I like this guy...

  • CTHS

    Posts: 135

    Dec 01, 2012 10:03 AM GMT
    I've known this guy for probably a year through Facebook and about a month ago we both agreed to have diner and hang out. Hanging out turned into more and after the first time we hooked up I told him that even though I enjoyed it I thought we were better off friends... Mostly because I felt like I would probably get hurt like I have many times before. After we both agreed friendship was best we hooked up... At this point I knew I felt something for the guy but again didn't want to get hurt so again said let's just be friend and not with benefits... He agreed and said that the sex was probably just going to complicate things and that he really wanted to just have a good friend that he could trust and I agreed. A couple weeks ago he told me that he was dating someone and it pretty much crushed me. I try to put it in the back of my mind because I know even though I initiated the "just friends" conversation I still had developed feelings for this great guy. We talk everyday and he even gave me a key to his place. Last weekend we got drunk and in a friends hot tub we messed around with a guy together. After he noticed I was into the guy he seemed jealous and ask if we could go back home. Once we got Homs I asked him why he wasn't into it and he told me that the only time he ever could get turned on was because of me... Have you he is dating someone now... Now I'm not sure if I should be honest with him and tell him I have developed strong feelings for him or if I should just play if out. Normally I would just wait it out and let what ever happens, happen. But it has stated to bother me and I don't know what to do =| help icon_sad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 01, 2012 12:29 PM GMT
    You got exactly what you asked for.

    Enjoy it.

    Next time learn to be honest from the get go
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 01, 2012 12:46 PM GMT
    Tell him how you feel. You will always wonder "what if". I went through the exact same thing. I did tell him and he is still my best friend. At least I put it out there.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 01, 2012 2:18 PM GMT
    Maybe not too late to tell him how you feel.

    My guess is that you probably aren't ready for a relationship at the time you told him "let's just be friends", but now you are. Make sure you explain that if that's the reason.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 01, 2012 2:29 PM GMT

    Hmmmm....well, this guy is dating someone else. It might be a good idea to find out what the parameters of that relationship are first, seeing as how he messed around with you and another guy while dating someone else.

    Consider: he's dating someone, yet fooling around with others in a hot tub. Does that mean he has an agreement with the man he's dating that is not monogamous?

    What would you want, a monogamous or open relationship?



  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 01, 2012 2:40 PM GMT
    lilTanker saidYou got exactly what you asked for.

    Enjoy it.

    Next time learn to be honest from the get go
    This.

    You've also hopefully learned that lying to yourself and others hurts in the long run - you're self-rejecting instead of giving the other guy a chance to reject (or accept) you.

    So why not ask for what you want and take things as they come?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 01, 2012 2:54 PM GMT
    I would just be open and honest with him !after all that's one of the quality's he loves about you!

    At this point what do you have to loose ! youre already hurt cus he has someone els at least this way you can get it off your chest and feel better or get closure !

    Talk to him ... If hes worth your time as a friend or a bf than you should be honest with him anyway xoxoxoxoicon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 01, 2012 2:55 PM GMT
    TELL HIM! He obviously has feelings for you too. You say you don't want to get hurt, it seems like your are just hurting yourself! If you don't step out of your comfort zone you might not find anyone..

    It also doesn't sound like its a monogamous relationship so I would say go for it, without any feelings of guilt!

    Good Luck
  • TheAlchemixt

    Posts: 2294

    Dec 01, 2012 2:59 PM GMT
    You did get what you deserve but by the way you're telling things it seems like there is still a chance. Say something to him, it's obvious that his relationship is not even stable I mean he made out with you last week for goodness sakes.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 01, 2012 3:04 PM GMT
    Honesty is the best policy, like others have said take it as a learning experience, its not the end of the world. Stand up for what you believe in it can be a hard lesson but one worth learning early.
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    Dec 01, 2012 3:04 PM GMT
    definitely tell him
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 01, 2012 4:46 PM GMT
    Tell him already!
    It's only going to get more difficult the longer you sit on your repressed feelings.
    I wouldn't be surprised if he is feeling the exact same way about the situation.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 01, 2012 5:03 PM GMT
    If you go through life always fearing of being hurt based on past experiences instead of trusting to move forward then you will always find yourself learning the same lessons over and over again. And, if you believe in the law of attraction, then what you are attracting is getting hurt.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Dec 01, 2012 5:08 PM GMT
    Good little lesson about difficulties mixing friendship and sex.

    One can have a friend with benefits and absolutely have a friend while
    screwing him on the side. The problem is, it needs to be approached very maturely...logically and not emotionally or else you have issues as
    you got here.

    If you value the friendship and develop feelings with sex.. DON'T go there.
    Don't complicate your life.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 01, 2012 5:18 PM GMT
    This story makes me feel warm and fuzzy. I strongly believe you should express your feeling to him. Tell him how you really feel. I understand you afraid he would hurt you but you gotta put yourself out there. Take a leap of faith.

    Keep us posted. I adore your story.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Dec 01, 2012 5:19 PM GMT
    now where did i put my grow some balls and act like an adult pamphlet...
  • CTHS

    Posts: 135

    Dec 01, 2012 9:43 PM GMT
    Thanks for all the feedback! One person mentioned that I'm rejecting myself before I give others the opportunity to... I agree with that 100%. I am scared of being rejected and I know Im not the only one out there that is. Im still trying to decide whether I should tell him or not. I would hate to make our friendship awkward if it turns out he doesnt feel the same way. Either way- Thanks guys and I will keep ya posted on what I choose to do

    Oh... CALIBRO- "Grow a pair and act like an adult?" Youre a dick to everyone you leave feedback to. I wanna know why? do you feel like youre more capable of making adult decisions than everyone else? maybe you were raised to have a suck ass attitude or maybe it just came from being bitter and alone... which one is it? OHHH and arent you the guy that i had to block from a social app because you wouldnt leave me alone? MAYBE its just jealousy catching up to you icon_smile.gif Jealousy is a ugly thing isnt it? You told me to act like an adult- how about you act like an adult and try being nicer to people... That is maturity, dont you think?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 01, 2012 9:53 PM GMT
    Tell us how you really feel...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 01, 2012 10:18 PM GMT
    lilTanker saidYou got exactly what you asked for.

    Enjoy it.

    Next time learn to be honest from the get go


    This is a bit blunt and hard but true.
    Although I think that maybe you should discuss it openly with this guy. It's better to know where you're both standing rather than just imagining what could be happening between you guys.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 01, 2012 11:02 PM GMT
    Jeez! At the very old age of 22 you're already afraid to have a relationship, because you might be hurt??? Unless you're planning on dying shortly, what do you plan to do with the next 50 years of your life ? You have gotten some very good advice - talk to this guy already. If you are very lucky you may get a second chance to start a relationship with him.
  • onefortified

    Posts: 1630

    Dec 01, 2012 11:19 PM GMT
    Based on what you have written, he probably feels the same way you do about him. Just tell him already. You can't go around in life being afraid of what might happen. Take the risk. The only reason you aren't together is because you pushed him away from the get-go, and he tried to move on. It sounds like he still likes and you like him, so what are you waiting for.