Without Passion?

  • TheAlchemixt

    Posts: 2294

    Dec 01, 2012 6:48 AM GMT
    I understand if you bash me for this thread because so many people are looking for love...

    I am currently seeing a few men, men that many people would consider to be quite "hot" by anyones standards they are smart, hold good jobs, are kind, thoughtful, responsible, many good things and I know that these guys are into me. They are often the first ones to message or call. The thing is that I feel that there is no passion whatsoever. I have been continuing to see these guys in hopes that passion can build because they are great guys after all but nothing is happening.

    Can passion eventually build? Or is it like a chemistry / love at first sight type of thing? Could you ever be with a perfect guy but be without passion? icon_neutral.gif

    I know what passion feels like, I've had a passionate romances before. Also, I will not leave these guys hanging so please don't think I am just playing with these mens emotions because I would not do that to these people.
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    Dec 01, 2012 6:51 AM GMT
    TheAlchemixt saidI understand if you bash me for this thread because so many people are looking for love...

    I am currently seeing a few men, men that many people would consider to be quite "hot" by anyones standards they are smart, hold good jobs, are kind, thoughtful, responsible, many good things and I know that these guys are into me. They are often the first ones to message or call. The thing is that I feel that there is no passion whatsoever. I have been continuing to see these guys in hopes that passion can build because they are great guys after all but nothing is happening.

    Can passion eventually build? Or is it like a chemistry / love at first sight type of thing? Could you ever be with a perfect guy but be without passion? icon_neutral.gif

    I know what passion feels like I've had a passionate romances before. Also, I will not leave these guys hanging so please don't think I am just playing with these mens emotions because I would not do that to these people.


    Love can be built, passion happens instantly
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Dec 01, 2012 7:36 AM GMT
    agreed ... I think you can grow to love someone ... but passion .. that's a whole different chemistry .... sometimes the two never meet
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    Dec 01, 2012 7:40 AM GMT
    I thought you are suppose to be in relationship with people that you are passionate with? If not then wouldn't that be friends with benefits?
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    Dec 01, 2012 7:45 AM GMT
    im going thru the same.... M is awesome, fab body, smart, sexy.... but has the passion of a rock!! its been 5 months, and im afraid its just not gonna happen.... Im sad!! icon_cry.gif
  • TheAlchemixt

    Posts: 2294

    Dec 01, 2012 7:47 AM GMT
    Perserverance saidI thought you are suppose to be in relationship with people that you are passionate with? If not then wouldn't that be friends with benefits?


    I am not in a relationship with these guys, I am talking to them as potential love interests/partners. Yes, I think if there was a talk then it could be considered friends with benefits.
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    Dec 01, 2012 2:25 PM GMT
    You're asking if passion can eventually build?

    In my experience, the short answer is yes. It CAN build, like love can, but sometimes it may not. Hard to say, so you'll just have to gamble on it.
  • jsph_c

    Posts: 2

    Dec 01, 2012 2:47 PM GMT
    COLORED TEXT GOES HEREI agree with the "love is built." We fall in an out of "passion" but love grows over time.

    One of the keys in the relationship to build passion and fire is to find out what the partner/other is into and celebrate that with them...i.e. if the guy likes leather... have some fun with it...or if he likes his ass tickled with a feather...buy a feather.

    Boning your man up is a huge turn on for you as well. Stoke his passion!

    Chemistry is something different.... a connection with someone, that is the "one" goes far beyond the bedroom.... the best "relationships" are those in which the two are truly best and loving friends, anticipation of seeing each other at the end of the day, being able to bask in the presence of them, rich conversations, and the bond of a lifetime.

    When 90 - who cares about passion - be with the guy who makes you smile.
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    Dec 01, 2012 2:52 PM GMT
    AMoonHawk saidagreed ... I think you can grow to love someone ... but passion .. that's a whole different chemistry .... sometimes the two never meet

    +1
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    Dec 01, 2012 3:08 PM GMT
    My experience: Love is an action, not just a feeling, that happens over time. I used to think I was in a 'passionate' relationship, but it turns out that the passion I perceived was just chaos. Fighting and fucking over and over again. The relationship was dysfunctional to the core; it was essentially a one-night-stand that lasted three years. We were just two drunks trying to make it work, but that's all I ever knew all my life.

