Homosexuality..a choice or ow people are born?

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    Sep 10, 2008 4:56 AM GMT
    Hey guys..this is a tough one for me. I am a very discreet, closeted gay man and actually kinda new to the guy thing. I have struggled my entire life dealing with my homosexality and sometimes wish I could be straight. It was clear I was born this way and was not a "choice" I made. That being said..I really get angry when I hear people say that gay's choose to be gay and are not born that way. What do you guys think, feel about this?
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    Sep 10, 2008 5:18 AM GMT
    I think you are closeted because you feel so bad about being gay etc .. you said it yourself. As clear as you say you are about it, you seem awful ashamed about it. The closet is no place to live. You will never really be happy as long as you feel that way. Instead of thinking about choosing to be straight, choose to be happy.

    Take it from nature, it is OK to be gay ..
    http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2004/02/07/MNG3N4RAV41.DTL

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    Sep 10, 2008 5:22 AM GMT

    nycusa05> I really get angry when I hear people say that gay's choose to be gay and are not born that way.

    Next time you hear some ignorant person say that, ask him at what age he "chose" to be heterosexual.

    Few will admit to making such a choice... which proves your point.

    And if they claim they did make a choice then inform them that in reality they are bisexual and have only turned off half of themselves. But that heterosexuals and homosexuals don't have such a "choice".


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    Sep 10, 2008 5:28 AM GMT
    I dont listen too much when people say "you choose to be gay". How would they know? No one chose their race, eye color, height etc...but we can choose who we are attracted too. If it was that easy there would be a hell of a lot less gays, lesbians and trasngenders out in the world.
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    Sep 10, 2008 5:31 AM GMT
    Is it a character flaw that we inherited from birth? A flaw/handicap like the blind man? It's a desire that lingers and never goes away. A pain that's bestowed upon some of the most beautiful and creative people in the world. Society is quick to condemn. Quick to lash out with an unforgiving attitude. ONLY if you choose to be straight could you really then be a 1st class citizen. It would be nice if someone said....you have a friend no matter what your sexuality is...RIGHT??

    I actually think and believe that it is genetic and we are born with who we are. Good or Bad? Who cares.

    When I or you look down the street what do you see....?? Everyone tucked away in their nice homes and cozy spots. What should I think??.... Do I live in an up side down world......All this man/women fucking and sucking seems so odd to me?

    It's all the others out there who are abnormal!! NOT US!!!

    P.S. Dedicated to my GAY brother
    .
  • glenn77

    Posts: 17

    Sep 10, 2008 5:35 AM GMT
    I know that I didn't choose to be attracted to men.

    I see it the same way one person might like the color blue over red. Does it really matter if your favorite color is blue while mine's is red?

    If it is a choice... why should it matter? Just my opinion anyway icon_wink.gif
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19119

    Sep 10, 2008 5:37 AM GMT
    Who would choose to be gay? It's definitely not a choice, it just is what you are.
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Sep 10, 2008 5:45 AM GMT
    nycusa05 saidHey guys..this is a tough one for me. I am a very discreet, closeted gay man and actually kinda new to the guy thing. I have struggled my entire life dealing with my homosexality and sometimes wish I could be straight. It was clear I was born this way and was not a "choice" I made. That being said..I really get angry when I hear people say that gay's choose to be gay and are not born that way. What do you guys think, feel about this?


    Sorry you struggled. I don't think it is a choice,but you do have a choice on how you decide to live, and that's a good thing.
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    Sep 10, 2008 5:46 AM GMT

    Hellz no it's not a choice!


    I'm not quite sure if there is proof that we were born the way we are, it may probably be genetics, but sexuality is a little more complicated.

    You can't turn your sexual orientation on and off like a light switch, unless you bi maybe. You're stuck with who you're attracted to, so might as well be happy with who you are.

  • B71115

    Posts: 482

    Sep 10, 2008 5:52 AM GMT
    neither
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    Sep 10, 2008 5:53 AM GMT
    nycusa05 saidHey guys..this is a tough one for me. I am a very discreet, closeted gay man and actually kinda new to the guy thing. I have struggled my entire life dealing with my homosexality and sometimes wish I could be straight. It was clear I was born this way and was not a "choice" I made. That being said..I really get angry when I hear people say that gay's choose to be gay and are not born that way. What do you guys think, feel about this?




    I think you can be gay...but just choose to not have gay sex...LOL...
    OK...but we do have a choice to ABSTAIN and live a morally correct life??? Is that even possible???

    I mean when it's turned on..how do you turn if off?

    Spiritual leaders are quick to point out you can live a totally celibate lifestyle and even practice Sexual abstinence/Chastity. How sweet.icon_sad.gif
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    Sep 10, 2008 6:21 AM GMT
    The choice comes in acting on the feelings not in the feelings themselves. I chose to act because the other choices in my life were pretty grim. I have never found women sexually arousing. I have always found men sexually arousing. I don't know why, probably because these feelings are in the more primitive parts of the human brain and are likely lying dormant at birth (I first developed an interest in men around 5 or 6 when I started watching TV programs that starred actors I found attractive).

