Have you ever been in a relationship and the person went back into denial and said they're straight?

  • jchris86

    Posts: 20

    Nov 29, 2012 3:23 AM GMT
    I was with my last and first bf for 3 years and he even got me a engagement ring about a year ago. A few months ago he said it was all a lie and he likes girls now and he never really was gay. He said we shouldn't be friends either cause it would be too hard. Things between us were so good i never saw it coming. He hadn't come out to anybody yet though so i think he finally just panicked and had to run away from it. I haven't tried to contact him at all i do miss him but i look at it as he has to figure this out for himself and i can't do it for him. Has anyone else had this happen and how did it work out in the end?
  • reptile18

    Posts: 199

    Nov 29, 2012 3:45 AM GMT
    Yikes! That's sad... Was his family and friends really conservative?

    It can't have happened to me yet, cuz I only have the one boyfriend so far, but I have seen people that I know are exclusively gay suddenly start dating women.
  • jchris86

    Posts: 20

    Nov 29, 2012 3:51 AM GMT
    No i don't think they were very conservative. At least not his mom i think his dad who he lived with can be a jerk though.
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    Nov 29, 2012 3:52 AM GMT
    Kind of just recently my man who I was seeing for about 4 months, met all my family and friends, suggested that he wanted kids, to be married to a woman and live a "normal" life in the suburbs. He suggested I do the same and we could still have a relationship.... Anyway I didnt see it coming although on reflection there were signs. Im at an age where after being jerked around by guys a fair bit over the years I almost instantly glazed over and gave it little thought after. I thought it was going to be a real relationship .

    So not so much that he wanted to be straight again just a deceitful creep not only to me but to his eventual wife.

    Moving on
  • reptile18

    Posts: 199

    Nov 29, 2012 3:56 AM GMT
    yeahimback saidKind of just recently my man who I was seeing for about 4 months, met all my family and friends, suggested that he wanted kids, to be married to a woman and live a "normal" life in the suburbs. He suggested I do the same and we could still have a relationship.... Anyway I didnt see it coming although on reflection there were signs. Im at an age where after being jerked around by guys a fair bit over the years I almost instantly glazed over and gave it little thought after. I thought it was going to be a real relationship .

    So not so much that he wanted to be straight again just a deceitful creep not only to me but to his eventual wife.

    Moving on


    In a few years, jchris86's ex is also going to be "just a deceitful creep."
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    Nov 29, 2012 4:09 AM GMT
    reptile18 said
    yeahimback saidKind of just recently my man who I was seeing for about 4 months, met all my family and friends, suggested that he wanted kids, to be married to a woman and live a "normal" life in the suburbs. He suggested I do the same and we could still have a relationship.... Anyway I didnt see it coming although on reflection there were signs. Im at an age where after being jerked around by guys a fair bit over the years I almost instantly glazed over and gave it little thought after. I thought it was going to be a real relationship .

    So not so much that he wanted to be straight again just a deceitful creep not only to me but to his eventual wife.

    Moving on


    In a few years, jchris86's ex is also going to be "just a deceitful creep."


    There are a lot of them out there ....
  • jchris86

    Posts: 20

    Nov 29, 2012 4:14 AM GMT
    I don't even want to try and find someone else or date at all i've went on a few in the last couple of weeks and there are some really crappy dishonest people out there. It's unbeleivable almost.
  • PR_GMR

    Posts: 3831

    Nov 29, 2012 4:40 AM GMT
    Good Lord, what a douchebag thing to do! Do not go back to this guy. Seriously, he did you a favor.
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    Nov 29, 2012 4:45 AM GMT
    Yes. He was a lead singer of a Christian rock band. He decided he wasn't gay and broke up with me. Two years later he was doing gay porn under the name Zach Richards.
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    Nov 29, 2012 4:48 AM GMT
    His ass ain't straight. He's in denial and eventually that shit is gonna split wide open. I know it will be painful but you shouldn't even give him a second thought. He's an ass who just wasted your time.

    And yes this happened to me in a way.
  • seer1989

    Posts: 2

    Nov 29, 2012 5:02 AM GMT
    i think nothing should surprize us these days.Ever heard that saying the bigger the trust the greater the betrayal? i know, i know, cynicsm overload.But hey, ive lived in Dubai since i was 7 and every relationship/semi relationship ive had has been with someone who claims theyre straight.Physcologically ive just given up, i really do not care anymore, so for those of you living in countries where it isnt illegal to be who you are.Dont put up with shit from people who cant figure out theyre own drama, its a waste of your time and the beautiful person that you are.
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    Nov 29, 2012 5:07 AM GMT
    seer1989 saidi think nothing should surprize us these days.Ever heard that saying the bigger the trust the greater the betrayal? i know, i know, cynicsm overload.But hey, ive lived in Dubai since i was 7 and every relationship/semi relationship ive had has been with someone who claims theyre straight.Physcologically ive just given up, i really do not care anymore, so for those of you living in countries where it isnt illegal to be who you are.Dont put up with shit from people who cant figure out theyre own drama, its a waste of your time and the beautiful person that you are.


    I didn't know it was illegal to be gay in Dubai. I thought it was a pretty accepting place.
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    Nov 29, 2012 5:34 AM GMT
    Yes it happened to me. My first boyfriend and I sneaked around for eight years. Finally, as he was about to finish school I told him I was ready to live life with him as a openly gay couple. He told me no, that he wanted children.