    Today I feel normal in taking things incredibly slow. At first it was awkwardly uncomfortable, but slowly I realized that I'm OK and don't have to seek the excitement or the thrill of an intense emotional roller-coaster that I did for so long. I'm okay with just being.

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    Dec 01, 2012 3:17 PM GMT
    So not many of you have ever met a guy and had that instant animal attraction? thats a bit sad.

    I do agree that you can be in love with someone and be passionate for each other but the Op was asking about something else..
  • alphatop

    Posts: 1955

    Dec 01, 2012 3:23 PM GMT
    bri_66 said
    AMoonHawk saidagreed ... I think you can grow to love someone ... but passion .. that's a whole different chemistry .... sometimes the two never meet

    +1


    +2
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    Dec 01, 2012 3:46 PM GMT
    You're saying you're seeing a FEW men? That for me is the answer of your problem. Passon can't be divided or spread out to different people, I think that you're multi-tasking too much which is why you can't have a clear mind about what you want. If I were you, I would just see ONE man and see how it goes. Don't focus on all at the same time.
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    Dec 01, 2012 3:55 PM GMT
    Davidolce saidYou're saying you're seeing a FEW men? That for me is the answer of your problem. Passon can't be divided or spread out to different people, I think that you're multi-tasking too much which is why you can't have a clear mind about what you want. If I were you, I would just see ONE man and see how it goes. Don't focus on all at the same time.


    I was just going to write the same thing haha. I´ve gone through this issue before as well. You may be too reserved, since you´re playing several fields at once. If you´re too reserved and are waiting for some external factor to shock you into one passionate, good relationship, that may never happen.

    At least that´s what I´ve gathered from my own situations.
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    Dec 01, 2012 5:40 PM GMT
    Define "passion."
  • Suetonius

    Posts: 1842

    Dec 01, 2012 9:57 PM GMT
    I wonder: how do you find time to be seeing 3 guys at the same time? You can't be devoting a lot of time to any single one of them. Putting " passion" aside for the moment, is there a growing intensity of "like" between you and any one of them? Is is there one among them that you really feel you want to be with more of the time? Have you ever felt for any guy that you just wanted to be in his presence? Your situation is someone out of my experience, since I have never dated 3 guys at the same time.

    Passion: I have felt strong passion for several guys in my lifetime, but I am glad that they never turned into relationships. Hot passionate affairs are intense, but they don't seem to last . When the passion goes, if a strong mutual love has not developed in both parties, the affair comes to an end. The dance of the moth, attracted to the hot flame, is vibrant, but eventually they meet, and poof. Maybe hot passion developing into true love happens more frequently than I believe - I just have not seen it. Love can grow, passion fades . Try dating one guy at a time, and take things as they come.
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    Dec 02, 2012 3:56 AM GMT
    I don't know man...
    The one (and only) relationship I had exuded passion to the point where we'd both get anxious at the prospect of seeing each other within the next day, hour, or even minute. I'd never wanted to live my life with someone if I had to sacrifice that feeling.
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    Dec 02, 2012 4:25 AM GMT
    I had ten years of passionate love. Now dead more than 20 years, I still lust for him. For me the passion never died, not even when he did.

    Then I had 10 years of a loving relationship without passion with a guy who had buried the love of his life about when I had buried mine. We both respected that. Not being passionate for each other did not hinder our developing a very satisfying relationship perhaps more intimate with regard to knowing each other, really getting each other, understanding each other, than either of us had previously known. There was a lot of comfort in that.

    Finding the whole package is always wonderful but probably rare and certainly not necessary. You'd be an idiot to not see it if it comes by, but a fool to wait for it.
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    Dec 02, 2012 4:33 AM GMT
    Humans are driven by needs. Emotions are need indicators. Passion is just a the recognition that someone is REALLY stimulating your needs (in a good or bad way). Anytime you feel a strong emotion, there is usually a need or group of needs that are being satiated or neglected. It could be a need to be part of a cause, a need to escape, a need to be important or any number of things. It sounds like these guys are likely "need neutral" to you. They may be fulfilling very low level needs but nothing else... right now at least.

