How many times to be stood up or bailed on for a date?

  • ChrisBGood

    Posts: 103

    Nov 27, 2012 7:51 PM GMT
    Hey guys. I took the previous posts advice and pretty much stuck with the whole dating process. I had a guy that I was gonna meet last night. Our first meet up he said he had to work. Our reschedule, he said he had some family issues. I forgave both. Then last night, nothing. No call, no messages, didnt answer my messages. WTF. Talking to him and messaging him, he is a great guy. But meeting up just to hang out seems to be an issue. Should I give up on him or still pursue?
    No, I did not meet him online. We met in person.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 27, 2012 8:14 PM GMT
    I used to do this all the time, for only one reason, you flew a big giant red flag. It's true. People hate to hear it, but the only reason I have ever sketched out and "flaked' on a date or meeting is because the guy I was going to meet flew some sort of big giant red flag and I blew him off, sometimes without bothering to call, text or communicate anything, ever again. It always depends on how big and how red the flag, but trust me, it's not him, it's you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 27, 2012 8:27 PM GMT
    People always make time for things they want to do.

    Best advice I ever got.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 27, 2012 10:58 PM GMT
    You must love rejection. After the first time I'd have told him to set the next time and place on his own and let me know. If he never does than you know.
  • Medjai

    Posts: 2671

    Nov 27, 2012 11:01 PM GMT
    smartmoney saidI used to do this all the time, for only one reason, you flew a big giant red flag. It's true. People hate to hear it, but the only reason I have ever sketched out and "flaked' on a date or meeting is because the guy I was going to meet flew some sort of big giant red flag and I blew him off, sometimes without bothering to call, text or communicate anything, ever again. It always depends on how big and how red the flag, but trust me, it's not him, it's you.


    Amazing how you figured that out from so little information.
  • TennisJock10

    Posts: 208

    Nov 27, 2012 11:05 PM GMT
    Larkin saidPeople always make time for things they want to do.


    THIS! So very true. If you really want to do something, see someone, etc. you find a way and you make the time.

    Sad truth: He's just not that into you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 27, 2012 11:33 PM GMT
    I met a guy from here which i wish it was me never showing...

    that been said, he does not like you...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 27, 2012 11:45 PM GMT
    Never
  • TheAlchemixt

    Posts: 2294

    Nov 27, 2012 11:51 PM GMT
    Why are you going to continue trying to meet a guy, if all he does is stand you up? You're just setting yourself up for hurt.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 28, 2012 3:39 AM GMT
    bottomasianboy20 saidI met a guy from here which i wish it was me never showing...

    that been said, he does not like you...



    true
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 28, 2012 3:42 AM GMT
    Medjai said
    smartmoney saidI used to do this all the time, for only one reason, you flew a big giant red flag. It's true. People hate to hear it, but the only reason I have ever sketched out and "flaked' on a date or meeting is because the guy I was going to meet flew some sort of big giant red flag and I blew him off, sometimes without bothering to call, text or communicate anything, ever again. It always depends on how big and how red the flag, but trust me, it's not him, it's you.


    Amazing how you figured that out from so little information.

    +1

    Positively psychic icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 28, 2012 3:52 AM GMT
    He's probably just not that into you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 28, 2012 3:53 AM GMT
    ChrisBGood saidShould I give up on him or still pursue?

    I hate to say it, but it's likely he's given up on YOU already, and therefore no further action is required on your part. Forget him and move on.

    Whether you threw up a "big giant red flag" as smartmoney contends, or you simply didn't score enough "matches" with his BF wish list, the end result is the same.

    We all get rejected, though this manner ranks among the most classless. Lick your wounds but don't become discouraged, and jump right back in. And try to listen carefully with the next guy, and maybe to your friends, too, in case you're doing something wrong. It may have been this guy's fault, it may have been yours, or a little of both. Listen to the feedback, learn as you go, and you'll do better each time. Until finally there's no more need for a next time. icon_biggrin.gif
  • ChrisBGood

    Posts: 103

    Nov 28, 2012 4:11 AM GMT
    Thanks guys. Im not upset over it or anything. I think, being taught manners by Grandma, I expect the same from people. If he is not into me, just tell me. I forget sometimes that not everyone has that. After my bashing i received in my last post about dating, I'm thinking of dating as a process. And if he is not into me, thats cool. Someone out there will be. Thanks guys for your help, it is very much appreciated.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 28, 2012 4:17 AM GMT
    A guy lied with fake photos. The only real photo was him in the distance too far to make out. When he met, i called him out on it. We had spoken a few times on the phone. He was this really timid guy who was a bit anti-social. I told him upfront that this wasn't what I was expecting and he isn't who he said he was. I told him I was sorry, but I wanted to end the date and that I didn't see this working.

