Apologizing to a best friend.

  • Import

    Posts: 7190

    Nov 27, 2012 11:56 PM GMT
    I fucked a friendship up real bad....about 3 months ago.
    Totally my fault and I didn't try hard enough to apologize back when it initially happened.

    I miss this individual very much and want to express my gratitude for their friendship, but also tell them again how sorry I really am and that I miss them. .

    I've called, emailed, etc....no response.
    I guess I should take the hint, right? We had such a good friendship and I know I fucked it up, but ppl makes mistakes sometimes, ppl deserve to be forgiven and given a second chance in the case of friendships...

    what happened was I didn't make a friends birthday celebrations. I was on my way to it actually and it started raining like crazy and I was on the 5 and traffic on the 5 was so slow....i ended up exiting off and turning around. I called my friend and left her a VM... didnt hear from her.

    Called the next day nd left her another VM, offering to take her to lunch or din or something....nothing. Texted funny things, serious things, etc.... no response.

    Bitch! she never responded! I got mad lol, said some shit....that was not exactly "nice".... and still never heard from her, now i wanna send her a hand-written letter... just one more last-ditch effort to attempt to salvage what was a great friendship.

    Anyone ever do this? Am I wasting my time u think?
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    Nov 28, 2012 12:16 AM GMT
    I think a hand written letter or a really good apology "I'm so sorry" type card would be good. If you wrote something just like what you've said right here - and mailed it to her - she can then read it - sit on it for a bit - and maybe she'll realize she should forgive you.

    Also - being a Californian, I know that sometimes freeway traffic (due to an accident or some such thing) can me murder. If you could explain that with the horrendous traffic that day, you'd have been very, very late (if true) and you gave it a lot of thought before turning around to head home, I think that would weigh in your favor.

    Even if she won't relent and forgive you - - - you come off as being a stand up guy, and you'll go on in life knowing you did all you possibly could to explain and apologize.
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    Nov 28, 2012 12:24 AM GMT
    You're only wrong if your apologizing to make yourself feel better. If you're apologizing because you truly miss the connection between the two of you then go ahead. I'd skip the excuses of why you're late because how could you excuse your irrational behavior for the 'not so nice' things you said. That will come with time.

    Forgive yourself by not living your life like that today.

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    Nov 28, 2012 12:37 AM GMT
    deltalimen saidYou're only wrong if your apologizing to make yourself feel better. If you're apologizing because you truly miss the connection between the two of you then go ahead.


    This

    Also just check if she's unwell or something I'm sure she regularly updates her social network so find out.
  • thatirishbast...

    Posts: 3523

    Nov 28, 2012 1:16 AM GMT
    Import saidI fucked a friendship up real bad....about 3 months ago.
    Totally my fault and I didn't try hard enough to apologize back when it initially happened.

    I miss this individual very much and want to express my gratitude for their friendship, but also tell them again how sorry I really am and that I miss them. .

    I've called, emailed, etc....no response.
    I guess I should take the hint, right? We had such a good friendship and I know I fucked it up, but ppl makes mistakes sometimes, ppl deserve to be forgiven and given a second chance in the case of friendships...

    what happened was I didn't make a friends birthday celebrations. I was on my way to it actually and it started raining like crazy and I was on the 5 and traffic on the 5 was so slow....i ended up exiting off and turning around. I called my friend and left her a VM... didnt hear from her.

    Called the next day nd left her another VM, offering to take her to lunch or din or something....nothing. Texted funny things, serious things, etc.... no response.

    Bitch! she never responded! I got mad lol, said some shit....that was not exactly "nice".... and still never heard from her, now i wanna send her a hand-written letter... just one more last-ditch effort to attempt to salvage what was a great friendship.

    Anyone ever do this? Am I wasting my time u think?


    If a friend didn't make my birthday party and told me 'I tried to come but weather was so bad on the road and I didn't feel safe' I'd say 'What a shame, more alcohol for the rest of us, and fuck you Jesus, don't you realise you're weather patterns need to revolve around me and my life?'

    I am questioning the validity of this friendship considering she can't get over something disappointing three months ago.

    You didn't betray her trust. You didn't fuck her boyfriend. You didn't say nasty things behind her back. You tried to come to her party and failed because of the traffic and the bleeding rain. I mean, bleeding Mary, Joseph, and the camel, is this woman seriously so egotistical that she thinks that nothing should come between you and entertaining her, hell, highwater and safety be damned?

