If you are in a commited relationship, How often should you have sex?

  • Tigerstud

    Posts: 10

    Sep 10, 2008 6:20 AM GMT
    I realize there is a similar discussion, but it does not cover this issue of how often should a gay couple have sex, My last relationship, Sex became a issue because I wanted it more and he did not need it. Once a week was normal for him. Three time a week was my the least I could live on. What is consider a normal sex life between 2 men in a commited relationship.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 10, 2008 7:51 AM GMT
    Often I am in agreement with MMTM and agree with much of what he says.

    If his sex drive is much lower than yours, then he is obligated to let you sit on your face while you jerk off. If you are in a relationship then it is your duty to become an active participant in your partners sex life. Sure, you may not have hot anal penetration every time, but doing something to let the other get off comes standard with each model.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 10, 2008 12:07 PM GMT
    I don't think I have ever come across a M/M relationship that did not have this issue eventually. A certain amount of compromise will need to be reached, even if it means just helping your partner get off while thinking about the sub-prime mortgage mess in the USA.

    Some relationships end up becoming "open" because of the differences in sex drive, which solves the sex frequency problem, but can introduce other issues into the relationship.

    No matter how often the sex happens, what really keeps a relationship going are the emotions and the ability to communicate.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Sep 10, 2008 12:28 PM GMT
    I agree with much of what has been said above. What makes a successful relationship is compromise, even sexually. I think when a relationship forms, one aspect that must be factored is sexual expectations. If similar in the beginning, but change over time, those changes must be discussed.
    Compromise is key.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 10, 2008 1:59 PM GMT
    Both of us prefer to put a different spin on the word "compromise" which sounds like we're giving up something.

    We court each other, like we did when we first met.
    At 19 years, we're pretty much steady at once or twice a week. We're pretty romantic with each other on a daily basis, which fuels desire. It also creates an atmosphere of lusting anticipation, which in turn fuels the romantic. The resulting tryst has always been ecstatic.

    At the other end of the spectrum there is the over-sating of sex, which can cause a dissatisfaction of a different type; boredom, mechanical love-making, ennui and then the craving for someone different. Here's our chocolate cake theory:

    We both love chocolate cake.
    If it's not readily available we both crave it incessantly.
    Now if I was to fill the freezer with 100 of 'em, and serve it up twice a day, you can bet after a month or two we'd be flipping out at the smell of pie, or cinnamon buns etc.

    PS If your drive is such that you're uncomfortable, take a look at your hand; it knows what to do better than anyone else. icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 10, 2008 3:03 PM GMT


    Forgot to add, some committed relationships are also open ones, which would, we think, alleviate the 'pressure' on the less sexual one of a couple.
  • Tigerstud

    Posts: 10

    Sep 10, 2008 3:38 PM GMT
    Thanks for the input so far....I would say I have a High Sex drive, but I guess that could be up for debate....I am curious how often does each person get off in a week? I have met guys that have to get off 3-4 times a day....Yeah I would say their Sex Drive is in Overdrive....But when your in Love with your BF, how many times a week did each of ya'll have sex?
  • Tigerstud

    Posts: 10

    Sep 10, 2008 3:38 PM GMT
    Thanks for the input so far....I would say I have a High Sex drive, but I guess that could be up for debate....I am curious how often does each person get off in a week? I have met guys that have to get off 3-4 times a day....Yeah I would say their Sex Drive is in Overdrive....But when your in Love with your BF, how many times a week did each of ya'll have sex?
  • Tigerstud

    Posts: 10

    Sep 10, 2008 4:10 PM GMT
    And I realize there is the option of open relationship, but what if your partner does not want that either?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 11, 2008 12:34 PM GMT
    With raising a child and a difficult schedule, we find it hard to keep to having sex every day. But we pretty much always have sex if we are alone and catch a glimpse of skin... Unless one of us is too tired, in which case the other has to poke and prod (or just force) the other into giving it up.

    I think we have a lot of respect for each other and both of us are willing to put out even if we aren't completely for it at the moment. As long as we are having GOOD sex, neither of us really cares how often we do it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 11, 2008 1:28 PM GMT
    My partner of 10 years+ and I have sex every day.
    I realize this is the exception however part of it is trying to keep things fresh.
    Things that we do to keep it fresh include:
    - good porn, fetish stuff, twinks, a really good selection
    - all different size and shaped toys
    - various types of lubes
    - do it outside of the bedroom
    - have quickies more often

    For example, he came home from work one day and while in the kitchen asked what was for supper, I dropped my pants, lubed up his cock with some olive oil I was cooking with, and pulled up my legs on the kitchen table and replied 'my ass'.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 11, 2008 1:46 PM GMT
    Alec_Brandon saidMy partner of 10 years+ and I have sex every day.
    I realize this is the exception however part of it is trying to keep things fresh.
    Things that we do to keep it fresh include:
    - good porn, fetish stuff, twinks, a really good selection
    - all different size and shaped toys
    - various types of lubes
    - do it outside of the bedroom
    - have quickies more often

    For example, he came home from work one day and while in the kitchen asked what was for supper, I dropped my pants, lubed up his cock with some olive oil I was cooking with, and pulled up my legs on the kitchen table and replied 'my ass'.