    I could have remained single and celibate my whole life, but I would have been miserable. I would much rather be sexually active and in love, and deal with the social ostracization from ignorant people.
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    Sep 10, 2008 7:02 AM GMT
    I grew-up in a very small conservative farming town in Central Oregon - where every guy is expected to be a Future Farmer of America and every girl is expected to be a farm wife - the wonderful and totally unexpected aspect is that when I came-out that I was gay everyone accepted it - no questions asked. Family friends still invited me to weddings, funerals and birthday parties (in fact were insulted if I didn't attend) and still considered me a close personal friend. I can't say how importmant this has been to my comming-out and self esteem, but frankly it has enabled me to redefine the meaning of family and friends - with the knowledge that they accept me as who I am.

    The only thing that I had to do was to be honest with them - and be myself... if you do that I know you will win them over...

    good luck! icon_smile.gif
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    Sep 10, 2008 7:43 AM GMT
    We are the choir.

    But, I remember, as a one-time adolescent homophobe, how hollow these pronouncements sounded.

    I remember an episode of Donahue, when audience members castigated the red-faced, blustery gay guests about their choice to be gay. One particular guest, who I despised for his nasally lisp, shrieked back at the audience, "Why would anyone choose depression, suicide, torment?" Yes, I said shrieked.

    My answer: Yes, why indeed! Are you just stupid? Stop being gay!

    Ah, life's sweet ironies.

    Our attempts to educate our society are viewed by many as subversive conversion propaganda; our "gay agenda" is to corrupt humanity to accept our perverse ways as "normal."

    The congregation is comprised of people who've been lied to as well as people who have no frame of reference to understand who we are, and why we exist. We'll forever need vigilance to correct the language and thinking of the people around us (think "preference" vs "orientation"), to evoke empathy, promote pride, to be community leaders or mundane neighbors (with awesome rec rooms and smashing color schemes).

    We must learn to control our image better. That doesn't mean stop being ourselves; it means stop letting the media define us by what we wear, carry, or walk on. We have to become owners of our destiny, and tread places where angels won't.

    Help me out here.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 10, 2008 8:30 AM GMT
    Even if I didn't choose to be Gay, I gladly would choose to be Gay.
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    Sep 10, 2008 8:34 AM GMT
    The problem here is the question itself: It assumes that all paths to same-sex desire, are the same.

    Much more likely, there are a few different kinds of homosexualities, with different etiological pathways, some anchored more in prenatal hormones and genetics, others anchored more in psychosocial factors, and still others a nice complex combination of factors.

    BOTTOM LINE: put an "ies" at the end of homosexuality and start asking the right question -- i.e., "What causes homosexualities"?

    Answer: "Which form of homosexuality do you mean?"

    icon_redface.gif
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    Sep 10, 2008 10:21 AM GMT
    That is very sensible.
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    Sep 10, 2008 10:54 AM GMT
    The idea of choice is perpetuated by the religious right, since it is the only way they can call it 'sin', or 'morally wrong.'
    Once 'choice' is removed from the equation, then they'd have to accept that this is the way we are made. This flies in the face of their religious beliefs by pointing out that they are not only wrong, but acting in a way that is paradoxical to their own belief system.
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    Sep 10, 2008 12:10 PM GMT
    Same here. Every time I run across a post in the internet saying how we 'chose' I get the urge to flame whoever that person is. Why can't they get it into their friggin heads that being gay isn't a choice?!

    Well... *shrugs* they're a different species. We're Homo sapiens (Thinking men) and they're Hetero stupid. ROFL
  • germanguy888

    Posts: 208

    Sep 10, 2008 12:51 PM GMT
    i agree with muscletoronto in that homosexuality is very complex and there are different kinds.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Sep 10, 2008 1:00 PM GMT
    It certainly takes a bit of patience to respond when the idea of "did you choose"...? I agree with most of what has been said above. I am amazed at those people who really are clueless (and are sincere about being that way).

    What I find interesting are those who ask.. "Are gays born that way or did events during childhood convert them".

    Convert???!!
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    Sep 10, 2008 1:12 PM GMT


    Oh yeah, gays gone straight. Hah!

    Question for whoever says this works: would you want your
    daughter to marry one?

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    Sep 10, 2008 1:18 PM GMT
    germanguy888 saidi agree with muscletoronto in that homosexuality is very complex and there are different kinds.


    There also different kinds of heterosexuality. The variety of heterosexual relationships is mind boggling.
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    Sep 10, 2008 1:19 PM GMT
    CuriousJockAZ saidWho would choose to be gay? It's definitely not a choice, it just is what you are.


    Based on my interest in male things, I would gladly choose to have a same-sex partner. I can't imagine spending my whole life with a woman. I would go bonkers. Now if only others in society were not so difficult about it everything would be hunky-dory.
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    Sep 10, 2008 1:34 PM GMT
    forget all this tired choose or not choose baloney because we can all 'pray the gay away'. come on people, get with the programme!