    Obviously, I ONLY know about what you've posted here, but I get the feeling that you're the type of bloke who deserves better friends.
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    Nov 28, 2012 1:46 AM GMT
    thatirishbastard said
    Import saidI fucked a friendship up real bad....about 3 months ago.
    Totally my fault and I didn't try hard enough to apologize back when it initially happened.

    I miss this individual very much and want to express my gratitude for their friendship, but also tell them again how sorry I really am and that I miss them. .

    I've called, emailed, etc....no response.
    I guess I should take the hint, right? We had such a good friendship and I know I fucked it up, but ppl makes mistakes sometimes, ppl deserve to be forgiven and given a second chance in the case of friendships...

    what happened was I didn't make a friends birthday celebrations. I was on my way to it actually and it started raining like crazy and I was on the 5 and traffic on the 5 was so slow....i ended up exiting off and turning around. I called my friend and left her a VM... didnt hear from her.

    Called the next day nd left her another VM, offering to take her to lunch or din or something....nothing. Texted funny things, serious things, etc.... no response.

    Bitch! she never responded! I got mad lol, said some shit....that was not exactly "nice".... and still never heard from her, now i wanna send her a hand-written letter... just one more last-ditch effort to attempt to salvage what was a great friendship.

    Anyone ever do this? Am I wasting my time u think?


    If a friend didn't make my birthday party and told me 'I tried to come but weather was so bad on the road and I didn't feel safe' I'd say 'What a shame, more alcohol for the rest of us, and fuck you Jesus, don't you realise you're weather patterns need to revolve around me and my life?'

    I am questioning the validity of this friendship considering she can't get over something disappointing three months ago.

    You didn't betray her trust. You didn't fuck her boyfriend. You didn't say nasty things behind her back. You tried to come to her party and failed because of the traffic and the bleeding rain. I mean, bleeding Mary, Joseph, and the camel, is this woman seriously so egotistical that she thinks that nothing should come between you and entertaining her, hell, highwater and safety be damned?

    Obviously, I ONLY know about what you've posted here, but I get the feeling that you're the type of bloke who deserves better friends.


    Yeah, THIS!
    My lord, you missed her birthday party. Who cares? What is she 8 years old? It's a birthday party for gods sake. It's not like you were supposed to donate a kidney. I'd write her a handwritten note and on it, I'd include a little bit about "I hope your 3 month period is over and you can get the fuck over yourself and get back to being normal..."
    Or maybe it's you, and you like shitty friends who blow shit the fuck way out of proportion. You need guy friends. I could care less if my best friend misses my birthday party, because I am a man.
  • in_this_corne...

    Posts: 704

    Nov 28, 2012 5:22 AM GMT
    smartmoney said
    thatirishbastard said
    Import saidI fucked a friendship up real bad....about 3 months ago.
    Totally my fault and I didn't try hard enough to apologize back when it initially happened.

    I miss this individual very much and want to express my gratitude for their friendship, but also tell them again how sorry I really am and that I miss them. .

    I've called, emailed, etc....no response.
    I guess I should take the hint, right? We had such a good friendship and I know I fucked it up, but ppl makes mistakes sometimes, ppl deserve to be forgiven and given a second chance in the case of friendships...

    what happened was I didn't make a friends birthday celebrations. I was on my way to it actually and it started raining like crazy and I was on the 5 and traffic on the 5 was so slow....i ended up exiting off and turning around. I called my friend and left her a VM... didnt hear from her.

    Called the next day nd left her another VM, offering to take her to lunch or din or something....nothing. Texted funny things, serious things, etc.... no response.

    Bitch! she never responded! I got mad lol, said some shit....that was not exactly "nice".... and still never heard from her, now i wanna send her a hand-written letter... just one more last-ditch effort to attempt to salvage what was a great friendship.

    Anyone ever do this? Am I wasting my time u think?


    If a friend didn't make my birthday party and told me 'I tried to come but weather was so bad on the road and I didn't feel safe' I'd say 'What a shame, more alcohol for the rest of us, and fuck you Jesus, don't you realise you're weather patterns need to revolve around me and my life?'

    I am questioning the validity of this friendship considering she can't get over something disappointing three months ago.

    You didn't betray her trust. You didn't fuck her boyfriend. You didn't say nasty things behind her back. You tried to come to her party and failed because of the traffic and the bleeding rain. I mean, bleeding Mary, Joseph, and the camel, is this woman seriously so egotistical that she thinks that nothing should come between you and entertaining her, hell, highwater and safety be damned?