    Oddly enough he never married or had children. I went on to marry and have a child. Ironic, I know.

    After my divorce and my coming out he figured he and I would just pick up where we left off and he would remain in the closet. He told me his feeling for me had never changed. I told him I was sorry but mine had and I wasn't going back to sneaking around and that I was moving forward not backwards.

    I now have a man in my life who loves me and is comfortable with his sexuality. My old BF is still alone and will probably die alone. I'm sure he regrets his decision those many years ago.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Nov 29, 2012 5:35 AM GMT
    yes
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    Nov 29, 2012 7:16 AM GMT
    MashogaNubianPrince said
    seer1989 saidi think nothing should surprize us these days.Ever heard that saying the bigger the trust the greater the betrayal? i know, i know, cynicsm overload.But hey, ive lived in Dubai since i was 7 and every relationship/semi relationship ive had has been with someone who claims theyre straight.Physcologically ive just given up, i really do not care anymore, so for those of you living in countries where it isnt illegal to be who you are.Dont put up with shit from people who cant figure out theyre own drama, its a waste of your time and the beautiful person that you are.


    I didn't know it was illegal to be gay in Dubai. I thought it was a pretty accepting place.


    Dont be fooled by the photo shopped pics nor the denial of all western governments as to what its really like there. However its a fantastic place to spend a few years working and seeing the world
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    Nov 29, 2012 7:17 AM GMT
    I had a boyfriend once who I thought was gorgeous! Came from a strict, religious family. Second date, we jumped in bed. Had, what I thought was, an okay time.

    He took it differently and insisted afterward we both get on our knees next to the bed and pray for forgiveness.

    Thing is, the next day he wanted to have sex and the process repeated. That was the last time.
  • TheAlchemixt

    Posts: 2294

    Nov 29, 2012 7:27 AM GMT
    Not a relationship but a friend and then he told me I was going to go to hell and then I felt bad for him. icon_sad.gif . He is now the most feminine straight guy I know. icon_eek.gif If that is how he wants to live his life though, then there is nothing I can do.
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    Nov 29, 2012 7:32 AM GMT
    I have a buddy like that right now though he does not deny liking guys. He can't bring himself to be intimate with a guy. It kinda hurts my feelings sometimes.
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    Nov 29, 2012 7:47 AM GMT
    yeahimback saidKind of just recently my man who I was seeing for about 4 months, met all my family and friends, suggested that he wanted kids, to be married to a woman and live a "normal" life in the suburbs. He suggested I do the same and we could still have a relationship.... Anyway I didnt see it coming although on reflection there were signs. Im at an age where after being jerked around by guys a fair bit over the years I almost instantly glazed over and gave it little thought after. I thought it was going to be a real relationship .

    So not so much that he wanted to be straight again just a deceitful creep not only to me but to his eventual wife.

    Moving on


    This reminds me of brokeback mountain.
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    Nov 29, 2012 7:50 AM GMT
    Actually yes, this happened to me. It was pretty bad.
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    Nov 29, 2012 7:56 AM GMT
    elusive said
    yeahimback saidKind of just recently my man who I was seeing for about 4 months, met all my family and friends, suggested that he wanted kids, to be married to a woman and live a "normal" life in the suburbs. He suggested I do the same and we could still have a relationship.... Anyway I didnt see it coming although on reflection there were signs. Im at an age where after being jerked around by guys a fair bit over the years I almost instantly glazed over and gave it little thought after. I thought it was going to be a real relationship .

    So not so much that he wanted to be straight again just a deceitful creep not only to me but to his eventual wife.

    Moving on


    This reminds me of brokeback mountain.


    I think thats why that movie resonated so strongly, its way more common than anyone will admit
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    Nov 29, 2012 8:11 AM GMT
    The closest I've come was a straight guy that messed around in college. And as a 30 something year old he wanted to experience man sex again. We met quite a few times. But the last time he called me and said he needed to have sex one more time because he felt guilty and wanted only to date women. Well I'm sure he didn't go back to women actually. He's permanently on the down low.
  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    Nov 29, 2012 8:16 AM GMT
    We think we're complicated and worthy of pity but the trophy goes to the bi guys. We get conflicted when we bring home a guy from a club and pass by the concierge that we have a crush on the way through the lobby. Imagine being sexually attracted to a completely different species: FEMALES! My ex is bi and gorgeous and I still love him but sometimes you have to pull the plug in the bathtub to stop yourself from drowning.
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    Nov 29, 2012 12:35 PM GMT
    I'm pretty sure screwed up guys don't get to redefine words. You can't have sex with men and claim to be straight. The definition of straight is pretty clear. If anything, he gets to claim to be "bi" but that is also questionable.
    This is why you should never date down low bozos, because their fear of being honest is the big giant red flag that should have you running far away from them. If they are not proud to be in a relationship with you and share the love with friends and family, you must run from them no matter how hot the sex or the body is, because in the end, they will leave you in their crazy wake, as they run on to the next life they need to ruin.
    OP seek help because there was something in you that was drawn to such a damaged and insane person.
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    Nov 29, 2012 1:20 PM GMT
    It happened to me shortly after coming out (20+ years ago).

    The common denominator here is religion.

    The solution is to ditch religion and don't date religious guys. They're way more likely to go back into denial in order to appease their families.