    I can't see how you can be friends with someone who faked themselves completely.
  • mmnt

    Posts: 69

    Nov 28, 2012 4:19 AM GMT
    TheAlchemixt saidWhy are you going to continue trying to meet a guy, if all he does is stand you up? You're just setting yourself up for hurt.


    Ditto!
  • camfer

    Posts: 892

    Nov 28, 2012 4:42 AM GMT
    Oh, one time sounds like once too many.

    Suggestion: for your first meetup, have him meet you somewhere where you are happy doing something solo. Then if he's late or a no show, you can just continue on doing what you were doing, and you know to forget about the guy. This first meeting could be anything from going to the gym, a day spa, the beach, a hike, frisbee in the park with your dog, etc.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Nov 28, 2012 4:45 AM GMT
    I'd move along and not waste your time. Evaluate it logically ... which can be challenging in emotional spots like this.
  • mr_bijae

    Posts: 229

    Nov 28, 2012 4:46 AM GMT
    Larkin saidPeople always make time for things they want to do.

    Best advice I ever got.


    GREAT ADVICE!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 28, 2012 4:48 AM GMT
    Larkin saidPeople always make time for things they want to do.

    Best advice I ever got.


    + 1, I am guilty of this in the past, usually because I work anti-social hours or the guy was putting too much pressure on me to meet. For me at least, no pressure, take things slow and low key and I am more inclined to meet with a guy than when I get a text every day asking when are we going to meet. Ulitmately though, as the advice here says, if you he really wants to meet you he will but let him do the running, not you, otherwise, better fish to catch!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 28, 2012 4:48 AM GMT
    ChrisBGood said...I'm thinking of dating as a process. And if he is not into me, thats cool. Someone out there will be.

    Having enjoyed fishing for over 50 years, I like to make that analogy with the challenge of gay dating.

    A fisherman will cast dozens of times before he gets a nibble. And have many nibbles before he gets a bite. And then he doesn't always set the hook.

    Once hooked it takes some work to haul the fish in, and you may even lose it. And after all that, you find the fish you finally caught wasn't a keeper, and you have to throw it back, and start all over.

    Just like dating. The ratio of tries to keepers is very high. Yet some guys naively think they should score a keeper every time they meet a man. It don't work that way, and when it doesn't some guys are ready to quit and stay home.

    If they were fishermen who relied on what they caught they would starve to death. The secret is patience & persistence, knowing that it's a long process that takes time and doesn't deliever immediate results, and requires remaining optimistic. Plus it also helps if you just learn to enjoy the process for its own sake, to find pleasure in the casting as well as in the catching.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 28, 2012 5:53 AM GMT
    camfer saidOh, one time sounds like once too many.

    Suggestion: for your first meetup, have him meet you somewhere where you are happy doing something solo. Then if he's late or a no show, you can just continue on doing what you were doing, and you know to forget about the guy. This first meeting could be anything from going to the gym, a day spa, the beach, a hike, frisbee in the park with your dog, etc.


    One time for me....I totally agree with camfer...be somewhere that you can still make the day/evening if he is a no show.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 28, 2012 7:37 AM GMT
    camfer saidOh, one time sounds like once too many.

    Suggestion: for your first meetup, have him meet you somewhere where you are happy doing something solo. Then if he's late or a no show, you can just continue on doing what you were doing, and you know to forget about the guy. This first meeting could be anything from going to the gym, a day spa, the beach, a hike, frisbee in the park with your dog, etc.

    Great suggestion.
    "Should I give up on him or still pursue?" Dating is not deer hunting. Never pursue. If you have to pursue someone, if you catch him, you will have caught someone you will have to discard. And if someone stands you up - even once - they should be history.

  • Pontifex

    Posts: 1882

    Nov 28, 2012 7:54 AM GMT
    Take your time, go out and meet guys. Don't force it, let things happen when they happen. If they flake out consider yourself lucky in that you haven't wasted your time on someone who isn't worth it.

    I've gone on a lot of dates in the last year. Guess what? I'm still single. I've never set a date and not shown up. Even if I'm not really expecting anything to come of it, I will be there. I think not showing up or stringing a guy out reflects on you negatively. Where I'm from the gay community is big, but not that big. If you are not worth the effort it will get around. I've pointed out guys that I've talked to on dating sites to friends and they have told me not to bother.

    Just keep meeting guys and taking your time. This isn't a race. If you are into a guy, let him know. If he is into you, he will let you know back. Get used to getting rejected. Also don't be afraid to reject others but do it in the way you would like to be treated. Don't come off as a douche. The gay community is small and you have to watch your reputation or it might get in the way of meeting the right guy. I'm not saying that any of this is your fault. There are just a lot more guys out there so don't waste your time on just one who isn't that interested.