    The one mistake you should try to avoid is writing them off just because they aren't meeting your highest needs yet. If you decide that there is not enough romance, see if you're compatible enough to be friends with them and legitimately stay in touch and try to get to know them. We gays often forfeit great potential friendships with guys who aren't where we want them to be romantically, often leaving a trail of wasted buddies. Sounds like these are good guys. Try not to just collect them, really try to connect with them at just the basic level. Passion could erupt from nowhere down the road. This has happened with all of my friends who are now married.

    Good luck.
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    Dec 02, 2012 4:45 AM GMT
    Myol saidWe gays often forfeit great potential friendships with guys who aren't where we want them to be romantically, often leaving a trail of wasted buddies. Sounds like these are good guys. Try not to just collect them, really try to connect with them at just the basic level. Passion could erupt from nowhere down the road. This has happened with all of my friends who are now married.

    Good luck.


    I think this may apply to the general population regardless of sexual orientation.
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    Dec 02, 2012 5:42 AM GMT
    MuonOver said
    Myol saidWe gays often forfeit great potential friendships with guys who aren't where we want them to be romantically, often leaving a trail of wasted buddies. Sounds like these are good guys. Try not to just collect them, really try to connect with them at just the basic level. Passion could erupt from nowhere down the road. This has happened with all of my friends who are now married.

    Good luck.


    I think this may apply to the general population regardless of sexual orientation.


    It does for sure, but even more so for us. We tend to be lonelier and feel like outsiders.
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    Dec 02, 2012 6:24 AM GMT
    Passion grows as you come to love each other more, but there has to be a good starting point. Even a tiny bit of passion can grow, but if there is no passion, I doubt there will be any anytime soon.

    For the record though, I think the problem is the guys you're with are afraid to get passionate.

    Face it would you be passionate if you weren't officially dating? It could come off as creepy/needy, and most guys don't like that.
  • TheAlchemixt

    Posts: 2294

    Dec 02, 2012 9:50 AM GMT
    Myol said

    The one mistake you should try to avoid is writing them off just because they aren't meeting your highest needs yet. If you decide that there is not enough romance, see if you're compatible enough to be friends with them and legitimately stay in touch and try to get to know them. We gays often forfeit great potential friendships with guys who aren't where we want them to be romantically, often leaving a trail of wasted buddies. Sounds like these are good guys. Try not to just collect them, really try to connect with them at just the basic level. Passion could erupt from nowhere down the road. This has happened with all of my friends who are now married.

    Good luck.


    Thanks man this is really great advice, I would like to keep them as friends we do get along very well!
  • TheAlchemixt

    Posts: 2294

    Dec 02, 2012 9:53 AM GMT
    cuerpoymente said
    Davidolce saidYou're saying you're seeing a FEW men? That for me is the answer of your problem. Passon can't be divided or spread out to different people, I think that you're multi-tasking too much which is why you can't have a clear mind about what you want. If I were you, I would just see ONE man and see how it goes. Don't focus on all at the same time.


    I was just going to write the same thing haha. I´ve gone through this issue before as well. You may be too reserved, since you´re playing several fields at once. If you´re too reserved and are waiting for some external factor to shock you into one passionate, good relationship, that may never happen.

    At least that´s what I´ve gathered from my own situations.


    Yeah, I'm seeing a few men. I thought that is what people normally do? I see your point in dividing passion however, maybe I should really concentrate on talking to just one in a romantic way next time. Thank you two for your advice.
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    Dec 02, 2012 10:22 AM GMT
    TheAlchemixt said
    cuerpoymente said
    Davidolce saidYou're saying you're seeing a FEW men? That for me is the answer of your problem. Passon can't be divided or spread out to different people, I think that you're multi-tasking too much which is why you can't have a clear mind about what you want. If I were you, I would just see ONE man and see how it goes. Don't focus on all at the same time.


    I was just going to write the same thing haha. I´ve gone through this issue before as well. You may be too reserved, since you´re playing several fields at once. If you´re too reserved and are waiting for some external factor to shock you into one passionate, good relationship, that may never happen.

    At least that´s what I´ve gathered from my own situations.


    Yeah, I'm seeing a few men. I thought that is what people normally do? I see your point in dividing passion however, maybe I should really concentrate on talking to just one in a romantic way next time. Thank you two for your advice.


    I have never dated more than one person at a time if the relationship chip is on the table. I only do that when I'm quite clearly single and state that I am not looking for a relationship.