're gay (like your friends and parents may have known, before you told them.) We are curious - post what happens.
  • camfer

    Posts: 892

    Nov 27, 2012 10:26 PM GMT
    I took my boyfriend to the company xmas party 26 years ago. I just introduced him as Jim. We had a fun time. One woman co-worker got drunk and was hitting on him, but other than that, nothing unusual happened. It wasn't apparent if we were friends or partners. No one cared to inquire.

    If they directly asked if you will bringing your friend or partner, then they are telling you it's okay to do so. Bring him along, and you guys enjoy yourselves.
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    Nov 27, 2012 11:07 PM GMT
    I'm taking my RJ buddy with me to the xmas party this year and introduce him as my partner....