Boyfriend material?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 29, 2012 6:00 AM GMT
    For quite some time now, I seem to only attract the guys who are interested in something physical, and they have no problems with stating that up front. I don't give in to them because I'm not interested in hook ups, but that doesn't stop them from trying. Sometimes saying no repeatedly is not enough for them to get the hint.

    I wonder if there is something I should change about my image?

    For example, last weekend, a guy who I went on a date with five years ago saw me out. He told me I looked great, and then continued with "I know you're not interested in having sex with me, but would you be up for rolling around naked?" I wasn't dressed provocatively or anything; just slim fit jeans and a t-shirt.

    Maybe some people wouldn't complain about that, but it seems really hard to find guys here who flirt with you in a way that makes you blush because it's sweet, rather than dirty. It just doesn't seem like the guys here view me as someone they want to have a relationship with.

    There is a guy that works at the John Deere company nearby who has a boyfriend and has been trying for months to convince me to be his "fun buddy" since his boyfriend isn't able to keep up with his desire for sex.

    So I guess ultimately I just want to ask, what am I doing wrong? I'm pretty clean cut and the average guy-next-door. How do I put off an image that attracts the nice guys instead of the creepers? Other than Halloween, I never take off my shirt at the gay bar and I don't get drunk in public.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 29, 2012 6:15 AM GMT
    Guys will be guys. I don't think changing your image will do. But how do you carry your self? Truthfully, looking at your pic I would also attempt to hit on you. But I would make you blush. I do feel it has something to do with the signals you put out... The pic of you right now shirtless gets my attention ... just food for thought ... FYI you are HOTTT...
  • FuriousGeorge

    Posts: 181

    Nov 29, 2012 7:17 AM GMT
    Sorry, you're hot; it's going to be nigh impossible for you to escape the shallow come-ons. The best thing you can do is to get involved with groups that focus on a particular interest, not just socializing with each other. That way you'll meet men who actually care enough to find activities, not just idly hunt for cock.
  • FuriousGeorge

    Posts: 181

    Nov 29, 2012 7:20 AM GMT
    If all else fails, just turn into a stone statue until your adversaries pass you by.

    210px-Statue_Mario.PNG

    (Hur hur, just noticed your username)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 29, 2012 1:26 PM GMT
    Haha, you are one of the very few people who understand where I got my name from, FuriousGeorge! I'm a huge nerd in so many ways...I've been playing video games with my brothers since I was 2 years old.

    Thanks for the kind words and the feedback...maybe I just need to be more perceptive. Like you said, just because a guy is nice at first and acts like a gentleman doesn't mean he isn't "hunting for cock".

    I'm hoping things will change for the best when I move to the West Coast in a few months. Bigger dating pools, more activities/events to get involved in... In Iowa, especially in winter, there's not much to do at night other than go see a movie or hit a bar.
  • MartinMPL

    Posts: 481

    Nov 29, 2012 1:55 PM GMT
    you use to get that allot last year n year before
    i feel its where you put your focus at.

    like guys sometimes ask me but i just ignore them as i don't have time for that lil boi stuff.

    but this year ive been attracting allot of decent guys and maybe cos im focusing n thinking of decent men.

    i dont think it be the way you dress in public but online...
    its different like i use to have pictures with my shirt off and i attracted the wrong attention online n i mean loads!

    now i dont!
    dont get me wrong sometimes i have a random but now! its not a common thing anymore like it use to be
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Nov 29, 2012 1:59 PM GMT
    I think we will always have some of that if you look good and are gay and reasonably friendly. Also many of those guys may think it just a facade and think they can get down your pants with some diligence. I suggest you always make it clear what your intentions are (don't be unfriendly, but just tell them how it is). Or... take a different tact, just tell them, you are a "long term" kind of guy...

    icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 29, 2012 2:37 PM GMT
    Clear boundaries would be good. Don't change yourself just the people around you who aren't of the whorish nature.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 29, 2012 4:22 PM GMT
    Keep on being you.. eventuly you'll find the right one .. there are a lot of guys out there it might just take some time... think of it as everytime someone says somthing fresh you can check him off the hell nicon_biggrin.gifo list lol
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 29, 2012 4:56 PM GMT
    I doubt you're doing anything wrong, but I don't think it will change much when you move to the West Coast (bigger pools = more flakes). I think some guys like a challenge, and when they know they can't have you right away it makes them want you more. You also probably put off a friendly, approachable vibe, which attracts all sorts of people. Have you tried approaching guys? The ones you want may be too shy to talk to you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 29, 2012 5:46 PM GMT
    Judging from your pics you seem to have no problem showing off what God gave you.

    Are you sure you're not flirting back or giving them mixed signals?
  • Suetonius

    Posts: 1842

    Nov 29, 2012 6:49 PM GMT
    . Was going to say, well you're in Waterloo Iowa, after all - couldn't be a very large dating pool , and you are hot . You will find a lot more available men in any West Coast citoty.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 29, 2012 7:04 PM GMT
    Damn, a guy at the John Deere company hit on you? I would let that tap me in a millisecond!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 29, 2012 7:19 PM GMT
    The kind of Guys You continually attract says more about YOU than it does THEM.