    The only problem I would have with that is that when my partner and I tried to use olive oil, it numbed us down there for a few hours. Although we got a good laugh out of it, we didn't really get to enjoy each other.

    I think that porn can get things started, but you really need to be interested in sex and also in each other. You just need to find a compromise between each other so that you can establish a healthy sex life. You might even want to establish mandatory sex days. If Mondays and Thursdays are days that you must have sex, it might be more fun for him to sporadically decide to have sex on one of the other days of the week also.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 02, 2008 6:34 PM GMT
    There's no magical number. Both persons ought to be mindful of each others' moods and want to satisfy each other without feeling like a nag. If a decent compromise can't be reached over something like sex, than frankly the relationship is doomed.
  • caliboy

    Posts: 81

    Oct 03, 2008 3:28 AM GMT
    Yeah, I got a big sex drive and sometimes its hard in relationships to not want to ... when the other doesn't want to, but if you like your partner.. its worth the wait in got when the well gets tapped.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 05, 2008 10:15 AM GMT
    uhmmm i cant have a bofriend if we cant have sex every single day and sometimes several times a day. Of course we could skip one day for an "emergency" but im the horney kind, I really need as much sex with my bf as i can get.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 10, 2008 2:41 PM GMT
    relationship means more than once a day!!!
    except when away from each other
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Oct 10, 2008 5:05 PM GMT
    It's good that all you guys have to have it everyday icon_rolleyes.gif

    but in real life it don't always work out that way
    how much should guys have sex when in a relationship??

    The answer is as much as needed

    It depends on two things ... the two of you
    when you both want it ... great

    problem might happen when that's not the case and one is horny and the other is not

    what to do .... sometimes either one will need to give in
    Just as long as it's not always the same person who's doing the giving in

  • jrs1

    Posts: 4388

    Aug 25, 2009 4:31 PM GMT

    as often as to satiate the need, however not so often that it becomes the relationship's focus.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Aug 25, 2009 6:36 PM GMT
    Alec_Brandon saidMy partner of 10 years+ and I have sex every day.
    I realize this is the exception however part of it is trying to keep things fresh.
    Things that we do to keep it fresh include:
    - good porn, fetish stuff, twinks, a really good selection
    - all different size and shaped toys
    - various types of lubes
    - do it outside of the bedroom
    - have quickies more often

    For example, he came home from work one day and while in the kitchen asked what was for supper, I dropped my pants, lubed up his cock with some olive oil I was cooking with, and pulled up my legs on the kitchen table and replied 'my ass'.

    your bf is a lucky man...as are you. icon_cool.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 29, 2009 9:05 PM GMT
    Its all relative really.

    Some people barely have sex, others have it non stop.

    I suppose the proper ammount of times a couple should have sex is as many times as they want to.

    Though I think it incredibly healthy to try to do it at least once day I find that now with us both busy so much we're lucky if we can even pull that off.

    Which is sad because we use to have sex like 4 to 5 times a day. Now its getting easier and easier to go sleep without doing anything.

    When my schedule settles down within the next 2 weeks I'm sure we'll be back to at least 2 times a day.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 29, 2009 9:58 PM GMT
    As many times and as often as you want to. icon_biggrin.gif My borfriend and I have had sex 21 times so far this week. icon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 29, 2009 10:07 PM GMT
    At the beginning of our relationship, it was at least twice a week, but somehow during the next couple of years, the frequency went down. If I got it once a month, it was ok (we are busy professionals). But when it was 2 to 3 months, we had to have a talk and it has gotten better. For one, the relationship is now "open" and we are committed to each other.

    I do wish it was not open, but one must do what they have to do. He always wanted the relationship to be open, I did not. So I end up giving in because he found this to be stimulating for our relationship. It has to some degree, but it is a work in progress that will take time. We love each other, so we will make it work.

    Good luck in finding your balance.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 29, 2009 10:28 PM GMT
    this reminds me of a scene from "Annie Hall"....guy in psychiatrist's office saying, "...we NEVER have sex...like twice a week"....while Annie is in her shrink's office saying, "...we have sex CONSTANTLY...like twice a week"...it's all a matter of perspective icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 06, 2009 4:01 AM GMT
    Once a day at least but you gotta keep it fresh. The same shit gets old for some. Experiment!