    Obviously, I ONLY know about what you've posted here, but I get the feeling that you're the type of bloke who deserves better friends.


    Yeah, THIS!
    My lord, you missed her birthday party. Who cares? What is she 8 years old? It's a birthday party for gods sake. It's not like you were supposed to donate a kidney. I'd write her a handwritten note and on it, I'd include a little bit about "I hope your 3 month period is over and you can get the fuck over yourself and get back to being normal..."
    Or maybe it's you, and you like shitty friends who blow shit the fuck way out of proportion. You need guy friends. I could care less if my best friend misses my birthday party, because I am a man.



    And include a copy of this with the apology!

    Friends can be disappointed, but to outright end a friendship over what you illustrated? I'm not sure I would even put forth the additional effort beyond what you already tried. i suppose if you genuinely miss her friendship, pick up the pen, but if you get a response I doubt your relationship will return to what it was.
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    Nov 28, 2012 5:44 AM GMT
    lol mad over missing a bday party
  • Suetonius

    Posts: 1842

    Nov 28, 2012 5:51 AM GMT
    MuchMoreThanMuscle saidHym...missing the birthday party may not be a big deal but whatever the "shit" you said to her (after you felt ignored) might have allowed her to see a part of you that she doesn't like. Even here you called her a "BITCH!" and yet you want to be friends?

    I suggest move on.

    So true. Says something about both of you. OP - If you're calling her a bitch now, you really in the ex-friend stage. If she can't get over you missing a birthday party at age 28 (she isn't really 14, is she?) she really isn't grown up enough to have friends your age. But are you?
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    Nov 28, 2012 7:38 AM GMT
    My question is why did you turn around?

    It's rain, it's traffic.

    Your a licensed driver.

    You should be more then capable of handling rain and traffic as a driver on public roads.

    So why did you turn around?

    Had my 80 year old grandmother said to me I'm not coming it's raining and heavy traffic I'd have been "Cool granny, I understand" But she's old and not a very good driver anymore.

    Are you old and not a good driver?
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    Nov 28, 2012 7:47 AM GMT
    I am sorry to hear about your friendship situation. I've had a pretty rough time with my good friends ever since i moved back home, and lost a lot of good friends. I can relate to your pain...

    With that said, you should give her some space. The more you try to apologize to her while she is still angry with you, the more angrier you are going to make her. It seems like you haven't given her much time to sort out her feeling, but rather tried to close in on her in your attempt to apologize ever since this happened. You should not get in touch with her for at least a month or so, then try to get back to her again.

    Until then, the best you can do is to just try to overcome the lack of her presence and adapt to your new life without her. It's tough making new friends, let alone ones that are as good as your old friends, but it never hurts to try.
  • TheAlchemixt

    Posts: 2294

    Nov 28, 2012 7:47 AM GMT
    If you were my best friend and you missed my birthday I would understand; Not everyone is that understanding though.

    I think she should have replied back to you instead of straight up ignoring you, that is a bit extreme.

    Have you guys been having problems before this? Maybe she just got fed up you never know.

    Sounds like you said some really mean stuff, if those things were said to you would you still want to be your friend?

    Import I really do hope things work out between you two and if not then it's her loss. It seems like you really are trying to make your friendship work but it takes two to make it work.
  • drypin

    Posts: 1798

    Nov 28, 2012 7:55 AM GMT
    Hmm. Now, I'm no expert on people, but I'm tempted to think she wasn't only angry and/or disappointed that you didn't make it to her birthday party. Obviously, that leaves dozens of other possibilities: the birthday party was the last straw, the birthday party was a bigger deal than the uninformed would suspect for some reason not explained, she was expecting/hoping for your help, she invited someone she wanted you to meet, she's harboring a crush on you and has come to realize it's all on her side, and the list continues from there, becoming progressively less probable but no less possible.
    Traffic is seldom a real excuse for most of us - I mean, if you live in CA you already know how bad it gets and you accommodate for things that are important or time-critical - job interviews, plane flights, delivering a baby. Rather, it's that convenient excuse that gets used so often it becomes the equivalent of 'I didn't leave home on time.' (I'm not saying you're lying, Import, only that your reason suffers from general overexposure.)
    Then her anger and/or disappointment got compounded your harsh words; words she surely knows you use about other people but never expected to have turned on herself.
    If she truly cares about you, then the friendship can surely be saved. It might just need some time. In the meanwhile, I'd suggest reevaluating what this friendship means to you, what it means to be this person's friend (what she's expecting), and how you might keep that temper of yours under control in such situations.
  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    Nov 28, 2012 8:00 AM GMT
    OK you called her "her. You do realize this is a gay chat site? We have no fucking clue how do deal with women and all of their issues. Nor do str8 men I suspect.
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    Nov 28, 2012 10:02 AM GMT
    barriehomeboy saidOK you called her "her. You do realize this is a gay chat site? We have no fucking clue how do deal with women and all of their issues. Nor do str8 men I suspect.