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  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 29, 2012 9:35 PM GMT
    First off, I don't know how you're telling guys you're not interested, but saying "no" is not a way of hinting that you don't want to hook up.

    Just say thanks but you're not interested in a hookup. You can be clear but firm, then look for guys who are looking for something more serious.

    I don't know that you have to change anything about yourself. How and where are meeting the guys who want took up? That may play a bigger part in what you're attracting.
    That and guys are guys, and most of them are just looking to hook up.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 30, 2012 3:56 AM GMT
    Actually I'm very careful to not give mixed signals to guys I don't know/aren't interested in. If I'm genuinely interested and I start flirting with someone, I say things like "You are handsome" or "you have a great smile". I don't ever say things like "I want to get your pants off".

    I do approach guys I'm interested in, and I have no problems asking them out to dinner or coffee. I'm kind of old fashioned, so if I invite a guy out to an event, I make sure to pay for it.

    It's not really online where I suffer problems; it's the guys that see me in public usually. At least they don't grab my ass anymore; maybe it's because they think I'll kick theirs if they do? LOL icon_lol.gif

    My goal is to get involved in charity work once I'm on the coast because I want to make a positive difference in the world around me. Maybe in the process, I'll meet some nice guy with compassionate hearts who like who I am. icon_biggrin.gif

    Thank you all for the feedback and critique! It's hard to be objective when you are critiquing yourself, and I definitely still have a lot of things I want/need to improve about myself both inside and outside.
  • ohioguy12

    Posts: 2024

    Nov 30, 2012 4:08 AM GMT
    Take the compliment and move on, you'll find someone eventually. Other guys wish they had your problem
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 30, 2012 4:29 AM GMT
    Hi:

    I was just talking about this to a friend of mine just the other day.

    My problem--and it's been one that's existed for the longest--is that I am undateable. That being--most guys don't want to date or be in a relationship but rather, just want me for sex. While some argue that it is flattering and that i should take it as a compliment, I don't necessarily see it that way. And while I'm aware that I have a lot to offer personality and as a person of quality, I also accept that there are those out there who only want the "temporary"--which is the physical/sexual part.

    For a while, I questioned if there was something I needed to do--something I needed to change. I questioned, "WTF am I doing wrong that is keeping me from having a relationship?" or, "WTF do I need to change?"

    So to the OP, I feel your pain. I'm in the same boat. My suggestion: don't change for anyone. Don't engage in the same things expecting a different result either. Ultimately, if your heart is in the right place, the right guy will come along and want you for both the inside as well as the outside. (Pun not intended).
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 30, 2012 4:35 AM GMT
    lol, if guys are after you and want sex then you're the one in the driver's seat.

    So, drive.

    Dictate the terms of your connection with them. If they run off scared of the emotional prerequisites, then so be it. You don't want it any other way, right?

    Yes it really is that easy. icon_wink.gif



    PS consider that perhaps in our hyper sexualized society, brought to you by the media ad nauseum, this way of approaching you is all they know or feel comfortable with.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 30, 2012 4:54 AM GMT
    Honestly, I don't think your doing anything wrong.

    "Creepers" are probably more likely to strike up conversation than nice guys. Alot of nice guys are shy, the rest are probably taken. Good-looking plus nice and outgoing, won't stay on the market long.

    I don't think appearance has anything to do with it. You don't sound like you dress provocatively or anything, so I doubt theres anything wrong.

    Maybe try creating a more friendly aura around yourself. Smile alot, and be friendly.

    Good luck,
    Though from your profile pics, I don't think you'll need it. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 30, 2012 5:05 AM GMT
    Dude, you shouldn't be so hopeless... I mean you're acting like you've been thru all the guys on the face of the earth... my best advice would be, be patient and don't give up.icon_wink.gif

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 30, 2012 2:44 PM GMT
    Tanooki saidMy goal is to get involved in charity work once I'm on the coast because I want to make a positive difference in the world around me. Maybe in the process, I'll meet some nice guy with compassionate hearts who like who I am.


    Excellent idea. I always recommend volunteering or getting involved with charity work. You can meet a lot of great people.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 30, 2012 9:49 PM GMT
    Maybe your're just too sexy and irresistible.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 30, 2012 9:53 PM GMT
    Every time one of these threads comes up, I keep picturing a product that comes in 5-gallon drums at Homo Depot. Maybe back in the masonry section...

    "Boyfriend Material? That's on aisle 23, back by the spackling but before the insulation."
  • PR_GMR

    Posts: 3831

    Nov 30, 2012 10:33 PM GMT
    You're not doing anything wrong. This is just how most gays are--looking for fun and fun only. It's up to you to continue to rebuff them and stay strong to find a guy to have a relationship with.

    Gotta love the one who's partnered yet looking for side-action because his boyfriend can't keep with his sex drive. The dating field is a minefield with partnered guys pulling that bullshit on single men who truly want to connect. Keep calling them on the bulldookie and carry on forward.