    You tell them to go back to the kitchen or do the laundry, right?
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    Nov 28, 2012 10:11 AM GMT
    Hate to break it to you but she is probably trying to cut you off from her life. I think there are other conflicts involved and it's best you just move on. I am saying this due to experience- have cut ex friends off before and ignoring was the method. I don't think the birthday party was the reason, probably a stem of reasons and the party here is just an excuse or trigger mechanism. Move on and move forward. Plenty of girls to meet and get to know. Cheers
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    Nov 28, 2012 3:57 PM GMT
    Sounds like it wasn't missing the party that really pissed her off, but the nasty "shit" that you said to her after you missed the party. Some people need to cool off when they're hurt, and perhaps she was trying to do that...until you started sending her a barrage of messages and "shit" (as you call it). Great friendships are worth saving. Apologize, and apologize some more. You will know when it's time to stop.
  • Import

    Posts: 7190

    Nov 28, 2012 3:59 PM GMT
    lilTanker saidMy question is why did you turn around?

    It's rain, it's traffic.

    Your a licensed driver.

    You should be more then capable of handling rain and traffic as a driver on public roads.

    So why did you turn around?

    Had my 80 year old grandmother said to me I'm not coming it's raining and heavy traffic I'd have been "Cool granny, I understand" But she's old and not a very good driver anymore.

    Are you old and not a good driver?


    You obviously have no idea what traffic patterns are like in southern Cal.... and how bad they can be... we all dont live in little ol provincial "brizzy" lol..

    I turned around because I was already so late that by the time I would have potentially reached where I was supposed to go... I would have missed the entire dinner..... the timing was such that it would have made it pointless to attempt to keep driving. .... it's just as simple as that. I would have missed it completely, so why bother sitting in traffic?
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    Nov 28, 2012 4:03 PM GMT
    Import said
    lilTanker saidMy question is why did you turn around?

    It's rain, it's traffic.

    Your a licensed driver.

    You should be more then capable of handling rain and traffic as a driver on public roads.

    So why did you turn around?

    Had my 80 year old grandmother said to me I'm not coming it's raining and heavy traffic I'd have been "Cool granny, I understand" But she's old and not a very good driver anymore.

    Are you old and not a good driver?


    You obviously have no idea what traffic patterns are like in southern Cal.... and how bad they can be... we all dont live in little ol provincial "brizzy" lol..

    I turned around because I was already so late that by the time I would have potentially reached where I was supposed to go... I would have missed the entire dinner..... the timing was such that it would have made it pointless to attempt to keep driving. .... it's just as simple as that. I would have missed it completely, so why bother sitting in traffic?


    Hence the problem! Your friend WAS worth the wait in traffic, even if it was only to say Happy Birthday. Send them a letter. If this person values your friendship as much as you seem to value their companionship, all should be good by the time they receive the letter.
  • Import

    Posts: 7190

    Nov 28, 2012 4:04 PM GMT
    smartmoney said
    thatirishbastard said
    Import saidI fucked a friendship up real bad....about 3 months ago.
    Totally my fault and I didn't try hard enough to apologize back when it initially happened.

    I miss this individual very much and want to express my gratitude for their friendship, but also tell them again how sorry I really am and that I miss them. .

    I've called, emailed, etc....no response.
    I guess I should take the hint, right? We had such a good friendship and I know I fucked it up, but ppl makes mistakes sometimes, ppl deserve to be forgiven and given a second chance in the case of friendships...

    what happened was I didn't make a friends birthday celebrations. I was on my way to it actually and it started raining like crazy and I was on the 5 and traffic on the 5 was so slow....i ended up exiting off and turning around. I called my friend and left her a VM... didnt hear from her.

    Called the next day nd left her another VM, offering to take her to lunch or din or something....nothing. Texted funny things, serious things, etc.... no response.

    Bitch! she never responded! I got mad lol, said some shit....that was not exactly "nice".... and still never heard from her, now i wanna send her a hand-written letter... just one more last-ditch effort to attempt to salvage what was a great friendship.

    Anyone ever do this? Am I wasting my time u think?


    If a friend didn't make my birthday party and told me 'I tried to come but weather was so bad on the road and I didn't feel safe' I'd say 'What a shame, more alcohol for the rest of us, and fuck you Jesus, don't you realise you're weather patterns need to revolve around me and my life?'

    I am questioning the validity of this friendship considering she can't get over something disappointing three months ago.

    You didn't betray her trust. You didn't fuck her boyfriend. You didn't say nasty things behind her back. You tried to come to her party and failed because of the traffic and the bleeding rain. I mean, bleeding Mary, Joseph, and the camel, is this woman seriously so egotistical that she thinks that nothing should come between you and entertaining her, hell, highwater and safety be damned?

    Obviously, I ONLY know about what you've posted here, but I get the feeling that you're the type of bloke who deserves better friends.


    Yeah, THIS!
    My lord, you missed her birthday party. Who cares? What is she 8 years old? It's a birthday party for gods sake. It's not like you were supposed to donate a kidney. I'd write her a handwritten note and on it, I'd include a little bit about "I hope your 3 month period is over and you can get the fuck over yourself and get back to being normal..."
    Or maybe it's you, and you like shitty friends who blow shit the fuck way out of proportion. You need guy friends. I could care less if my best friend misses my birthday party, because I am a man.


    Exactly.
    That's pretty much what I said to her after not hearing from her for days after the incident. The "not nice" stuff I said was basically telling her that she needs to grow the fuck up, etc.... I didn't personally attack her or anything, I was mad she was giving me the silent treatment over something as silly as missing her bday celebrations.....

    but I know her, she's like that. She's a bit of a daddy's girl/diva/bitch, but I like her nonetheless. She's very pretty....and I just like her company a lot. we had fun together, all the time.
  • Import

    Posts: 7190

    Nov 28, 2012 4:11 PM GMT
    Anywayyy, I wrote her a nice letter and got her a card. This will be my single last attempt to ever contact her again.

    I'm going to drop it off to her. I don't care if it seems creepy/weird/desperate/whatever. I dont give a fuck. I really have nothing to lose at this point. Plus, I look really good today, so I'm hoping my handsome face will help her realize how much she misses me too. icon_smile.gif)))))))
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    Nov 28, 2012 4:13 PM GMT
    No letter, no notes.
    In person, with flowers.
    Grovel, apologize and beg for forgiveness.
    Let her slap you one, if it would make her feel better.
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    Nov 28, 2012 6:07 PM GMT
    Import saidYou obviously have no idea what traffic patterns are like in southern Cal.... and how bad they can be... we all dont live in little ol provincial "brizzy" lol..

    I turned around because I was already so late that by the time I would have potentially reached where I was supposed to go... I would have missed the entire dinner..... the timing was such that it would have made it pointless to attempt to keep driving. .... it's just as simple as that. I would have missed it completely, so why bother sitting in traffic?

    I lived in Sydney most of my life thanks. I know what traffic is like during peak hour in the middle of the city.

    Because apparently she's your friend.

    Sometimes a friend is worth the aggravation of traffic.
  • Import

    Posts: 7190

    Nov 28, 2012 6:27 PM GMT
    lilTanker said
    Import saidYou obviously have no idea what traffic patterns are like in southern Cal.... and how bad they can be... we all dont live in little ol provincial "brizzy" lol..

    I turned around because I was already so late that by the time I would have potentially reached where I was supposed to go... I would have missed the entire dinner..... the timing was such that it would have made it pointless to attempt to keep driving. .... it's just as simple as that. I would have missed it completely, so why bother sitting in traffic?

    I lived in Sydney most of my life thanks. I know what traffic is like during peak hour in the middle of the city.

    Because apparently she's your friend.

    Sometimes a friend is worth the aggravation of traffic.


    well, the point of this thread was to see what I could possibly do now to salvage this. Not what I coulda/woulda/shoulda done....... I already know that, dude.

    Thanks for your help tho. Much appreciated.
  • in_this_corne...

    Posts: 704

    Nov 28, 2012 7:16 PM GMT
    zeffery saidHate to break it to you but she is probably trying to cut you off from her life. I think there are other conflicts involved and it's best you just move on. I am saying this due to experience- have cut ex friends off before and ignoring was the method. I don't think the birthday party was the reason, probably a stem of reasons and the party here is just an excuse or trigger mechanism. Move on and move forward. Plenty of girls to meet and get to know. Cheers


    Yeah maybe 'she's just not that into you.'